Monday, October 8, 2007

Competition Time!

Jesslyn Stormheart seems to think it can play dead long enough to avoid us. We are not a bear, "Brian R", we will be watching your webcomic until it so much as twitches. Save yourself the humiliation of even trying to continue your demeaning webcomic and run away. Run away!

Now onto the main topic of discussion. Someone recently asked me why I read the comments. Good point, I said. So I'm not going to anymore. Anyone wishing to reach me to tell me how much I suck can now use badwebcomics@gmail.com to funnel their immense hatred of me, one man they know nothing about who posts on the Internet about Internet comics on the Internet, into e-mail form. Do keep in mind that I don't actually have to read your e-mail and I probably won't, and also that gmail has a built-in spam filter so it won't work if you try and sign me up for horse porn and gay midget dating sites. I know that's going to make some of you try harder, but what the Hell, I can't get through to people that fucking stupid.

Now you can recommend me webcomics via e-mail, although chance are I'll still ignore you. But who knows? I knows. But I'm not telling.

While I'm receiving fresh new death threats, those of you who don't view me as mankind's pariah for talking about webcomics can e-mail me more pleasant things. What things? Images! Because YWB is having its very first super-special competition.

The theme is "Amalgam Webcomics" - combine two bad webcomics through photoshop, MSPaint or your own horrible drawing skills. Perhaps you'll have Shredded Mirror, or User Security - the possibilities are as numerous and as hideous as the originals! Though I won't judge your artwork (much), I will judge your entries - and the winner gets something special! But I'm not going to tell you what it is. It's a surprise.

Besides, nobody is going to send anything in that isn't a gigantic flash .gif saying "YOU'RE A FAGGOT, JOHN SOLOLAME" so why should I tell you what the winner gets?

In the mean time, I will leave you with what is quite possibly the worst thing I will see this month. Enjoy!

144 comments:

Mike said...
Shredded Defender Heliotrope, hear I come! How the fuck am I the first one to comment?
Anonymous said...
WAH WAH WAHH. I'm not reading the comments anymore because I can't handle it. WAHHHHHHH
Mikey said...
Come on, guys. You're dropping the ball! Another non-review update? That's WEAK, Solomon. WEAK. Skip Stormheart and review something else.
GG said...
OH NOES, I DID NOT GET WAHT I WANT. YOU GUYZ R DROPIN TEH BAALLLLL.
emexarr said...
In the mean time, I will leave you with what is quite possibly the worst thing I will see this month. Enjoy! what Also, I should definitely try this contest, since I now am not a complete failure at the Photoshop. Just gotta think of a crossover combination that won't suck balls through a screen door.
WTF said...
What the Fuck! Four articles in a row without reviewing a comic. Put yourself down for SLOTH Solomon! Screw your game of chess with Stormheart. The guy's making you look like a chimp and he's probably just laughing at you now. At this point I think the only way you'll make your followers happy is to give them Megatokyo.
emexarr said...
At this point I think the only way you'll make your followers happy is to give them Megatokyo. Subtle.
Anonymous said...
glad i'm not the only one who noticed the shittier-than-usual pvp arc getting started.
xfoo said...
i believe that every comic can be improved by combining it with jerkcity
Anonymous said...
Damn, you're achieving new levels of stupidity with each post, John. Congrats. (Yes, I'm still fucking whining, but you still fucking suck.)
Anonymous said...
I bet it took him two minutes to write that. What a sloth!
Nate Dubya said...
Control Alt Deegan, here I come.
Anonymous said...
"i believe that every comic can be improved by combining it with jerkcity" Somehow, I don't think anyone would really notice if the transgender furry shapeshifting comic genre had Pants and Deuce talking about cocks in every second panel. Other than perhaps as a marked improvement in the quality of the artwork.
Anonymous said...
I bet it took him two minutes to write that. What a sloth! One actually, simply but sucks. Which is why he's fled the comments section of his own blog.
Anonymous said...
Even the ones who gratuitously slurp Solomon's cock are nowhere to be seen. This is priceless.
Mike said...
That is quite possibly one of the worst comic strips on the internet. Intuition cramps? "EEEEE"? I've even genuinely laughed at some PVP jokes. My taste isn't even that good, see. But this...ugh. I hereby submit my petition for the right to vomit on Scott Kurtz.
Anonymous said...
