I know that there are people out there who constantly look for every poor argument they can use to snipe at us, the Elders of Zion, as we destroy their precious web-based e-comics. They'll probably start whining about how I will be, again, judging the jerk as well as the work. But understand that I have actually spoken with this jerk, attempted reason and eventually realised they were a horrible person who nobody should defend. I was not alone in this. Three fucking forums said exactly the same thing. Not that this will placate you, of course, but I feel that this time I can just point to this paragraph instead of bothering to communicate.
The title of this webcomic is The Broken Mirror. The epic title of this epic webcomic, I should say, because that's how it's presented. Epically. It's planned to be an epic 850 pages long, which is such an epic fucking number for such a fucking epic webcomic. It's an ongoing epic saga of the epic lives of some epically generic characters as they do epically tedious stuff. It has some seriously epic dialogue that will require an epic amount of epic endurance to read without feeling like you're going to get an epic migraine from trying to tackle such an epic wall of text. Goddamn, son! This shit is just way too epic!
Now we've reduced the word "epic" down to the level of nonsense sound that Broken Mirror uses it as, let's be serious. Broken Mirror is quite possibly one of the most boring, bland, mundane and badly-structured things I've read in my life - and I have read both Dominic Deegan and Pastel Defender Heliotrope, may I remind you. It's an exercise in arrogance - Elanor Cooper, the architect of this pablum, is one of the most conceited people in the world. She enjoys using fifty words where five will do, all about herself. She likes ignoring even the nicest and most polite level of criticism - people who are the Mr. Rogers to my Charles Manson. It isn't the method she disagrees with, it's that she cannot understand that anything is wrong with her work. Anything. She'll disparage every writer under the sun as being not being up to her eloquent standards of literary finesse, especially not anyone from America, which is apparently a country that has never produced a single worthy piece of fiction in any medium. Well, at least not to the level that Cooper holds everyone to, the level that she only exceeds in her own deluded mind. The other half, the artist, JJ Nääs, I have not had the pleasure of speaking with. It doesn't matter, anyway, since Cooper is the one who wears the diamond-encrusted codpiece out of the two.
In the beginning, Cooper created a webcomic. And the webcomic was without pictures, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Elanor Cooper moved upon the face of the webcomic. And Cooper said, Let there be dull narration: and there was dull narration. And Cooper saw the dull narration, assumed it was good: and Cooper divided the dull narration from the title page.
That's six strips. Since Broken Mirror is on a MWF schedule, that's two weeks where nothing happens whatsoever. Remember that this is supposed to be an epic 850 pages long. That is 284 weeks. That is five and a half fucking years. Out of the half a month we've just gone through, only three pages actually had any actual webcomic on them. The other three, a whole fucking week's worth, were absolutely pointless. But that's good, since the actual webcomic is also absolutely pointless.
The story truly begins at the start of week three. Finally. I doubt anyone actually stuck with it for those first couple of weeks, though. They'd either have been driven off by the turgid writing or the long wait. I know I seriously contemplated giving up by page six, and it was only my desire to document the numerous failings of this piece of shit that kept me going. But we have one minor piece of relevant information: it is set in Devon, in England, in 2010. It is a crisp autumn day and, going by panel four at least, our protagonist is a poor boy born without knees. Thankfully he gets some a couple of panels later or it would be awkward for him to continue to trudge through all the dead leaves and narration boxes that clog up the path.
Yes, narration boxes. Cooper believes in telling, rather than showing. Or even telling you even when showing, since apparently her artist cannot be trusted to draw a recognisable sunset. Telling you through a clunky, third-person narrative that makes it look like some 16-year-old's derivative attempt at a 10,000 word "novel" has become hopelessly tangled up in this mediocre webcomic. Don't kid yourself, though, this worthless purple prose is here to stay for the duration. Cooper revels in what she views as a talent for writing moving descriptive passages to tug the heartstrings and affect the emotions of her reader. This talent doesn't actually exist, as you may find yourself aware of a mere half dozen pages in. She's young, inexperienced and in that wonderful deluded state that many webcomic writers find themselves in when they haven't been exposed to one jot of actual criticism in their entire fucking lives.
Let me fill you in on the story so far, because I know many of you probably don't want to read any more. Our hero is Galen, which is a very uncommon name indeed. I could assume that this is a reference, but it's more likely that it was chosen because Galen is a unique and special (and epic) snowflake who cannot be called "James" or "Paul" or anything remotely normal. Except apparently, everyone in 2010 has a stupid name. Lord only knows what happens in the next three years, but it seems that British sensibility has been overtaken by animu fever. Perhaps this makes it more epic, I never thought to ask.
Despite the fact this is written by a girl, Galen is the self-insertion character. He has parents who just don't understand him. They are so mean! To the point where he is physically assaulted. This is basically exactly what Terracciano did with rape, in that it's done without any understanding of what it's actually like. Heaven forbid that Cooper admit she is not the divine medium that has descended onto the mortal world and actually do some fucking research. It's so badly done it's unbelievable, especially at the point where all Galen does afterwards is lie in bed and stare at the moon. This is some epic symbolism, I'm sure. Pity it's utterly hackneyed and cliché to the point where it's meaningless. The only redeeming feature is JJ's art, and despite the rather amateur feel to it, it has some nice colouring. You have to assume that with a surname like "Nääs" the only reason he goes along with this is because he doesn't understand what the script says. It's okay, JJ, nobody else does either. It's trite, stupidly wordy and banal.
Still, I don't know what the point of this is. The beating takes place at 29 pages in. If we discount the two weeks of uselessness at the start and the chapter break, then we've had 21 pages to get to know Galen. That's not enough. Despite this being seven weeks of real time, it's been hardly any time at all in the webcomic itself. What have we even discovered, anyway? That his parents are one-dimensional authority figures, an insipid machine for him to rage against? That he apparently isn't doing well in school except he just lurves English? (That's pretty subtle! Wait, no it's not.) Oh, and girls just wander up to him and ask if they can jump his bones. Wow, you guys! This shit is super-realistic as fuck.
Let's not get into the argument that science fiction doesn't have to be realistic. Apparently this is science fiction, although it's not exactly making it clear. Maybe it's just sci-fi on such an epic fucking scale that I can't begin to fathom its epic depths. In any case, realism in writing doesn't mean you have to exclude the incredible. You can have giant robots flying through oceans in space or whatever. That's cool. But if you have your people not act like real people? Unacceptable. What you're looking at is pretty much the uncanny valley of characterisation. If you try for a complex character, but don't make them act like a real person, they won't be seen as real by your audience. Unless your audience is fucking retarded, of course, but this is webcomics: any significant portion of any webcomic's audience is dumb as fucking bricks. Chances are you're one of them, if the voluminous amount of obnoxious comments are anything to go by. Anyway, I'm talking to the smart people here, so you dumbasses can go back to eating paste.
After 21 pages, I know this Galen guy about as well as I know anyone else in the webcomic: not very well at all. It doesn't help that everyone speaks in the exact same stilted manner, spitting out dialogue that no real human being would use except to give an example of how people don't fucking talk. Nobody has an individual voice to them. If you look at the dialogue without the art, you can't tell the difference. For example, guess how many different people are speaking these four pieces of dialogue:
"We have to write a poem about something for our English homework over the summer holidays."
"You don't know how much it hurts to know you don't really care about me anymore."
"I'm telling you because I needed to talk to someone."
"Shouldn't I furtively thrust a wad of fifties into your palm before heading to the sewers... clandestine, intent on pursuing my perilous trade?"
If you said "one" then you are correct! That one is Cooper herself, since she can't make people sound unlike her. Because she's terrible at writing. I can't stress that enough. To clarify, #1 is a little girl, #2 is a young woman, #3 is a middle-aged man and #4 is a young man. Now, maybe I'm being just a little pedantic here, but when you're writing an orange-haired wannabe junkie who dresses in leather jackets and listens to death metal, you don't make said junkie say shit like "furtively" and "your palm". Even an educated motherfucker like me doesn't use "furtively". It's not just being incapable of writing dialogue for different people, it's being incapable of writing dialogue entirely. People don't say shit like that, it's not how they talk. They don't even use stupid words like that if they're trying to be epic.
Galen uses the same terrible speech as those other four characters, the same as all the other characters. It's only the pretty pictures that let us know this never-ending torrent of tedium isn't all the ramblings of one guy, who is also insane in addition to being painfully and insufferably verbose. So we can't get a good voice on him, he's only been around for a few weeks, he's as much a nonentity as any given background character. Except, of course, the background characters are probably not arrogant little cunts like Galen. So this attempt to deepen the character through personal tragedy fails because, funnily enough, the character isn't deep enough.
Besides, Cooper has already told us we can expect several billion more pages, so what's the point in jumping the gun and trying to get us to feel sympathy for a non-character? Oh, yes, she's a terrible writer.
There are plenty more of these botched attempts to make deep and interesting characters. It's all rather sad, really. It's like watching a young child try and cook dinner, except instead of sulking when they can't do it, they laugh and go "BITCH, I'M FLAWLESS!" and then demand you eat the horrible shit they've mangled together out of salt, ketchup and tapwater. Generally all this "character development" shit seems to indicate that Cooper's dial is stuck permanently on "personal tragedy". You've got abusive parents for Galen, except then they die and he cries about it. Also he loses his girlfriend (who he's been with for years) when she degenerates into a crazed druggie in the most laughable way imaginable. She played him fine! I was half expecting her to go "KUH-KUH-KUH-YEEEEEAH!" until I realised that'd be hilarious and awesome and therefore not within Cooper's ability. Xara, another victim of the animu naming scheme, has a sister who dies of CJD - the human variant of mad cow disease. I laughed. Especially since brain damage apparently doesn't stop you from talking like a failed English major. In any case, somehow all this winds up bringing us to what I think is the main plot of the story. On page 115.
Now, for those of you still keeping up with the "thrice weekly" formula, that's after 38 weeks. Little lengthy for a prologue, isn't it? Not to mention we've got around 750 pages to go. I don't know about you, but I'm excited! Aren't you excited? Let's all be excited. An epic seven hundred and fucking fifty more epic pages of epic bullshit!
The plot is about "Domino", or "DominO", which is the radically unique (and epic!) plot device of a virtual world! I'm not going to rag on the virtual world thing in general, no sir. I'm going to point out that a piss-poor hack like Cooper is going to crib heavily from existing media. The Matrix if we're lucky. Second Life if we're not. Since I've learned that it's tempting fate to be optimistic about this shit, I'm betting we're going to see wall-to-wall shitting dicknipples by the time they enter this virtual world. Which should be around page 340 at the earliest. That only leaves a mere 510 pages for the furries and Goreans, but darn it, I believe in Cooper!
Still, virtual world. Doesn't bode well. If you were hoping for a subtle and mysterious look into a "what is real?" theme, or anything along those lines, then what the fuck are you on and have you not been reading this fucking review? Plus, hard luck, because Cooper's Galen-Sue is saved from all possible forms of curiosity by Daniel Adair, the walking exposition. He just doesn't fucking shut up. Funnily enough, the clock in that second strip denotes that we're skimming over a twenty-minute conversation. I take issue with this for two reasons. Firstly, I doubt that a conversation comprised entirely out of Cooper's wordy bullshit takes a mere twenty minutes to go through. Adair, being nothing but a medium for Cooper to talk through (like all her characters), should keep Galen captive for the better part of twenty weeks. Secondly, I have no idea why she bothered to actually skip the conversation and not just have an extra hundred pages of even more fucking dialogue. Maybe it's because it would have required some pseudoscience shit in there, and Cooper will BURN IN HELL before doing a lick of research. That's a waste of precious time that could be spent churning out more shit like this.
Cooper, I have no idea what the fuck your home life was like, nor do I envy it in the slightest. Not when your idea of a father is someone who either beats the shit out of you for not being an accountant or says shit like "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams."
This webcomic is a fucking plague, and the progenitor of it is a shameless, egocentric bitch with severe issues. I doubt they'll take any of this to heart, especially when kinder words have fallen upon deaf ears, but I just hope that you people will never touch it. Stay away from The Broken Mirror, it is literary poison. The art is fair enough, the colouring decent in places, but neither are worth it unless you can avoid looking at the words. Even if you do, by some miracle of your own ignorance, decide it's great and want to read it, I remind you that it's going to be another FIVE FUCKING YEARS until it ends. If you think you can put up with such a shitty plot, such awful dialogue and such flat characters for half a decade then you must have a tolerance for pain that's simply... epic.
The title of this webcomic is The Broken Mirror. The epic title of this epic webcomic, I should say, because that's how it's presented. Epically. It's planned to be an epic 850 pages long, which is such an epic fucking number for such a fucking epic webcomic. It's an ongoing epic saga of the epic lives of some epically generic characters as they do epically tedious stuff. It has some seriously epic dialogue that will require an epic amount of epic endurance to read without feeling like you're going to get an epic migraine from trying to tackle such an epic wall of text. Goddamn, son! This shit is just way too epic!
