Never thought I'd be able to say this, but I found it. Or rather, we
found it, for this neverending search for bad webcomics is nothing if
not the labors of a community, united in mind and will. What we have
found is the worst gaming comic, that puzzling enigma residing in the swamps of DrunkDuck: Powerup Comics,
the subject about which these words are written. Though mere words seem
insufficient to describe its horrors, as always I shall intrepidly try.
In here friends of originality, that ambrosia sought so desperately on those angry streets at dawn, will find no fellow traveller, for the well-familiar archetypes are established in quick succession from the very first strip. Two comrades, united in their mutual hobby of gaming, a couch that said hobby takes place on, and a talking inanimate object. Soon after is the strawman established, upon whom is pinned the wilted arguments and failed dreams of nemesii imagined, easily dispatched by the self-insert protagonist with gratuitous violence time and again. And the ensemble can't be complete without the sarcastic girl gamer who fails to break the cliché of breaking the cliché of female gamers not being as good (at gaming) as their male counterparts.
Gaming 'humor' in general is a black hole of comedy, and Powerup Comics only reinforces that truth, as it not only has stock gaming webcomic characters but stock gaming webcomic jokes as well. The Wii has poor graphics? How cutting-edge! What's next, Shadow and Chug? Jack Thompson jokes? That's right! Oh and Nintendo must have been on WEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDdd to come up with their crazy game concepts AM I CORRECT IN THIS ASSUMPTION!?? Why don't you fucks eat a bullet of creativity or something, by which I mean kill yourselves, with a bullet that you shoot into your mouth? Die shittingly.
Going further, we can look at Powerup Comics's first attempts at a storyline, which as expected fails to grip the reader, develop the plot, or deliver a satisfying conclusion. Not that much can be expected in the first place, but even the lowest base level of entertainment fails to be reached. Even the simplest applications of the reversal of expectation end up only reinforcing slight clichés and the flat characterizations defined entirely by gaming console preferences. Such is quite typical of Powerup Comics storylines, often recycling themes and ideas tried and failed miserably in other terrible gaming webcomics, essentially performing the role of the bottom feeder in the ecosystem that is webcomics.
Even estimating the number of gaming comic clichés fulfilled by the first few strips alone is a task better left to those of a more numerical persuasion. The blatant use of copy-paste almost reaches self-parody as new characters are assembled from parts cut, pasted, and possibly recolored from old ones. Even new poses are generated this way. This has not escaped the notice of even the DrunkDuck crowd, prompting the expected responses of men so dull in the creative faculties. Truly this, if nothing else, proves the worthiness of Powerup Comics to join the ranks of the comics reviewed on this blog, as it was rejected even by those who would accept comics of the most abysmal quality with their fives. Fives, good sir. Fives gleaming gold in the light of a constant sun.
Really, there seems to be nothing Powerup Comics succeeds at that is in any way related to worth. Through word-of-mouth they have achieved readership, but you, dear reader, should know by now that such a metric is all but useless in assessing quality. But even that readership is illusory, for it seems to consist nearly entirely of people fully aware of the comic's true quality, either expressing their distaste directly or egging on the comic to continue with false praise. There is no other explanation for certain guest comics. And it's understandable, as though the comic has a Cafepress store, without actual fans it will not be a money-making venture anytime soon. Supporting it truly is harmless, as even the lowest echelons of the internet public are loath to flock to it. After all, in a world of absolutely terrible gaming webcomics that have achieved financial success on their own, ironically supporting the one that towers above the rest on that ignoble scale can be downright therapeutic.
But inadvertent entertainment does not excuse Powerup Comics' faults, and nor does it excuse the faults of the creators as their takes on homosexuality, race, politics and history betray a worldview that is supremely ignorant at best.
All in all, I can only wish death on Chug and Shadow. That's right, death, and not the kind of death that leads to the childish hopes promised by religion (by the way I highly doubt that Chug and Shadow possess the intellectual maturity to be logic-choosing Atheists such as myself), but to actual, shitting, death. Because they are simply horrible people, and not just for the comic alone, as mentioned above. What I wouldn't doubt would be that they were libertarians, as libertarianism is the political ideology most suited for spoiled children who feel entitled to things and should also probably die because the world won't miss them. In fact I would have assumed their support of Ron Paul straight-up if it wasn't for that comic about Ron Paul. I wouldn't be surprised if they came out in support of Obama next. They're halfway there, after all, and Obama is the perfect fit for those who love imaginary friends and are twelve years old.
Lastly, just look at the comic's misogyny. Apparently women are simply props to demonstrate the desirability that proficiency in video gaming grants in Shadow and Chug's world. Alix, the only female character, is hardly developed past her gamer-girl sarcasm and inexplicable attraction to Shadow, the self-insert character of Shadow, the primary author. For these additional transgressions they deserve to die, even more than they already do. That's it, I can't go on anymore. This terrible rape-abortion of a comic by these buttshoes has broken me, has broken all of us. It's a fitting coda for this project. The following are my parting words, and possibly the last you will ever hear from us, so heed them well.