They must be terrified if they went so far as to fuck with the Wayback Machine. This blog's reputation is finally striking fear into the hearts of bad webcomic artists. Well, I am at a lack of lulz from a review, but at least that's one bad webcomic effectively off the internet. JUSTICE IS DONE.
Symbol said...
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to notice that PvP strip... Seriously, wtf is up with Kurz? In what alien universe is that shit funny?
Anonymous said...
Hey John, have you seen this yet? http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail181.html
Anonymous said...
Quit your fucking whining. John doesn't owe you a damned thing.
Lim-Dul said...
Ha, ha - I love the pathetic losers that think that just because John doesn't care about them anymore they somehow won. And yay! Now they can post comments that are even MORE moronic - way to go idiots. I'm still laughing my dick off.
hmmm said...
10 bucks says anonymous 22:34 has never seen the comic in their life. They'll just blindly trust anything Solomon says making themselves look like a complete retard. At least there's one person still around to suck your twig Solomon.
Anonymous said...
I actually hope John doesn't review Megatokyo, just to spite you ungrateful little assholes. I myself would like to see it reviewed, but most of you definitely don't deserve it.
Anonymous said...
Aw, poor baby. Did I insult your favorite webcomic, or can I tell it's shit from a single panel? :(
Robert Kelly said...
Actually, a lot has been said of Megatokyo. If Solomon, in the rare exception, actually did try and review it, he would be going over points that other people have covered with greater depth and better writing. That's why you probably won't be seeing a review of Megatokyo on this blog any time soon.
Anonymous said...
"Actually, a lot has been said of Megatokyo. If Solomon, in the rare exception, actually did try and review it, he would be going over points that other people have covered with greater depth and better writing." Good point.
Pauline said...
I want a Megatokyo review because Fred is such a huge fucking crybaby that who knows, it may just encourage him to take his shit off the internet! He used to say that if he ever saw Megatokyo hentai he'd end the comic immediately but sadly that didn't work.
Anonymous said...
Two words, "Electric Wotch"
Anonymous said...
Such a shame to hear that, apparently, John won't be reading our comments anymore. I guess that defending himself in public - even though this is the internet - proved a far too difficult task for someone of his epic wit. And Lim-Dul, nice try, but please don't pretend that your itty bitty heart isn't breaking because John's not there to hear you make slurping noises anymore.
Anonymous said...
Pauline - http://xkcd.com/142/
Mike said...
Oh what the fuck. There's two "mike"s now. And other Mike, good luck with that. Fatty doesn't even let people shake his hand at cons because he thinks they're disgusting. Meanwhile, he can house a family of midgets in his folds.
Darrel said...
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail181.html Something tells me Homestarrunner beat us to it. (It's about webcomics)
Nyarlathotep said...
I need some suggestions. I'm STILL not sure whether Terraciano will be on a panel at OniCon, but I'd like to know: What kind of questions should I ask him if he is?
Lim-Dul said...
And Lim-Dul, nice try, but please don't pretend that your itty bitty heart isn't breaking because John's not there to hear you make slurping noises anymore. Nah, it's even better now. If I want to make slurping noises I can just write him directly.
Anonymous said...
I want a Megatokyo review because Fred is such a huge fucking crybaby that who knows, it may just encourage him to take his shit off the internet! He used to say that if he ever saw Megatokyo hentai he'd end the comic immediately but sadly that didn't work. Fred isn't just any run-of-the-mill crybaby, the man is a fucking masochist. He gets off on people treating him like the piece of shit he is. If you want a Megatokyo review so fucking badly go write it yourself. You don't need Solomon to write it for you; Megatokyo is too fucking easy of a target.
Anonymous said...
electric retard + anything = gold
Cott Skurtz said...
Yeah, this latest PVP story arc is craptastic. I admit I still haven't weened myself off of PVP but this arc might do the trick. I think Kurtz is being influenced by the group of sycophants he's been slumming with lately: Kris Straub, Brad Guigar, and Dave Kellet. Have you heard their Webcomics Weekly podcast? Goddamn! They dole out turds and think that its advice from God. If there's to be any hope for Kurtz, he'll kick his underlings to the side and get more advice from someone who actually knows a thing or two. Maybe the Penny Arcade guys or something.
Asila said...