Now we've reduced the word "epic" down to the level of nonsense sound that Broken Mirror uses it as, let's be serious. Broken Mirror is quite possibly one of the most boring, bland, mundane and badly-structured things I've read in my life - and I have read both Dominic Deegan and Pastel Defender Heliotrope, may I remind you. It's an exercise in arrogance - Elanor Cooper, the architect of this pablum, is one of the most conceited people in the world. She enjoys using fifty words where five will do, all about herself. She likes ignoring even the nicest and most polite level of criticism - people who are the Mr. Rogers to my Charles Manson. It isn't the method she disagrees with, it's that she cannot understand that anything is wrong with her work. Anything. She'll disparage every writer under the sun as being not being up to her eloquent standards of literary finesse, especially not anyone from America, which is apparently a country that has never produced a single worthy piece of fiction in any medium. Well, at least not to the level that Cooper holds everyone to, the level that she only exceeds in her own deluded mind. The other half, the artist, JJ Nääs, I have not had the pleasure of speaking with. It doesn't matter, anyway, since Cooper is the one who wears the diamond-encrusted codpiece out of the two.
In the beginning, Cooper created a webcomic. And the webcomic was without pictures, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Elanor Cooper moved upon the face of the webcomic. And Cooper said, Let there be dull narration: and there was dull narration. And Cooper saw the dull narration, assumed it was good: and Cooper divided the dull narration from the title page.
That's six strips. Since Broken Mirror is on a MWF schedule, that's two weeks where nothing happens whatsoever. Remember that this is supposed to be an epic 850 pages long. That is 284 weeks. That is five and a half fucking years. Out of the half a month we've just gone through, only three pages actually had any actual webcomic on them. The other three, a whole fucking week's worth, were absolutely pointless. But that's good, since the actual webcomic is also absolutely pointless.
The story truly begins at the start of week three. Finally. I doubt anyone actually stuck with it for those first couple of weeks, though. They'd either have been driven off by the turgid writing or the long wait. I know I seriously contemplated giving up by page six, and it was only my desire to document the numerous failings of this piece of shit that kept me going. But we have one minor piece of relevant information: it is set in Devon, in England, in 2010. It is a crisp autumn day and, going by panel four at least, our protagonist is a poor boy born without knees. Thankfully he gets some a couple of panels later or it would be awkward for him to continue to trudge through all the dead leaves and narration boxes that clog up the path.
Yes, narration boxes. Cooper believes in telling, rather than showing. Or even telling you even when showing, since apparently her artist cannot be trusted to draw a recognisable sunset. Telling you through a clunky, third-person narrative that makes it look like some 16-year-old's derivative attempt at a 10,000 word "novel" has become hopelessly tangled up in this mediocre webcomic. Don't kid yourself, though, this worthless purple prose is here to stay for the duration. Cooper revels in what she views as a talent for writing moving descriptive passages to tug the heartstrings and affect the emotions of her reader. This talent doesn't actually exist, as you may find yourself aware of a mere half dozen pages in. She's young, inexperienced and in that wonderful deluded state that many webcomic writers find themselves in when they haven't been exposed to one jot of actual criticism in their entire fucking lives.
Let me fill you in on the story so far, because I know many of you probably don't want to read any more. Our hero is Galen, which is a very uncommon name indeed. I could assume that this is a reference, but it's more likely that it was chosen because Galen is a unique and special (and epic) snowflake who cannot be called "James" or "Paul" or anything remotely normal. Except apparently, everyone in 2010 has a stupid name. Lord only knows what happens in the next three years, but it seems that British sensibility has been overtaken by animu fever. Perhaps this makes it more epic, I never thought to ask.
Despite the fact this is written by a girl, Galen is the self-insertion character. He has parents who just don't understand him. They are so mean! To the point where he is physically assaulted. This is basically exactly what Terracciano did with rape, in that it's done without any understanding of what it's actually like. Heaven forbid that Cooper admit she is not the divine medium that has descended onto the mortal world and actually do some fucking research. It's so badly done it's unbelievable, especially at the point where all Galen does afterwards is lie in bed and stare at the moon. This is some epic symbolism, I'm sure. Pity it's utterly hackneyed and cliché to the point where it's meaningless. The only redeeming feature is JJ's art, and despite the rather amateur feel to it, it has some nice colouring. You have to assume that with a surname like "Nääs" the only reason he goes along with this is because he doesn't understand what the script says. It's okay, JJ, nobody else does either. It's trite, stupidly wordy and banal.
Still, I don't know what the point of this is. The beating takes place at 29 pages in. If we discount the two weeks of uselessness at the start and the chapter break, then we've had 21 pages to get to know Galen. That's not enough. Despite this being seven weeks of real time, it's been hardly any time at all in the webcomic itself. What have we even discovered, anyway? That his parents are one-dimensional authority figures, an insipid machine for him to rage against? That he apparently isn't doing well in school except he just lurves English? (That's pretty subtle! Wait, no it's not.) Oh, and girls just wander up to him and ask if they can jump his bones. Wow, you guys! This shit is super-realistic as fuck.
Let's not get into the argument that science fiction doesn't have to be realistic. Apparently this is science fiction, although it's not exactly making it clear. Maybe it's just sci-fi on such an epic fucking scale that I can't begin to fathom its epic depths. In any case, realism in writing doesn't mean you have to exclude the incredible. You can have giant robots flying through oceans in space or whatever. That's cool. But if you have your people not act like real people? Unacceptable. What you're looking at is pretty much the uncanny valley of characterisation. If you try for a complex character, but don't make them act like a real person, they won't be seen as real by your audience. Unless your audience is fucking retarded, of course, but this is webcomics: any significant portion of any webcomic's audience is dumb as fucking bricks. Chances are you're one of them, if the voluminous amount of obnoxious comments are anything to go by. Anyway, I'm talking to the smart people here, so you dumbasses can go back to eating paste.
After 21 pages, I know this Galen guy about as well as I know anyone else in the webcomic: not very well at all. It doesn't help that everyone speaks in the exact same stilted manner, spitting out dialogue that no real human being would use except to give an example of how people don't fucking talk. Nobody has an individual voice to them. If you look at the dialogue without the art, you can't tell the difference. For example, guess how many different people are speaking these four pieces of dialogue:
"We have to write a poem about something for our English homework over the summer holidays."
"You don't know how much it hurts to know you don't really care about me anymore."
"I'm telling you because I needed to talk to someone."
"Shouldn't I furtively thrust a wad of fifties into your palm before heading to the sewers... clandestine, intent on pursuing my perilous trade?"
If you said "one" then you are correct! That one is Cooper herself, since she can't make people sound unlike her. Because she's terrible at writing. I can't stress that enough. To clarify, #1 is a little girl, #2 is a young woman, #3 is a middle-aged man and #4 is a young man. Now, maybe I'm being just a little pedantic here, but when you're writing an orange-haired wannabe junkie who dresses in leather jackets and listens to death metal, you don't make said junkie say shit like "furtively" and "your palm". Even an educated motherfucker like me doesn't use "furtively". It's not just being incapable of writing dialogue for different people, it's being incapable of writing dialogue entirely. People don't say shit like that, it's not how they talk. They don't even use stupid words like that if they're trying to be epic.
Galen uses the same terrible speech as those other four characters, the same as all the other characters. It's only the pretty pictures that let us know this never-ending torrent of tedium isn't all the ramblings of one guy, who is also insane in addition to being painfully and insufferably verbose. So we can't get a good voice on him, he's only been around for a few weeks, he's as much a nonentity as any given background character. Except, of course, the background characters are probably not arrogant little cunts like Galen. So this attempt to deepen the character through personal tragedy fails because, funnily enough, the character isn't deep enough.
Besides, Cooper has already told us we can expect several billion more pages, so what's the point in jumping the gun and trying to get us to feel sympathy for a non-character? Oh, yes, she's a terrible writer.
There are plenty more of these botched attempts to make deep and interesting characters. It's all rather sad, really. It's like watching a young child try and cook dinner, except instead of sulking when they can't do it, they laugh and go "BITCH, I'M FLAWLESS!" and then demand you eat the horrible shit they've mangled together out of salt, ketchup and tapwater. Generally all this "character development" shit seems to indicate that Cooper's dial is stuck permanently on "personal tragedy". You've got abusive parents for Galen, except then they die and he cries about it. Also he loses his girlfriend (who he's been with for years) when she degenerates into a crazed druggie in the most laughable way imaginable. She played him fine! I was half expecting her to go "KUH-KUH-KUH-YEEEEEAH!" until I realised that'd be hilarious and awesome and therefore not within Cooper's ability. Xara, another victim of the animu naming scheme, has a sister who dies of CJD - the human variant of mad cow disease. I laughed. Especially since brain damage apparently doesn't stop you from talking like a failed English major. In any case, somehow all this winds up bringing us to what I think is the main plot of the story. On page 115.
Now, for those of you still keeping up with the "thrice weekly" formula, that's after 38 weeks. Little lengthy for a prologue, isn't it? Not to mention we've got around 750 pages to go. I don't know about you, but I'm excited! Aren't you excited? Let's all be excited. An epic seven hundred and fucking fifty more epic pages of epic bullshit!
The plot is about "Domino", or "DominO", which is the radically unique (and epic!) plot device of a virtual world! I'm not going to rag on the virtual world thing in general, no sir. I'm going to point out that a piss-poor hack like Cooper is going to crib heavily from existing media. The Matrix if we're lucky. Second Life if we're not. Since I've learned that it's tempting fate to be optimistic about this shit, I'm betting we're going to see wall-to-wall shitting dicknipples by the time they enter this virtual world. Which should be around page 340 at the earliest. That only leaves a mere 510 pages for the furries and Goreans, but darn it, I believe in Cooper!
Still, virtual world. Doesn't bode well. If you were hoping for a subtle and mysterious look into a "what is real?" theme, or anything along those lines, then what the fuck are you on and have you not been reading this fucking review? Plus, hard luck, because Cooper's Galen-Sue is saved from all possible forms of curiosity by Daniel Adair, the walking exposition. He just doesn't fucking shut up. Funnily enough, the clock in that second strip denotes that we're skimming over a twenty-minute conversation. I take issue with this for two reasons. Firstly, I doubt that a conversation comprised entirely out of Cooper's wordy bullshit takes a mere twenty minutes to go through. Adair, being nothing but a medium for Cooper to talk through (like all her characters), should keep Galen captive for the better part of twenty weeks. Secondly, I have no idea why she bothered to actually skip the conversation and not just have an extra hundred pages of even more fucking dialogue. Maybe it's because it would have required some pseudoscience shit in there, and Cooper will BURN IN HELL before doing a lick of research. That's a waste of precious time that could be spent churning out more shit like this.
Cooper, I have no idea what the fuck your home life was like, nor do I envy it in the slightest. Not when your idea of a father is someone who either beats the shit out of you for not being an accountant or says shit like "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams."
This webcomic is a fucking plague, and the progenitor of it is a shameless, egocentric bitch with severe issues. I doubt they'll take any of this to heart, especially when kinder words have fallen upon deaf ears, but I just hope that you people will never touch it. Stay away from The Broken Mirror, it is literary poison. The art is fair enough, the colouring decent in places, but neither are worth it unless you can avoid looking at the words. Even if you do, by some miracle of your own ignorance, decide it's great and want to read it, I remind you that it's going to be another FIVE FUCKING YEARS until it ends. If you think you can put up with such a shitty plot, such awful dialogue and such flat characters for half a decade then you must have a tolerance for pain that's simply... epic.
456 comments:
1 – 200 of 456 Newer› Newest»- Oh man. Her prose is purpler than an erect penis with the circulation cut off. Art's not bad, though.
- It looks better than it is against the writing. It isn't that bad, though. It could do with work, but hey, so could all art.
- I think I counted 7 commas in one sentence on page 8. And yeah, the art is actually pretty nice. It's too bad it doesn't depict anything worth looking at. Besides, pretty much the #1 rule of being an artist is that you can never stop improving. If you completely ignore criticism, then you're just sheltering yourself and saying "Everything I draw is perfect, because I'm the one drawing it! You're just ignorant! Waaah!" I want to poke her in the eyes.
- Care to show us some of the forums mentioned in the first paragraph of the review? I'd like to see some examples of her vaunted immunity to criticsm.
- You're not going to even try to find them yourself? Boo to that. Treat it like a treasure hunt!
- Bah, you can ask me to believe that she's an egotistical hack. But when you ask me to do my own research you go too far sir.
- The way this comics treats real-life situations so unrealistically, is bound to have reality-warping effects...
- I've looked around and not found much. I just discovered several forums full of people engaging in this "circle-jerking" phenomenon.
