Monday, March 24, 2008

God Mode

It's not hard to reach into the grubby, dark barrel that is the world of webcomics and pull out a gaming webcomic. Gamers are, for the most part, fucking stupid and will appreciate anything mundane and boggle over anything complex - much like most webcomic artists. Before any of you threaten to beat me to death with a Wii controller, let me remind you that any video game that's remotely clever or interesting regularly fails to sell well, while any bland FPS shitfest with zero plot simply can't be put on shelves fast enough. Remember when LucasArts used to make witty adventure games with engaging plots? Remember the fantastic voice acting in Grim Fandango? Of course you don't, you're a brainless dullard who hoots and gibbers while mashing the button to skip the plot cutscene since all them thar fancy words hurts yer thinkin' parts.

Still, dumb as you both are, the window-lickers responsible for gaming webcomics are fractionally smarter than your average gamer. After all, they're canny enough to realise they can make up for their lack of talent and humour with game references. You'll leap up and down, screeching "HA HA! THE CAKE! IS A LIE!"

(I mean, for fuck's sake, out of all the amazing dialogue in Portal you seize upon the one part that was only amusing for about five seconds the first time round - which was in the game itself. Why? Oh, wait, because you're fucking stupid.)

So look at God Mode, look at it good and hard. It's the proud result of your "gaming culture" - a steaming pile of shit that has been crapped into the Internet's heart, and you dickholes are rolling around in it like a bunch of pigs. You'll smother yourself in that filth, lick it up and ask for seconds. Because even though it's not clever, or funny, or well-drawn, or anything whatsoever, it's about video games you guys. Even my dog isn't so easily amused, for Christ's sake.

Because, again, I know you wankers are going to jump down my throat with how wrong I am, and how it's just my opinion that this webcomic sucks, I'm going to give some examples.

First, it's not clever. Let's see: the joke here is supposed to be that Square/Enix are the Borg. Y'know, just like how Microsoft are the Borg. And everything else that's remotely large and disliked by sweaty dorks who take computers too seriously. All right, so I can see the reasoning behind this, regardless how lame that reasoning is. But... it's not a joke. It's just "THIS BIG CORPORATION IS THE BORG." It's essentially telegraphed in the second panel, and doesn't really flow anyway. Keep on browsing through the depressingly large archives and tell me that this is a unique event and the rest is all hilarious. You can't, unless you're either willing to lie or you're a gamer and thus incapable of understanding what the difference is between "a joke" and "referencing video games".

God Mode does not have the kind of sharp and snappy writing a gag comic needs to exist. What it has is the kind of Ctrl+Alt+Delete spend-four-panels-beating-one-concept-into-your-thick-head bullshit. I know I said that gamers are stupid (and you are) but I think this shit could have been done in half as many panels and far, far fewer words.

See, one of the things you people don't get (because you're fucking stupid and can be entertained by pretty flashing lights and electronic beeps) is that something text-based, like a book or a blog entry or a podcast (text can also be read aloud, before you hurr at me), has to have words in. It has nothing else that can relate information. Visual media, like films and webcomics (emphasised so you may perhaps understand), have images. In case you never heard, a picture is worth a thousand words. That means in a four-panel comic, you're already at 4000 words. If you're thinking "Well, if I'm at 4000 words, it won't matter much if I add on another 500!" then you are Tim Buckley and you are a drooling mongoloid with severe ego problems.

Second, it's not funny. Fuck, just see above. It doesn't just fail at clever humour, it fails at all humour. All it does is pander, pander, pander. It panders so much that it eats bamboo and the Chinese want to grind it up and make it into a pill that cures impotence. It does nothing but simperingly try and appeal to gamers, which it accomplishes easily because gamers are morons. Have I said that enough in this review? Because it's true. This, gamers, this is what the rest of us see you as. Losers who goggle over wannabe-Japanese animu bullshit because you got your first boner over Metal Gear Solid. Pasty, gargantuan nerds permanently stained with Cheeto dust who practically wet themselves over a "joke" that's nothing but "wacky violence" and a dated pop culture reference. Repressed misogynists who can't deal with women who aren't impossibly-figured, wearing enough material to make only half a roll of dental floss and utterly fictional.

Not to mention the million times that a joke concept is ruined by overstating it, over and over and over again, until what humour was in there has been ground into a stain and rendered totally unfunny. No great loss with God Mode, though, since none of the joke concepts are good. Ever. It's a never-ending parade of mediocre shit as portrayed by none-dimensional characters who are pretty much all drawn the same.

It's also nice to see God Mode being even worse than CAD by making this strip. Why, yes, that is the exact same joke that was done in both CAD and Penny Arcade, except a whole two months after CAD and four months after Penny Arcade. No use jumping on the bandwagon when it's already gone, you idiot. Unless you're not imitating Penny Arcade at every available opportunity, like CAD does, but are instead trying to emulate Ctrl+Alt+Del. That's a scary thought, but would explain an awful lot.

So, let's sum up: so many gamers are stupid, I may as well say that all gamers are stupid. Not only that, but the same is true for bad webcomics: so many bad ones exist, that it's almost redundant to say "bad webcomic". But if we are lenient and call the least offensive mediocre, then God Mode is still a bad webcomic. It's supposed to be funny - apparently. How the Hell can you tell, though? There's nothing resembling a joke, much in the same way a stain on the ground doesn't resemble a dead horse.

Basically, fuck God Mode, fuck the incompetent and dimwitted moron who shits it out, and fuck all gamers everywhere for being the third worst human beings possible, right after furries and transgender fetishists. Between the three groups, you are responsible for 90% of bad webcomics.

190 comments:

Rune Traverse said...

I clicked every link, and damn if it wasn't just as stupid every time. That Wii joke had me groaning out loud - there is NOTHING funny about the name anymore, unless you're about five. Or a drooling idiot fanboy, apparently. The art's a decent change, though. Just bad, not cringe-inducing like the last two reviews.

Anonymous said...

I remember Grim Fandango. Now I'm sad because video games peaked ten years ago. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

Sigh. I remember Grim Fandango too. I'm nineteen, and I think I'm the only one of my generation who does.

I've also played two of the four Monkey Island games, and bought Beyond Good and Evil and Psychonauts. I also own the first season of Sam and Max games.

I feel so alone.

Anonymous said...

I saw where someone on the Internet said: "This reminds me of 'Grim Fandango', an old game from ten years ago." That was one of those I'M STILL NOT OLD! moments.

That webcomic really made me sad. The art is fairly good, and most of the ones linked had funny jokes, but the punchline is thrown out in panel two instead of kept to, you know, the end where it belongs.

Also the obsession with the girlfriend always being horny and wanting to give the male lead hot sex. Yeah, keep dreaming...

Sigma287 said...

I had a whole comment written out defending Raven, but...fuck it. I can see every single way you guys can shoot it down. So...yes, this is a bad webcomic and Raven should feel bad. Mainly because those aren't his characters (they weren't even the characters of the first guy who did it, but of some guy in the game industry (don't know who he was or how he was in the industry) who didn't know jack shit about fiction writing). He is hampered by them as when you start with shit at the end you'll still have shit. Raven needs to go back to things that are wholly his own so he can actually improve. There's really no reason for him to keep this up, so I can't defend him like I wanted to.

Also, can we move on to the next "under-appreciated game that everybody's played" now, please?

ted said...

While the first artist was absolutely terrible, it really felt like the second guy knew how terrible this all was and deliberately messed up his own jokes and made the dialogue extra-contrived sometimes.

Anonymous said...

This entry reminds me of a comic that somehow manages to both telegraph a joke and beat it into the ground in only one panel--Woody Hearn's GU Comics.

(You may bleed from the eyes after three or four of these. It's perfectly normal.)

Anonymous said...

Hah! "Pander". Good one, John.

Anonymous said...

That webcomic really made me sad. The art is fairly good, and most of the ones linked had funny jokes, but the punchline is thrown out in panel two instead of kept to, you know, the end where it belongs.

Wrong. Wrong on every count. The art is shit. I don't see how you can possibly say it's anything other than mediocre at the very best, really. And that would be generous. The jokes just aren't funny. At all. At no goddamn point.

Thank you for proving JS right about gamers being fucking retards.

Vinic said...

