Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Minimum Security

Here's a target no one will complain about, although really I don't care if they do: Minimum Security. In a world of furry webcomics, transgender fetish webcomics, orc rape webcomics, sprite webcomics... it's kinda nice to have a webcomic that is so straight-up totally fucking crazy, it almost makes the rest seem decent.

Stephanie McMillan is the delusional mind at work behind Minimum Security, a woman (presumably) who is so deranged she transcends the normal left wing/right wing dichotomy of politics. She is against global warming. She is against extinction. She is against Democrats. She is against America's genocide campaign against the darkies. She is against democracy. She is against Bush, who is Hitler. She is against flying nuclear coffins. She is against attempts to save the environment. She is against teflon. She is against people who think trees cannot talk (because they can). She is against the reduction of fossil fuel use. She is against paper. She is against God.

There is a common joke that vegetarians are damaging the environment by eating it all. Stephanie McMillan believes this to be true. Not only is eating meat wrong, but eating plants is also wrong most of the time! When it comes to doing good for the environment, she prefers armed secession and outright revolt rather than... y'know, anything else. Animals are dying, the world is careening out of control and will die in JUST ONE YEAR as she says in one of her comics from 2005.

The main character is called Kranti, apparently, and she's the Mary-Sue protagonist who is almost always right, always knows best, so on and so forth. She's pretty much intolerable, and the only reason I can stand to look at her is I know that someone, somewhere has drawn porn of her. Rule 34, people. Somewhere there is an image of her being forced to deep throat Bush's dick as he holds her stupid hair like handlebars.

There are precisely zero good political webcomics out there. They're all terrible. The right wing ones are terrible, the left wing ones are terrible. This is because politics is never funny. But Minimum Security doesn't even try. It's the same shitty drawings over and over again, with Kranti (I can't get over what a dumb name that is) whining about a bunch of overhyped problems that the world is apparently facing. Did you know the Goerge Bush is worse than Hitler and Satan, and has killing over 8 billion people?!?! McMillan would accomplish more walking around with a sandwich board saying "THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH".

There are a number of ways this webcomic could be improved, but like with all the other webcomics I've written about, there's no point in saying anything. McMillan is a fucking loon of the highest degree, who practically fantasises about being a dangerous subversive. There's no fucking way she'll change Minimum Security, especially not because some guy (WHO EATS THE TEAR-STAINED FLESH OF DEAD ANIMAL CORPSES) says it's shit.

On the plus side, it's so out there it's kinda funny sometimes, until you realise there are people who agree with her.

27 comments:

