Monday, June 25, 2007

The Purpose of this Blog

Do you know what a webcomic is? It is when someone takes pictures and puts them on the internet for everyone to see. Sometimes these are pictures of two guys and a couch and all they do is talk about videogames. Sometimes these pictures are of prancing, mincing elves and their wonderful homoerotic fairyland. There are a lot of things these pictures can be, since the whole world seems to think that possessing opposable digits and the mental capacity to operate those digits is all that is needed to become a comic creator on par with Stan Lee or Jack Kirby or someone you may have actually heard of.

A lot of the time, these webcomics attract fans. Some attract more fans than others, either through being very good, or through exploiting a niche, or for reasons that God himself could not begin to fathom even if he spent all eternity working on it. It is these mystery webcomics, for the most part, that this blog is about. This blog is about the terrible webcomics, the horrendous webcomics, the webcomics that manage to attract readers even though they really shouldn't.

None of these webcomics are ever really subjected to much in the way of open criticism. Most of their creators are surrounded, whether they know it or not, by sycophants. Circlejerking little plebians who feel it is their solemn duty to fellate the creator for every single thing, regardless of quality or anything.

This is a wholly objective blog where I take it upon myself to discuss, at length, these webcomics and the multitude of reasons why they are excruciatingly terrible and are worse than Hitler. Good day to you all, readers, and read on.


Megazver said...
Circlejerking little plebians who feel it is their solem duty to
John Solomon said...
I need a new keyboard, yes. This one is beat from years of overuse.
Andrew said...
I've glanced over your reviews and I just can't help but ask...why? I mean, why do you post bad reviews in such an offensive way? It's not new, most of the idiots out there on the net try to be offensive as possible and posting like them doesn't really earn you much credibility. While glancing through I usually just started reading the beginning and it's okay for about the first sentence and then you just decent into a rant, so I skip ahead...rant rant rant...praise for a comic you like...rant some more.

I understand you have the right to hate something and voice about it but I really hope you're not looking for people to take you seriously because your posts just make you sound like some angry teenager with an A in English.

Where's the constructive criticism? Where's the good points? Again, these aren't reviews, they're just stupid little rants by someone who doesn't matter.

John Solomon said...
I've not yet put up a review of a comic I like - that would defeat the purpose of the blog being called "badwebcomics".

It's like this: for every review site where people are angry and yell about webcomics, there are about fifty other jerkoffs who spend their whole lives being cretinous little toadies and heaping undue praise upon their favourite webcomics. Usually really bad ones.

There is constructive criticism, where I want it. Comics like Single Asian Female don't deserve it, but I've explained the reasons why most of these comics suck. What do you want me to do besides point out the exact flaws? I am not going to be their fucking mother, you know. I am not here to hold their hand. None of them are going to pay the slightest fucking attention to anything I say anyway.

These webcomics are terrible. By posting about them, I am warning people about how terrible they are. I am pointing out the specifics of their terribleness. I am not doing this for the creators of these webcomics, who are a bunch of ungrateful, self-absorbed cocks anyway.

Where's the good points, you ask? None of the webcomics I've posted have good points, beyond Shortpacked, in which I pointed them out, so I guess you either had this rant all ready to go and you're posting it nonetheless or you haven't read anything besides this post.

This is a blog where I can cuss out shitty webcomics and laugh as their fans scramble to defend them, nothing more. You can say I am someone who doesn't matter, and I'd agree with you. I'm a pseudonym. A fake name. I am "John Solomon", who until yesterday did not exist. What I do here isn't to appease you, because I say you are a fucking dickless prick.

Isn't the Internet a wonderful thing?
Andrew said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Andrew said...
Of course I haven't read it, I said I skipped over it. I've read all of it now because as radically offensive as you are it's quite interesting stuff, and I needed to get my facts straight.

You make a lot of solid points in your defence but I will say that this blog will not 'warn' anyone, it will only piss people off and give you something to laugh at.

Luckily that's one of the reasons you created it.

Oh, and don't give me that 'I don't care if I'm nobody' shit, if you didn't care this page wouldn't exist.
Malky said...
"You make a lot of solid points in your defence but I will say that this blog will not 'warn' anyone, it will only piss people off and give you something to laugh at."

'Cuz it'd suck if he wrote something kinda funny about something truly unfunny.
Andrew said...
Malky, please hump John's leg in silence, the adults are trying to have a debate here.
John Solomon said...
Hey andy, it's pretty ironic that you can't get the taste of Terracciano's dick out of your mouth, but have some kind of problem with people taking my side.

Wait, not, that's not irony, that's you being a bit sad.
Anonymous said...
"I've had people shaking their fists at me from the safety of anonymous comments, calling me out on being a petty and jealous kind of guy who is obviously super-jealous of their beloved lord and master."