Okay, seriously: 1) It's fairly obvious that none of the writers on this site give two shits about your ill-concieved, half-formed opinions. Hence the email. It's much easier to ignore the ramblings of morons when they come packaged in email format. 2) The whole lot of you sounds like something that would herald the ending of the world. Wasn't there a bit in revelations about a monstrous plague of trolls? 3) If you request a review, it won't happen. If you request an update, it won't happen. If you complain about something, it's going to happen more often. The writers are not nice, fluffy, how-can-I-help-you people. Can you people please just shut the fuck up?
Davey said...
Hey John, have you seen this yet? http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail181.html Didn't you read what he said? He's not reading the comments anymore. I don't much see the point of commenting anymore now. Except to say: The latest sbemail finally proves John's identity to everyone. He's obviously Matt Chapman. Can't believe it took me this long to guess it! Good evening to you all. Time to start making some Amalgam Webcomics.
Remy Fox said...
Wow ... so the general idea then is to swarm the comments section of the blog, repeat the same ten pieces of verbal abuse at the writer of said blog, and then mock him with slightly altered forms of the same verbal abuse when he says, "You guys are morons and I really don't feel like slogging through the same crap on a different day." I'd wondered what Media Matters employees did after work ...
Donnie said...
Besides, nobody is going to send anything in that isn't a gigantic flash .gif saying "YOU'RE A FAGGOT, JOHN SOLOLAME" so why should I tell you what the winner gets? Proper use of "you're" is almost certainly giving those people too much credit.
Anonymous said...
Over on 4chan, /co/ already made Ctrl+Alt+Del + Perry Bible Fellowship a while back. The bastardisation of this classic PBF comic is one of my favourites. Check it out.
TV's Tony Danza said...
Enough about John Solomon not reading the comments. Let's use the comments section to tear apart webcomics on our own. I nominate: http://arthurkingoftimeandspace.com and http://narbonic.com for starters. The dude who makes the Arthur comic has been making his comic for years and it still looks like a 10-year-old with Down's Syndrome drew it. He refuses to use anything but MS Paint and Comic Sans despite knowing full well that they are universally despised. And you will not find a more convoluted, nerdy story line. And this line from his FAQ is the cherry on the shit sundae: "I intend to tell the story of King Arthur in real time in daily panel gags over twenty-five years." As for Narbonic, another visual disaster. For some reason, the webcomics "community" mistook longevity for quality. A rambling, too-cutesy, poorly-drawn turd. This thing actually won awards. How? HOW?! Just LOOK at it.
jerkface said...
foolish commenters don't you see, john soloman is the puppet master HE HAS PLAYED US ALL REVIEWS SOLOLAME MEGATOKYO SLUPRING LOSS IN QUALITY BIASED REVIEW AD HOMINEM *explodes*
zee said...
Scott Kurtz has clearly lost his fucking mind. Also, I didn't think the strip could get any uglier, but I clearly understimated his potential for producing shit. It takes a special sort of anti-talent to draw every single day and actually get worse.
Lim-Dul said...
Hey John, have you seen this yet? http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail181.html Didn't you read what he said? He's not reading the comments anymore. I don't much see the point of commenting anymore now. Except to say: The latest sbemail finally proves John's identity to everyone. He's obviously Matt Chapman Ha, ha! Brilliant! And by "coincidence" (or is it?) Strong Bad makes all the points John is always making. "Lens Flare!", "Ocean Ripple!" - ha, ha!
emexarr said...
The art style of that arthur king of space frdrglfuck reminds me of some badly drawn and equally unfunny newspaper comic, but I'mm be damned if I can't remember which. Eh, probably a blocked memory. And who in the name of all that is holy, unholy or otherwise spiritually marked thinks making a gag-a-day comic FOR TWENTY FIVE FUCKING YEARS for any conceivable reason is anything but the piss stained plans of the hobo who sits in the back of buses and yells a lot?
wolf said...
What I'd like to know is why anyone thinks Solomon is in some sort of retreat. He's made it abundantly clear that he'll do whatever he damn well pleases, regardless of what other say or think. Even when he did comment, it was never so much in his own offense as it was to rip on his detractors. The arguments of said detractors are almost always in the vein of "JON SOLOLAME IS MEAN/WHINY/A FAGGOT LOL!!!111" with varying levels of literacy. "Arguments" of that sort have never really required much in the way of defense against in the first place. Also, the twat who said this about a Megatokyo review: "I myself would like to see it reviewed, but most of you definitely don't deserve it." Who in the blue fuck do you think you are?
Setebos said...
The comments section of each post was basically Solomon defending himself against the exact same arguments every time, anyway.
Tom said...