- Adam, try the Something Awful forums. Cooper makes such a complete ass of herself, and others make such mincemeat out of her, it's entertaining. Grab some popcorn and enjoy.
- 10,000+ comics out there and this is all you can find? The art is better than most. You can't find the thousands of comics that artistically look like a monkey tied a turd to his tail and drew with it? Overdone prose doesn't make a terrible comic. Just boring. You're review was more boring than the comic. Get your shit together, Salmon, and get with the program! You're starting to suck royal ass! Your incessant whining about webcomics was entertaining at first. Now you just look like a whiny little bitch.
- To me, the worst part about reading through that god-damned comic (which is kind of like saying "the worst thing about hitting myself in the face with a sack of bricks repeatedly") is that not only is her writing turgid as fuck, she apparently finds it completely impossible to write anything that isn't cliche. Not only could I predict almost every single thing that happened in the strip, I could do so dozens of strips in advance thanks to her patented sub-glacial pacing. I'm surprised you didn't mention how not only does she try to pull the "WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY GENIUS YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T EVEN READ 19TH CENTURY AUTHORS YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE" shtick when you call her out on her shitty writing, she also pulls "WELL MY FANBASE THINKS I'M GREAT YOU PLEBIAN" and "I'M GONNA BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR, SERIOUSLY, FOR REAL." The last part bears mentioning if only because I still seriously find it hard to believe that anyone would want to publish work as obviously hackneyed as her writing. Then again, Dan Brown got published somehow, and dimestore romance novels don't write themselves. But yeah, I'm glad you wrote this, especially after I also wasted time arguing with her dumb, concieted ass. I'd actually rather read Dominic Deegan than Broken Mirror at this point
- Just glad you handled it John.
- Overdone prose doesn't make a terrible comic. Yes it does. Stop being such a whiny cunt.
- Eric Burns likes it.
- Aw man, and the art is so good, too. "Whilst I Go and get some Ice Creams" is the most akward thing I've read in a good long time. This is an English Major?
- Eric Burns likes it. That's almost as damning as saying that Robert A. Howard likes it.** Which I assume was your point. **Actually, Howard doesn't appear to have reviewed or "secanted" Broken Mirror, but the point still holds.
- This story just drips out. It simply drips, like a faucet, or a shower head. That's the main problem I see here. There is liquid, but the way that it is employed is primarily through the mechanic of dripping. If I were the Galen character I would not be behaving so improbably. For instance, after being beaten by my father, instead of staring at the moon, I would be reflecting on the truth behind all that had happened (and some things that had not.) Oh yes, and the death of the parents wasn't given the white-glove treatment. I'm not sure if it was even given a treatment. I think that it was just written and drawn, and passed through a sort of a filter that changes things.
- That's almost as damning as saying that Robert A. Howard likes it.** Which I assume was your point. It's funny that you would say that.
- "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams." Ha, ha, ha! Although for me the best part (from the ones that were linked to) was: "Galen, I've been thinking: would you like to be my boyfriend?" Ha, ha! So THAT'S how people are talking when falling in love and dating! Hell, I'll try that out the next time I'm in a pub or something! The writing somehow reminds me of all these poor attempts at "Ye Olde Englishe" mostly by Americans and the Japanese with loads of "alas" and "mayhaps" inserted at random intervals.
- This is an English Major? Apparently she never graduated. I WONDER WHY
- I'm surprised you didn't mention how not only does she try to pull the "WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY GENIUS YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T EVEN READ 19TH CENTURY AUTHORS YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE" shtick... Has she actually used "19th century authors" as an example? (I'm guessing largely British, as well.) If that's her area of concentration, then 90% of John's writing criticism just wrote itself. But why, John? You not only "gave in" to the people clamoring for more frequent posts, but you posted on a particular comic soon after someone asked you to. Are you trying to make the internet implode, or is there something far more sinister at work?
- She was an English major, appearently (not)? Where the fuck did she get it, the DeVry Institute?
- But why, John? You not only "gave in" to the people clamoring for more frequent posts, but you posted on a particular comic soon after someone asked you to. Are you trying to make the internet implode, or is there something far more sinister at work? The "request" came in from someone who knows what I'm doing. It was a joke. Not a great one, but hey, they can't all be winners. I moved to a schedule for a reason, I changed the schedule for another reason. Neither reason involved listening to the comments posted here. I mean, shit, since when do I listen to anything you people say?
- Well, I guess it's a matter of fortitude. Cruising epic webcomics at such a schedule, you may just collapse mentally.
- John - apparently you forgot to add "epic" to the tags.
- Eric Burns likes it. what I found most amusing in that review was that he said the children sound like children which leads me to question how many children this guy has ever met. seriously In all my life the only children I've ever heard sound like that are pretentious writer wannabe kids who believe they're missunderstood and they get bad grades becuase the teachers can't see their genius and even they don't sound that retarded all the time.
- The art has Megatokyo syndrome. This person is very, very good at backgrounds, lighting, and polish, not so much with actual anatomy, expressions, or panel coherency. If you ignore the coloring and just look at the linework, it's really not good at all. However, this is another case where I'm not sure if the writing actually makes the art look better or worse. The panel where Angry Guy is ANGRILY HITTING THE WALL while he cries out for three sentences in a single word balloon really crystalizes it. The hand is poorly drawn, there's no sense of movement conveyed, not to mention the completely discordant word balloon style. But how much of that do you notice when the guy who's hitting the wall is EXCLAIMING: "Played me fine with your tricks and games... betcha had such a laugh." What artist could render that dialogue? What is the appropriate expression?
- anything you people say? Does this mean If I ask you to review my webcomic you won't :(
- John - apparently you forgot to add "epic" to the tags. What an epic mistake! Fixed.
- Eric Burns is a terrible, terrible writer whose own bloviations tend towards the unreadably long and meandering, so it's obvious that he's responding to a kindred spirit here.
- Does this mean If I ask you to review my webcomic you won't :( Who are you and why should I care?
- My God, she's like Chris Claremont but without the mind control fetish.
- John why didn't you mention that during the scene where whatever character it is is taking drugs some guy who talks like wolverine appears? I thought this comic was set in england so whats with the random american tough guy.
- SHE PLAYED HIM FINE
- I think that particular segment is so unintentionally hilarious, people should discover it for themselves.
- Something primordial inside me instinctually hates this writer and everything she stands for. I think my body is rejecting this comic.
- John Soloman said: Stop being such a whiny cunt. Spoke from the Queen of whiny cunts, himself! Oh, the irony.
- "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams" actually sounds okay if you imagine it being said by Montgomery Burns.
- I have not done any research on this comic or its artist, nor do I intend to, but I think that I'm speaking for all of us that he has ABSOLUTELY no idea what he is doing. What I mean is, he does not add anything to the schlock that Cooper barfs up. His facial expressions mostly don't fit the story at all. Just look at this. I count two sweatdrops in a moment where there should be none. It's a tense moment (supposedly, who knows what the hell Cooper was trying to do here) that is broken up by this uncomprehending homage to 'animu'. Sweatdrops convey bashful embarassment when paired with that facial expression, not dramatic tension at this EPIC discovery. The only reason that anyone would commit to five years of being yoked to this awful hack writer would be that either Nääs has taken the Kool-Aid, and seriously believes that he is going to get even a modicum of respect from the professional sphere, or that he was paid in advance before he really knew what he was getting into. Speaking of dysfunctional writer-artist relationships, I point all you readers to: http://www.marilith.com. The writer (some wapanese named Krakow) first tried doing the artist-storyteller thing. It sucked, so he banished it to another completely separated page (look for "Krakow 2.0" somewhere on the page), and hired a halfway competent artist. That artist bailed on him halfway through (smart man), and so we get to this semi-semi-professional dealie that you see on the main page. The only problem? The writing is CRAP. Take every clichéd storyline from any 'lone wolf and cub' story (for example, say, Lone Wolf and Cub or Léon the Professional) and smash them together with every assassin flick physical impossibility (John Woo-esque gunplay, ice bullets, people being shot through glass windows, the whole deal), and you've got this. But wait, there's more. It's all about the T&A here. Every female character (even a 16-year-old Japanese schoolgirl) is played for eye-candy. In fact, most of the main characters are female. One even gets an origin story in which she is graphically violated by some bearded old guy just so that we could see how she got so messed up. Can you say, 'lolicon'? Jesus. I have to find a way to unsee that shit. Now. FULL DISCLOSURE: I used to read Marilith, but that was a long time ago, and I was an idiot for it. P.S: You actually LIKED Marilith? Go read Miss Dynamite. Same shit, different ass. To the Elders of Zion, please review them. I know that you will ignore this request, and possibly wonder who has the time to post such a long comment and fag up your blog, but think of the potential these two have! You can even do a double-feature, they're the same thing anyway!
- I went through the druggie strips again, this time reading them very carefully and you know what - the writing in there doesn't make any fucking sense. She tries to emulate some emotions by not finishing sentences etc. but what she ends up with is an unreadable mess. Betcha had a laugh, didn't ya? Played me fine with your tricks and your games... Betcha had such a laugh. I think there are still too few "betchas" and "yas" in this speech-bubble. How about: "Betcha played me fine with ya tricks and ya games."? Let me recap strip 68: "I... I've been giving you money so that you can use it to kill yourself..." "God you're so stupid! I'm not killing myself! They're... They're making it legal, damn it!" "That's not the... God; I didn't know... I didn't want this..." "And what about what I want? You are so selfish! You've never loved me. That's what this is all about!" "Ariad, what the hell are you... This is about... You're taking cocaine!" "No, it's about looking for a way out, same as always!" "I knew this was coming. I've tried to make myself forget you. I've told myself again and again you're not worth it... But you... You bastard..." "Searching for a reason while my back is turned? You're a fucking coward! A fucking coward!" What the fuck is going on in this dialog? Where's the logic and coherence? The moment you use semicolons and more ellipses than letters in speech-bubbles you know you have failed...
- "Ariad, what the hell are you... This is about... You're taking cocaine!" I don't know why, but seeing this typed out makes me laugh so hard. This is Very Special Episode dialogue.
- This shit is way too epic? Well at least you can spell the word I suppose, but maybe you want to try broadening your vocabulary for that paragraph. It certainly hasn't cropped up that much on this site or in the comic itself. As for the matter of the plot development which is apparently at a pace you find unacceptable, I can only say that you must be a very 'fat' person. The type that would rather have a greasy burger now than wait for a steak. I hope you understand the metaphor.You may also want to note that Galen is a name that has cropped up many times throughout history, perhaps exhibiting the kind of pretention his parents may well have liked. I understand this because I have taken time to look at the character development. As for Galen and his experience of childhood abuse: have you heard of a thing called empathy? It is a technique capable writers use in order to help with their wri ting. I suggest you find a dictionary for further detail. Do you consider yourself a proffesional reviewer? If so I think you need to reconsider. NO WORTHY CRITIC STOOPS TO PERSONALS INSULTS. Enjoy your buger.
- I can only say that you must be a very 'fat' person. NO WORTHY CRITIC STOOPS TO PERSONALS INSULTS. Yep.
- The "request" came in from someone who knows what I'm doing. It was a joke. Not a great one, but hey, they can't all be winners. Whoops, my bad. I'll learn to separate "Robert" from "robert" eventually. So, does anyone remember when there were more words in the first few pages?
- Ooh, I was starting to worry you weren't gonna do this! Still, I stick by what I said in BSS - there's only one thing worse than being talked about... Ah damn there I go again with my C19th shit. I'd better get out of here before I start using emoticons too.
- You know, to all those who demand that Solomon does a certain type of webcomic, or only pick the bad one's, I think you are missing the point. If Solomon was actually trying to change the world of Webcomic's, then sure, maybe that is valid. But he's not. All he is trying to do is rip webcomics and their authors to shreds. Learn to rejoice in the different flavors of shit souffle that John serves up. From bland, to mysoginistic, to whatever the hell kind of word describes Dominic Deegan, either learn to enjoy watching him tear them apart, or just give up. Oh and to "This shit is way too epic" guy, I have had steaks that are terrible. The comic is shit, the writing is shit, and so therefore, the pacing is quite irrelevant. And even if it wasn't, there is a difference between creating dramatic tension, and just being as boring as fuck.
- I think the Dr.Rockso reference was pretty much the only appropriate response to the level of gritty realism and true-to-life dialogue found in the junkie drama sequence. Plus it made me snort-laugh in a manner most refined, so bonus points to you.