Look inside yourself. Ourselves. Let us look inside ourselves and realize that those ultimately at fault for webcomics like Powerup Comics are not people like Shadow and Chug but people like you and me. For we are webcomic readers. Even by simply reading bad webcomics to make fun of them we are webcomic readers. And most of us are not merely readers, for we continue to perpetuate the lie that these bad webcomics we mock aren't the entire medium, and that there are these mythical 'good' webcomics that everyone should support 'instead'. But let me explain this to you: There are no good webcomics. At all. Without exception. By pretending otherwise we give the legitimacy of our tacit assent to a shithole of a medium that shouldn't be in the same language as the word 'art'. Even the best webcomic and the best webcomic blog (this one) is naught but Powerup Comics translated - a shallow reflection of a culture, tepid and utterly empty, contributing absolutely nothing of its own. The only difference is the culture itself, which we cannot pretend is any better than 'gaming culture', as this culture stoops to using webcomics to express itself of all fucking things. Know that this is the absolute truth, and there is no denying it.
So we realize that there is only one course of action left to us, and that is to wash our hands completely of this particular sphere of the internet. Delete your bookmarks of webcomics and anything related to webcomics such as forums, podcasts, and blogs. Yes, even this blog, for after today there will be no new updates. We hope you join us in leaving this wretched world of online sequential art behind and look forward to the new day tomorrow when we all will webcomic no more. Free at last, we webcomic no more.
In here friends of originality, that ambrosia sought so desperately on those angry streets at dawn, will find no fellow traveller, for the well-familiar archetypes are established in quick succession from the very first strip. Two comrades, united in their mutual hobby of gaming, a couch that said hobby takes place on, and a talking inanimate object. Soon after is the strawman established, upon whom is pinned the wilted arguments and failed dreams of nemesii imagined, easily dispatched by the self-insert protagonist with gratuitous violence time and again. And the ensemble can't be complete without the sarcastic girl gamer who fails to break the cliché of breaking the cliché of female gamers not being as good (at gaming) as their male counterparts.
Gaming 'humor' in general is a black hole of comedy, and Powerup Comics only reinforces that truth, as it not only has stock gaming webcomic characters but stock gaming webcomic jokes as well. The Wii has poor graphics? How cutting-edge! What's next, Shadow and Chug? Jack Thompson jokes? That's right! Oh and Nintendo must have been on WEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDdd to come up with their crazy game concepts AM I CORRECT IN THIS ASSUMPTION!?? Why don't you fucks eat a bullet of creativity or something, by which I mean kill yourselves, with a bullet that you shoot into your mouth? Die shittingly.
Going further, we can look at Powerup Comics's first attempts at a storyline, which as expected fails to grip the reader, develop the plot, or deliver a satisfying conclusion. Not that much can be expected in the first place, but even the lowest base level of entertainment fails to be reached. Even the simplest applications of the reversal of expectation end up only reinforcing slight clichés and the flat characterizations defined entirely by gaming console preferences. Such is quite typical of Powerup Comics storylines, often recycling themes and ideas tried and failed miserably in other terrible gaming webcomics, essentially performing the role of the bottom feeder in the ecosystem that is webcomics.
Even estimating the number of gaming comic clichés fulfilled by the first few strips alone is a task better left to those of a more numerical persuasion. The blatant use of copy-paste almost reaches self-parody as new characters are assembled from parts cut, pasted, and possibly recolored from old ones. Even new poses are generated this way. This has not escaped the notice of even the DrunkDuck crowd, prompting the expected responses of men so dull in the creative faculties. Truly this, if nothing else, proves the worthiness of Powerup Comics to join the ranks of the comics reviewed on this blog, as it was rejected even by those who would accept comics of the most abysmal quality with their fives. Fives, good sir. Fives gleaming gold in the light of a constant sun.
Really, there seems to be nothing Powerup Comics succeeds at that is in any way related to worth. Through word-of-mouth they have achieved readership, but you, dear reader, should know by now that such a metric is all but useless in assessing quality. But even that readership is illusory, for it seems to consist nearly entirely of people fully aware of the comic's true quality, either expressing their distaste directly or egging on the comic to continue with false praise. There is no other explanation for certain guest comics. And it's understandable, as though the comic has a Cafepress store, without actual fans it will not be a money-making venture anytime soon. Supporting it truly is harmless, as even the lowest echelons of the internet public are loath to flock to it. After all, in a world of absolutely terrible gaming webcomics that have achieved financial success on their own, ironically supporting the one that towers above the rest on that ignoble scale can be downright therapeutic.
But inadvertent entertainment does not excuse Powerup Comics' faults, and nor does it excuse the faults of the creators as their takes on homosexuality, race, politics and history betray a worldview that is supremely ignorant at best.
All in all, I can only wish death on Chug and Shadow. That's right, death, and not the kind of death that leads to the childish hopes promised by religion (by the way I highly doubt that Chug and Shadow possess the intellectual maturity to be logic-choosing Atheists such as myself), but to actual, shitting, death. Because they are simply horrible people, and not just for the comic alone, as mentioned above. What I wouldn't doubt would be that they were libertarians, as libertarianism is the political ideology most suited for spoiled children who feel entitled to things and should also probably die because the world won't miss them. In fact I would have assumed their support of Ron Paul straight-up if it wasn't for that comic about Ron Paul. I wouldn't be surprised if they came out in support of Obama next. They're halfway there, after all, and Obama is the perfect fit for those who love imaginary friends and are twelve years old.