I do like the Amalgam Webcomics idea. Since I'm not talented enough to do anything on my own here's some concepts people can run with: Shredded Retard Friendly Users from Hell!!! The Broken Deegan ShortPvP Bob and Sluggy Pastel Abstract Gendertrope
wolf said...
"Shredded Retard" and "The Broken Deegan" sound frightfully apt just as titles.
ELO ELP said...
I'd do one, except that well, I'd probably just end up having the guy from the Arizona Law Toons saying "YOU ARE BOTH SUSPENDED" at the end of every one.
Anonymous said...
Eh. I liked this blog for the verbal assreaming, not for the in-depth commentary/critique of webcomics. I'm pretty sure a lot of other people did as well. Demanding something more is like wanting Die Hard 4.0 to be an incisive metaphor of society's over-reliance on technology. So yeah. Fuck off.
Anonymous said...
Dammit, John Solomon. Fucking do a real update. Lame ass lamey motherfucker poo head poo face. I'M NOT ENTERING YOUR COMPETITION OUT OF PRINCIPAL HURF DURF
Anonymous said...
John, if you don't want to read the comments, can't you deactivate them? Also, Brian R. is a ginormous pussy. Post your fucking comics and fuck 'em if they can't handle it, you twat. Shit, if he ripped on my webcomic, I'd say "thank you sir, may I please have another". Fucking twats are probably afraid to leave the house. Fucking. Puss.
Anonymous said...
I hereby submit my petition for the right to vomit on Scott Kurtz. I'll sign this shit.
Brian K said...
John Solomon & Co., I salute you. You've driven a terrible comic to ground. The Internet is now a better place.
Anonymous said...
I hereby submit my petition for the right to vomit on Scott Kurtz. Signed. Not like he's a hard target to hit (<- This implies he is fat). Jeez, not only does PVP suck as much as always, now it's bordering on misogyny. Of course, that's not surprising coming from a contemporary of Frank Cho. As for MegaTokyo, Patrick Alexander (a douchebag whose own work will probably get a review here someday, but I digress) has already probably written the definitive review of it: http://zpxlng.livejournal.com/53339.html And THAT gives me an idea: PVP + MegaTokyo. I must make this happen. Or CAD + MT. Or CAD + PVP, but then you'd have trouble noticing anything different from their usual output.
Anonymous said...
I hope he like Hookie Dookie Gender!
Anonymous said...
I wanted to send an e-mail about that very pvp and the accompanying blog post about reaching out to young girls with comics. Now I don't have to. Isn't it great to see Scott reaching out to the ladies?
Eli said...
I just submitted my entry, and it rules.
Alex said...
http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=987 Great, now Faye's fucked up enough to urinate on someone unintentionally while sober. What an appealing character she is.
Anonymous said...
Well this was a horrible use of an hour and a half. But, submitted. If anyone is feeling masochistic enough to look at other people's submissions, here's mine.
Luprand said...
Anon 9:39 ... happy fun-fun seizure hour!
Anonymous said...
Great, now Faye's fucked up enough to urinate on someone unintentionally while sober. What an appealing character she is. It was a silent but deadly, I think. Not very clear, though.
Anonymous said...
TV's Tony Danza, I wouldn't bash Narbonic for its longevity - it actually had the balls to stop after x amount of years with a passable attempt to tie up all the loose ends, and the art seriously improved over those years. I'd consider it average, not bad. The Director's Cut is pushing it though.
Anonymous said...
Wow a blog for retards written by retards! I congratulate you that you were all able to string so many big words together. You should all be very proud of yourselves.
Anonymous said...
Most boring troll comment over.
Anonymous said...
Glad you liked it, but it wasnt a troll comment it was just a statement of fact.
irony said...
I love it how people come on here and complain about trolling when this site is nothing but a troll operation to begin with. It's like complaining about sand in the desert.
Rebochan said...
So turn off the comments, Whiny McWhiner! You're acting just as egotistical as the people you use for fodder.
Aesir said...
I'm tempted to go for 'Shredded Mirror Defender Kismetropolis: Ctrl+Alt+Del For Hire!!!', but I'd probably try to kill myself after the first panel.
Anonymous said...
Shredded Mirror Defender Kismetropolis: Ctrl+Alt+Del For Hire!!! Buddy, you've got more fortitude than me—I read that and immediately wanted to kill myself.
Mike said...