Actually since you post your reviews under a fake name, I don't see much difference between you and the anonymous commentators you're talking about.

When you post under your real name maybe you'll earn the respect of people enough to reply to you with theirs.
John Solomon said...
Why would I want to earn the respect of stupid faggots like you?
Falconer said...
Plus, what would stop people from still getting on Solomon's case after he went under his real name? People who have been offering sage words like "I don't agree with you about this webcomic, so you're a screwpile and your opinion is meaningless." would almost definitely continue to offer such advice.

Similarly, there will ALWAYS be something that stands in the way of 'respect'. If you post anonymously, that's not as 'respectable' as posting under a screen name. Posting under a screen name is not as 'respectable' as posting under your real name. Posting under your real name is not as 'respectable' as doing so under your real name and being an expert (which is a crock of shit, but there are nonetheless people out there who are convinced that you cannot discuss a subject unless you live, breathe and sleep whilst constantly enriching your knowledge of said subject).

Even THEN, there will be room for improvement; if you've only been drawing/making webcomics for a year, your opinion is worthless because Murray Sue McShittystorylines has been making them for five years. His opinion means dick if he dares criticize someone who has been making comics for eight years, and so on.

If you're willing to nitpick long enough, you will eventually find a 'good' reason to dismiss someone's opinion, regardless of how much credibility they have.
DeathJake34 said...
Well, I am actually someone who's read both Domonic Deegan and Shortpacked! but wait, before you hit that delete button hear me out.

I consider myself fairly objective, though by no means absolutely objective, we all have out biases (and on the likely chance I misspell something, yes, I know, my spelling sucks).

Anyway, I see some of your points you made about both comics, I never though of it some of the ways you did. But that doesn't mean that your abrasive way of saying things and totally negative stance are going to get the point across to all, I'm just willing to give an idea a chance.

I also disagree as much as I agree, for instance the art in most comics, be them web or newspaper , are pretty dang horrendous. It's how it is, to say someone make a bad comic based on that would generally invalidate 90% of the comics I read in the Sunday paper. Not to mention that, when applied to the art world as a whole, invalidate 90% or more of what is considered artistic masterpeices. Maybe that is your point, maybe you do believe that bad art is bad art, even those considered masterpeices.

But that's me getting sidetracked now, if you want to make a better point try making yourself sound a little more objective, I don't mean say good things I mean say the bad things better. And explain where your coming from and provide argument and comparison to something other than generally accepted abysmal works (cheap anime for instance, why not something like The Far Side,or Frank and Ernest).

Anyway, that's my constructive criticism for you. And no, I'm not one of those circlejerkers.
Anonymous said...
"This is a wholly objective blog"

Ha ha. I see what you did there!
Anonymous said...
So what comic do you make?

Or are you really John Kricfalusi, hater of web comics?

These aren't supposed to be the high forms of art. Hell, they're just supposed to be amusing little side-tracks to ones day or week. They start out mostly as gag comics, they build a base from that, and most either keep up the gags ala White Ninja, or they move on to storylines and plots, such as Shortpacked and CAD. I know, I know, you're just going to come out and call me a fellatio-preforming circlejerking fan, and that's fine.

The point is, you're just coming off as a pedantic jerk who's probably busy blowing the balls off your own favorite creators (or whatever)

Although at the very least can you drop us a line or two of the comics you like? I mean I'd at least like to get a good handle on someone who's hypercritical of everything.
JCohn said...
While I don't agree about Shortpacked, I did glance over some of the other comics listed and for the most part they are truly awful niche comics.I suppose my only real problem with this blog is that it devotes way to much energy and attention to comics that don't deserve it, and might actually boost their popularity.
Anonymous said...
I've installed the INTERWEBZLOL extenstion for Firefox, and this is what this post looks like in my browser:

"Hello, my name is Troller Trolling Troll McTrollerson, and this is my trolling blog where I troll people who read online comics."
ted said...
ive disabled my 'faggotry filter' firefox extension which finally allowed me to read your comment
Anonymous said...
I've disable *my* faggotry filter and it allowed me to see YOUR MOM.
ted said...
fuuuuuuukkkkkk time to pack it all up ive just been owned.

i concede defeat to you, anonymous stranger. how can i ever hope to top 'your mom'.

heh. topping your mom.
DonB said...
I think you might like this one :)
Therum said...
I, for one, think you're funny. People on the internet need to learn to not be such uptight pricks about everything.

Not to spam, but I go to another site that has a feature almost exactly like this. I'll post the link, you might enjoy it.
Aureliano said...
About fucking time someone did this. I devoured everyone one of your texts, and then the comments, seriously. Quality entertainment right there, and some insightful gems here and there.