Excellent point about the comic vomiting up words like a frat boy kegger. The only reason Penny Arcade's initial Eye of Judgment joke worked was because it was a quick bit of few words encompassing three panels -- and while the content of the joke itself is shit, the idea itself combined with the minimal effort it takes to read the thing makes it bearable. By the time the joke makes its 4 month journey into the bowels of God Mode hell, it took on so much extra word baggage my mind will not allow me to read through a single panel, much less the whole goddamn thing.

"The eye speaks?" -- Jesus Christ, it's dialogue ripped from a middle school's short story contest runner-up.

Anonymous said...

http://cocoas-alley.livejournal.com/ please make it stop! Didn't those Jhonen Vasquez ripoff comics stop being fashionable when goth did?

Karley said...

"He's almost an anti-identity.
A philosopher so unpretentious and yet lost in his own skin.

Cocoa The Clown is a virgin representation of humanity in it's purest, and most honest form..."

HAHAHAHAHA WHUT?

Anonymous said...

I'm sure there are intelligent gamers somewhere. They're probably having a party with the straight furries and liberal muslims, at a nice club in Atlantis.

Christina Nordlander Dawson said...

(I'm the loser who said that most of the jokes were potentially funny - OK, having checked more of those links, I'll change "most" to "a few")

Wow, first time I've been called a fucking retard in the comments. I feel honoured.

Peter said...

what the fuck is this

Malethoth K. said...

That's

That's pretty bad

I really like how the art is an incredibly shitty emulation of Nickelodeon anime and the writing is a shitty imitation of CAD and the flow of the jokes is a shitty approximation of Garfield.

I mean really that's all that needs to be said.

Ghede said...

You know whats even worse? The guy who is writing/drawing it now? It isn't even the original creator. Yeah, the guy who made it abandoned it awhile ago, and Mr. Perez graciously decided to keep the shithole running.

Anonymous said...

"He's almost an anti-identity.
A philosopher so unpretentious and yet lost in his own skin.

Cocoa The Clown is a virgin representation of humanity in it's purest, and most honest form..."


Oh my fucking God. Could we get any more vapid, useless naval-gazing up in here? Because that shit alone is gourmet. The comic itself reads like a first semester philosophy major who just played Max Payne and thought, "Man, this is so real."

Also, why is that damn thing on LiveJournal? Could he not even get an account on ComicGenesis?

tehkou said...

Well, John, you've insulted the gaming community. But you missed your chance for the magical five-letter phrase that really sends it into a fury: "video games are not art." I know, you basically said as much in a roundabout way. But sometimes you have to go for the Pavlovian response.

I think what shocked me about this comic is less the lack of punchline and more that he thinks Grandia III is too hard. If you're going to do a webcomic about video games, shouldn't you be, I don't know... slightly good at them?

Anonymous said...

Just thought I'd point out that some of that Cocoa Clown comic is SO NOT FUCKING WORK SAFE. Jesus Christ.

Matt said...

I mean, for fuck's sake, out of all the amazing dialogue in Portal you seize upon the one part that was only amusing for about five seconds the first time round - which was in the game itself. Why?

It's probably because all the clever lines are more than five syllables long. That way they can parrot the game to prove they've played it without remembering words like "incinerate" or "neurotoxin."

Kanazuchi said...

A friend of mine pointed me to this comic, specifically this strip comparing the the next-gen consoles to prostitutes. I thought it was pretty funny, but reading more, I found a lot of it to be pretty boring and samey.

I remember a conversation I had with another friend of mine, MC, commenting on a friend of ours, DW, and the lack of fanbase for DW's webcomic. Sure, DW had the animu thing going, but it was a pretty decent comic without the pitfalls of bad artists (gradient fills, filtered backgrounds, and the like.) MC pointed out that since it wasn't a "gaming" comic, he was never going to have the pre-packaged audience of Penny Arcade or Megatokyo, for which the audiences will generally hop from one comic to the next because of the "OMG! another gaming strip that appeals to me must read!" factor. I think we all see these gaming strips as basically the same: gamers see them as great, and the rest see them as stupid.

Sigh. Does that mean I have to turn in my Gamer Union membership card?

Franz Schubert said...

@ Sigma287: IIRC, the God Mode characters were originally created by Chris Crosby, who as far as I know has never had any connection to the games industry. So, the original concept apparently came from someone who knows little about fiction writing OR games. Go figure, eh?

In general, all I have to say about gaming comics is that Penny Arcade is the best one out there, and it's still pretty boring to read when it isn't just incomprehensible. And I'm saying this as someone who's spent his entire life practically living and breathing video/computer games. Can't they make one webcomic about games that actually gives me the occasional chuckle? Is that too much to ask? Eh, maybe so.

Anonymous said...

Could it be that reading about other people playing video games is not an inherently funny idea, and you actually need some actual goddamn skill in writing, art, and delivery to make it entertaining?

Nah, impossible. HAI GUYZ MARIO IS GHEY LULZ

Robert Kelly said...

The animu art is at least decent. Beyond that, it's just another gaming comic. Judging by the looks of it, it looks like the plot structure is formed by using mad-libs...

Anonymous said...

For those who haven't heard of Godmode until now, here's the sad part: Godmode is actually better than it used to be. It was drawn(I use the term drawn very loosely) by a guy called Ryan Kerns who was even more wapanese than Raven and had less drawing talent.

In one way, I almost feel like I can't blame Raven Perez for this mess. This is what he had to work with: http://www.godmodeonline.com/d/20060614.html

Anonymous said...

I used to enjoy God Mode back in the day, but I dumped it a few months after Raven took over. I didn't mind the art change, but when his style of "humor" devolved to giving Barrett a physical/emotional beatdown EVERY SINGLE STRIP, the comic's appeal went ker-plunk for me.

foof said...

You want to see a shitty webcomic?

I got your shitty webcomic right here.

--

Christopher Bird said...

You know, there's plenty of great games out there, even today, that are clever and funny and force you to think both strategically and about the content therein. Anything Valve puts out (Team Fortress 2 is incredibly subversive at times, and the fact that all the little sidejokes and animations are still funny months later is a testament to the thought put into them). Any non-MMORPG by Blizzard (people are going HOLY SHIT STARCRAFT II FINALLY for the gameplay alone - they wants them some more Protoss characters). Bioshock is brilliantly told. Heck, even a hardcore strategy game like Civilization IV has side jokes. (One of my favorites, only discovered a month ago after more than a year of play, is that one of the game's loading-screen play tips is "Never get caught in a land war in Asia.")

You take that clever, intelligent, often subtle commentary, and give it to a mouth-breathing reject, and you get God Mode.

Jesse said...

There are exactly two Gaming Webcomics that I have enjoyed besides Penny Arcade. These are:

Game Genies - I enjoy this for the same reason I enjoy The Adventures of John and Dave. Utter idiocy.

Crazy Buffet 2 - While this comic relies almost entirely on pop culture references, video game references, and groan inducing puns, he does so in a concise and witty manner. Additionally, the artist uses many visual jokes, rather than wordy explanations.

Sigma287 said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Sigma287 said...

@Franz Schubert: Ah, thank you for clearing that up. I could have sworn I heard it was an industry guy, though. Guess not.

But if that's the Chris Crosby I know of, he's the cofounder of Keenspot, writer and artist of Superosity, and the writer for Sore Thumbs (oh my god, you guys! Clinton likes the whores! Truly, Crosby has his finger on the pulse of pop culture. And by that I mean he's pressing so hard the flow stopped getting to his brain years ago). So, like we've said, doesn't know the first thing about writing.

Anonymous said...

I've always found The Adventures Of John And Dave extremely funny for reasons I can't quite explain.

Anonymous said...

Also, Beyond Good And Evil is fantastic, and definitely my favorite game of the last few years (though I haven't played that many of them, so my ability to judge is admittedly somewhat limited.) And Sore Thumbs is fucking awful. As an ardent left-winger myself, I'd like nothing more than to remove all of those insufferably self-righteous liberal webcomics from the face of the internet for good.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Good review, John. A few of the last ones you and your fellow writers have done weren't quite so vitriolic as they should have been in my opinion, but I thought you did a good job in mixing it up pretty well this time. The comic was bland and boring, and it deserved a lashing. That said, my mind read over the last paragraph like this:

Basically, fuck God Mode, fuck the incompetent and dimwitted moron who shits it out, and fuck all gamers everywhere for being the third worst human beings possible, right after furries and transgender fetishists. Between the three groups, you are responsible for 90% of bad webcomics.

worst human beings possible, right after furries and transgender fetishists.

worst human beings possible, after furries
.