- This shit is way too epic? Well at least you can spell the word I suppose, but maybe you want to try broadening your vocabulary for that paragraph. Haha, oh boy, this is a fun comment. As for the matter of the plot development which is apparently at a pace you find unacceptable, I can only say that you must be a very 'fat' person. The type that would rather have a greasy burger now than wait for a steak. Take a look at some of the best comics written by professionals: Kingdom Come, V for Vendetta, Watchmen. Notice how many pages long they all are. Try reading them, too. You'll find that 116 pages to get to the story is generally what is known in the business as "being a wordy, useless, talentless waste of space"! You may also want to note that Galen is a name that has cropped up many times throughout history, perhaps exhibiting the kind of pretention his parents may well have liked. More like the kind of pretention that Cooper likes OH ICE BURN, I DISS'D YOU SO BAD To misquote Futurama, as I apparently do every single day, British people do not work that way!!! As for Galen and his experience of childhood abuse: have you heard of a thing called empathy? It is a technique capable writers use in order to help with their wri ting. Maybe you missed the big ol' paragraph or two where I explain that the reader cannot feel empathy for Galen because Galen is a bland character that cannot be sympathised with. Unless you're one of those weepy, over-emotional motherfuckers who burst into tears over nothing and think that their inability to control themselves is indicative of good writing. The ability to manipulate a person's emotions through writing is not an ability held by Cooper, nor of even some professional writers. Cooper can't even write dialogue, how the fuck can you say she can instill empathy in anyone? Oh yeah, you're trolling. Well, fuck you, then.
- I liked how you made an attempt to interact with the author and did some research before you went on to write the personal attacks in this review. Also I loved how you baited Americans with the "She'll disparage every writer under the sun as being not being up to her eloquent standards of literary finesse, especially not anyone from America." We can expect an interesting Comments section this time around. If she is inspired by 19th century British authors, then she must be trying to create an epic Dickensian tale of epic proportions. However, whenever Dickens released an episode of his novel they were in themselves like little stories and were engaging to read. Eventually these stories summed up to a coherent story of epic scale. Cooper, however, is trying to create an epic story while ignoring the little things, like making a scene interesting or characters realistic.
- No, she seriously said that about America. She's a fucking conceited cunt of the highest order.
- Sorry John, this really is probably one of your biggest misses. Having read the whole ElBag saga on SA already, I have to say in your rush to get this essay out while it was still relevant you basically have repeated everything everyone else has already said about this comic and did a worse job at it. Course the goons in general have you beaten dead to rights on the subject matter of your blog so this is pretty much expected. Maybe it would be for the best if you complained about comics that they haven't already done. Let's face it they do everything much better than you do, and it inviting the comparison doesn't do you any favors.
- I don't know why, but seeing this typed out makes me laugh so hard. Yeah, me too. I automatically finish each sentence in my head with some absurd statement or simply misread it but it's not my fault - it's the writing that seems to put me in this direction. E.g.: Ariad, what the hell are you... Is mentally spelled out as Ariad, what the hell are you? How could I have missed the fact that you're mutant zombie from Mars!? Maybe it's because the sentence "What the hell are you?" is used so often in some B horror or sci-fi movies. Or: That's not the... God; reads as That's not the God, that's the OTHER God! or That's not God! That's just some extraterrestrial being that wants to enslave humanity! Kind of like in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. Why does God need a starship?
- M-maybe this is actually a gag strip and we just don't realize that the narration and dialogue are supposed to be the humor? Please?
- Take a look at some of the best comics written by professionals: Kingdom Come, V for Vendetta, Watchmen. I'm eagerly waiting for the next "Another piece of the puzzle revealed!" comment.
- Just to clarify, I said that about American television, not literature - I find most of what it has to offer to be pretty inane. But you find my work inane...it couldn't possibly be that there exists diversity in personal tastes, surely? I mean, I keep hearing about this subjectivity thing...but it's not real, right? Like, there's the Something Awful clique and they're all clever and correct and everyone else is just a moron? ...Yup, thought so.
- This doesn't look so much like a webcomic as it does like a Five-Year Plan of bad writing.
- This is my first comment even though I've been reading the blog from nearly the very beginning. However, I felt the need to comment on this one because if I don't the poison will eventually kill me. I read one page of this comic. One. And I wanted to jump out a window. The dialogue is absolutely horrid, emotionless, and unbelievable. I will never go near this comic ever again because if I do I won't be responsible for the violent actions I may take afterwards. I will now return to lurking.
- Quality work, John. Proof that decent art can't save hack writing.
- I mean, I keep hearing about this subjectivity thing...but it's not real, right? Jane, you ignorant slut! Fuck off. You're a shitty writer and any attempt at trying to ingratiate yourselves with the people here is going to fucking backfire so bad. So why bother? I mean, sure, you're desperately seeking validation for your terrible work, going so far as to ignore all criticism and surrounding yourself in the warm cotton wool of the Culture of Nice, but that's no reason to try and get these people to disregard the truth. Fuck Terracciano, fuck Reitz, fuck that Shredded Moose asshole - you are the single greatest waste of space that's ever been so much as mentioned on this blog. I wouldn't shed a single tear if you died right now, not even if you blamed me in your suicide note. I'd laugh, I'd cheer, I'd throw a party and get fucking drunk. Hell, I'd buy a fucking plane ticket to dance on your fucking grave. Grow the fuck up, you arrogant little child, and show some fucking humility like the three people you supposedly "admire" did, and all the millions of superior writers who you should admire. You're not a writer and you never will be.
- I enjoy reading TBM. Yes I am a fan, so yes i am biased. You know, I wouldn't really mind everyone ranting on about TBM and how 'crap' it is. I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion on a piece of art released onto the internet. fair does. BUT. I find it horrendous and despicable that you could choose to insult the author. Her personality has nothing to do in this argument, and I really find that an "educated motherfucker" like you is allowed to slate someone you've never met.
- Just to clarify, I said that about American television, not literature - I find most of what it has to offer to be pretty inane. American television has produced The Twilight Zone. What have you produced that measures up to the worst episode from that show? You'll notice that Rod Serling didn't run to the thesaurus for dialogue, but actually wrote sentences that people might actually say aloud.
- ...it couldn't possibly be that there exists diversity in personal tastes, surely? If a writing/speech/grammatical style hasn't been used for a hundred years or so, and is no longer consumed with nearly as much frequency or regard as it was three generations ago, it couldn't be that times, tastes and influences have changed, could it? Surely not. Your writing may have an audience, but it won't be found here.
- Just to point out the cherry on top - she got the symptoms of CJD wrong. Also, the "misdiagnosis" is incredibly far-fetched. Any doctor would've known that a gibbering, hallucinating, demented wreck (that Nora should've been) isn't suffering from depression but from a neurological disorder. However, since Nora displayed none of those symptoms on the comic and simply died of ennui ... well, that says a lot about Miss Cooper's research skills. Also, there isn't a cure for CJD and there likely won't be one for decades. Prions have only recently been discovered and the ways they slow down CJD and similar illnesses are nowhere near pill form. Hell, they're not even sure if they can slow it down. Finally, how the fuck did Nora get CJD? It's not a common illness and it can only be trasmitted via direct contact with infected tissues, so I guess Nora liked playing in rotting, demented brains. It also occurs spontaneously, sometimes, but the chances are one in a million. Actually, five in a billion if you're under 30, according to our friend Wiki. Not to mention, the disease, like other prion illnesses, probably incubates for decades. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to kill off a character's sibling, pick a fucking plausible illness that isn't immediately recognisable as "something seriously fucking wrong" to anyone with a medical degree.
- You'll notice that Rod Serling didn't run to the thesaurus for dialogue, but actually wrote sentences that people might actually say aloud. This concept is so alien to Cooper that it's a waste of time even trying to explain it to her.
- But you find my work inane...it couldn't possibly be that there exists diversity in personal tastes, surely? I mean, I keep hearing about this subjectivity thing...but it's not real, right? See this is exactly what I was talking about earlier. "MY FAAAANS LIKE IT! SURELY MY FAAAAANS ARE RIGHT! WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, YOU'RE NOT A FAAAAN OF MINE." You know, Eleanor, now that I'm not in the BSS thread and have no fear of potentially being banned, I have to say that I hate you more than any webcomic author I have ever met on the internet. Your webcomic is total garbage. Your attitude is total garbage. You're a duplicitous cunt. You're an obvious attention-whoring bitch. Your writing is more dull than Terracciano's yet you somehow have an ego that's greater than Tim Buckley and Scott Ramsoomair's combined. It's obvious you had never recieved actual criticism in your life until the BSS thread and all the backpedaling in the fucking world isn't going to cover for some of the things you said once you actually recieved honest criticism. Lest you think I'm just attacking you and not your awful, convoluted, turgid, florid, pretentious, cliched, bland, slow-plotted, dimwitted, tiresome, dull, insipid abomination of a webcomic, let me put it to you as bluntly as I can; I would rather read any of the other comics that have been featured on this blog before I read Broken Mirror again. I'd rather read a Dan Brown novel before I read Broken Mirror again. I would rather lock myself up in a room and read nothing but fucking Ayn Rand novels for the rest of my goddamned life before I read Broken Mirror again. Broken Mirror is quite possibly the only comic I have ever read where I felt as if I had wasted not only my time, but an important part of my life in doing so. Fuck you, go to hell, and don't even bother responding to this because there's nothing you can possibly say that I'd want to read.
- Emotionally devastating situations are just handy tools for generating knee-jerk sympathy, in the hands of the vast majority of writers. Not just when it comes to webcomics. But since we ARE talking about webcomics, we get a SPECIAL BONUS: whenever the writer's characters or scenarios are accused of deficiency, they can deflect the entire argument by screeching "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT YOU CRUEL INSENSITIVE JACKASS DON'T YOU HATE ______ (CHILD ABUSE/RAPE/DEATH) LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!?!?! ;__;" and let the wank take over. Oh, how wonderful the internet is. Take away all the tragedy in Galen's life. Assume he grew up with nice parents, his girlfriend never flipped shit, et cetera. What kind of person is he? I didn't actually read the rest of the comic (oh god that prose, PUT AWAY YOUR THESAURUS AND SHOW DON'T TELL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD) but I'm open to hearing well-thought-out answers from any fans in the audience. In her defense, the name "Galen" is not that bad. I went to elementary school with a guy named Galen. But "Ariad Engel Moira" is seriously right out of a Mary Sue Name Generator. I've a weakness for stupid animu made-up names—I'll admit it. But if you're going to take that route you really CAN'T claim your story takes place in England, three years in the future.
- "Subjectivity." Yeah, there's a such thing as that in art/entertainment, but even so, EVERY form of it (prose, comics, music, stand-up comedy, reality TV) has basic standards. There is "good" and "bad" in a subjective way, and then there is "good" and "bad" as in "has the person making this actually learned anything about the actual craft and put an effort into making sure the absolute basic rules of the form are being adhered to?" Those are seriously universal. My chosen art is comedy. There are people I think are genius and people I think aren't funny, but I can still respect that at least most popular comedians, whether I think they suck or not, aren't going to mumble away from the mic, forget their material, or any other number of basic things that a competent person knows better than to do. Comics have standards, too. Just because you can't be bothered to know what they are doesn't mean they don't exist.
- I'm afraid I'm going to have to use the phrase "wall-to-wall shitting dicknipples" in my everyday vernacular. Great ripping (as always). How exactly did the conversation with Miss. Cooper go anyway?
- I think all young aspiring authors are cursed with the tendency to ramble on and on with unnecessary exposition and lack any decent character voice. I know that in my early teens I had that problem. But apparently unlike this bitch I was willing to listen to criticism and acknowledge that my work isn't that great. Part of being a writer is showing others your work and finding the areas you need to improve in. But it seems this egotistical dipshit is just covering her ears going 'La la la. My work is perfect, you're all too dumb to understand it, la la la.' Nice review Solomon. I'll make sure to avoid this turd. Shame though. The art's not bad.
- Can we expect a sequel to this blog entry, John?
- Lim-Dul said... Take a look at some of the best comics written by professionals: Kingdom Come, V for Vendetta, Watchmen. I'm eagerly waiting for the next "Another piece of the puzzle revealed!" comment. You're COMPLETELY retarded. This is a matter of personal taste, not actual information I can use to pinpoint his whereabouts! DO YOU HEAR ME, SOLOMON NO ONE INSULTS THE WOTCH, SHREDDED MOOSE AND DUELING ANALOGS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT THE NOOSE IS TIGHTENING
- "MY FAAAANS LIKE IT! SURELY MY FAAAAANS ARE RIGHT! WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, YOU'RE NOT A FAAAAN OF MINE." Which reminds me of the lyrics of a certain song: We can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well they're no friends of mine
- Basically, what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to kill off a character's sibling, pick a fucking plausible illness that isn't immediately recognisable as "something seriously fucking wrong" to anyone with a medical degree. I think we've established that Cooper doesn't give a shit about research and instead relies upon her inherent knowledge to fill in the gaps. Any errors lie with reality for not being what Cooper decreed it to be.