I sent in Shredded Asian Female. But I'm afraid it might mine might actually be funny and not bleach-to-the-eyes horrific. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v449/justinsane07/saf.jpg
Mike said...
Son of a bitch. Let's try this again. Shredded Asian Female
Anonymous said...
Penny Ctrl+Alt+Del Cats. Fuck, the unholy trinity. Hmm...
Anonymous said...
http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/p/7905/jesslyn-stormheart For those curious about the comic-in-hiding.
zee said...
I see someone's already made note of today's Questionable Content, which bravely picks up the gauntlet thrown down by Scott Kurtz seven years ago. Note to budding webcartoonists: when stuck for a real punchline, never hesitate to whip out the fart jokes! Most of your readers are likely to mistake it for actual humor anyway! God, I'm startin to hate this strip.
Anonymous said...
I think Dominic Darken would be a good one but I suck at photoediting.
Anonymous said...
lol but dammit I can't click the Britney Spears links!
Grodd said...
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK. I just googled the interweb and saw some "Jesslyn Stormheart" pages. Now I have to peruse some anatomy textbooks to purge the images from my mind. I cannot wait for this review. Fudgeknuckler.
Anonymous said...
Those are some long ass posts LOL. Waiting for someone to come by and quote them.
Anonymous said...
When are we getting the Dominic Durgan review? The only comic that could possibly be the worse than everything reviewed here put together. First we have the copy-paste sloth. Then the writer trying to make jokes which comes across like "please laugh at me". "Please say I'm funny".
Jerry said...
While we're on the topic of Copy-Paste horrors you might as well go after Elf Only Inn. The guy quit doing Copy-Paste and then actually tried to draw the shit. The only comic in history where he would have been better off sticking with Copy-Paste.
Anonymous said...
I know. It's terrible, isn't it? I looked it up yesterday because I was curious. Perhaps the most masochistic thing I've ever done. It's clear he's shooting for realism, so it means you can objectively grade his comic's art. If you can somehow ignore the self-indulgent, enormous, lumpy breasts, you'll see that the guy at least has a rudimentary understanding of anatomy (maybe a tiny cut above the average joe - not artist, regular person on the street). Unfortunately, everything is so skewed out of perspective that it doesn't matter. The guy should be taking basic drawing and figure drawing classes, with a little research on composition and movement so his figures don't seem so static when it's clearly an action sequence. Christ, why am I even bothering with a critique? It's pointless.
Anonymous said...
Everything is pointless on this board.
Anonymous said...
This is a message board now? Fuck.
Anonymous said...
Don't worry, Jesslyn Stormheart fans! While Brian R's comic may be on that unfortunate hiatus, we can still read about her thrilling adventures on Elfwood! Sarcasm aside, what the fuck IS this?
Anonymous said...
"Fuck, the unholy trinity." But Penny Arcade is good.
Anonymous said...
Hey have we gotten a Penny Arcade review? That would be cool to see Solomon tackle the bigdogs
Anonymous said...
Don't taint the name of Penny Arcade by mentioning it in this blog.
Anonymous said...
Hell probably review Penny Arcade before he reviews Megatokyo.
Anonymous said...
Pennytokyo
Anonymous said...
"foolish commenters don't you see, john soloman is the puppet master HE HAS PLAYED US ALL REVIEWS SOLOLAME MEGATOKYO SLUPRING LOSS IN QUALITY BIASED REVIEW AD HOMINEM *explodes*" HE PLAYED US FINE
Anonymous said...
UR a PLAYA HATE-A
Anonymous said...
Hey have we gotten a Penny Arcade review? That would be cool to see Solomon tackle the bigdogs Hell probably review Penny Arcade before he reviews Megatokyo. No, they fucking won't. The Elders have explained time and time again that as much as you drooling mouth-breathers OMG HAET PENNY ARCADE, it is not a bad webcomic. Is it a great webcomic? I would beg to differ. But it can't be compared to trainwrecks like Broken Mirror, Pasta Eater Helicopter or CRFH. tl;dr: Dead horse. Shut the fuck up.
Anonymous said...
Ya know, John could cover MegaTokyo by simply posting it as the article and letting the contents simply say, "It sucks. The end." That way he could say he's done it and get another slothful review under his belt.
Anonymous said...
I know I should email this to John, but I'm sooooo lazy, so I thought I'd just make the commenters aware of Least I Could Do, another piece of misogynistic unfunny crap that suffers from a serious case of B^U.
zee said...