You made me feel bad. :(

Franz Schubert said...

I got your shitty webcomic right here.

After reading two strips, I thought most women would find this offensive. After reading ten strips, I decided it was offensive not only to women, but to all of humanity. Thanks for brightening my day, Foof. Really.

Scyze said...

You know, stuff like God Mode is just... to me, it's just plain dull. It's not even interesting, at all. I just.. glaaaaze.

Anonymous said...

I'm somewhat of a gamer myself and I agree, this comic is shit.
Not all of us gamers are stupid, just the overwhelming majority is.
But yeah, 99% of gaming webcomics are annoying shit that just can't let go of "THE CAKE IS A LIE LOLOLOLOL".

Paul Varley said...

Speaking as a gamer (and one who hopes he counts as intelligent. You'd hope a Cambridge degree would count for something), I think I've spotted a general trend when it comes to finding decent gaming webcomics: set them from the PoV of a game's characters, not from the PoV of two gamers on a couch.

Examples? Well, the one that stands out for me Kid Radd. But also a number of straight-up fan comics based around games or series are better than your average TGoaC comic (there are also a lot that are terrible, but some rise above the fray. 90% of everything is crap). Concerned is one example that stands out for me as a well-done fan comic (for Half Life 2). I also enjoy Totally Flaked!, although I guess that it helps that I'm an Advance Wars fan.

Heck, look at Bob and George. Solomon himself said the best bits (for a given value of best) are when they're parodying the games.

Of course, this isn't a hard and fast rule, and it all depends on the quality of the writer. A fan comic also has a narrower audience, by definition, and someone who's never played the game might not find it funny at all. But I feel that a comic set from the point of view of the game's characters has far more in the way of joke resources to draw on than TGoaC.

Anonymous said...

John, you make me feel bad for liking video games. Fuck you.
But god damn, you're right about all the shit you said about "gamers" (I don't even like being called that, because of all the fucking terrible connotations it has), I can count the number of good online communities about video games in the fingers I have in my knees.
Also, is it wrong that the thing that pissed me off the most about these comics is the fact that Enix was the one that absorbed Square, and not the other way around?

And by the way, game genies is a fucking amazing comic.

Peter said...

the only gaming comic i like is ""awkward zombie", which makes with the high-larious jokes about nintendo crap (i like nintendo games so that's peachy with me). the author is like 14 so the art is kind of rough and "developing" (she's not mastered backgrounds yet), but it's a fun webcomic with jokes about the legend of zelda that make me laugh, and that fits the "new gaming joke roughly once a week" slot left empty once i realised that vgcats really, really sucked and that scott ransoomair was an idiotic prick (took me long enough, i'm ashamed really).

also, seconding the comment above mine re: gamer comics being better (or at least more tolerable) when they're about the games, not the gamers (or jokes about hardware or the incompetence of software companies, which are even worse). nobody cares about people playing video games, jeez

also, i read part of sore thumbs one time, the earlier strips were tolerable but it actually seems to have got worse as time's worn on.

foof said...

Thanks for brightening my day, Foof. Really.

We aim to please. In fact, here's some more sunshine.

Anonymous said...

I don't think everyone who plays video games is inherently stupid...Video games are (often) a fun thing to do, and a worthwhile hobby if you've got some friends to play them with. But what's stupid is to base your entire identity on the playing of video games.

Nimitz said...

Jesus Cocksucking Christ the Liberteens is fucking terrible. Its so terrible I find myself inadvertently drawn to clicking the 'Next' button to see what unknown horrors lie in wait.

I finished the archives of a yaoi\boylove\ohgodwhatthefuck webcomic in the exact same manner.
I haven't been able to look at male teenagers in the same light again. THANK YOU INTERNET

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

I don't think everyone who plays video games is inherently stupid...

Do you really think Solomon is suggesting that everyone who plays video games is a moron? God, somebody had to have played some good ones, which would at least mean that they have some semblance of taste. I would also suggest Earthbound, obnoxiously overrated as it is, as a video game whose plot did not completely suck.

Besides that, I have an important announcement to make. Anonymous, I believe that both your savior here and Fuego Fish are actually Jerry Holkins, the writer for Penny Arcade. Consider the following:

-He attacks all video game webcomics EXCEPT for Penny Arcade and others that obviously do not suck (i.e. Kid Radd).

-He says he likes Penny Arcade. Can you honestly name a normal human being that likes that webcomic?

-He has his badass John Solomon image, which is clearly overcompensation for his real-life fattiness.

-He writes well--yet says he has very little comic-making talent, which is the reason that PA's Holkins had to work with Krahulik.

-He is not Maddox.

-He is not Josh Lesnick.

The only problem with my theory is that I have no proof of this. Also, that none of it makes sense. That said, I will continue to valiantly keep posting this same message until you are sick of it, just like everyone else who says Solomon is Maddox or Lesnick or whoever.

Yay! See you all later!!!1

:D :) :3 n.n u.u >_< -____- o_______________________o

Franz Schubert said...

Also, is it wrong that the thing that pissed me off the most about these comics is the fact that Enix was the one that absorbed Square, and not the other way around?

Not at all. If you're going to joke about real-life events, you shouldn't get the most simple and easily checked facts wrong. Now is it wrong that what bothered me the most was simply that I felt it should have been Square that absorbed Enix?

Franz Schubert said...

a yaoi\boylove\ohgodwhatthefuck webcomic

Now that you've said that, I have a masochistic desire to read it. You don't happen to remember a name or link for that, do you?

ITT said...

He's right. Anyone who would identify themselves as a gamer is dumb as hell. Video games are a hobby. What would you think of someone who considered themselves a "reader" or a "D&Der"? Shut-ins without lives, and it's no different from "gamers".

tehkou said...

Jesus Cocksucking Christ the Liberteens is fucking terrible. Its so terrible I find myself inadvertently drawn to clicking the 'Next' button to see what unknown horrors lie in wait.

I'm not ashamed to say that I had the exact same reaction. It's like watching Homer Simpson running on a treadmill.

Cidsa said...

LucasArts made some of the best games ever. I think I need to go play through Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis again just to wash the taste of this shit comic out of my mouth (and because that game is awesome).

Anyways, I play games but don't consider myself a 'gamer', that just.. sounds stupid. I also don't like any of the 'gamer' comics except for Penny Arcade (which is only somewhat amusing these days).
This one definitely feels like it's trying to rip off CAD, which baffles me D:

Artstsym said...

Hey John, little misspelling on your part. It's not "God Mode," it's "GOD MODE! OMG LOL THIS IZ SO FUNY GUYZ!"

Seriously, I'd like to think that good ol' Scoot is responsible for this, but the drawing sucks too much and they've all got other stupid expressions.

Franz Schubert said...

Come to think of it, didn't Scott Kurtz once say he was thinking of "reaching out to young girls with comics" or some such around the time he posted this gem? I mention that because "Liberteens" strikes me as exactly the sort of thing he'd come up with if he did that.

Anonymous said...

I believe that both your savior here and Fuego Fish are actually Jerry Holkins, the writer for Penny Arcade.

... Or maybe the reason he does not attack Penny Arcade is because it:

1. Has some quality standards. The writer can put two words together and knows not to overload on text. The artist has reached a level where he's getting commission work from real companies.

2. Unlike most other web-comics, is made by people who seem to be at least semi-decent human beings.

2. Has never devolved into anything that's bad to a point where making fun of it is funny.

Saying "Penny Arcade suuucks!" has never been funny. Penny Arcade simply isn't bad enough to make making fun of it funny. The only criticisms Penny Arcade ever gets is "Penny Arcade is not funny!", "Penny Arcade is bad! Everyone knows that!!", and "Screw Penny Arcade! They're both Gay!!"

For fuck's sake, why does no one ever put any friggin' effort into trying to bash Penny Arcade? It's always "Lol - it's so bad it's obvious to everyone! I mean, this one guy told me it's so bad that it's obvious, and he's totally right!"

Find a particularly bad strip. Link to it. Point out the flaw - even in a vague way. Make a fucking case. If it's genuinely bad, there should be a way to make making fun of it actually amusing.

Except no one has ever done this, because Penny Arcade has never done anything bad enough to make making fun of it funny. They've never done any month-long epic about an evil corporation out to destroy videogames. They never called themselves Gods/Kings/Rulers of "Gaming". Their video-game jokes are generally not just about restating the obvious, and the few that are beat the rest of the internet to it by months.