- How exactly did the conversation with Miss. Cooper go anyway? We believed that writers have to work and improve, she believed she was the perfect writer and responded to every flaw with her work as a "You just don't understand what you're talking about." Disparaged famous playwright Anton Chekhov because, fuck, how could that guy know more than her? Also trash-talked more folk more talented than her. Proceeded to have a meltdown when she realised that everyone thought her stuff was terrible, abandoned the thread without answering any more questions and not a fucking moment too soon. I really can't get across how utterly arrogant she is by summing up like that, though. She basically is the most stuck-up bitch imaginable.
- Can we expect a sequel to this blog entry, John? Probably in a while, yes. It really is an inexhaustible source of bad webcomicry.
- Comics like Boston and Shaun remain untouched while Soloman goes after mediocre comics. Proves he's on the decline. I didn't think this one was bad at all. Just a little slow. And who in their fucking right minds would pay $10 a month for a something awful account! Are you guys that desperate to pay to be trolls??! Whoever is taking the money from you shitheads over at SA forums is laughing all the way to the bank.
- She basically is the most stuck-up bitch imaginable. Having subjected myself to reading that BSS exchange earlier, I think those are the three best words to describe her. It's as if you took Frasier and Niles Crane and remove everything likeable or endearing about them.
- Removed. Sorry.
- "Diamond-encrusted codpiece"? Dr. Rockso reference? My opinion may not matter to you, Mr. Solomon, but let it be known that my respect for your taste in entertainment rose exponentially with this article.
- Comics like Boston and Shaun remain untouched while Soloman goes after mediocre comics. Boston and Shaun, like Gontermann's comics, have been so widely hated that it's hard to really say anything new about it. While I wouldn't mind seeing it sooner or later, I'd prefer it if Solomon tackled new comics.
- Comics like Boston and Shaun remain untouched while Soloman goes after mediocre comics. Proves he's on the decline. I didn't think this one was bad at all. Just a little slow. All bad comics are created equal in the eyes of the Elders of Zion. And who in their fucking right minds would pay $10 a month for a something awful account! Are you guys that desperate to pay to be trolls??! Whoever is taking the money from you shitheads over at SA forums is laughing all the way to the bank. I bet you think "SA is very well named, amirite????" is the pinnacle of online humour.
- Comics like Boston and Shaun remain untouched while Soloman goes after mediocre comics. Proves he's on the decline. I didn't think this one was bad at all. Just a little slow. Say what? Review Boston and Shaun? You must be mistaken! Boston and Shaun is a masterpiece! There isn't a finer work of literature in the entire history of mankind! And who in their fucking right minds would pay $10 a month for a something awful account! Are you guys that desperate to pay to be trolls??! Whoever is taking the money from you shitheads over at SA forums is laughing all the way to the bank. It's $80 a month, actually.
- "Diamond-encrusted codpiece"? Dr. Rockso reference? My opinion may not matter to you, Mr. Solomon, but let it be known that my respect for your taste in entertainment rose exponentially with this article. I was considering working in "Broken Mirror needs to be more... zazzy" but it's so fucking bad that nothing short of the cleansing power of white-hot nuclear fire would improve it.
- nothing short of the cleansing power of white-hot nuclear fire would improve it Now there's an idea. A variation on the neutron bomb: a weapon that destroys bad webcomics but leaves the Internet infrastructure intact.
- Hey, in a bizzarre twist of coincidence Mark Twain once wrote an essay "The Literary Offences of Fenimore Cooper" where he totally reamed Cooper for writing crappy romantic (read: epic) fiction novels. If you can read this, you should, since many of the offences that Fenimore Cooper committed are the same that our dear Elanor Cooper committed. Some of which include: Rule #5: "They (romantic fiction) require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, ..., and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say." Rule #10: "They require that the author should make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he should make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad." and the list goes on...too much for this comments section. Hell, the artificial plot devices (child abuse, rare disease, drug use, etc.) are also so tangible that a daytime soap opera is more interesting. Just a little literary food for thought....hmmm, steak.
- As an aspiring writer, one thing I've learned is: say what you mean to say in as few words as possible. The following sentence; "Ariad, what the hell are you... This is about... You're taking cocaine!" could have easily been shortened to just; "You're taking cocaine!" Same meaning, less words. I suggest the author borrow the book "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White from her local library. Written for aspiring writers, but applies to comics just as much. Her dialogue and pacing really needs some tightening.
- Proceeded to have a meltdown when she realised that everyone thought her stuff was terrible, abandoned the thread without answering any more questions and not a fucking moment too soon. Link to thread please, tia.
- STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE WHILST I GO AND GET SOME ICE CREAMS. I think that sentence alone sums up her writing. You could cut out the rest of the review and just leave that and it would be equally scathing. Oh hey, this was up for like 4 WCCAs too, by the way. ICE CREAMS
- Apparently she's from Finland. I wonder if that horrible prose might have something to do with English being a second language? Doesn't excuse it, of course...but I wonder if that might explain it.
- Eleanor Cooper is not a Finnish name by any stretch of the imagination. She's English. "English is my second language", incidentally, it a piss-poor excuse. I'm a native Russian speaker and yet I don't write like I churn every word through a dictionary and a thesaurus.
- Apparently she's from Finland. I wonder if that horrible prose might have something to do with English being a second language? Actually, she really was born in England and emigrated to Finland, so she really doesn't have an excuse.
- "In her defense, the name "Galen" is not that bad. I went to elementary school with a guy named Galen. But "Ariad Engel Moira" is seriously right out of a Mary Sue Name Generator. I've a weakness for stupid animu made-up names—I'll admit it. But if you're going to take that route you really CAN'T claim your story takes place in England, three years in the future." Darn right they're stupid names if you're going to make them British. In my experience, you're more likely to get kids named after alcohol spirits, cities, or celebrities. "Dinner's ready, Shiraz! Stop playing with Brooklyn and Lindsay and come inside!" Anyway. Great stuff, John Solomon. Your blog is witty and entertaining. "ICE CREAMS", indeed.
- I'd like to save everyone five and a half years of trudging through shit and give the ending right now: MAIN CHARACTER FINDS OUT HE'S BEEN IN DominO THE WHOLE TIME!
- So, you piss away 2500 words to bitch about a comic being too wordy when 250 words would of gotten your point across. Her writing is near unreadable due to arrogance. You're writing is near unreadable due to excessive swearing. You piss and moan about how she can't take criticism while at the same time disregarding every bit of criticism laid upon you. and Cooper should get a room Johnny? You two make a cute couple and let's face it "Elanor Solomon" has a ring to it. Feel free to disregard my criticism love bird. :D
- Anon- The difference is that one is readable and one isn't- also 2500 is nothing compared to 5 years of comic.
- "English is my second language", incidentally, it a piss-poor excuse. I'm a native Russian speaker and yet I don't write like I churn every word through a dictionary and a thesaurus. Lilith, I don't think it even qualifies to be an excuse(piss-poor as it may be). It is what we commonly call in the audio recording community as the "good musician law".
- Komiyan- Hey now, don't cock-block Johnny.
- It's when somebody disses a person's skill on a certain instrument and then, said person or somebody close to him retches out "Well, he's a very good musician" or something along those lines. The most weak, gutless sentences you can imagine will do. Even that(formerly) funny misanthrope from that other site has used it Of course, being the well-documented asshole that he is, he tried to rename it. But the meaning gets across.
- Oh hey, this was up for like 4 WCCAs too God, the WCCAs...I see that Questionable Content won four awards this year. Four fucking awards. Including "Best Character Development" and "Best Dramatic Content" when the characters just sit around and fucking yack in 98% of the strips. The only major plot development in the last few hundred strips was Faye revealing her backstory about dead daddykins which is why she can't date Marten, supposedly. This then led to...her becoming less bitchy? Her coming to terms with issues of trust and feelings about men? No. It led to...Marten and Dora going out. Woohoo! How exciting. "Ah, but what about Faye going into therapy?" you say. Yeah, we get maybe a week's worth of strips with the therapist...whom we never see again. Is she still even getting therapy? If so, it ain't taking, because Faye's just as bitchy and borderline-alcoholic as ever. Not to mention that Marten still has yet to grow some balls or a spine. What "character development"? What "drama"? Seriously, whom did Jeph Jacques have to go down on in order to get these awards? At least the WCCA people have enough grey matter in their collective skulls to recognize Perry Bible Fellowship. And, albeit with one measely "Environmental Design" award, Gunnerkrigg Court. (Maybe if Tom Siddell had prostituted himself with the WCCA committee? Oh God, I shouldn't even say that in jest.) But then, these awards obviously aren't worth the minimal bandwidth they consume. Fuck the WCCAs and fuck Questionable Content; I'll read it no more.
- Hey, John, I don't know if you have noticed yet, but she has already created a thread on her forums asking people to "rant and rave" against your review. It's so sad and pathetic. Isn't it the fans who usually create those types of threads? Then again, maybe when you have to start half the threads in each of your forums, you don't have enough fans to rely on for backup. However, it perfectly describes her "desperately seeking validation for [her] terrible work, going so far as to ignore all criticism and surrounding [herself] in the warm cotton wool of the Culture of Nice." Oh, and I did laugh when she called her fans her minions. I can't fathom being so desperate for attention that I would have to ask people to post nice things about my comic and mean things about negative criticism. El feels butthurt.
- Murphycacho: You took the words right out of my mouth. I can vividly remember a time when every one of my writing attempts contained paragraphs of useless, shitty descriptions. In high school. 10 years ago. Since she is apparently attempting to channel Dickens, I'd like to take a moment to channel Oscar Wilde: One would have to have a heart of stone to read the beating of little Galen without laughing. Wait a minute. I'm an english major. I'm an amateur writer. I've got a half-written story that contains such well-used plot devices as vampires and the main character's wife dying. YES! Surely I have all the elements needed to make a shitty, text-heavy webcomic! To the Photoshop!
- And look, as of 4:35 PM EST, she's gotten three whole replies, one of which merely asks why she's bothering to give a review she so dislikes more attention. The other whopping two replies are of the mindless fanboy/girl "Yeah, you tell that meanie!" sort. That's an impressive fanbase you have there, chickie-poo.
- The cat faces under the usernames in her forum annoy me. Sure, it's such a small thing, but it's such a "pathetic cat lady" thing to do. I almost feel sorry for El, truth be told. She wants to be a good writer but she doesn't have the stamina or the self-hatred to carry it off. Still, there's no excuse for verbosity. She should read Camus' The Outsider and learn how beautifully ideas and characters can be expressed in a book slightly thicker than the average tabloid.
- Oh, and I did laugh when she called her fans her minions. I can't fathom being so desperate for attention that I would have to ask people to post nice things about my comic and mean things about negative criticism. (link) Aww, -- anonymous beat me to wanky forum thread. :( Her post reminds me a little more of the Wicked Witch of the West sending off her flying monkeys. "Eeheehee, get them my pretties!" ^____________^ Though I do find it funny that she seems to have a TURKISH HACKERS!!! problem and never noticed.
- STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE WHILST I GO AND GET SOME ICE CREAMS. I'd spend $15 for that on a T-shirt. Oh, and before anyone brings this up again? The Bigger than Cheezes was a swipe at WebSnark.. kinda says so in the title of that particular strip, doesn't it?
- I'm sure you hate cliche internet sayings but: oh god I want to marry you so hard right now. I find your reviews hilarious, even when they're about webcomics I read (I can't agree more about most of the things you said about Dominic Deegan, esp. the alliterative "punchlines"). You have perfect analogies and insult furries - what's not to love! I have to wonder what you'd say about some of the comics I read. Of course, I am a Fandom Wank Evil Bitch, so ...
- It saddens me deeply that there's another E. Cooper, English Major running around out there, and she writes like this.
- Of course, I am a Fandom Wank Evil Bitch, so ... Hate to break it to you, but you're spot-on. I can't speak for the rest of the writers, but I, personally, don't feel comfortable with the attention we're getting. That Shredded Moose review attracted an amount of response that I'd never before seen. It depresses me a little that me going to town on shitty webcomics is going to make me a lot more known and respected than me trying to do something constructive (like, say, a comic or a novel). Also, it's damn puzzling that people think I'm funny. My sense of humour is on par with a clam's. I laughed at VG Cats a couple of times, for fuck's sake.
- Yeah, and one post is copy&pasted from the comments section of this blog - now we know who has written it - some fanboy/girl with over 2000 posts on the Broken Words Comics forum (ha, ha, and he/she dares to say somebody's "fat"). Ah, and the first one has practically stricken "Bingo!" in one sentence. Way to go, losers!
- lilith: People like it when people say what other people want to say. This blog's sort of struck a vein of seething resentment that hasn't been properly mined very often, if ever. Hence the attention from both sides - the ones cheering as they see you pulling out these heinous clumps of crap and the ones yelping as said clumps are held up to the light. You know, the best thing about lax language on the Internet isn't netspeak. It's being able to use mediocre metaphors without shame.