LICD has been mentioned before, and a truly wretched piece of frat-boy wish-fulfillment drek it is. We're obviously supposed to admire the lead character, but I just want to see the guy buried dick-first in an anthill while three morbidly obese women sit on him. He's right up there with Faye from QC and everyone in PvP on the scale of "webcomics characters whose suffering would amuse me greatly."
Anonymous said...
Far be it from me to uphold LICD as great webcomic literature (it ain't) ...but 'admire'? Rayne? The guy is part extremely lucky idiot, part misogynistic asshole, and I thought most of the point of the strip was to laugh AT the dumb shit he does.
Anonymous said...
So wait, does it have to be two bad webcomics, or can it be one good one and one bad one? If so, I've got a great idea for Gunnerkrigg Moose.
chokebabiesnow said...
Upping the ante on the contest: I just submitted "Short Asian Packmale."
Anonymous said...
Hahahahahaha, the elfwood account can't be viewed publicly. Dare I say deleted?
vorzer said...
I just googled the interweb and saw some "Jesslyn Stormheart" pages. Now I have to peruse some anatomy textbooks to purge the images from my mind. You mean actual comic pages, grodd? Or just random images? The guy does have an Elfwood gallery where the JS writings are kept... and tell the story quite a ways beyond the comic. If that's still up, people could still get a sense of the writing style. If anything, not being distracted by the art might make stuff like mild-to-rampant misogyny even more noticeable, not to mention more bearable to read through.
vorzer said...
EDIT: Rats, never mind. As has been said before, that's some way to treat new readers. Still, what about those images?
Richard said...
Assuming it's not going to happen here, can anyone reccomend a good recent Megatokyo review. God help me I started reading it again recently and one thing I noticed is that the art seems to have seriously degraded in the past year. Remember Charles' "Treasure Island" comics in Crumb, and how the style got progressively more wrinkly and busy (sure you do)? It's sort of reminding me of that. I'd love to see a take on that from someone a little more sophisticated than me.
Anonymous said...
http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/p/7905/jesslyn-storm There are some sample pages of the comic there.
Anonymous said...
Oh, Brian. It's only too bad Google saw your failures. Unfortunately I couldn't reach the image linked earlier—which is almost too bad, as it was even more hilariously awkward than the one linked here. Jesslyn's tearing off some guy's tiny white thong while...uh, falling over between his legs, because her knees don't bend.
Anonymous said...
I saw the comic awhile back and thought MEH just another cliche fantasy. Not sure why you guys are so gay for it. Most of that stuff you're complaining about is rampant in fantasy art. Scantily clad chicks with swords or damsels draped around the buff loinclothed hero is a staple in the genre. Nothing all that shocking.
Anonymous said...
This has to be the most laughable response to YWiB yet. Even that counter-blog qualifies as 'coming back swinging' compared to this pathetic scramble to hide all the evidence before the review is even posted.
Anonymous said...
Remember Charles' "Treasure Island" comics in Crumb, and how the style got progressively more wrinkly and busy (sure you do)? It's sort of reminding me of that. ...Wow. One of the few good things about Gallagher's art used to be his relatively tight pencils. Cross that off the list, I guess.
Anonymous said...
Anon 21:22, You're right that it's in a lot of fantasy. Then again, the attractive female lead is pretty rampant regardless of medium or genre. Let me put it you this way. Which is more pathetic you? Saps fapping to regular porn of their favorite actress from some movie, or some clueless fuck indulging in his own horribly drawn version of Xena: Warrior Princess?
Anonymous said...
Or the fact that I leave whole words out of sentences?
Anonymous said...
Keldor arena with Keldor games. Man, the writer of Jesslyn Stormheart sure has a boner for obscure He-Man characters.
Anonymous said...
But what about Red Sonja. She kinda hot, right?
hpylg said...
A satirical video, found via T Campbell's blog: Strong Bad on Webcomics
Anonymous said...
http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/p/7905/jesslyn-storm There are some sample pages of the comic there. Aaaaand bets on how many days before those get yanked too...
Richard said...
...Wow. One of the few good things about Gallagher's art used to be his relatively tight pencils. Seriously, look at the latest one. That's not just sloppy. There's something...off about it, isn't there? All those arbitrary scribbles?
Anonymous said...
***And by "coincidence" (or is it?) Strong Bad makes all the points John is always making*** And just to throw off the readers, he made the Strong Bad video funny and interesting! Nice try, John, but we're not fooled!