Hell, they get credit simply for being Portal fans that own a Gaming comic - but not including a single "Cake" joke (or, really, any instance of "Look! This thing that was in Portal is now in my comic!! Laugh!!" that I can recall).

Penny-Arcade has never even been in my favorites list, but I'm sick and tired of you fuckers always bringing up the same "Lol - PA sux!" bullshit. It's not that bad. If it was, you'd have more arguments than "Eeeeveryone knows it's bad!" People who bash Ctrl+Alt+Del actually point out the various gaping fuck-all problems in it.

Harpoon said...

Here's the straight skinny on these comics:

A very easy way to get laughs is to present the absurd. Nothing more is required, no elaboration or creative thought.

When a stand up comic starts a sentence with "what is the deal with...?" the audience can damn well expect that it will be followed with a common occurrence taken in isolation and then probably some hyperbole. The issue is that by applying a little thought to the situation, it ceases to be so odd and losses all humor.

If one were to say "what's the deal with airline food? One little bag of peanuts? come on!" you can bet your bottom dollar that some accountant at an airline knows exactly what the deal is and has the numbers to prove it and the "joke" is a total failure to him.

Anyway, this can pretty obviously be applied to videogames because they sacrifice reality to be more fun. It's apparent that eating a huge leg of mutton won't heal a leg riddled with bullet holes in real life, but it's just as apparent that whatever game does this would be worse off without that mechanism.

All these awful comics have as one of their staples "what if this game mechanic were applied in real life?" Hell, even the good ones do it. Good, of course, meaning that I like them. The difference is that good comics, like good stand up comics, take the situation and do something with it, to the extrent that thinking about the comic's premise doesn't render it unfunny.

TLDR: I'm betting that if you could turn off your brain, these comics, like Carlos Mencia or a Will Ferral movie (I'm looking at you Elf), would actually be funny.

Anonymous said...

PREACH IT, SOLOMON!

Anonymous said...

Holy hell

I hate this gamer bullshit

I guess I'm a gamer, since I've been playing for years and own over 100 probably, but god-damn I hate this retarded gamer culture

I played portal, and the way the machines treated human life and reactions was hilarious to me. It had me laughing hard quite a few times. But the fucking way those idiots slobber and scream THE CAKE IS A LIE when ever ANYONE mentions Portal like some childish association with cookie jars and COOKIE ruins the game for me. It wasn't close to the funniest part of the game, not CLOSE, these same people probably wet themselves when ever Family Guy comes on.

I love Penny Arcade, most of their comics make me laugh, hurrr I know.
I like the art and agree/relate to most of the shit they talk about, or find the manner humorous, and they seem like cool guys in real life. But, does their really need to be another gaming comic? They nail it perfectly I think, because I haven't seen another gaming comic yet that wasn't utter shit.

Also I'm 17 and love Tim Schafer games, and by the look of the comments quite a few others do too, there is still a glimmer of hope I guess.

Shootan gaems are my favorite, but I agree theres too many and most of them are balls. I love shootans like Deus Ex and STALKER, never liked shooters like Halo. They can rehash Unreal Tournament as many times as they like though because god damn I like that game and its universe.

TL;DR: Gaming culture is balls, people remember Tim Schafer, I think Penny Arcade is funny, not all shootan is bad

Anonymous said...

Anon 06:45

I guess I like 2 other gaming comics, Power Up Comics and Game Genies, but I never really considered them real comics, although they are by definition I guess

Anonymous said...

In re: "The cake is a lie" - I think the reason why it was adopted is because it's short, simple, and can come up pseudo-frequently. The discussion of what happens when you die, for example, is a lot funnier, but it's not as easily quotable.

Then again, there are a bunch of other good quotables, like "Sarcasm sphere self-test complete.", ""Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room?", and something along the lines of "... will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death.", which seem to fit the bill.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty certain they keep coming back to "The cake is a lie" because people have already fixated on it. It's a vicious, tired cycle, the same kind of thing that led to dozens, if not hundreds, of idiotic "THIS IS SPARTA" comics. Hell, every time someone mentions Portal, my friend screams "The cake is a lie!" before launching into an explanation of how, exactly, the cake is a lie, and she's never even played the game.

GregC said...

I'm not a gamer and don't like gamer comics.
Therefore I will never make a gamer comic. Or make a comic that substitutes any other pop culture references for punchlines.
Therefore I will never make a popular webcomic.
Therefore the best I can hope for is to be mediocre enough to avoid being reviewed here.

I can live with that.

tehkou said...

Hell, they get credit simply for being Portal fans that own a Gaming comic - but not including a single "Cake" joke (or, really, any instance of "Look! This thing that was in Portal is now in my comic!! Laugh!!" that I can recall).

The only Portal comic that Penny Arcade did, as I recall, was the never-ending slide. This is one of the cases where the setup to the punchline is more funny than the punchline, but the humor is whimsical and stems from established characterization and the artwork moreso than "laugh at our reference to the game you like!"

My problem with "What's the deal with...?" stand-up comedians is usually that they're using hoary, tired old jokes based on stereotypes that don't even apply anymore. The idea of getting nothing but a tiny bag of peanuts on a long flight is amusing, in concept, but has probably never been true since the 80s. Or it just proves that the comic is a whiny retard who thinks that New York to Chicago is a long flight.

See also stuff like the "Square-Enix will assimilate you" comic, which is basically a straight-up "What's the deal with...?" joke. Except that none of the assumptions are true, and assuming any truth to it at all just paints the author as a whiny retard who doesn't want silly things like "gameplay" to stand in the way of 30 hours of dull, hackneyed animu plot.

Anonymous said...

jesus solomon you really opened the floodgates to the bile reservoir here, man, good work

even though i kind of glazed over after a while, ill probably come back and actually read everything later, honest

but yeah this shit is painfully generic + anime + GAME REFERENCES!!!

which as we all know equals SOLID GOOOLD!

(dancers)

Paul Varley said...

Anonymous said...

after reading that 1st paragraph I remembered this lin and couldn't get it out of my head


"We scraped along like rats, but now we will soar like eagles… eagles on pogo sticks!"

The Luigiian/Lupe said...

Anonymous 06:02:

I hope you know I was joking. Penny Arcade is good. Like I said, I figured YWIBAYSFB was "well-written" because it was written by a good writer--that would be Holkins. I just said Holkins can't draw--which is why Mike Krahulik does the drawing in PA.

I thought the line of emoticons at the bottom of the post would make the sarcasm obvious.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I played Grim Fandango!
That means i'm in the secret cool gamer club right?

Do we get decoder rings? Can we talk about how awful it is that Pyschonauts didn't sell beyond it's target audience?

Ace ofspade said...

@tenkou

"The only Portal comic that Penny Arcade did, as I recall, was the never-ending slide."

Here's another.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/12/28

Anonymous said...

This review fucking sucked.

Anonymous said...

Christ, all this gamer angst rising to the surface in this comment section.

Anonymous said...

Oh, there are definately bad Penny Arcade strips

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/01/06

Seriously. The entire "joke" here seems to be that "pineapple" and "anus" are funny words.

Of course, Penny Arcade has the sense not to dwell on this kind of thing, which is perhaps the most obvous difference between it and the copycats. It would have been a little horrifying if they had taken this bad joke and tried to make a month-long arc out of it. Usually, it's at least a good comic.

unwinder said...

I don't know dude. That's a pretty passable strip. I didn't laugh at it, but I didn't feel like my intelligence was being insulted, because it was a pretty decently written exchange. It didn't feel like an excuse to say anus is what I'm saying.

Anonymous said...

We get it John, you can write worth shit. Give us what we want, more Lilith and more Ted.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're right. There's no funny anywhere in there. I chuckled a little bit at the Biis, but he ruined even an abortive chuckle. I felt BAD about finding it funny afterwards.

ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE PICTURE

Anonymous said...

Anon 09:17

Funny you should mention idiotic Sparta comics as well as the overuse of "The cake is a lie!" Because Dueling Analogs managed to combine both.

http://www.duelinganalogs.com/comic/2008/02/28/this-is-portal/

I want to know what goes on in someone's head when they try for funny and come up with THAT.

Harpoon said...

How did you not understand that that PA strip was about how pineapple is totally foreign to pizza, and how from a typical pizza point of view, it's at least as strange as getting goat anus on your pizza? I mean, at least there were goats in Europe.

I'll grant that the comic is probably only funny if you don't like pineapple on your pizza, which is definitely a pair of shoes I can fit into, but missing the point by that much? maybe you should be training your sense of humor on family circus.