Nick said...
Awesome. Not only is this strip terrible (and I thank you ever so much for making me aware of it), but its so horribly drawn that pornographic hate-mail art will only take about five minutes!
Ol said...
I don't know any of these comics, but I still enjoy seeing someone kick the shit out of them. Obvious question : what do you like ?
Anonymous said...
Regarding rule 34: Shmorky already got this one with the "out of my fucking gourd" strip.
dave said...
I've never seen that particular strip before, but when I saw the art I just left.
John Solomon said...
ol, I am not going to discuss good webcomics on a bad webcomic review site you silly person!
Ol said...
fuck me, even a polite question will get you slagged off on this site.
Connor Moran said...
I actually like the art on Minimum Security. But the comic is terrible.
John Solomon said...
Jesus, ol, do you have the thinnest skin in the universe? I called you a "silly person" in jest. That's pretty much the friendliest thing I've said to anyone on this blog. Which I guess makes you a drama queen!
Shane said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Shane said...
You forgot to add that Minimum security has a obligatory gay relationship. It is between the brother of the perfect main character, who unlike his sister, wallows in the evils of Pop culture and processed food, and his Anarchist boyfriend (who for some reason has blue skin in his portrait on the site), an anarchist who seems to enjoy watching sports and putting pesticide on his lawn. So for the record, McMillen also seems to hate gays and anarchists. which lends itself to the obvious question "who does she like" it appears she is one of those people trying to take the leftmost position on every subject, which is impossible. For example- the ethanol strip. Despite her very- pro-environment standpoint earlier, she adopts a humanitarian standpoint for this strip. the truth is, you cannot be a true environmentalist and a true humanitarian. they contradict massively. So she ends up condemning positions she takes in other strips numerous times. It is essentially a double-faced strip, trying to appeal to one brand of liberals at one time, and another brand of liberals at other times, which is freaking impossible. The end result is a really crappy strip. Worse then Deagan, because it thinks it's changing the worlds, which it isn't.
Brandon said...
You missed my personal favorites. She makes excuses for the Arabs who rioted after the Muhammad cartoon controversy. She places the blame for the Lebanon conflict solely on Israel. She proclaims Vanautu as the happiest place on Earth, without mentioning that the Happy Planet Index measures not happiness, but the ratio of happiness to environmental impact, and that despite Vanautu's horrendous human rights record, it kind of wins by default because there's no civilization. And read the latest comics. She's anti-science now. Her computer must be a big rock with a pterodactyl inside like from the Flintstones.
K. Thor Jensen said...
I realize I'm LATE TO THE GAME but Minimum Security is such a piece of shit that me and mine spent some satisfying time re-dubbing them, lo: http://www.shortandhappy.com/minimumsecurity.htm
Anonymous said...
They are actually selling books of this crap! "Attitude featuring Stephanie McMillan's Minimum Security" NBM Publications, 160 pages. Foreword by Ted Rall. ISBN: 1561634425. "This is social satire at its wittiest and most engaging." -- Howard Zinn "Minimum Security is like oxygen in our suffocating times." -- Dr. Vandana Shiva The reveiws nearly made me throw up. It's horrifying that she might actually make some money from this.
Anonymous said...
http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Nineteenth_Century_Industrialist/index.php?p=221093
Benjamin said...
http://www.minimumsecurity.net/toons2007/7012.htm George Bush has Monkey Ears! George Bush is holding an axe! She compares it to rape! She has two forms of humor and the rape makes it razor sharp. It almost makes you ignore the fact that the entire thing is over the top and in no way fitting.
Anonymous said...
"Somewhere there is an image of her being forced to deep throat Bush's dick as he holds her stupid hair like handlebars." Good heaven, I hope so.
Anonymous said...
THANK YOU for kicking the shit out of this godawful comic! Minimum Security makes me want to eat meat and shit non-biodegradable styrofoam into a landfill. I'm convinced McMillan is a secret right wing ultra conservative defiler of the land, or at the very least,secretly the guy who does Mallard Fillmore. Who else would have such a vested interest in making the left look so completely batshit insane?
Merdoror said...
the usual format of her comic (which she has been doing since 1999.. HOW) main character with stupid name states some pseudo-fact backed up by pseudo-truths, idiot says something stupid which proves her right because EVERYONE IS FUCKING STUPID EXCEPT THE AUTHOR AND WE SHOULD LISTEN TO HER or Main character with stupid name states pseudo-fact backed up by pseudo truth, idiot says something against what she said, inexplicable fucking talking bunny pops up and proves her right with something sarcastic and "witty" because EVERYONE IS FUCKING STUPID EXCEPT THE AUTHOR AND WE SHOULD LISTEN TO HER
Anonymous said...
This really doesn't look all that bad. Your review just reminds me of something I said to my dad, when he sat down to watch a movie about gang wars and was complaining about how bad it was... It's not that it's bad, it's just that it's not FOR you. Soloman, this comic is not designed for you, and more than anything else, that is it's real and great flaw. It should be trying to get you on the bandwagon with the serious and real issues she is addressing... instead she opts to appeal to people who already agree with her, and you end up with stuff that sounds a little too preachy and not particularly well backed-up. She's like Micheal Moore. Only people that already agree with her will EVER like her. I think you need more of an Al Gore type to spell it out for you in small words and big easy to read letters.
Ted David said...
Well if this comic is truly for anyone, then it is for people so far off the environmentalist spectrum that it would be hypocrisy for them to be consuming the resources it takes to manufacture and maintain a computer with an internet connection for such frivolous ends as reading a badly-drawn webcomic appealing to their political senses and commenting on blogs criticizing the same. Speaking of hypocrisy, how's yours doing? Feeding it well? Watering it every day with a healthy dose of leftist smugness and apathetic inaction?
Anonymous said...
For left-wing political comics, Get Your War On does have good, funny writing, or at least most of them do. The clip-art graphics work well enough.
anonymous said...
I agree with both John and the anonymous commenter above. This comic strip is both utterly nuts and spot-on accurate. I am able to believe both these things because I have consumed so much political writing that I no longer know what is true or not true. So, the absurdities in this comic make me laugh, although I don't know whether the artist is describing reality or not.
HKurban said...
Just a technical note here: she makes reference to the use of depleted uranium weapons in Iraq and how they have emitted radioactivity resulting in 40000 times the radioactivity of the Hiroshima bombs or something like that (I'm not going to bother to go back and check what she said)... ehem... DEPLETED URANIUM DOES NOT FUCKING HAVE OMIGAWSH GODZILLA GIANT MUTATION GLOWING SUPERSAKKE RADIOACTIVE PROPERTIES!!!! GOOD GOD!!! its called DEPLETED uranium for a reason! DE is weaponized is for its denser-than-lead property making it suitable for piercing soviet made iron and composite vehicle armor. Its also used for the armored plating on vehicles such as the M1 Abrams main battle tank, so if this bitch wants us to have inferior protective measures because she is affraid worms in the desert will mutate into giant monsters, then I hope she rots in hell! ... sorry, just needed to get that burning bit of rage off my chest.
Artstsym said...
Wow. And I thought Jenny was crazy (she's still on the list). "Flying nuclear coffins" almost got me in trouble for laughing to goddamn loud.
amred said...
This whole comic makes me want to shove a spork in my eyes, but for now, addressing just one strip; the ethanol one. Ethanol does not actually use the part of the corn that people it. It uses the stalks, which work just fine in the fuel, and aren't eaten by anyone. Using corn for fuel actually helps the earth - it takes the parts that no one uses and puts them to use, instead of just rotting away. I really wish people would do some real research on that...
Kagemusha22 said...
"This is because politics is never funny." I'm pretty sure Bill Hicks fans around the world would disagree with you on that issue. Anyway yeah you're right this comic is a pointless pile of shit. The artwork is uninspiring enough as it is, but the dialogue is what really screws it all up, as it feels like she's tripping over herself as she writes their lines. (Well she is tripping over herself, but oh well...) It's like they're all speaking at the same, and when you do understand the layout, they're saying alot (in a literal sense), but nothing at all. (as in content) Though today's strip could pass as okay, if you don't look into it too much.