Lastly, just look at the comic's misogyny. Apparently women are simply props to demonstrate the desirability that proficiency in video gaming grants in Shadow and Chug's world. Alix, the only female character, is hardly developed past her gamer-girl sarcasm and inexplicable attraction to Shadow, the self-insert character of Shadow, the primary author. For these additional transgressions they deserve to die, even more than they already do. That's it, I can't go on anymore. This terrible rape-abortion of a comic by these buttshoes has broken me, has broken all of us. It's a fitting coda for this project. The following are my parting words, and possibly the last you will ever hear from us, so heed them well.
Look inside yourself. Ourselves. Let us look inside ourselves and realize that those ultimately at fault for webcomics like Powerup Comics are not people like Shadow and Chug but people like you and me. For we are webcomic readers. Even by simply reading bad webcomics to make fun of them we are webcomic readers. And most of us are not merely readers, for we continue to perpetuate the lie that these bad webcomics we mock aren't the entire medium, and that there are these mythical 'good' webcomics that everyone should support 'instead'. But let me explain this to you: There are no good webcomics. At all. Without exception. By pretending otherwise we give the legitimacy of our tacit assent to a shithole of a medium that shouldn't be in the same language as the word 'art'. Even the best webcomic and the best webcomic blog (this one) is naught but Powerup Comics translated - a shallow reflection of a culture, tepid and utterly empty, contributing absolutely nothing of its own. The only difference is the culture itself, which we cannot pretend is any better than 'gaming culture', as this culture stoops to using webcomics to express itself of all fucking things. Know that this is the absolute truth, and there is no denying it.
So we realize that there is only one course of action left to us, and that is to wash our hands completely of this particular sphere of the internet. Delete your bookmarks of webcomics and anything related to webcomics such as forums, podcasts, and blogs. Yes, even this blog, for after today there will be no new updates. We hope you join us in leaving this wretched world of online sequential art behind and look forward to the new day tomorrow when we all will webcomic no more. Free at last, we webcomic no more.
Whenever my dad falls asleep me and my sister turn on a porno to turn him on in his sleep, we then jack him off and we keep the cum in a garbage bag. We've been saving up for the last 2 and a half years and the garbage bag is completly full. I'm taking it to the sperm bank tommarow.
TL;DR: how much will i get at the sperm bank for a garbage bag full of cum?
Thanks in advance.
If this were a fanfic, I'd call troll on it.
Then again, knowing how these guys roll, I wouldn't be too surprised if they actually would stop updating the blog now, pulling some kind of a double-fools on everyone who thinks they aren't going to quit. With the hiatus and the decreasing amount of updates after it ended, I actually wasn't too surprised to read the end of the post.
Hope it won't happen anytime soon though, this blog is very entertaining.
www.truthandbeautybombs.com
The truth is out there.
Why did I read the comic, why, god why, it's SOOOOOOOOOOOO horrible.
GAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
If you want to criticize my comic so much, then why don't you tell us what your real name is. Or are you afraid of the violence that me and my fans would cause? Oh wait...You don't have the balls to tell us who you really are...
Have fun with your little gay orgy of hate you homo.
Leave webcomics? You can never leave webcomics, that's like trying to leave a chromosome or Hotel California or something.
especially the people who dared talk bad about my beloved powerup comics in earnest, you bastards!
Fuck Hotel California. Seriously.
Then I scrolled upwards and remembered the date. Happy April Fool's day to you too.
As for this horrific comic, it simply remains as proof that no matter how awful your work is, you will still find a market for it. And that most if not all authors are freaking delusional.
If that's the best you can do, dear, then by all means go right ahead.
Hey John? I've got JDR holding on line one, should I give her your personal information?
What a sad, cowardly little dickweed he must be. And badly in denial. Get into a buckin' threesome with Brew and Trip, Shadow - you'll all feel so much more honest.
- Ken Shinn
People taking this post seriously in any context: check your computer's date and time.
Whoops!
Anyone want to join me in counting down to when everyone who attacked the comic going 'Well, my comment was just an April Fool's joke too. Fag.'
POWERUP COMIX IST HE BEST
And fuck you PU, the Wii is awesome.
I have seen the light, obviously Powerup Comics is the greatest invention ever and I will take back my ways of sarcasm and wholeheartedly devote my life to it's continuation.[/sarcasm]
Also, what exactly is a "Fugo Fucko Fish Somolom"? I've never heard of that species before.
2007 to 2008? This is a long time to just troll...
OTOH - Note how Shadow looks like a player 2 palette-swap of Brew from Shredded Moose. And the whole 'arms continuously crossed thing, wasn't that the complaint for another comic with fairy tale girl characters?
And the Shadow poster actually gives youit all in 1 post. Threat fans are legion, popularity = quality (try convincing a music fan of that... in fact, wasn't that the entire point of at least one Kids in the Hall sketch?), tell us your real name, threats of violence, you're a homo-
BINGO!
I mean that's just... masterful. I need some Ice Creams. Please wait here whilst I go buy some.
Your German is atrocious.