Squigs said...

ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE PICTURE

Holy sh-
Man the fucking harpoons.


Also, God Mode makes me want to murder gamers. I play video games, but... Ugh.

Christopher said...

What the fuck is this god-damn cake everybody keeps going on about?

Seriously. Enough already. My computer is ancient and I've never played Portal, so to me it's just an obnoxious non sequitur.

Oh, right, the comic. The art's okay; I don't think it's up to professional standards, but since it's a web-comic, I'm okay with that. It's acceptable.

Judging by his blog, Raven knows how to draw, but for some reason chooses not to when he works on God Mode.

Anonymous said...

I've never heard of this comic until today and now I wish I could rewind time so that I could remain ignorant of it.

I just started playing Grim Fandango again, oddly enough.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to agree with anon. More Lilith and Ted please.

Anonymous said...

Shit, this comic really is unfunny, even compared to CAD.

Anonymous said...

Every time I clicked one of your links to a page of God Mode, my browser crashed.
Apparently, my computer hates this comic.
...and from what little I could glimpse between crashe, I agree with it.

Man, I've been whining for years that there need to be more witty adventure games. You get 2 points for mention of Grim Fandango.

Anonymous said...

Every time I clicked one of your links to a page of God Mode, my browser crashed.
Apparently, my computer hates this comic.
...and from what little I could glimpse between crashe, I agree with it.

Man, I've been whining for years that there need to be more witty adventure games. You get 2 points for mention of Grim Fandango.

Anonymous said...

...and hooray for double-posting...yeah...whoo...

Mike said...

"Seriously. The entire "joke" here seems to be that "pineapple" and "anus" are funny words."

I don't think that's the joke at all. I think the joke is more that Character A thinks Thing A is normal, where as Thing A is really quite absurd. Character B points out that Thing A is absurd, and brings up Thing B, something that is normal. Character A then thinks that Thing B is absurd. You could mad lib the both "Pineapple" and "Goat Anus" pretty easily with something like "Sausage" and "Monkey Paws" and the joke remains intact.

As for "God Mode", it's not the worst that's ever been posted here, but it's quite awful. The jokes are absolutely atrocious and, as already pointed out, way too fucking wordy to be funny. John's vitriolic hatred of gamers aside, I don't even know what gamers would find this comic funny at all. This comic relies on the reference to be funny while providing no actual joke for itself.

tehkou said...

You could mad lib the both "Pineapple" and "Goat Anus" pretty easily with something like "Sausage" and "Monkey Paws" and the joke remains intact.

The fact that "Pineapple" and "Goat Anus" are funny words certainly helps, though. It's also setting up for the "Pineapple in my anus" line.

Which is very lowbrow humor, yeah. PA never pretends not to be lowbrow, but the best strips are the ones where that's not the only thing going on. Kind of like South Park.

"Monkey Paws" sounds like the censored-for-TV version of this strip.

Ace ofspade said...

On the subject of VGcats, I'm glad to see Scoot is trying non-animu faces.

Malethoth K. said...

On the subject of VGcats, I'm glad to see Scoot is trying non-animu faces.

uh
what
today's comic strip is distilled animu

Jesse said...

On the subject of VGcats, I'm glad to see Scoot is trying non-animu faces.

oh ho hooo

Close one there. You almost got me! Good try there, Scott.

Anonymous said...

Mike: Actually I know people who think God Mode is actually funny; one of them happens to be a friend of mine. And he says I have no taste because I don't like random humor.

Anonymous said...

No taste because you don't like random humor?
I can see into your friend's mind, and I can tell he likes family guy and invader Zim.

Malethoth K. said...

Man I really like Invader Zim it's not all random humor
It's just that there are a bunch of stupid assholes who are all like "I WAS IN THE TURKEY ALL ALONG!" and "DANCE WITH ME INTO OBLIVION" because the only character who speaks on their level is GIR.

davidson said...

To be honest, I do think the latest VG Cats is an improvement. I don't know about 'non-animu', but it's something in the right direction.

petur said...

you wanna see bad? this is pretty bad

http://www.drunkduck.com/Graphical_Deviants/index.php

guy even gets paid for this work too, by various papers. also has another comic, but its dormant right now.

http://justweird.comicgenesis.com/
oh yea, and a shitty da account

http://carsis.deviantart.com

MY EYES ARE BLEEDING

Anonymous said...

He's right. Anyone who would identify themselves as a gamer is dumb as hell. Video games are a hobby. What would you think of someone who considered themselves a "reader" or a "D&Der"? Shut-ins without lives, and it's no different from "gamers".'

Yeah. When someone tells me "I'm a reader!" I immediately level them with a look of distaste reserved only for virgins and intellectuals.

Jesus fucking Christ, who looks down on someone for reading?!

Anonymous said...

Can all the butthurt gamers please stop pandering to John for approval? "Oh, but Mr. Soloman, I'm not that kind of gamer!"

It's really pathetic. If you like video games, so the fuck what? Don't apologize for it, it doesn't change the fact that you play games, which isn't exactly a big fucking deal for as long as you continue your cognotive development instead of trying to supplement it with Halo 3 and a case of red bull.

Simon said...

And he says I have no taste because I don't like random humor.

Thank heavens I'm not the only one. I still get people who bug me, more than a year after I complained, because I don't like White Ninja or the Arfenhouse cartoons.

Anonymous said...

Close one there. You almost got me! Good try there, Scott.

*Scoot.

:|

kingofsnake said...

don't misinterpret me into trying to defend this trite crap, but at least part of the problem here is that the four-panel joke is broken. It's few and far between that it's done right. Everything is too telegraphed, not just on this comic but on just about any four panel comic. Theres a set-em up, knock-em down writing element that rarely works.

That being said. I think the thing that's most frustrating about this is that it occasionally shows a glimmer of promise before the author shits all over his own jokes. Its like I read panel 1 and think "this could be funny, someone could find humor in this" but then they dont.

Anonymous said...

*Scoot.

Scoot Roomsooair.

Anonymous said...

Simon: I'm glad I'm not alone on this either. The only random humor I like is Robot Chicken at least that has some substance beyond screaming "cheese monkey".

Michael said...

I'm not proud of it, but I once read several pages of God Mode in one of those big damn anthologies Keenspot or Keenspace or whoever the fuck puts out on Free Comic Book Day. (I don't recommend doing this, by the way. Ever. Get the DC reprint of whatever last year's shitty event comic was instead, if that's what it takes.)

Reading it, I was immediately struck by how bad a gaming webcomic it was, even by the standards of gaming webcomics. If you put PVP and Penny Arcade on the same level as Peanuts or The Far Side, and adjust the scale accordingly, God Mode is *still* a hideous piece of shit.

960018 said...

Unfortunately, I didn't read all the comments before doing my own, but I read at least half, and I must agree with all the relevant ones.

First, I would like to say your blog is pretty interesting.

But I think you are mixing some things.
I don't think "gamers" are stupid, but the wannabe-Japanese animu-loving fangirls (or boys) who pose as gamers are.
It's normal, people think they are gamers because regular ones generally don't make "public apparitions".
People who like Square Enix more than anything and claim Wii is a videogame.

I must say I am a gamer myself, in a "good way". I play since I was four years old and always loved playing.
And I am not as stupid as you said gamers are.
I hate those who claim to be a gamer but just play Final Fantasy and Guitar Hero.
I think Grim Fandango is the best PC game ever. I remember playing it when it was new.
And I must say the Brazilian voice acting is even better.

I've been reading some webcomics. I never saw a "gamer web comic" which was really about games howsoever.
And they are just awful.

So, those who stay home playing video games alone and really like it aren't all stupid.
But those who go telling everyone "lol, Imma gamer" but actually don't know anything about games, are, I think, the ones you put as bad as furries.

(sorry my English, I am not pretty good at it.)

Nimitz said...

Now that you've said that, I have a masochistic desire to read it. You don't happen to remember a name or link for that, do you?

Go to www.smackjeeves.com and hit Most Popular Comics. Its yaoi all the way down.
Enjoy yourself oh god i had a desire to put a :3 after that kill me now

Anonymous said...

960018, no offense, but in addition to English, you might want to brush up on how "humor" and "stereotypes" and the play between the two work.

Anonymous said...