- It depresses me a little that me going to town on shitty webcomics is going to make me a lot more known and respected than me trying to do something constructive (like, say, a comic or a novel). If it helps, Lilith, you'll only be famous on the internet, which as we all know doesn't really count.
- Lilith said: It depresses me a little that me going to town on shitty webcomics is going to make me a lot more known and respected than me trying to do something constructive (like, say, a comic or a novel). You should be depressed. You and Solomon spend most of your hate energy on WEBCOMICS of all things! And that is more pathetic than any webcomic could possibly be. This shows that you and John are completely out of touch with reality and have never faced a true life challenge. It shows you've lived a pampered and privileged life and you're jaded because of it. Whenever you do have your first life challenge, say cancer or a close personal tragedy, you won't know how to deal with it. At that point, you'll realize how you're wasting your life away at this and find something more worthwhile to spend your energies on. Either that or you'll fall deeper into the pathetic pit you already reside in.
- lol
- Anon 22:32, how do you know the writers on this blog don't in fact spend their time on other projects? Answer: You don't. You simply assume that their entire lives are consumed with bashing bad webcomics. As if you have a crystal ball and can follow their actions 24/7.
- "You should be depressed. You and Solomon spend most of your hate energy on WEBCOMICS of all things! And that is more pathetic than any webcomic could possibly be. This shows that you and John are completely out of touch with reality and have never faced a true life challenge." Holy shit, it's almost like all the cosmic powers of the universe are trying NOT making any sense. Maybe... John and Lilith are trapped in DominO?
- giant robots flying through oceans in space Please tell me this is a Gurren Lagann reference. Much as I enjoy the show, I would definitely expect to see it on a hypothetical "Your Anime is Bad and You Should Feel Bad" blog.
- Okay, guys, you've got to try this. Start reading Broken Mirror from the very beginning, only ignore the text. Just look at the art. The art is not half bad--if mildly anime-influenced--and those landscapes at the very beginning are impressive. Ignoring the text solves problems with pacing and dialogue, and allows the drawings to serve for characterization. It's still not anything incredible, it's still sort of mundane and prosaic, but Broken Mirror is actually tolerable if you watch it on mute.
- I'm working on making a graphic novel, and seeing over a hundred pages dedicated to a prologue is shocking. My prologue is about seven pages long, if that, and there is barely any dialog. This is one of the worst examples of "telling, not showing" I've ever seen.
- Yeah, really lousy webcomic. I wouldn't need a review to know to avoid it, just skimming through the beginning would do it. But SomethingAwful, I'll just say that it's a fucking lame place which had it's glory in the past. And I'm just talking about the site. The forum that you have to pay to nerd yourself in, no comment.
- Ugh... I've read every review on this site. Most of the comics on here just make me go "haha that comic DOES suck!", and then some make me angry because because they're sexist, racist, whatever. This comic, makes me angry BECAUSE it's bad on such a basic level. For MST3K fans, I think this is the "Manos: The Hands of Fate" of webcomics. It's so painful to read that even when it's being ripped apart, I still can't enjoy it. That's something that no other comic on here has been able to do to me.
- Lilith: Okay? I'm sorry you feel that way, but if you aren't comfortable with it, why do it? I thought your review of Shredded Moose was great, by the way, even though it meant that I had to be introduced to that insanely horrifying piece of crap. It depresses me a little that me going to town on shitty webcomics is going to make me a lot more known and respected than me trying to do something constructive (like, say, a comic or a novel). You don't really know that, though. I'm note really sure why you think that - a lot more people buy books than read this site. (That sounds awkward, sorry.) Also, it's damn puzzling that people think I'm funny. I was actually saying that John was funny. I laughed at VG Cats a couple of times, for fuck's sake. I've laughed at VG Cats. I've enjoyed Dominic Deegan and I like Shortpacked and plenty of comics that would get roasted on here. I've argued with people over relationships in Harry Potter. My point here is that I have a broad sense of humor and no sense of shame. I like to read over-the-top reviews of bad things. I have seen too much crap on the internet and dealt with too many stupid people. Anonymous 22:32: Oh, anonymous. Do you realize that you almost sound like a parody of yourself?
- I just realized something. If the comic is set in 2010, and it will take at least another 4 years to produce under the best of circumstances, won't the comic's future time period be in the past by the time it's done? Or maybe that's the point?
- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! The text in that comic is so damned small, I couldn't even be assed to read it. Regardless, it looks like a shit comic all the same. This guy could really work on his coloring skills.
- On DominO, I think it's going to be this particular Mary Sue's Vanilla Sky. You know they retreat there 'cause it's better than all the suck and misdiagnosed diseases and coke whore ex girlfriends and crispy critter abusive parents. But then something happens in the annoyingly ice-creams-riffic false world that convinces the whiny hero that it's better to live in the 'real world' and he chooses to give up the game. Okay? It's going to be an 800 page epic that is wholly unoriginal. But it's going to take ages to crawl to these cliche plot points.
- a-bloo-bloo-bloo, i read a blog called "your webcomic is bad and you should feel bad" and get upset when either 1) the author calls a webcomic bad and tells the comic's author that they should feel bad. I enjoy comics where nothing happens and live with cats. 2) the author finds a new, horrible, hilarious comic to make fun of, instead of something that's so reknowned in its awfulness that making fun of it is a cliché. Please tell jokes about Boston and Shaun. I read 4chan because jokes are only funny the hundredth time. there you go solomon, you can close your blog now because i am so upset at you!!!
- A-BLOO-BLOO-BLOO. Question for Solomon: how can we recommend a terrible webcomic for you to consider without coming across as a fanboyish/girlish, wannabe "me-too" asshole?
- Imagine this exchange instead: "Cocaine!" "They're... They're making it legal, damn it!" "That's not the..." "And what about what I want? You've never loved me!" "You're on cocaine!" "Always! I'm looking for a way out!" "You bastard!" "You're a fucking coward!" In the time it took me to fire up microsoft word, I just cut over 550 words (from 589 to 37) from that awful page, and I daresay it makes as much or more sense than it originally did, though why the dominic deegan lookin' dude calls the chick a "bastard" I don't know ("bitch" would have probably been more appropriate).
- This comic review both entertains and scares me at the same time. Not because of the god awful writing and pacing equivalent to that of a sloth moving in bullet time trying to play Operation in a giant tank of molasses in January, but because I actually see parts of myself in her writing. I'm a forum RPer (ready the sage cannons, anonymous), and I used to think I was pretty good and I was being rather unique in my writing, as far as subject matter goes. But then I lost a tournament to a semi-godmodder, and that was a serious kick in the face that I think took until just now to fully sink in. I'm too wordy, I downright suck with dangling modifiers and subject/verb agreement, and sometimes I get lost in my own descriptions. Well, maybe not that last one, but many of my descriptions are really physical and precise and damn excessive. Measurements out the wazoo, left hand goes here, first three fingers bent back, last one and thumb touching, cybernetic butterknife taped to it is preparing a slice of toast, crap like that. But at least I'm damn aware of these flaws (if not then, now) and am(will) be trying to correct them, perhaps by starting with being a bit more vague and leaving it up to the reader to infer what's happened. ...Wait, maybe that's caused because of RPing, where you have to make extra sure the other player knows exactly what you're doing or else he'll take it a different way and bad things will happen and WHAT THE FUCK WHY AM I TALKING SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF JESUS COCK FUCK So yeah, dead ass boring webcomic, writing of a person who needs a serious kick in the ovaries with a boot made of Criticitanium, an artist who needs to loose that bitch as fast as possible, fun fun comment section tiem. All the elements one can expect from YWiBaYSFB. "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams." had me laughing for a good five minutes once you pointed it out, ten if you count the several busts of laughter caused by every other time after that I thought about it or saw it mentioned again. A few seemed capable of catching the Metalocalypse references, so I won't bother with them, but either the "BITCH I'M FLAWLESS" bit is a coincidence, or you read Horribleville.
- I am literally praying to Jesus that this cooper shithole pulls a robert jordan and dies of a horrible disease before finishing this piece of garbage
- Lim-dul said: We can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well they're no friends of mine My comment probably comes in a bit late, but... I kind of think any comic which inspires someone to reference "The Safety Dance" is just inviting mockery.
- Dude. This review sucked worse than the comic. My god, I fell asleep halfway through reading the damn thing. I come here to be amused and you're boring me to tears. Get with the fucking bile already!
- This is definitly one of the best reviews you've done. That last "epic" sentence was great.
- Dude. This review sucked worse than the comic. My god, I fell asleep halfway through reading the damn thing. I come here to be amused and you're boring me to tears. Get with the fucking bile already! it took about 5 minutes to read, it pulled off vitriol without excessive swearing, you're a fucking idiot
- Ouch, this hurts pretty bad and I've only seen the pages you've linked to. Usually, some bizarre masochistic streak compels me to read the entire backlog of terrible comics such as this one, but I'm far too busy alternating games of Nethack with long bouts of staring into space wondering "Why, why, why," so I'll skip on it this time. Oh yeah, I just found out about this place... somehow. It brings back fond memories of the secret community weblog a friend of mine made to make fun of one specific webcomic, day in and day out. Good times. But, making fun of multiple comics is more interesting, and you've got a good amount of humor and what appears to be x-ray vision. Rock on! (Wait, who ends paragraphs with "Rock on" these days?)
- Mazo said: I'm not going to read the comic but I'll go along with whatever Solomon says because I don't have the ability to think for myself. I have to let a glorified troll do the thinking for me. I will forever suck John Solomon's cock just like all the other circle jerk ditto-heads on here.
- hey wait a second thats not what mazo said something strange is going on here
- Wunderbar! Excellent review John Solomon, one of the best, pretty hilarious.
- Ted David, it's called paraphrasing you fucking idiot. But you would have to have at least a three digit IQ to figure that out, which you clearly do not.
- Watch out! Witty comments ahead! It's funny how people who accuse others of low intelligence always sound like retarded hamsters themselves.
- Lim-dul sounds even more intelligent by using the Pee Wee Herman argument, "I know you are but what am I?"
- wait what? three-digit iq? just what are you implying here
- That your a dumb ass desperately trying to sound clever by acting even more stupid than you already are.
- A three-digit IQ is 100-999, which isaverage/above average/genius-level/transcendent lifeform with a head the size of a small car, you unbelievable dumbass. I was expecting good things from the Comments section in this review, and sure enough we are reaching exciting new depths of stupidity with this batch.
- That your a dumb ass desperately trying to sound clever by acting even more stupid than you already are. You're.
- a dumb ass desperately trying to sound clever? now that's just mean-spirited. don't you know that you can hurt people with words like that? here, let me explain. you know how when you pound nails into a board of wood? well you can take the nail out but it will still leave a hole that will never go away. and that's what you're doing when you say mean things like that. you're pounding nails into their heart. and even though i forgive you and thus pull that nail out, i want you to know that the hole will always be there.
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- Ah, the infamous John Solomon. Is that your real name, I wonder? It would be rather ironic if you were to launch all these personal attacks while hiding behind an imagined identity. I have of course heard of you by reputation. Now that I come to actually read one of your reviews, I can see that my fears were justified. Or perhaps disinterest would be a more appropriate word. It is disinterest that has kept me away for so long. As a webcomic reader, this does nothing for me. It is completely uninformative. Am I meant to decide whether or not to read a comic based on this? Am I meant to laugh at your clever reparte? Trouble is it's not that clever. No, I get the distinct impression that this entire exercise is nothing but ego-masturbation. I don't know you, John Solomon, I'd rather not watch you stroke your ego in public. I could defend The Broken Mirror with a long list of reasoned arguments, but I know that is not your style. Is it as well written as Watchmen? Not really. Few comics are. Is it better written than any other comic on the internets? I might be persuaded. It has, get this, complex characterization. And no robots fighting ninjas. Galen's reaction to the death of his parents is not what you would expect. It is what would happen based on his personality and experience. You talk about Elanor's overuse of prose, this is the perfect example of succinctness in action. Remember that the story is only just beginning. For anyone who can survive the first few hundred pages, and I admit those with short attention spans may not, I am convinced the wait will be worth it. Only time will tell for sure. And one final comment. "STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE WHILST I GO AND GET SOME ICE CREAMS." Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. I have no interest in hiding behind a pseudonym. The name I have listed is my actual name.
- Everything about this blog represents the decline of human intellect. The webcomics aren't nearly as dumb as the reviewers themselves. Then the typical commenters are even lower than that. I come here with the morbid fascination of watching group stupidity take a firm hold. It's shocking. Kind of like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
- Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. ahahahaha AHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
- "STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE WHILST I GO AND GET SOME ICE CREAMS." Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. Anyone from Oxford care to confirm/deny this gentleman's obvious lie?
- "I've looked around and not found much. I just discovered several forums full of people engaging in this 'circle-jerking' phenomenon." you mean THIS circle jerking phenomenon? "this comic sucks!" "yeah! high five!" pathetic.