Anonymous said...
I actually think that the creator (or creator's lackeys) read this blog so they know what he needs to hide. If we keep this up, we might eliminate the entire concept of Jesslyn Stormheart from the internet.
Anonymous said...
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20071005 Holy shit. These guys make Brew look like Gloria Steinem.
Mike said...
Seriously, look at the latest one. That's not just sloppy. There's something...off about it, isn't there? All those arbitrary scribbles? He's be doing that scribble stuff for a while now. He slips in and out of it too. Take a look at this one. Half of the art is solid with pencil shading, the other half just looks unfinished. Like he didn't erase the lines all the way. I'm not sure if it's laziness or what, but it's just odd.
Matt said...
"Seriously, look at the latest one. That's not just sloppy. There's something...off about it, isn't there? All those arbitrary scribbles?" Good heavens. Megatokyo, ages ago, was one of the first webcomics I got into. I fell off the train when Largo stopped co-writing, and I'm glad I wasn't around to witness what was apparently Gallagher's complete de-evolution into... whatever that is.
Radioactive Zombie said...
Blah blah blah blah Penny Arcade is better blah.... Right. The art is fucking crappy (form followed by CAD and VGCats) and LOLZ WANG JOKES GALORE!!11 Fuck it. Suddenly we can rip on the CAD and VGCat morons, but we can't touch PA because it's sacred. Right.
Anonymous said...
Have you ever actually read Penny Arcade?
Grey said...
The art is fucking crappy (form followed by CAD and VGCats) ... You're honestly trying to say that Penny Arcade's art is as bad as the CAD art. Honestly. You don't see a difference. One of them has "cartoony art" - the other has "cartoony art" - and you don't see any difference in quality. That's what you're telling us here. Really? Truly? No take-backs? ... Moron. ... And who the fuck is "we"? Who's the "we" that gets to rip on VGCats, but isn't allowed to rip on Penny Arcade? Why are you suddenly part of this "we"? Who are you? You are not a We. We are all speaking for ourselves here. You can bitch about Penny Arcade all you want. I'm just going to call you a moron for bringing it up again. Other people might also call you a moron. Then - well, then we'll probably get a We going. Some other people might join in with you - they'll also be morons. The only thing I can vouch for, as far as this Blog goes, is that it'll never review Penny Arcade, unless Penny Arcade radically changes - because John Solomon has made it clear that, by this Blog's standards, Penny Arcade counts as a competent web comic. That's from the one guy who does decide what this blog will and won't do. But me telling you that you're an idiot for bringing it up again? That's all me, baby. I'm not speaking for any We - I'm not the voice of this "community" (there's no real community anyway) - and neither are you. I am sick of people screaming how awful Penny Arcade is every time someone mentions bad web-comics. It's not that awful - and there's not even any strips that are bad enough to make mocking them funny. Shut up about Penny Arcade. Yes, you have no real standards, like to point at random popular things and go "lol, this sucks!!", and think this blog is here just to mock popular comics for the humor of it. We get it. We heard it all before. I can use a We here, because "Penny Arcade sucks!" is so goddamn common, I can garantee you others here heard it. Like I said - I do not really like Penny Arcade. I read it - sometimes. I don't care enough about it to defend it. I'm not defending it, though - I'm attacking you, and people like you, because seeing Penny Arcade talk again and again is pissing me off. I'd like to look at a discussion of bad web-comics, and check out links to other bad webcomics without hearing about Penny Arcade every damn day.
Anonymous said...
Looks like he struck a cord, huh? Grow the fuck up, those two are the fucking same as PA. Now, quit qhining about how "OMGZORZ PA IS BETTAT!11" Sure, act like a badass all you want, but grow some fucking balls. Now, let's focus on other webcomics that are infintely shittier.
Kyouji said...
Considering that Penny Arcade is moderately entertaining, never makes me feel bad at having read it, and is made by some people who are actually quite nice, I'd say that it is indeed quite a bit better. Your childish insults do nothing to convince me otherwise.
Anonymous said...
http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/p/7905/jesslyn-storm There are some sample pages of the comic there. Sweet, panel arrows. PHALANX EXECUTE MANUVER RED 33
Anonymous said...
Sololame... didn't think of that one. I prefer Soddomham. Or Shallowman. Or Follymon.
Robert said...
Sweet, panel arrows. PHALANX EXECUTE MANUVER RED 33 My bolt only took out one. I'm completely drained now. The use of periods really accentuates the urgency.