Actually, upon further reading of your comment and realizing some of the border-line fanboyish shit you're saying, like "People who like Square Enix more than anything and claim Wii is a videogame" are "the ones you put as bad as furries," then you're very likely falling into the kind of stereotype in question here.

Anonymous said...

And I must say the Brazilian voice acting is even better.
There's a Brazilian translation for Grim Fandango?
Why was I never informed about that? I remember being seven and struggling through the game because I could barely understand it (plus, adventure games shit/awesome logic).
Now I have to look for it.
But dubs are usually atrocious, I'm really not gonna believe you until I hear the voices.

avisfortuna said...

I hate those who claim to be a gamer but just play Final Fantasy and Guitar Hero.

Brainless FPS fanboy found.

IMO, all "gaming" comics are superfluous as long as Penny Arcade is around: no matter what you do, PA has done it, and they have done it better.

Unless your goal is to suck the hardest. In which case, CAD does it better.

Franz Schubert said...

Go to www.smackjeeves.com and hit Most Popular Comics.

I only looked at the most recent page for each of those comics, and I already need to bleach my eyes and brain.

The rest of you, you don't have to read any farther than this page to find out what kind of comic, artist, and reader is the most common on SmackJeeves. Go beyond that page at your own risk.

tehkou said...

The rest of you, you don't have to read any farther than this page to find out what kind of comic, artist, and reader is the most common on SmackJeeves. Go beyond that page at your own risk.

I hate this more than anything I have ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Fucking elitists, stop pining over Grim sodding Fandango. It was great, sure, I loved it like I loved Feeble Files, GET OVER THEM.

In case there's anyone who isn't pissed off by that:
Sue me, it's funny



Anyway, nice review, finally back on form.

Anonymous said...

Also, I know I said requesting was pointless here, but please slaughter the new style of Fanboys (cant be arsed to link), its... shit :(

Anonymous said...

In case there's anyone who isn't pissed off by that:
Sue me, it's funny


That strip actually succeeded in making me laugh a little, which is nice, since I haven't laughed at a VGCats strip in ages.

Anonymous said...

"I hate those who claim to be a gamer but just play Final Fantasy and Guitar Hero."

Why? Those are games. If I played The Sims 2 and called myself a gamer, would that REALLY piss you off?

Malethoth K. said...

Why are you laughing at the new VGCats? It's the same shit as before. Jesus.

Franz Schubert said...

I hate this more than anything I have ever seen.

Me too. Whenever I get off my butt and finish my round of bashing everything popular on DrunkDuck, I think SJ will be my next target range.

Patrick said...

The only thing that strikes me about the latest VGCats comic as "new" is that it looks like he's stolen a couple of facial expressions from KC Green.

Anonymous said...

Patrick said...

"The only thing that strikes me about the latest VGCats comic as "new" is that it looks like he's stolen a couple of facial expressions from KC Green."


Oh ZING, you are too WITTY sir!

davidson said...

I'm, uh. What? Where was he trying to be witty?

Look, your comment makes no sense. Don't do that shit.

Anyway, Patrick, you're probably right in that he's just been 'inspired' by KC Green but I think trying to move his art somewhere else rather than just wallowing in his own shit is surely at least a small step up.

Anonymous said...

Uhm, the latest VGCats-strip... What's new about it? I've tried looking at it several times now, and haven't noticed anything.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Agreed with Anonymous 17:38. That new VGCats is the same shit he's been churning out for years. Same exact Poke-shit, same exact looks on faces, except now he's taken out the googly eyes. Somehow his characters still look like shit. In fact, I'd say they look worse than usual. Linework is terrible. And, with all that said, I missed the point that Ash became Mexican. What's with his dark skin and half-finished eyes? Does Ransoomair think that leaving out the whites makes it look any better? It's just unfinished-looking, and because it's a VGCats it still has the same bland, boring joke. "HURRRR TEAM ROCKET STALKERS HURRRR HURRRR."

Who the hell still plays Pokemon anyway? God, closet furry TO THE MAX.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Sorry guys, I was wrong.

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=258

Scott Ransoomair has officially been upgraded to "furry in denial". Unless, naturally, somebody can explain to me why he talks about yiffing in this comic strip, and what the Hell it has to do with Playstation wi-fi. Then he'll be downgraded again.

NOTE: Please also explain anthropomorphic potatoes and peas.

P.S. Also penis hats.

Evan Waters said...

I think the yiffing is in relation to the Second Life reference, since I guess a lot of furries use SL.

It's not FUNNY, but I get the reference.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

I think the yiffing is in relation to the Second Life reference, since I guess a lot of furries use SL.

Yeah, I get that. What does it have to do with Playstation wi-fi? Is he saying Playstation wi-fi uses Second Life as a base? I thought we were talking about PS3 vs. Xbox360 vs. Wii boards, not about Second Life.

I know he's probably trying to get at "PS3 wi-fi is like playing Second Life" or some such bullshit, but the underlying message I'm getting here is that he's subtly throwing in little hints that he's a furry, screaming out, "Please somebody out me! Please somebody tell me I'm a furry so I can just get straight to the crybaby bitching and sex in animal suits! I'm too nervous to say it myself, but HELP ME PLEASE admit my furfaggotry to the whole wide world! I'll even give you Aeris porn!"

Then again, that's my feeling when I read his entire comic, so maybe it isn't just this isolated strip, but more like just the general vibe. Hell, I've read some really amazingly decent furry comics (for example, Ozzy and Millie, and I even like some of their weirder stuff like The Suburban Jungle), but I can't stand VGCats. I could even bear reading through pervy stuff like Better Days, and I absolutely could not stomach VGCats.

That should tell you something right there.

(To clarify, no I don't want incest. Also not saying anything about furries there.

Get it? I'm saying VGCATS IS WORSE THAN LOW-GRADE FURRY PORN.)

Anonymous said...

3/10 Lupe. If there's one thing that ruins a good troll attempt it's the stench of trying too hard.

Anonymous said...

"I hate those who claim to be a gamer but just play Final Fantasy and Guitar Hero.

Brainless FPS fanboy found."

Man, that's famialiar: Once, I was complaining how the new Sonic the Hedgehog game had long loading times, and some nitwit responds saying "WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO PLAYING KILLZONE??"

What the hell? I really hope you're just trolling or whatever.
As for the Brazilian (I'm assuming), I can see what he's complaining about, but I think he should realize that there is no "guideline" on what makes a gamer a gamer. I once read that you like games and consider yourself a gamer, you're a gamer. Hell, the idea of what the title implies is entirely up to opinion. Just because they don't grind on WOW 10 hours a day or revel in the obscure point-and-click puzzles of last decade... damn, I'm rambling.

Also, I thought we already established everything about VGCats?

Steve said...

I'm pretty sure the new VGcats is only funny if you understand Pokemon.

I know jack shit about Pokemon so my face has not broken into a smile. In fact I know jack shit about games pre 1995 and even less about those that weren't on the Amiga.

In other words I am kinda out of date with games and I like it that way.

Malethoth K. said...

I'm pretty sure the new VGcats is only funny if you understand Pokemon.

No, it's still not funny even if you're familiar with the show.

John said...

One thing about skipping cutscenes is that a lot of modern games, especially Japanese ones, have incredibly long cutscenes that have almost no substance at all (the xenogears/saga games, most recently the butt ass boring eternally long intro to that Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles DS game). It's hard not to mash the skip button in vain when you're skipping through reams of dialog about someone eating dinner and the specific textures of various foods and other shit. It's like if you could jam an A button to skip the orgasm cake scene in matrix 2 or trinity's boring death in matrix 3, etc.

Anonymous said...

Scott Ransoomair has officially been upgraded to "furry in denial". Unless, naturally, somebody can explain to me why he talks about yiffing in this comic strip, and what the Hell it has to do with Playstation wi-fi.

Sony is making up an online service (called Home) thats basically a lot like Second Life. Second Life is notorious for having furries. Furries are notorious for yiffing. Definitely a stretch for the joke.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Anonymous: I tried too hard this time. Sorry, Anonymous, I'll try harder to not try so hard next time.

That said, VGCats still sucks.

Anonymous said...

Gaming comics are the low-hanging fruit of the intershits, and that's really fucking low.

You should light "Least I Could Do" on fire and watch it run around in circles.

Anonymous said...

Looks like that Hookie Dookie Panic idiot took Soloman's criticism and used it to earn some t-shirt money.

http://sharkrobot.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=91

Anonymous said...

I don't know if anyone else has said this, but I don't understand those who compare the original artist unfavorably to Raven.