- "I come here with the morbid fascination of watching group stupidity take a firm hold. It's shocking. Kind of like watching a train wreck in slow motion" What kind of sick bastard likes to watch a train wreck in slow motion?
- It's impossible to read this comic, as I cant even see the text. When it's on the background it can hardly be seen, and when it's in a text bubble it's too tiny
- Jonathon Dalton: For someone who feigns disinterest, you certainly seem to have quite a bit to say. And also, you fucking numbskull, don't you get it? The man feeds off of this kind of reaction. Actual disinterest would speak more loudly and effectively against him than any argument, however rational, would. I'm certain it amuses him to no end to see people like you yammering away on the comments page. But then, what do I know? I enjoy the vitriolic rantings of a man who seems to believe that simply because a thing is free, does not excuse a lack of quality.
- oh my god it's like shooting fish in a barrel oh dear lord
- So, I asked my British friend about this whole "Stay here for a minute whilst I go and get some ice creams." He said he would say "whilst" but would say "ice cream" as to "ice creams" Happy Mediums to all
- It has, get this, complex characterization Complex characterization? Are you out of your fucking gourd? I've seen more complex characterization in your average Bazooka Joe comic. The characters are archetypal (and even stereotypical) at best and completely one-dimensional at worst. Galen is the tortured soul kept away from what he loves. How many times have I heard this one before? Given how many shitty stories I've had to critique, way too fucking often. Elanor not only doesn't bring anything new to that equation, she doesn't even make this tired formula interesting. It's nothing more than "bad things happen to Galen constantly." Bad things happening to a character doesn't count as characterization unless these bad things, you know, actually change the character in some way. Galen has been the exact same fucking bland-as-hell guy since his first appearance. Gee, how deep. I'm not even going to get into the other characters since they're all stereotypes or worse. And no robots fighting ninjas. I enjoy how you're falling on the Elanor tactic of "since you don't understand this comic's obvious genius, you're obviously a moron." You know what they say, overbearingly arrogant minds often think alike! Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. Oh really now? Bizarrely, looking at your website, the only places you seem to mention having visited are Canada and Taiwan. Now I'm not saying you're lying here, but I would think that you would have mentioned having stayed in England long enough to become totally familiar with one of its regional dialects.
- Jonathan Dalton wrote: disinterest Well, sort of. "Disinterest" is a word better suited to describing a lack of bias or a state of neutrality. It means not having a vested interest in the outcome of a situation; it's the kind of trait you'd want a judge to have. "Uninterest" sounds less impressive, but it's actually a more accurate description of your apathy. I also correct people about proper use of "begging the question." I'm kind of lame that way.
- Jackson: The world needs more grammar nazis. It might be a more irritating world to live in, but I long for a day when people don't use "ignorant" to mean "stupid," or in some other capacity that infers things drastically different from its actual meaning.
- you wanna see an EPIC bad comic? i'm talking....really bad comic...its everything a bad comic can be and more. 1.A furry who thinks he can draw when he really can't and won't take critism about it. 2. EXTREME sick violence that/sickly sweet love scenes/dark past=substitute for character development 3.did I mention horrible art? You think you know bad webcomics? you don't know JACK. http://www.pholph.com/index.php?Strip=1092 the king of all bad furry webcomics.
- Wow. We got a couple of sycophants to defend this piece of shit, don't we? Sure, their comments are nothing like that cocksucker Tangents, but they're still good for a chuckle, and not really worth even replying to. ... Regardless: Is that your real name, I wonder? Why the fuck are you even asking, even if it's rhetorical? Jesus Christ Dalton, for someone who seems to barely care about this blog, you sure have a lot of retarded shit to say about it.
- Oh really now? Bizarrely, looking at your website, the only places you seem to mention having visited are Canada and Taiwan. Now I'm not saying you're lying here, but I would think that you would have mentioned having stayed in England long enough to become totally familiar with one of its regional dialects. Look again, mate. My bio hasn't been updated in years. Since then I've spent 14 months living in a crummy council flat in Bow Church. Mind you the East End is a long way from Oxford. Wolf has a good point of course. On that note...
- What really gets me going is the fact that folks like Johnathan Dalton keep writing these factless, banal comments and then posting them to the forum page on TBM's website. It's like "tee-hee, I just called sololomon a doo-doo head - look!" And then when their argument is torn to shreds and they're left without a pot to piss in, they have no response and run away, never to be seen again (except on the TBM board, but who cares about that.)
- Even ignoring the webcomic in the background (and the art really is acting like a cardboard cutout behind the throbbing, engorged verbosity), that writing stinks. No, really. It reads like an attempt to emulate Dickens, but without all the clear language and fast-paced, white-knuckle plotlines. If you are describing things that are currently drawn in the artwork of the panels, and you are not writing a character's internal thought processes, then you are not making a webcomic. You are forcing some poor schlub to illustrate your novel. To Cooper: Please, stop. Read some Hemingway and some Twain. Learn how to show us things instead of tell us (at interminable length) and find a way to create "depth" for characters apart from hackneyed "tragic" events. P.S. - Real people talk without compound-complex sentences or lengthy poetic meditations. It's called idiom. Look it up sometime.
- I enjoy the fact that everyone who's trying to post scathing comments on this "Horribly bad and not worth paying attention to" review promptly copy-pastes it back to the TBM forums for a round of congratulatory back-pats and mutual masturbation. Also, I was going to yell bingo after Dalton's post but you don't have "That's not his real name" anywhere on the card. :/
- I only want to comment on the accusations of jumping on the webcomic-hate bandwagon. I can only speak for myself but I don't know and don't care about most comics reviewed here. I come to this blog purely for entertainment purposes because I find the reviews funny AND I find the comments by some morons defending bad webcomics funny, so this site means like double-fun to me. No, it's actually triple-fun since the webcomics being reviewed here are also hilariously bad. Now, even if I don't care about most webcomics I CAN tell a bad comic from a good one and I don't need John to point this fact out for me - I just read his (or any other author's) review, have a laugh, check out the given comic myself and have a laugh and then look into the comments section to have a third laugh. I agree with John on most things he writes about webcomics NOT because I want to be part of some community but because I have a working brain. If people are united by realizing the obvious truth, then are they circle-jerking or just fucking normal? It's as if you were saying that John writes about the sky being blue (in a funny way) and criticize other people for agreeing with him. It's YOU, bad-webcomic-fanboys and girls, that need to fucking realize that the really sky is blue and not the shitty-brown color bad webcomic artists make you believe it is. Forming whole groups of people who convince themselves that bad is good and black is white and high-five each other while doing so - now THAT'S circle-jerking. Bad webcomics have obviously poisoned your minds to the extent where you can't discern fact from fiction - or you were THAT fucked up in the first place - I don't know. Whatever the case we're (at least I am) here just to see some terminally bad webcomics and have a good laugh at them and their authors and it's a fucking FACT that they are bad. If you can't see that then fucking see a psychiatrist. Like I said before I'm getting really, REALLY good laughs off this blog and you make fucking morons of yourselves by even coming to this blog to defend bad webcomics - don't you realize that it's people like you that make us laugh the most? Stick to your pathetic communities where your "wisdom" might be welcomed by others who are equally fucked up - you won't find any of them here.
- This comic's biggest fault is not really wordiness. A good writer can make even that work. It's just that the words in question are fucking badly written and boring. People like the crazy bitch who writes this shit must be the reason so many of my fellow Finns hate immigrants. I wonder if writing fucking bad comics is on the list of reasons you can get deported for...
- P.S. Jonathon Dalton - it's sad to see you making such an idiot of yourself with all these comments because I checked out your site and your work isn't bad. What's wrong with you that you need to defend a piece of shit like "The Broken Mirror" whilst you yourself are able to outdo it on every possible level? Must be the brain-poison in the form of bad webcomics I've been talking about...
- God, even reading the examples was drudgery. A stain on the web this is (then again, it's more like a little turd in an ocean of piss). As an ex-animu addict, I think that the shitty dialogue comes at least in part from Japanese comics/cartoons. As that stuff is in great part marketed to geeks, the main characters tend to be really awkward (ie unable to hold up a normal conversation) and female strangers tend to walk up to him and offer/demand to jump his bones. In Cooper's case, there are symptoms of that as well as the common Emo. If we are talking about writers that could show Cooper a thing or two about prose...One both verbose and good at characterization, yet British, is H. H. Munro. He creates interesting characters in stories three to ten pages long, often by telling about them. -Charles Frederick
- If I wanted to read a large chunk of text I'd read a book. Wordiness in most cases is a large distraction from the pictures, which should, when done properly, tell a good portion of the story themselves. Wordiness in a strip is the authors fault for not knowing how to be concise, the artists fault for not being able to properly tell a story with pictures, or a mix of both. The fault here generally seems to fall on the writer, as the illustration is rather nice. Show, don't tell. First rule of any entry level college English course.
- Thank you Lim-dul for writing 11 paragraphs justifying why you act like an ass. Why dont you just start your own blog called "My posts are long and pointless" so people who dont give a shit dont have to read them here.
- I enjoy the fact that everyone who's trying to post scathing comments on this "Horribly bad and not worth paying attention to" review promptly copy-pastes it back to the TBM forums for a round of congratulatory back-pats and mutual masturbation. God I love it when people do that. I mean, it's one thing to post "Hey guys look what I wrote to that meanie! (blah blah blah link)" it's entirely another to post "CUT AND PASTE (inane essay)," because that IS mutual masturbation to the highest degree. For some it also comes off as a pathetic cry for attention in a meager forum community dedicated to a shit webcomic that was only just published by a small publishing house, and that will likely never see print in any other country by any other major publishing house. Which is fucking depressing. I understand that publishing shit was a part of the literary community, but Cooper and her little minions get me down. I weep for humanity. (God, even the Brew shit wasn't enough to make me feel this badly. Kudos to you Cooper, you hack bitch.)
- I wish I could have messengers of christmas rain vengeance upon my critics one by one outside the internet like these people do... How long has the internet been around now? Grow up people. Sounding mean and Freddy Kruegerish is passé to the point where it feels like a crowded NYC train with a black preacher swearing off a homeless doomsday prophet. I pretty much enjoy this reviews and of course I don't agree with every single subject pointed out in them. If I did,then chances are I ve been reading something I wrote,and not another person
- I look forward to seeing Looking for Group taste eternal justice...
- "What kind of sick bastard likes to watch a train wreck in slow motion?" ME. MOTHERFUCKER.
- The overall point is there is no reason to read this comic, ever. You could read an equally bad comic that perhaps relies on a gag-a-day method with few words, and at least be done with it quickly, or read something actually good and save yourself the pain all around. This comic is so god damn time consuming and it gives you nothing to justify the time spent. That's why the wordiness is so horrible.
- I'm amazed that the word "snout" hasn't shown up here. It's animu on a Deegan-like level. Even when seen from behind, the characters' mouths creep backwards towards their ears.
- Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. I'm curious, do they also end half their speech in ellipses in Middle England?... Like they constantly do in this comic... Just asking...
- Whenever I read any of Eleanor's posts or any of her "minions"' posts, I'm reminded of that Family Guy bit where Peter thinks he's a genius because he won a game of trivial pursuit. "Well, John Solomon, since you asked, I find your review rather shallow and pedantic." So yeah, that's what she is to me. A fat retarded man trying desperately to sound smart by repeating fancy words he heard somewhere. And yes, I know quoting family guy isn't exactly highbrow comedy, but looking at something like the Broken Mirror really saps your creative energy.
- I used to think John Solomon was British, so in my head I always read the reviews with a British accent. Now I know he is familiar with using dollars as a form of currency so now I think he is Australian. So in my head now I will read the reviews with an Australian accent. It makes them even better.
- "I used to think John Solomon was British, so in my head I always read the reviews with a British accent. Now I know he is familiar with using dollars as a form of currency so now I think he is Australian. So in my head now I will read the reviews with an Australian accent. It makes them even better." I read your comment with a baby accent. It made it less pathetic.
- Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. Haven't heard people talk like this. Lived in Oxford since January, and haven't heard people talk like this. Oxford is an excellent example of people not talking like this, as unsurprisingly most people aren't students, but locals with funny accents.
- I wonder if Cooper is a Bulwer-Lytton fan, seems to enjoy a similar style. Hell, I bet she could go far in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, take this sentence from page eight: "The evening advanced so slowly, it was as though eternity passed beneath those mountains in the East, splashed turquoise ink as though from the pen in his pocket and the clouds in the West, that glowed like a huge shining lake of rainbows which drowned the sun." A better sense of humor, not to mention a more realistic appraisal of herself, and she might have a good chance at winning it.
- "Epics" that go absolutely nowhere with great haste include Wapsi Square and The Draconia Chronicles. Neither strip really belongs here as both have arguably decent art (though both are long past their artistic peaks), but GOD, somebody learn these here people some pacing!