Of course, there's still a few people who haven't caught on. God bless their little hearts, every one of them.
The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure there are people out there who aren't in on the joke, but STILL think it's a good comic. That's sad... and hilarious. But mostly sad.
No, you don't understand. They must pay! Those evil, pandering assholes must pay! Please don't sass me! For the sass is the bane of this poor schlob's mind.
Don Henley(and Glenn Frey, to a lesser degree) must be excised of this plane of existance. For now I can only hope...
Where you drunk when you wrote this?
Linking the thread was more like saying "Snape killed Dumbeldore" on the day that the book first came out.
vgcats.com
Isn't that just precious?
Man, they're BOTH terrible.
Also, now I have to change my opinion. PUC roxors. Like Sora and Riku and- no, it's still a piece of shit. But an intentional piece of shit, so I'm almost ok with it.
LOL, wut? You've got your political stereotypes confused.
Liberal ideology is the one that supports entitlements, it's why it supports wealth redistribution at the hands of a governmental body. It's the one for spoiled kids who think sipping lattes in cafes while writing angry letters to newspapers is "helping others."
Libertarianism is the "leave me the fuck alone" ideology. It's subscribed to by various survival crazies, like the Unabomber.
-D
Yeah, it makes me wonder about any of these posts now: I can't tell who is going along with saying the comic "shite", and those who actually think it's a serious attempt. Like that one guy said, it kinda goes against webcomics more than a person's gulliability...
But, right now, most of these people are really coming off as no better than the commentors on Drunk Duck... and if something on DrunkDuck was able to illicit so much negative feedback, it must be doing something incredibly right, since look at the shit there that goes rows and rows with fives.
And hey, how do I know who on DrunkDuck is just playing, and who's an actual idiot? Also, to the guys who think this a lot of effort put into a comic, with it's crudely and purposely cut and pasted, and horrendous dialogue... just how much thought really does need to go into that?
Say...
Wonder if any one of these guys (Elders of Zion) can bare to read "Charby, the Vampirate?"
It might just spark some fantard-rage, and OH GOD, I really miss that part of this blog.
Lol. Atheism.
Me too. I know the Elders hate it when people urge them to review specific comics. Still, in February John said he was turning the comments back on because "I need to know why you people shit your pants when I say bad things about bad webcomics." And that ain't happening.
But--and hear me out, on the off chance any of you Elders are following the comments--what if this blog were to take on Questionable Content, one of the most hugely popular webcomics for some time, and with a fanbase just full of jerkasses who hyper-analyze and argue over every panel of every strip? Not to mention that Jeph Jacques throws a hissy fit and locks threads whenever someone says something non-PC.
So, again at the risk of pissing off the Elders...do a Questionable Content post and you'll have your fanboys whining here within minutes of posting.
If you really are trying to, as you put it, "study" the reactions of crazy fanboys, then maybe you might possibly perhaps (is that non-demanding enough for you?) consider reviewing bad webcomics that people actually read in large numbers?
If not, then maybe you might possibly perhaps, bow bow scrape scrape, just turn off the comments again so you lot can talk amongst yourselves?
It's just...there's not much point having comments if we're all agreeing with each other and sucking each other's wangs, y'know? I know I'm not the only one who misses the old pre-hiatus days with all the retards coming on here and trying pathetically to make you see why their beloved webcomics are the greatest thing since Shakespeare. Come on, it was entertaining. I know, you'll say "But some of them were trying to find out my real name so they could kill me." So what? There's No. Way. In. Hell. anyone could find out who any of you really are. None.
So man up (and woman up, in Lilith's case) and make up your minds already as to whether you want to see the funny, entertaining fanboy retards, or a boring "yes sir, yes ma'am" circle-jerk, or an even more boring set of posts without any feedback.
Do Questionable Content.
DOOOOOO EEEEEEEEET
So yes, you had me going for quite a bit there.
I don't think they're, you know, afraid, per se. Enraged fanboy comments are hardly scary from any perspective. It's just that, well... how many more "big" webcomics are there? You have to pad them out with small fry, or you'll just blow the whole load at once and end up tapering off.
Well:
- Overcompensating
- Applegeeks
- Megatokyo (I know, it's been done, but still)
- Wasted Talent
- Little Gamers
- Real Life (I think there's two web-comics called like this, but focus on the one Greg Dean shits out).
And those are just the ones I remember pre-coffee madness.
powerup comics is the finest piece of literate on the internets and i will not hear your slander you lying liars
- Overcompensating
- Applegeeks
- Megatokyo (I know, it's been done, but still)
- Wasted Talent
- Little Gamers
- Real Life (I think there's two web-comics called like this, but focus on the one Greg Dean shits out)."
God, I must be really out of the webcomic loop after all. Out of those, I've never even heard of Little Gamers, Applegeeks, and Overcompensating, and I didn't know Wasted Talent was considered "big."
Perhaps I stand corrected on my padding-out comment, then. Although, out of those, which do you think would garner the most nerd rage for our viewing pleasure?
Oh, wait.
I'm gonna remove YWiB from my RSS, I'm done. Have fun guys.
And next time I hear your voice trapped in the noisy box, I will blast it to bits.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_David
Oh, wait.