Frankly, I think they both kind of suck.

Anonymous said...

you take forever to say nothing.

Anonymous said...

I, however, laughed at the seoncd life reference. And there's the Zuchini's face! Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Is it possible to set up different RSS feeds for the different authors? I mean it's always a let down to see the site updated and it was just a Solomon article. Would be nice to just catch the Lilith and Ted ones.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

It's always a let down to see the site updated and it was just a Solomon article.

Really? Wow.

Ace ofspade said...

@Anonymous 02:06

Can you imagine, not only buying this shirt, but actually wearing it in public and having to explain it to people?

"So, like, there's this one dude who makes a comic, and this other dude who makes fun of comics, and the dude who makes the comic is making fun of the guy who makes fun of comics."

"Oh. I guess I'll be taking my vagina elsewhere."

Anonymous said...

When's John going to review a comic that's not actually bad, like Checkerboard Nightmare or Wondermark? I'm tired of agreeing with him.

Anonymous said...

Jesus christ I hate most gaming comics. The only good one I've seen is Penny Arcade and maybe Fanboys, but Fanboys seems to have gotten past it's peak and has started sucking again.

Also the worst comic in this shitheap archive is the one where they say that Duke Nukem is Master Chief.

"HAHA GET IT BECAUSE DUKE NUKEM FOREVER ISN'T OUT YET GET IT IT'S SO FUCKING HEE-LARIOUS. WE COMBINED A DUKE NUKEM JOKE WITH A HALO JOKE. OH MAN I AM THE MASTER OF ALL COMEDY."

Ugh... at least this still isn't as bad as some other comics. Granted it's probably the worst gaming comic ever, but it's defiantly better then most sprite comics.

Anonymous said...

Really? Wow.

John's writing style bores the hell out of me. I've only read like 2 of his articles completely and both I felt like I wasted my time. Lilith and Teds are consistently far more humorous and hold my attention.

not anonymous said...

The comments on this post are not nearly as entertaining as the ones in response to the Dominic Deagan bashing.

Everyone's just agreeing with everyone else. Like shouting out into a room "You all suck ass!!!!!" and having them respond, "Oh, so that's what that taste is..."

I guess people just don't get that invested in crappy gaming comics.

Try Megatokyo. Nothing like an emo blond guy with a female alter ego, a rabid gamer sidekick, a handful of japanese chicks, and nary a plot in sight to really bring out the fanboys.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Try Megatokyo. Nothing like an emo blond guy with a female alter ego, a rabid gamer sidekick, a handful of japanese chicks, and nary a plot in sight to really bring out the fanboys.

God, I hope you didn't just push back Megatokyo's review. Dammit, Solomon will review what he wants when he wants, if he does it too soon it won't come out right. He must wait until the time is right, until there is some event so retarded, so incredibly lulzy, that the creation of his post will destroy Megatokyo and render Gallagher--the Antichrist of webcomics--completely destroyed.

You think that time shall never occur? I have faith. I believe in the Lord, and I believe that He will smite that comic. And I believe Solomon is the messenger.

not anonymous said...

God, I hope you didn't just push back Megatokyo's review.

Yes, because the guy who rips on crappy things and doesn't give a shit what people think about it will really take offense at some random person he doesn't give a flying rat's ass about making a comment about what he should review.

Dammit, Solomon will review what he wants when he wants, if he does it too soon it won't come out right.

If it's retarded it's retarded. Waiting for tomorrow's inevitable crap will not make the massive backlog of dumb comics any easier to make fun of.


He must wait until the time is right, until there is some event so retarded, so incredibly lulzy, that the creation of his post will destroy Megatokyo and render Gallagher--the Antichrist of webcomics--completely destroyed.


Yes, yes.... the time must be right, and then - BAM!! He shall smite Fred with all his witty sarcasm and words of curse! Leave him weeping and wrapped in his "Girl in Snow" fleece blanket, shouting "I'm 1337! I'm 1337!" while his entire MT franchise dissolves around him.

... Stop sucking up, schmuck.

Anonymous said...

I hear that every time Solomon tries to read Mega Tokyo to review it he begins to cry uncontrollably and Fred Gallagher feeds on Solomon's tears and he grows stronger as he acquires Solomon's soul bit by bit. Don't try to get Solomon to write about Mega Tokyo as it will leave him a hollow husk of a man quivering trapped in a hell of his own design.

Lilith can review it though. Lilith is strong enough to resist the darkness. You should ask her to review it.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Lilith can review it though. Lilith is strong enough to resist the darkness. You should ask her to review it.

YES

DESTROY GALLAGHER'S EVIL LILITH, HE MUST BE MADE

TO PAYYYYY

Anonymous said...

John, could you make another review of Dominic Deegan? Seriously, a much harsher one. The guy just doesnt seem to learn.
Just look at the March 30 update:
http://www.dominic-deegan.com/

Anonymous said...

wops, messed up.
[url=http://www.dominic-deegan.com/]suckage[/url]

Anonymous said...

Oh, for God's sakes.

HTML tag help found here.

Anonymous said...

Hey, apparently, Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation is a fan of this blog, and has been since around the beginning.

(It's down a little way's.)

Anonymous said...

Oops, my html is broken.

Link- http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/archive/20070814-1220.htm

Anonymous said...

God dammit.

Third time's the charm.

http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/archive/20070814-1220.htm

Anonymous said...

Oh wait, that second one worked.

I admit my own failure.

Anonymous said...

Meh, this alleged review is really reaching, and forgot to wear Speed Stick.

OH WELL, I GUESS WHEN YOU BLOW YOUR LOAD ON B^UCKLEY, IT'S HARD TO GET ATTENTION AGAIN, HURR HURR.

I can't wait for the review of Ghastly! Oh, wait, how about A Thin H Line! Or better still, Chugworth lol!

Those comics are soooooo old and weeaboo, lol!

Anonymous said...

John, could you make another review of Dominic Deegan? Seriously, a much harsher one. The guy just doesnt seem to learn.

He really doesn't, does he? We all remember the "orc rape saves little girls" storyline, right? Well, now Mookie's self-insert is saving another girl, using mind rape as therapy!

http://www.dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2008-03-28

Seriously, Mookie: what the fuck. And, of course, it's one of those nasty, villainous "wimmins" that he just doesn't get. You know, the ones who are only being hostile because they're subconsciously crying out for a big, strong man to save them from their own dastardly selves!

If you're feeling masochistic, the whole little mind rape saga begins here:-

http://www.dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2008-03-03

The very next page after that one also includes one of Mookie's famous word "puns". One so bad that it could silence screaming infants. You've been warned.

Anonymous said...

Damn you, now Ive been tempted to read Dominic Deegan again. This cant be healty for me.

Kurtz said...

Malethoth K. go find your own hobby. I keep seeing you post here over and over again. I know you have no friends, but repeatly posting on someone's blog does not constitute a friendship.

I see you also started your own blog bashing webcomics, too. Was that to impress these guys? How cute.

They're still not your friends!

Malethoth K. said...

THEY ARE SO MY FRIENDS
THEY JUST DONT KNOW IT YET
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME

Anonymous said...

They're still not your friends!

Rubbish! I'll be his friend. Malethoth's a cutie-pie. He should totally camwhore some time. SRSLY.

Lupe/The Luigiian said...

Scott Kurtz, get a new hobby. Your webcomic sucks and your webcomic advice sucks worse.

limaCAT said...

Whoops! John 'Lesnick' Solomon beaten to a review of megatokyo. (Of course I'm trolling).

Anonymous said...

Oh My God! Piro is leaving megatokyo!
Good job soloman!

Franz Schubert said...

Heh. Someone (I think it was me) linked to this sometime earlier, but I've gotta admit the AFTER review is funnier.

ASECRETFAGGOT said...

>>Hey, apparently, Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation is a fan of this blog, and has been since around the beginning.<<

OH MAH GAWD! YAHTZEE IS SOLOMON CUZ THEY"RE BOTH NOT AMERICAN!

Anonymous said...

Does this blog even piss people off anymore? I mean, who have something to do with the webcomics?

Anonymous said...

Jesus wept, Kurtz, you fat ass, shut the fuck up. Nobody likes you, and your shitty strip is the "Garfield" of webcomics. Get back to cracking stupid fart jokes and insulting your readers when you can't figure out how to end a story arc.

Anonymous said...