- Ah, the infamous John Solomon. Is that your real name, I wonder? It would be rather ironic if you were to launch all these personal attacks while hiding behind an imagined identity. I have of course heard of you by reputation. This guy sounds like he thinks he's Ernst Blofeld meeting James Bond for the first time. If he offers you some fine cognac, I advise you not to drink it; he's probably trying to lure you into an elaborate deathtrap.
- I was forgiving of this webcomic until I learned that the writing and artwork were done by two separate people.
- On the contrary, Wapsi Square absolutely deserves to be reviewed here, for the terrible writing alone if nothing else. Paul Taylor can't write a punchline or a distinct character voice to save his life. He has an enraging habit of ending his strips with Profound Insights which are really just ham-fisted, preachy and shallow platitudes that only serve to spotlight his cardboard, ineffectual prose. And of course, his idea of dense plotting and intrigue is to front-load the whole damn thing with mountains of inane and incongruous "plot twists," maybe advancing the plot once for every five of the goddamn red herrings he continually adds to the whole teetering mess. Wapsi was bad enough when it had no aspirations beyond lukewarm sitcommy somnambulance, but Taylor is in hilariously over his head with this almost four-years-running pseudo-mystical X-Files meets Harry Potter and the Silken J-Cups bullcrap. And don't even get me started on the blatant yet ass-covering way he panders to his audience. I still recall all too well the insufferably coy and inexcusably turgid "Is Shelley a lez-been?" interlude which had his insane fans practically howling for some good old-fashioned scissor-fighting and clam-schmackin'. He's always drawing his women in awkwardly sexual, objectifying poses, yet he proudly states that he'll never draw a nipple. This is what's known as "the worst of both worlds." Whatever, dude. All your fans want to see your characters nude and fucking, and you know it. Way to hang onto some professional dignity that you don't actually have. The art gets no pass from me either. While he clearly possesses drawing chops most other webcartoonists conspicuously lack, he rarely uses them to any great effect. I used to think his weird, Muppet-like women were kind of charming, but they've now mutated into forms that are nothing less than freakish. The strip is also looking a lot more flat and rushed these days... for whatever reason I won't hazard a guess, but any snap the art may have had seems to be gone. Of course, no bad webcomic worth its salt would be complete without a community of deluded, touchy sycophants flinging rose petals at the feet of the auteur, masturbating out loud over the characters they want to have sex with, and lustily calling for the blood of any infidels (i.e. anyone who thinks the comic anything but perfect) who might invade the sanctity of their fetid troll cave. Well, Wapsi does not disappoint on that count either. Do check out the "Wapsi Girl Project" if you need to up your daily dose of horror, but don't blame me if you go blind. Christ, I could go on and on, but something this mediocre barely warrants the attention I've already given it. All told, it's a big stinky stew of pablum, spoiled herring and nerd jizz, passable art propping up some absolutely miserable writing. You'd have to be fucking insane to still care about the resolution of his Aztec McGuffin storyline after, what, four fucking years of it?
- I've never understood the "using real names to express your opinions on the Internet" argument. Why does this matter in the least? Dalton, are you going to track down and mail angry letters to people that offended you (this would be hilarious, by the way)? Even better, would you actually try to track down the person and waste tons of money to fly over there and punch the guy in the face? If not, then why else would you need to know their name? You aren't going to do anything that translates to their real life, so there's no need to know their real name. What happens on the Internet stays on the Internet, at least with something as unimportant as webcomics. As long as you keep a consistent nickname on here, why does it matter what it is? You seem to suggest that launching "personal attacks while hiding behind an imagined identity" is a terrible thing to do. You know what? The vast majority of people online don't use their real names anyway. According to your argument, practically no one on the Internet can talk badly about anyone else because they are using made up names. I just can't comprehend how anyone could believe this. Have you ever been on the Internet outside of your own little webcomic community before? I'd be convinced that you are a troll if your profile didn't link to an actual webcomic, because your naivety is amazing.
- And now for some fisking. (I think.) It's been done by others already, but darnit, let me have my fun, darnit. Is that your real name, I wonder? It would be rather ironic if you were to launch all these personal attacks while hiding behind an imagined identity. Likewise, it would be rather ironic if you were to launch all these personal attacks without having read the rest of the site and noted that this is, indeed, a pseudonym. I have of course heard of you by reputation. Now that I come to actually read one of your reviews, I can see that my fears were justified. For those of you who have read Beowulf or its ilk, you will recognize this as the opening to a heroic boast, usually delivered shortly before the hero sets off to die in a spectacular way. Or perhaps disinterest would be a more appropriate word. No, it wouldn't. If you were truly disinterested, why would you bother looking? Reading? Responding endlessly? It is disinterest that has kept me away for so long. Or you merely took this long to type up such a witty riposte. But I conjecture ... As a webcomic reader, this does nothing for me. It is completely uninformative. You are, of course, referring to the comic. I know you aren't, but my willful misinterpretation of your comment is the pinnacle of wit, is it not? Am I meant to decide whether or not to read a comic based on this? Of course not. This is an opinion being expressed, and if it happens to be right and you agree with it, then so much the better. If Solomon had the choice of writing a scathing review of the comic and cartoonist or killing the cartoonist and deleting the comic, I think we'd all be glad that he's taking the route that won't result in arrest and/or vigorous congratulations. Am I meant to laugh at your clever reparte [sic]? Probably. Trouble is it's not that clever. Yes, opinions are wonderful things! No, I get the distinct impression that this entire exercise is nothing but ego-masturbation. I don't know you, John Solomon, I'd rather not watch you stroke your ego in public. What's a webcomic but the chance to stroke your ego in public? Speaking as a webcomic-thingy-person myself, I can say that's pretty much exactly what it is. Otherwise webcomics wouldn't have forums and shoutboxes where fans can take turns squealing about how awesome the cartoonist is. I could defend The Broken Mirror with a long list of reasoned arguments, but I know that is not your style. Naturally, if we feel that someone's style of argument is baser than our own, we should descend to their level to make a "point" about how much more sophisticated we are. This shows that we are more concerned with making a clear argument than with stroking our egos in public. Is it as well written as Watchmen? Not really. Few comics are. Is it better written than any other comic on the internets? I might be persuaded. It sounds like you already have been. It has, get this, complex characterization. Translation: "If you were only as sophisticated as I, you would recognize the subtle details that the author uses! What a pity you're all such boors not worthy of my condescension." This is the same technique used by art aficionados to explain why they spent $750 on a model of the lower intestine made of Crayolas. And no robots fighting ninjas. So that's why it's so boring! I kid, of course. The true sign of a good webcomic is the distinct lack of robots fighting ninjas, regardless of its other content. Dr. McNinja, regardless of its striking visuals and cleverly satirical writing, can never be good, for alas, there is an assassin and an automaton. Incidentally, The Assassin and the Automaton would be a great name for a rock band. Galen's reaction to the death of his parents is not what you would expect. It is what would happen based on his personality and experience. How on earth can you tell what his personality and experience are on Page 31 of such a rambling comic? Actually page 24, once you remove the credits, the random black page, three pages of the autobiographer excusing himself, and two chapter headings. In the remainder of the time, he mopes, smirks, and exposits like a main character in Funky Winkerbean. Either there is some serious subtext going on here, or you're pulling this out of nowhere. You talk about Elanor's overuse of prose, this is the perfect example of succinctness in action. It is also followed by an entire page of black, save for the words "Chapter Three." Also a perfect example of succinctness in action, if by succinctness you mean utter despair to our brethren on dial-up who have to load three pages to get from one actual page of the comic to another. On a thrice-weekly update schedule, that adds up to a week between moments of (debatably) action. The ability to be verbose without words should not be congratulated. Remember that the story is only just beginning. For anyone who can survive the first few hundred pages, and I admit those with short attention spans may not, I am convinced the wait will be worth it. Only time will tell for sure. Telling someone to wait through several hundred pages is a wonderful idea, given that the comic is published in its entirety in book form. But several hundred pages, in three-pages-a-week form, requires a wait period of two years. That is a spectacular attention span indeed, worthy of a foam crown and an unhealthy fixation on badgers. And one final comment. "STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE WHILST I GO AND GET SOME ICE CREAMS." Have you been to Middle England? Oxford, for example? I have. This is exactly how people talk. Even those not armed with a thesaurus. Please check your facts if you want to be taken seriously. I say "if," mind. Such airy condescension again! People might think you're a member of the House of Peers if you keep this up. I have no interest in hiding behind a pseudonym. The name I have listed is my actual name. That is wonderful. The firebombing will commence at four o'clock. I use that obvious lie to illustrate a point. Where's the bravery of using your real name if there's no danger of physical repercussions? Especially for someone who, from your comments here, is obviously not a fourteen-year-old girl and in almost no danger of being raped. Now, if you were to draw a slightly-less-than-worshipful cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad and provide your real name, I would call that an immensely gutsy act. You can't possibly be so arrogant as to think that thumbing your nose at a snide webcomic reviewer is on par with that. That said, I personally will revel in the use of the nom de plume that I use almost everywhere else, so that you may Google me at your leisure and delight me with more thinly-veiled ad hominem.
- Wow, I used "darnit" on both sides of a phrase in the opening sentence there. How repetitively redundant. Also, for those of you wanting to read "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences" (which someone else referenced earlier), you may find it here.
- Someone wants to shake Alan Moore's hand and then quickly pull it up and kiss it. It's John but it is also me.
- The art is rough, but I think the artist has a lot of potential and will probably get better over time.. Although he (or she?) needs to work on the whole comic book thing, it's not working very well.. Oh and human anatomy too. But the comic itself is goddamned horrible. It's got purple prose, waaay too much dialogue, not enough plot and is just boring, boring, boring. Honestly, I couldn't get through a single example without skipping it and I've read some slooow books before (The Faerie Queen anyone?). Of course the worst part is how retarded the author is. Sorry but believing SO HARD that you don't suck doesn't make it true. Take some freaking criticism and improve or just stop. Please.
- Doth she prefereth pepperminthe ice creams or chocolathe chippe phudge?
- Whoa, damn! I came across this just last week. I didn't stick around, though; anything that has the slightest resemblance to anime and/or manga is an instant turn-off.* Coloring is good, though. (* Every artist should try to come up with his or her own art style instead of copying something that's popular. But we're dealing with amateur artists here, obviously.)
- If you are describing things that are currently drawn in the artwork of the panels, and you are not writing a character's internal thought processes, then you are not making a webcomic. You are forcing some poor schlub to illustrate your novel. If the author knew in advance that the thing was going to be 850 pages, that's probably exactly what's happening, down to dictating the exact (lifeless) panel composition of every page. She probably has no sense of what a true artistic collaboration involves; it's just "okay, I wrote this, now draw it." When doing a collaboration with an artist, part of being a good writer is learning how to communicate with your artist, and trusting the artist to know their half of the craft. If you aren't really that interested in what the "pictures half" of the comic can communicate, why are you even doing a comic in the first place? This is why, while I give the art in this comic a lot less credit than most people do, I can't be too hard on the artist. Most artists get better with time when working on a comic, but I don't think anyone could develop their craft within these sorts of soulless restrictions. Unless Cooper really does do the art for the comic and Nääs is just some kind of pseudonym, in which case, up is down, black is white, cats and dogs living together, all that jazz.
- "The evening advanced so slowly, it was as though eternity passed beneath those mountains in the East, splashed turquoise ink as though from the pen in his pocket and the clouds in the West, that glowed like a huge shining lake of rainbows which drowned the sun." What you would see, if you were able to grasp subtlety, is that this sentence contains an extremely useful characterization point. It tells us that Galen has a turquoise pen in his pocket. Ah, but what kind of man carries around a turquoise pen? Truly, this is an intriguing question, with an answer too dark and disturbing to be revealed in any short time. You see, this is the kind of depth of characterization that you plebians always miss out on, in your mad rush for greasy hamburger over fine filet mignon.
- WHILST I TAKE COCAINES I saw a certain familiarity in this. It's how I used to wrangle with the english language. It's my second language, more or less self-taught. What I learned, I learned from watching Cartoon Network and reading Edgar Allan Poe. So while I wouldn't say her dialogue is forgivable, it's understandable. Considering she's fifteen. And not too bright. And me.
- You're only fifteen? ... well, that does change things a little, considering it means you have absolutely no one actually giving you genuine critiques yet, or any sort of training in knowing how the hell to write a story. Ahh, to be fifteen and suck at craft again. In the vernacular of the comic; "That quandry must verily bite...eth."
- Heeey... wait! Your profile says you're eighteen! And male! You rascal. Total fabrications? In my webcomic-based slam-critic's comment section? ...It's more likely than you think.
- Cooper probably thinks in the back of her mind that her work is a masterpiece of literary genius, instead of what it truly is; a wannabe epic aimed at pretentious nobodies.