I thought that was conservatism? Fuck, I just can't tell anymore.
Unfortunately, he's dead. The thing was started because April was originally the first month of the year. Then the Julian calendar came out, making January the first month, so anybody who was stupid enough to go to New Year's celebrations in April rather than in January were called "April Fools".
Or that's the rumor, anyway. On Powerup, funny story, funny comic, but I thought it was a bit light on vitriol. It just felt so easygoing, like Ted was going, "meh I know this is a joke, it's April Fools Day, but I know it's a joke and I don't really want to cause any trouble so I'm going to make it sound wordy and pretentious."
Hate to say it, but that's how I saw it. It just didn't sound angry enough to really piss people off.
Chalk Ted David up next to Lilith in the "Better than John Solomon" camp.
I thought that was conservatism? Fuck, I just can't tell anymore.
Traditionally, there are four separate "sectors" of political viewpoint. They go:
Liberal: Regulate economics, don't regulate individual rights
Conservative: Don't regulate economics, regulate individual rights
Libertarian: Don't regulate economics, don't regulate individual rights
Communitarian: Regulate economics, regulate individual rights
Like say they could start thier own business and treat workers like shit and the Government wouldn't be able to intervene because the workers haven't said anything.
Of course the workers haven't said anything because they are afraid of losing their income for their families who they need to support. Inother words Libertarianism is Capitalism without responsibility.
'nuff said.
This.
All the libertarians I've ever met were self-absorbed, creepily racist/misogynistic, asshole white kids who only succeeded as much as they had due to the fact that they were born in a wealthy family.
Pulling themselves from their bootstraps, my ass. Leave others alone, my ass- Ron Paul's platform anyone?
They're young Republicans who want to smoke pot and bang liberal chicks. That's all.
First: it becomes one more artificial divide between the awesome people in the know and the poor outcasts who "don't get it." But the outcasts who don't get it become a bigger group every day, and before you know it the parody gets taken seriously as a prime example of what it was originally mocking. That kinda sucks.
Second: Parody that close to the mark implies that the satirist knows his or her craft very well . . . and is choosing to hide among the dross with an ironic smirk, rather than produce a sterling example of something good. That also kinda sucks.
Which is why (as I've stated before) I can't stand the Arfenhouse cartoons. Watching artists waste their potential isn't really something I enjoy.
Libertarians do not want socialize medicine (that's liberals). Republicans want to force their religious beliefs upon people, Libertarians don't. Democrats want to classify people based on their race, gender or sexual orientation, Libertarians believe that people are people and should be treated equally as such. It's not a hippie or radical view, it's more of an anti-micromanagement stance. Do you like being micromanaged at work? Then why the hell do you want the government to do it?
As far as Karley goes, my guess is Karley is a hardcore socialist Democrat. The extent of his/her/it's opinions come from what someone else's regurgitated rhetoric (probably a celebrity). Probably has a crappy job flipping burgers and feels that someone else who worked harder that they did doesn't deserve what they earned or in Karley's mind "stole". Can't take responsibility for it's own failures so blames others for it's mistakes. Of course Karley won't admit to this because it goes against the core nature of his/her/it's personality.
Way to go Karley! You make everyone you come in contact with just a little more ignorant.
The internet is the only place where the philosophy is anywhere close to relevant. Throw 'em a bone man. Let us have our fun.
If you're just gonna review chickenshit no one cares about, then you might as well shut down this blog now and go back to saying "blah blah gently caress blah blah poo poo" on the Something Awful forums.
Who's with me here?
Then again, I haven't really seen anyone (other than viewers of this blog) say that QC is anything other than solid gold, so I wouldn't really know. It gets so much love and it's so boring. I just don't understand.
And Anon 16:08: You're pretty much saying exactly what us Republican and Democrat readers would expect a young, dumb Libertarian trust fund baby to say. Not really helping your case there.
Speaking of Something Positive - I hate this comic solely on art and layout alone. Usually I'm always capable of ignoring bad art to get to the text; but his style gives me headaches. Literal headaches.
In one comic a character offers her daughter pizza; the thread on the comic goes on for seven pages dissecting this piece of information.
Ted, I think it's because Obama supporters are as a whole still pretty confident in their decision. Especially since he's still the favorite to take the nomination.
Libertarians, on the other hand, are really, really desperate to get someone to give a shit about them, as evidenced by the commenting here. A job well done!
Indeed they do... they're FICTIONAL CHARACTERS YOU SAD PATHETIC WASTES OF SPERM *bashes face repeatedly into sheet rock*... ahem. You're certainly right about the overanalysis there.
I'd add more, but I need to flip burgers and bitterly plot against my betters.
It works out everyday.
TwoKinds.
I did a review of it, but still interesting for a Take Two. It's got oodles of slobbering fanboys on StumbleUpon that bitched at me when I gave it a thumbs-down. One especially named Annath seemed quite butthurt at my commentary. That said, I didn't get a landslide of hatemail, so it might just be a Boston and Shaun-style trainwreck.
Good luck to you, and Lilith and Ted and Mike. I think you're doing pretty good, even if you've lost a bit of your momentum.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10505992499
Knock yourself out, folks. Fill it to the brim with delicious foamy shit!