And, of course, it's one of those nasty, villainous "wimmins" that he just doesn't get. You know, the ones who are only being hostile because they're subconsciously crying out for a big, strong man to save them from their own dastardly selves!

Oh! Oh! Holy shit! What did I just say?

http://www.dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2008-03-31

"The truth is...I've never been strong."

Class act, Mookie. Class act.

Anonymous said...

I bet you any money that Mookie will have Dominic heal this broken women where she will eventually fall in love with him just like that one gay friend of Dominic's only to admire him from afar or turn evil again and try to steal him. Shit, this comic is getting more and more mastabatory with every storyline.

Anonymous said...

I just want to say, that I agree that this comic is REALLY bad.

But is EVERY gamer at fault for this? No, and I think that you pointed out Grim Fandango proves this.

I know a TON of gamers who remember and loved the old LucasArts adventure games, and would love to see their return because they were smart, witty, and required actual brain power to play.

But at the same time, we haven't stopped playing video games just because those stopped being made, we found other games that are fun, clever, and well-made. They might not be as humorous or clever, but they're still good.

Let me put it this way, I agree with your statement that MOST or MANY gamers are stupid. But not all.

And it's not OUR fault this guy exists, personally I agree with your review completely. It's a really bad webcomic, and he should feel bad for making it, but it's not as if all gamers agree that webcomics about games should exist, and we definitely don't have conventions to decide, as a group, what gaming webcomics should be allowed to exist.

I'm just saying, you're ruining your argument by blaming ALL gamers for the existence of this webcomic. Otherwise, I agree with you.

John Solomon said...

Sorry I got to the point where you insinuated that you were a gamer and then I realised you're stupid.

Because you're a gamer.

lightsabermario said...

Hey John Solomon, I am loving this. And I have a great one to consider for your next critique. It's called Tales of MU. It's not a web-comic, but rather a web-novel(?), but man, both the story and the author are really sick in the head. One of those transgender stories, written by an actual transgendered person. The main character has practically every fetish on the planet. And the author's just as rage-inducible as the Dominic Deegan fans. It is a story deserving of some good old John Solomon bashing action.

Malethoth K. said...

Lo and behold, Dominic's super meddling genius has converted her into a wholesome clean woman. D'awwwwwww :X

Anonymous said...

Just because I am stupid, doesn't mean it is not a valid argument Or maybe it does? Or maybe I am not stupid? Or, is it even possible that I am not a gamer? Maybe, in a clever ruse to test what you would say, I implied, however slightly, that I could possibly be a gamer. Or maybe I a gamer of the past, herald of games like Monkey Island, Loom, and Grim Fandango?

I guess I was just wondering why it is you go to such an extent to blame gamers for this comics existence?

I am just saying, is it the fault of every person able to vote that *insert president here* got voted into office?

In an extreme example, and to support Godwin's Law, is it the fault of the entire nation of Germany that Hitler came into power?

I know that's an extreme, but I'm just saying that if you take this argument to any higher level, it seems silly.

I am, honestly, not interested in arguing with you. I am more interested in why you specifically mention a great game like Grim Fandango and even make an argument claiming that you know that "any video game that's remotely clever or interesting regularly fails to sell well", unless you have some sort of understanding of this area; that you go on to say that all gamers, even those individuals who ONLY buy the creative games whose disappearance you lament, are all stupid, no matter what.

I am just curious why you, and for that matter, a majority of the internet, obsessively deal in extremes.

I have just never understood it.


P.S. What do you say about the oft-praised Katamari Damacy? Does that not fall into your category of "remotely clever"?

Freeze` said...

If you honestly doubt that gamers are to blame for shitty gaming webcomics you've got more empty space between your ears than the goatse dude has inside his asshole. Let's be serious, who the fuck would make a gaming comic if they weren't a gamer?

thetaix said...

The gamers here incessantly complaining about being generalized are almost as entertaining as the review, two hats off Solomon

Malethoth K. said...

And so, the sorceress was magickally healed and is now in LUUURV with Dominic because he is SO RAD.

Anonymous said...

could you at least make an index page with just the link to the archives so PowerUp Comics doesn't RULE drunkduck's top 10 list? I was so happy that it wasn't on top any more... you're so feeding the monster with this

Anonymous said...

Today's Dominic Deegan made me send a hate email to Terracianno.

Fucking pointy noses, mouths in the cheek, comic books in fucking medieval settings, women finding nerdiness sexy...

I Fucking hate you Terracianno.

Kanata said...

God Mode makes me disappointed in myself as a gamer.
At least I only play things like Mass Effect, Kotor, Halo 3, Fable and Portal, right? That means I'm not to blame for this steaming pile of human waste , right?
Yes.
Yes I am.

Every gamer should be ashamed of God Mode. It's our fault, in the way every German was kind of at fault for the Third Reich, even if they didn't machine gun innocents into a trench.

Anonymous said...

This blog has comment issues.

Maxine said...

Well, at least the art is decent.

...well, it's fucking sad that I can say that. Thanks for the quality, webcomic "artists"!

Hah, and look at the comments - people scrabbling for 'net cred, crying out, "Yes, I remember Grim Fandango!" Well I don't. I never played it. Played a LucasArt game once though - Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. It was pretty awesome. ...aw crap, I'm one of them. Oh well.

The quality on these reviews seem to be going downhill somewhat, though - ambling down the path to self-parody. Might be my imagination though.

One nitpick - of all the video games from Japan ever, Metal Gear Solid? Seriously? Were you just trying to purposely avoid invoking Final Fantasy lest you incur the wrath of the fanblobs, and that was the only thing you could think of? Sure, it's got giant robots, but little else that sceams "ONEGAI KAWAII DESU, I'm from Jay-pan!". Really, it should be commended.

Anyway, can't wait to read the take on Ctrl-Alt-Del's current storyline... wait, was this the site that follows that comic? No wait, that's Me and You and Mary-Sue. Man, I can't keep these crappy webcomic blogs staight anymore. (That is to say, blogs about crappy webcomics, not crappy blogs about...)

Anonymous said...

According to Raven's blog, as of 6-9-08, Godmode is officially dead!

Hurrah!

Anonymous said...

MY GOD A MAN ON THE INTERNET THINKS I AM STUPID! OH GOD I AM SO HURT BY THIS! PLEASE OH MIGHTY JOHN SOLOMON DO NOT HURT MY FEELINGS! PLEASE!!

That's what I would have said if I were vain enough to be worrying about the opinions of some random guy on the internet.

N.C. said...

Please tell me where I can send my cheque to the "How to be a self-righteous cunt school"?

No seriously. I want to be slack and just tear the shit out of other people's work too. :D

Anonymous said...

"Please tell me where I can send my cheque to the "How to be a self-righteous cunt school"?

No seriously. I want to be slack and just tear the shit out of other people's work too. :D"

GOD MODE FANBOY SPOTTED

Truly John Solomon is a self-righteous cunt for calling something that really is a piece of shit a "piece of shit." HOW DARE HE NOT KISS RAVEN'S ASS AND SUCK HIS BALLS AND CALL HIM THE GREATEST "ARTIST" EVAR!!!111!!11

Anonymous said...

Shit, it looks like that comic's back again. Different person, but still shitty. Artwork looks to be even worse than before.

Someone please just put that goddamn thing out of its misery...

You're calling everybody stupid said...

Oi! Video game based web comic reviewer man! Stop calling me stupid for playing video games and I'll stop calling you a 39 year old unemployed lard ass who lives with his parents because he uses the internet.

Web comics suck. This one in particular. But video games aren't responsible for this comic's ability to kick your soul's crotch. The "artist" is. I don't think there's anything you can blame for the horrors released upon this world but this guy, so stop jumping people for playing video games other than Grim Fandango (just because an old game was well written and fun doesn't mean video games peaked in about 5 years).

Hell, at least extend your self-righteous fury. Are people who watch movies stupid because clever independent films lack main stream acceptance? Are people who listen to music stupid because of a top ten list? Are people stupid because there are stupid people amongst them? Use logic, man!

Anonymous said...

John Solomon is Charlie Brooker.

William said...

People who play video games as a hobby are gamers. Who decided this? I have no fucking idea. It's to be expected, though, given that it's a relatively new art form. I bet way back in the day, being a scribe was pretty hip(they were probably elitist as hell too, oh wait).

William said...

Oh, and Mr. "You're Calling Everybody Stupid"? He's not saying you're stupid because you're playing video games.

Look everyone, I'm replying to a comment from July! GUYS LOOK