Grey said...
Looks like he struck a cord, huh? Yes. Morons bringing up Penny Arcade again, and again, and again, and fucking again is a cord. You not reading a goddamn thing I wrote before responding with stock "lol - u like Penny Arcade but it sux - lol grow up!" nonsense is also a cord - but, hell, I can deal with that. I'm sick of your goddamn Penny Arcade fetish. It's not like I'm alone here. You'd think that when John Solomon personally called yet another "Lol! Penny Arcade sucks!" loser a fucking idiot, and said he pitties his mother, you bastards would get the point. No, they are not the same. If you think so, you are a god damn retard. Comparing PA and CAD is like comparing some sketch book doodles with a feces smear on a Men's room wall. Saying "lol - they're the same!" is just proof that you have no friggin' standards. To you, something is shit, because someone else said it's shit, and something is good, because someone else said it's good. It also shows that you don't even understand why CAD is fucking bad - if you're honestly convinced those two comics are the same. Why the fuck are you even here if you don't read the actual blog? Do your eyes just blur together when he mentions just what the flaws in the art are, and why the writing is awful? Do you just giggle at the curse words, and don't bother with the rest? Morons with no standards who shit on everything ("Everything sucks, man!") aren't somehow better, or more mature than morons who like that crap. That's the god-damn cord - not some three-pannel gag-strip for Gamer-dorks. You're the same exact breed of tasteless moron that like these crap comics. You're the same exact breed of moron that started bad-mouthing Gunnerkrigg Court, just because the guy writing this blog liked it. You're that exact same type of person - and the fact that you don't see it is goddamn sad. You are the moron with no fucking standards. You have no idea what's good, or what's bad - and you don't even know how to tell. You are the face of the internet as a whole - and you are responsible for so many terrible wrongs. You (and I mean you, in the cosmic sense) are the very creature that picked up a pen/pencil/stylus and breathed life into just about all of the crappy web comics out there. If this isn't the right place on the Internet to spend way more words on this bullshit than it deserves, I don't know where is. My time ain't worth squat, and if I hadn't wasted it on this, I'd have wasted it some other way. I don't give a damn what you think about me - but I'm really, really keen on explaining what I think about you. I don't care if you don't like Penny Arcade. No one has to like it. My attitude for it is luke-warm at most times (this rant is motivated by my dislike of certain people - not by a like of a comic strip). But if you honestly think it's crap - and if you honestly think it's exactly as crappy as CAD (or "worse - because it started it!") - then Fuck you, you're part of the problem.
Kyouji said...
By the way, the actual metaphor is "strike a chord." Just throwing that out there.
HypocriticalHero said...
You're doing gods work Solomon. Good job
Bree said...
No comics for girls you say? Why I say, what defines all women and is something that every girl can relate to? Their blood spewing vaginas of course! Also, mystery!
emexarr said...
My bolt only took out one. I'm completely drained now. I was too distracted by the artist's complete ignorance of the concept of a center of gravity to notice this line the first time I looked at that one. What the hell? If you're kicking someone in the head like that, regardless of whether or not you're hanging from a tree for no reason, your lower body is going to swing forward with the kick, otherwise you've got no bloody power behind it. Everyone in that comic looks like they're from the Barbie and Ken's Mystical Adventure through Cliched Magical Medieval Times Playset.
Anonymous said...
He's even removed the shoutbox from the comic frontpage now. This is bordering on the surreal.
Anonymous said...
... That is really the worse thing I've seen this month. Perhaps year. In a different note, I love how smart... er, "people", are making themselves ought to be by making witty remarks with your surname. Sololame, Slothmon, etc etc. Woo-hoo, points for you guys! Now go back to the basement. Also, I think you shouldn't do Megatokyo... Is the reverse psychology working yet? OH SNAP! (Interely sarcastic, too. I really don't care, as long as you keep giving us juicy, juicy reviews. If you please.)
Scott Fuckley said...
I have created the unholy VG CADS. Combining the exaggerated expressions of VG Cats and lack of expression from CAD lead to this...http://www.mypicshare.com/0xo9gvg4pic.html
Robert said...
Jennie Deegan: Single Asian Female for Hire
Anonymous said...
Lowroad from Hell? Or would Shredded Analogs work better for the sheer misogyny factor?
Wanker G. Spot said...
So where are the results of this competition?
John Solomon said...
Around, somewhere. I have more important things to do at the moment.