Oh eyh I wanted to ask, since there's no fucking PM function in this retarded intarwebs 2.0 thing and this is the only way to reach you, what would you say are good reads to have a better grasp on litterature ? Tim Smith mentioned "The hero with a thousand faces" and "The writers' journey", and I'm determined to check those out since I'm big on the "not dying a total ignorant fuck" thing. Any more advised read would be appreciated, even though my guess is that this is the last thing you would want to see on this blog about ripping stupid people's asshole. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Anonymous said...
I`m gonna come right out and say, hey, what the hell. Someone way up there in a comment somewhere made a reference to you participating in the blogger mentality of extreme aggression. I couldn`t agree more.

When I was 13 or 14 I has a blog in which I bitched about everything in my life non-stop. Now keep in mind here I DON`T want to make assumptions. If there`s one thing I hate, it`s people flaming baselessly, so for the record I don`t think you`re 13 or 14. Definitely an adult, you have a very deep vocabulary. Anyway...I got over that phase eventually and became somewhat of a happier person.

However, whereas in that case I was a 14 year old with a cocky attitude complaining about my life, your blog reeks of Maddox. There`s no way I could put it better; when I came across Maddox and his web page for the first time, and encountered his insane fan base that loved him to death, I thought `Why?`. Honestly. The difference between the two blogs here is that in cases of little whiny kids like I was, people are bitching about things in their life. People like you, and Maddox, find it fun to go looking for things to complain about. And I honestly don`t see what`s entertaining about that. Really.

So please answer this: all these webcomics you`ve profiled. Do you really hate them? Honestly? Or are you just trolling? If you`re some guy who thinks its funny to pretend to be some geek who is so passionate about things he hates, fine then, you`re great at inciting people to mail you. A+ for trolling. But if you`re really angry about all these blogs with their tiny little problems that are just awful...I really hate flaming and baseless insults, but honestly...that`s pathetic. Your blog sucks.
John Solomon said...
I was going to give you a decent answer that would only slightly mock you relentlessly for being an idiot who cannot grasp the simple concept that there are more flavours of hatred than "dislike" and "uncontrollable volcano of seething, bestial rage" - except then I noticed you fell back on the old "UR MADDOX" excuse so basically haha you're an idiot.
Anonymous said...
Well, I don't think you actually ARE maddox...but I don't think that's what you meant anyway. I'm assuming you meant that I thought your blog was akin to the style of Maddox...and yeah, I still think that. Not gonna backtrack. But it's only similar because I honestly have no idea if you're trolling or if you really hate all of these. I'm not gonna lie; I don't HATE your blog. I'm not on here to flame you because you dissed a comic I like (I started reading because you dissed pretty much EVERY comic I like...well not really. I kid. My point was that one gets the impression that there are no comics that you do like); in fact, I’ve read some of your posts and I can definitely agree with some of your reviews that certain webcomics really do suck. But then you`ve achieved what you wanted anyway, right? You’ve gotten me to peruse your blog. +1 hit for you

My point about Maddox was that in both cases (yours and his) the respective authors give an ambigious impression: are you trolling (as in, because you said in another post you didn’t understand this, posting about or in the style of offensive material simply to incite controversy and backlash from readers) or do you actually, actually hate all of these webcomics. I asked that before, but you didn’t answer. In the case of Maddox, his popularity is so great that I’m inclined to say that he was definitely trolling, but past that now; it’s not even inciting controversy anymore, it’s just appeasing the masses. Whatever he writes about, people will lap it up, no matter how devoid of compassion or reasoning it is. As for you, I still don’t know.

So I applaud you for sucking me in; a few of the sites you talked about I really, and others I can completely understand your feelings for. I think they suck too.

That said, I was interested in that post you made a few weeks ago or whatnot about your most received complaints...until I read up to “What webcomics DO you like?” That’s complete hypocrisy to say that you wouldn’t reveal your favourite webcomics for fear of people lambasting them just because you like them. This indicates you’re afraid of your readers judging you for your words; don’t you think that if you dish it out, you have to be able to take it as well? If you were to have a general review site where you would still comment on even the occasional good webcomic, I think the majority of your readers would take you a lot more seriously. That said, I would speculate that the majority of your readers are rabid comic fans only here to flame you for your opinions. In which case, you would have lost your fan base. So I guess you’ve succeeded in inciting people to visit your site. Keep it up, because it doesn`t make me just confuses me.
John Solomon said...
Many of the webcomics I like, I am friends with the artist behind them. These people have open forums and publically available e-mail addresses. Like it or not, there are a lot of morons on this blog who enjoy shitting it up. If they knew a better way to somehow "get revenge" on me for lambasting their most favourite webcomic ever than posting stupid comments every day, they'd take it.