Two reviews ago, people were encouraging unfunny trolls to make joke posts while legitimate points that were brought up and were actually worth discussing went completely ignored. This is only the natural result of that. Sorry, but the comments section has completely ruined the enjoyability of this site for me.
A friend once told me to never put comments on my site because when you're trying to get a point across to your audience with a review (or other article), you want the last impression to leave them with to BE your review, not the "LOL" that comes after it.
TwoKinds
I love how the main character falls for the girl (... tiger/girl...) within such a short time of meeting her.
And Electric retard, haha, oh wow, Electric Retard.
Anyway, Powerup Comics is a parody by one of the chans if I'm not mistaken, so you're just making a fool out of yourself here.
I like how the creator's DeviantArt is filled with nothing but naked pictures of the main characters.
TwoKinds is like Megatokyo for furries, but with better art. It's nothing more than a pretentious wish-fullfillment webcomic wherein the lead character hates tiger-girls, then winds up falling in love with one and having sex with her, and every storyline includes at least one "Oh I'm so naked" scene where the tiger-girl's or the wolf-girl's or the rat-guy's nudity is the subject of everything that's going on. Fischbach says the comic's supposed to be about racial discrimination, but the animal characters go into heat, die in their twenties (humans=into their forties or higher) and allude to sex constantly.
But Fischbach won't show his animals' private parts, even when he's drawing cheesecake. Like MT, he's a perv but he refuses to acknowledge it. People tell him he's drawing porn, he laughs. He calls himself an "anime artist" when he draws furries into every scene of this comic. And when he draws characters for furry comics that part is just glossed over. The sad part of it is that Fischbach can actually draw to some extent, even if he's horribly generic, yet the vast majority of people will never read the comic because it's constant sex is so effing creepy.
I know I've probably written enough, but I can't help but laugh at this last bit. Recently, the furry comic by Jay Naylor, Better Days, had a scene where a Jewish stripper's ass was in the first panel of the strip, and his junk was out (duh). That was November 27, 2007.
On December 8, same year, Fischbach drew this. I defy you to find the difference excepting that one looks better and Fischbach didn't even draw junk on the poor guy.
...But everyone knew that...
So obviously a trollfest.
The "punchline" repeatedly being that the Gary Stu shoots a guy for disagreeing with him: Weird Comix
The Bush caricature and hamfisted "political commentary": Minimum Security
The story suddenly turning into angst for no reason: too many to mention, but primarily Shortpacked
Also, as a final tidbit, judging from the lack of maturity and the fact that his character's name is from sonic the hedgehog, I'm gonna guess he's about 13 years old. That's not an insult on 13 year olds, just a lament that they have to be saddled with people like this.
Try this one.
http://www.drunkduck.com/Nonsensical_Ravings/
I'm done now.
Seriously, dude, they've found your webcomic, it looks terrible, there is no turning back now. Run the fuck away.
Political stance: Darwinism.
(In defence of the comic, however, the stereotype is that the average girl is bad at video games. Thusly, actual gamer girls who spend more time gaming are usually quite good)
Just to be clear I was asking Ted David to come over and fill me up.
I cannot send pics until I buy a wide angle lens on Friday, but trust me our bond transcends the physical. Please Ted I have gelatin and many flavours of lube. If you close your eyes it will just be like fucking a beanbag chair.
Yours expectantly,
Anon 01:26.
I am disturbed beyond reason
Oh, god. This cannot end well...
I'm waiting Ted.
Really, Ted David, you can do better than this blog. Go out and become a real reviewer.
Sincerely,
Anon 01:26
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/
I know the guy is a goon, so they might buy him some mercy, but Scott R. is also a goon so I figure no harm in suggesting this piece of shit webcomic.
To show what a piece of shit this comic is, go to his main page. The comic up right now is a fucking terrible scatological joke. Hell, the one before it is a shit joke too. I tell you this because I want to understand how fucking terrible his archives is, when I tell you it is actually worse.
Here you can see him try and fail at political humor. I am hesitant to say "try" as it is clear he didn't put any effort into this at all. On top of the joke falling flat his character's are completely dull in lifeless from their blank stares to their grins that are ranked as high as Tim Buckley on the shit eating scale.
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comic/2008/03/05/
This guy just says "Sausage" that's so hilariously random.
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comic/2008/03/04/
Hooray shitty meta humor.
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comic/2008/02/18/
Best of all the artist is a self absorbed twat who named one of his characters after himself. He is notorious for shitting himself whenever someone complains about him so we might get some entertainment out of the the dumb bastard.
2. Ye shall review the following:
- Something Positive
- Questionable Content
- Penny and Aggie (or anything by T "Pretentious Shit" Campbell)
- Least I Could Do
3. Take heed this day, lest ye review yet another boring obscure webcomic about which no one careth. 4. For on the day ye review yet another boring obscure webcomic, I shall make ye into furry transgender fratboy gamers with cravings for ice creams.
5. And ye shall cry out for sweet sweet death, but I shall heed ye not.
6. But if ye hearken unto my voice, saith the LORD, I shall deliver the shitty webcartoonists and their fanboys into your hands, that they be cut off from their kin, and there shall be naught but quality webcomics.
7. I shall greatly multiply your Gunnerkrigg Courts and your Achewoods and your Templar, Arizonas.
8. And all the world shall rejoice in the glory of those who can write and draw worth a fuck. I the LORD am your God.
1. The Elders of Zion are not your personal entertainment monkeys. Do not command them to write you more masturbation material.
2. Templar, Arizona is boring shit.
3. So is Gunnerkrigg Court.
4. You are not God.
5. Spake? Don't rip quotes out of the Book of Mormon, twit.
No way this shit is hilarious.
And speaking of the creator, when reading P U C i couldnt help but feel the need to beat the shit out of him for being such a slimey, untalented little cunt.
Im glad im not alone in my loathing for this peice of shit of a webcomic. Good call, guys.
D-uhhh, really? Like I seriously thought I was. Anonymous 08:38, meet Sense of Humour. Sense of Humour, meet Anonymous 08:38.
Sheesh. Mind you, anyone who thinks Gunnerkrigg Court is "boring shit"...well, what can I say?
Now go join the other sinners in the lake of fire.
Thus spake YHWH. That's right, "spake."
You fail hard, and I hope when you read this, if you read this, you feel suitably retarded.
PUC is fuckin' hilarious. I didn't know this existed until this blog entry, and I was LMAO at the comic after 10 pages. I haven't laughed like this in months. The comments for each comic are awesome. You have to read the comments to appreciate this fully. EPIC WIN to the fuckers responsible for PUC.
Which totally sucks cause Hockey Zombie has the potential to be one of the best reviews on the site. I mean look at it, everything about it is complete shit. I think people general know it is shit so we wouldn't get the great fan reaction trying to defend him, but he is a loud twat so maybe he'd show up on the comments to make a more of a bitch out of himself then he already is.
This guy writes Hockey Zombie and wants the traffic
... good to know!
Having seen his comic and read his posts on msg boards, I don't think Crun has the basic intelligence needed for reverse psychology.
Because if it is than I would like to congradulate whwh onbreaking what was a nice three month streak of people not bitching about LICD.
What the Jesus fucking Christ is:-
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comic/2007/12/05/
I kept wishing that this stuff was satirical, but it really, really isn't, is it?
The only thing of any value that I've so far found in HZ was in the creator's comment to this awful strip here:-
http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comic/2007/03/15/
Probably old news to most of you, but for those (like me) who didn't know... Apparently, Scott Kurtz doesn't like Achewood and thinks that its fans only pretend to enjoy it in order to seem intellectual. I mean, there's nothing wrong with not liking Achewood - I'm not particularly into it myself - but when you put it like THAT (and, for bonus points, are also Scott Kurtz)... Well, "lol" is all I can say. I think it's all that needs to be said, really.
What the hell is wrong with making a satire or parody? So what if it doesn't make any difference, it's fun to read the comments of the people who think it's real.
Plus, some really great works have been satires, as an example I point you towards Mel Brooks.
as one of the dudes making powerup, i can assure you we are not sacrificing any fun at all
sorry we're not "solving" anything by making a stupid parody comic
"A-yup."
"Seems mighty quiet, don't it Zeke?"
"A-yup, Amos. Reckon they ain't updated in nigh on ten days, an' that last was a fake update there."
"Land o' Goshen, Zeke, ya can actu'lly hear the crickets chirpin'. An' was that a tumbleweed just blew on by?"
"Reckon it was, Amos."
"Zeke, why you think them Elders o' Zion fellers ain't reviewed anythin' interestin' in a long while?"
"I dunnno, Amos. If'n I had t' guess, I'd say they was scared out o' their britches."
"Scared, Zeke?"
"A-yup. See, it don't ruffle nobody's feathers when th' Elders trash fake webcomics like PUC, or real comics whut no one reads like that there Zap! an' such. But take on a Gawd-danged-to-hell comic like Questionable Content or Somethin' Positive with thousands o' readers givin' donations an' buyin' tee-shirts an' all, an' th' fanboys come a chargin' in here like bulls on locoweed."
"An' ya think th' Elders cain't handle that, Zeke?"
"I know they cain't, Amos. Once't, afore th' hiatus, they could, takin' on PvP an' Sluggy Freelance an' College Roomies from Hell. But now they's all lily-livered an' won't review anythin' but th' tiny critters."
"Land sakes alive, Zeke? Whut you think made them all yeller-bellied like that?"
"Reckon I dunno, Amos. All I knows is, ain't no point readin' this blog no more. I's takin' it off my RSS feed an' tellin' all mah friends not t' read it neither."
"Golly gee, Zeke. I guess that means this blog fails an' th' bad webcomics win, dunnit?"
"Reckon it does, unless th' Elders grow some cahones an' make YWIBAYSFB whut it once't was. All it'd take'd be a little effort. I mean, they gots, whut, four bloggers? Surely they cain't all be 'too busy' at the same time, y'hear?"
"A-yup...Oh look, danged if it ain't another tumbleweed."
The New Adventures of Street Rat
Jumbo Shrimp
Players Comic
ZAHIRA - Prostitute Kills Customers in Bed
So FUCK Former Fan and YHWH and do those kinds of webcomics instead!