I like my friends, and I like their webcomics. I have no wish to drag them into this shitstorm merely to satisfy six or seven genuinely curious people and several hundred trolls. Not to mention that it would be easier for people to find out who I actually am if they knew my friends. So it is not a case of hypocrisy, but rather of caution.

Also, your remarks about "losing" my fan base are very off. A large percentage of the readers are here because they actually do want to see bad webcomics get mocked and the inevitable drama. But that's irrelevant, seeing how I don't much care for holding a fan base in the first place. Which apparently works just fine, so I doubt I'll change my ways.
Brendan said...
Okay, so here's a question for you:
If the main point of this blog is to alert people to the countless piles of webcrap that can be found, then why is it that you didn't just MAKE A LIST? I know that if I really, really wanted to know what to avoid, I'd like to get my info from someone who's mature enough to review comics from both standpoints, and to show that good comics exist too, no someone who enjoys ranting endlessly about how crappy something is, punctuated occasionally with profanity.

I mean, it took me about one and a half reviews 9maybe not even that) to see that I already didn't care about what you had to say. It would have been simpler, I thought, to just have a single post that read

"Webcomics are all really, really fucking bad. I don't like the fanbases that tend to surround them, I don't like the art, I don't like the plot, I don't like the inside jokes, I don't like the semi-traditional gags, I don't like anything about them. I'm going to talk about them anyway, though, mostly because I enjoy getting mad and stirring up protest."

See that there? I summarized this entire site in oh, three sentences. Maybe four if I didn't use a run-on sentence.

So, here's the question: Why have all this ranting crap getting in the way of the actual information if you want to warn us readers?

Simple. You don't actually.

What you obviously want is for people to tell you how big a dick you are, and whether they're right or not, you can sit and make comments about how big a dick THEY are, and oh some sexual jokes too, just for spice. You love being able to feel superior, and you know that you ARE superior, because everyone knows that being able to dislike things makes you smart.

One final question: Have you ever actually written a webcomic of your own? It is my guess that you haven't, because it's darned hard to come up with a genuinely funny idea every other day, or every day, or even every week, f you've been doing it for a few years. After a while, it's necessary to either start something new, or rely on plotlines that write themselves somewhat. Clearly, you don't know this.

Hmmm. That seems to be it, although I was sure I had more to say. I look forward to reading your stubbornly "superior" arguments, and overuse of the word "fuck".

Till then...
John Solomon said...
I don't know whether to roll my eyes at your stupid "you're showing off your dick" argument or your idea that people would actually read and pay attention to a fucking list. Certainly trying both at the same time would result in some kind of mishap.

I guess I may have to settle for shaking my head in shame. Do you seriously believe a word you've written?
Brendan said...
Stunning put-downs perhaps, but not only did you do exactly what I said you would (namely insult me in a petty way)you didn't actually make any counterarguments, other than those insults, which DON'T COUNT.

Admit it, "John", you do just like feeling superior.
joe said...
Please tear apart my least favorite webcomic AKA the most popular bad comic on the internet - Questionable Content.
Nate Dubya said...
I'd just like to say: Thank you. So very much. I enjoy these reviews, for the most part, more than the comics they're based on. Whether or not the critiques are valid or mere ad hominem rants, whether they're constructive criticism or merely destructive, whether you're trying to provide a service or merely venting your spleen on every animu-spinoff, WSGT-based comic on the planet, it has provided me entertainment.
Lady D said...
Well, your rants seem amusing enough. I cannot refer to them as reviews or even constructive criticism because they don't really qualify for that. I'm surprised that when you were making fun of CAD that you also didn't go after Applegeeks or Comedity for copying the same idea of a crazy geek inventing a robot. Or Something Positive with it's boneless cat that can mold into varous shapes and angry asian girls that miam people and destroy property. Or Questionable Content with it's Indie repartee. Or the rest of the Keenspot comics (Funny Farm, God Mode, Striptease, etc)
John Solomon said...
God, you are such a fucking impatient bitch.
Dan said...
doesn't it kind of bother you that you now have your own group of circlejerking little plebians to guard you from criticism. I mean it seems kind of strange to support the behavior when it benefits you but condemn it when it benefits someone else. You probably won't answer me you will just have some of you minions dissect my post and make fun of the mistakes I made or make fun of me but I was just curious.
John Solomon said...
I pay attention to legitimate criticism, just not the "ur fukken maddox" shit.

Although I still enjoy being an asshole, so even if there's legitimate criticism in a comment I'll still insult them.
anonymous said...
OMG don't welcome people to your blog! What an amateur mistake