John, Ted, Mike and Lilith you guys are DA BEST!
That's cojones.
I think they should ONLY review tiny Drunk Duck or Comic Genesis-hosted webcomics from now on just to spite fucking twats like you.
Ahahaha. You forgot to call him "retard faggot", Anonymous. If you're going for the Stupid Comment Standard, you gotta try harder man.
Yep, we have some really smart Internet commentary here. I don't think I'm going to come back for more, at least for a little while.
Sorry to leave all the lulzy fun John. Your Broken Mirror review was good, though, I gotta admit. Good luck when you get to Megatokyo.
Translation: It's fun to look at people not getting a joke that isn't funny or obvious unless you're told it's a joke so that you can get a momentary self-esteem high before you go back to trolling on 4Chan.
And also, Mel Brooks was funny because his movies had actual jokes, not because "HAHA, he copy-pastes a lot! That's something other cartoonists do! But he's doing it on purpose! HAHA!
Idiot.
It's just that...
The humor is...
...
Okay, you've got me here. That is a crappy comic. =/
Guess which blog has retarded fans?
Otherwise the four of them would just be engaging in a self-indulgent circle-jerk.
So tell me, who would be the retarded ones then? (No, the answer is not "me." Ha ha, pre-empted you.)
But doesn't that constitute the belief in some huge, unwarranted self-importance? I mean come on, I'm sure we can have, you know, a decent read with whatever they review, right?
...
Oh, wait...
Oh, I guess not. Then they don't owe you anything.
Oh, I guess not. Then they don't owe you anything."
Isn't that on the Bingo Board?
Dear God, what have we become!?
Okay, I don't really know where I was going with that, so I'm done here. Seriously, though... whatever happened to our ability to laugh at the fact that horrible shit exists on the web, rather than get seriously angry? It seems like the tone of the comments in this blog has shifted from Encyclopedia Dramatica-type mockery to un-ironic calls for creators to quit and comics to be banned from the internet. For a post written on April Fools' Day, even.
TL;DR: Have fun mocking bad comics, dammit. When you're as serious about opposing a comic as the artist is about making it, it's you who has the greater need of a reality check. I'm just saying.
On the other hand, though: Hyperbole. Isn't that funnier? Truly a clash of the titans, in my humble opinion.
"Have fun mocking bad comics, dammit. When you're as serious about opposing a comic as the artist is about making it, it's you who has the greater need of a reality check."
Tell it like it is, Schubert!
Namiya
"Only hyperbole is left."
I'm pretty sure "Your mom" jokes are a form of hyperbole. Unless your mom really IS so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck, in which case it's no longer a joke, but a fact.
Which only makes it funnier.
Holy shit, the Elders of Zion are turning into webcomic artists!
http://www.drunkduck.com/Powerup_Adventure/
And also, Mel Brooks was funny because his movies had actual jokes, not because "HAHA, he copy-pastes a lot! That's something other cartoonists do! But he's doing it on purpose! HAHA!
Idiot.
How the hell isn't Powerup Comics an obvious satire? Only uneducated retards like yourself (I can make hasty generalizations too) wouldn't be able to understand that.
Also, about the usefulness of satires from before; Perhaps Mel Brooks wasn't the best example, but satires are perfectly valid literary devices to oppose or challenge a subject. Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal is an excellent example of this.
There is only one man on the entire internet who ever criticizes anything.
The authors of this blog could learn a lot from him.
Marry Me by Bobby Crosby is an implausible, badly-written piece of shit. And Bobby Crosby is so batshit insane, even towards his own fans, his brother and mother had to pay him to keep him off the Keenspot forums. That's right folks, BOBBY CROSBY.
There, that should do it. He's always Googling his name to see who's "lying" about him, so he'll be here faster than you can say "I'm a ditsy pop star who marries random people and drinks blood!"
Pupkin It's like Ziggy, only it's about a nameless "round orange dog," and every bit as witty and original as it sounds.
+EV It's like a gaming comic, only it's about online poker! And it's every bit as incomprehensible, random and generally crapful as your average gaming comic.
Last BloodAn "online graphic novel" (how about just "webcomic," Bobby?) about vampires. It's supposedly been optioned for a movie. Well, if it's possible to make bad films out of good comics, then surely...? Not likely.
Marry Me Ditsy pop star marries random person in her audience, flees to Africa, drinks blood. That's right, drinks blood. Out of nowhere, in a romantic comedy. Oh, and her biggest fan is a quirky lesbian, another oh-so-original webcomic idea. Hawt!
There, that should do it. Come, O Paranoid One! Come to YWB and defend yourself once more against "liars"...all six billion of them.
Still, I'm as ready as anyone to jump into a flamewar with him, because nothing is more rewarding than taunting the mentally handicapped. Come on, Bobert, we linked to your comic, come and tell us what liars we are.
That's it. This blog has become irrelevant. And no, it's not just because the writers are slow to update and choose boring targets when they do. It's that no one in Webcomicland cares about it anymore.
So now, neither do I. Cheers, all.
As untalented as Bobby Crosby is, I think he's at least smart enough to realise there's a difference between some random jackoff's comment and an actual post on the site. They're clearly labelled, for one.