Someone e-mailed me this piece of shit with the simple subject line of "look at this piece of shit". It was nothing if not apt. Prophetic, perhaps. Because I clicked that innocuous URL and I saw... well, see for yourself.
The full title of Titus and Mal is "Titus and Mal. We Rock the Internetiwebitron." This should pretty much give you a major clue as to the content of this webcomic. If your guess was "it's a pair of talentless cunts who think they're so far out on the cutting edge of Internet funny they are bleeding, when in fact their attempts to surf that pop culture wave turn out a little sad" then you are correct, sir! Or ma'am.
The word "Internetiwebitron" might make you a little queasy inside, like you've just seen some 60-year-old politician make a reference to American Idol in an attempt to be "with it". It's pretty much the same thing, frankly. Before the page had even loaded properly, I was steeling myself for a pathetic little cry of being edgy and now and all that jazz. I wasn't disappointed in that respect! But I was disappointed in so many other ways.
I invite you to look at the first strip, out of a stunning three, if only because I want you to suffer as I have suffered. What do we see? Flip, down on his luck since Little Nemo ended, now dressed like he's about to pull up outside a 7-11 and start sprayin' his gat and puttin' down the competition. On the plus side, there's drool and a vacant expression that must have taken the so-called "artist" some time with a mirror to perfect. Kudos to you, noble half-wit, for trying your darndest even though you're terrible.
The other one is either a robot or a talking toaster... or both, why not? Either way, the character designs are pretty flat. Maybe it's the fact one's a machine and the other's suffering from mental retardation, but the facial expressions in this strip (and later ones) are somewhat flat. Bland. Utterly incapable of expressing any form of human emotion except endless ennui. Except it's not even that, it's just some kind of neutral facade with a little eyebrow movement. It's pretty shit, people.
The best part is, I don't know which one is which. Is Titus the metal fuckwit or the green fuckwit? To be honest, I don't care. Not that you can find out, anyway. The site design is so awesomely bad you couldn't hope to find out a thing about the people who made it, perhaps beyond the fact they're self-absorbed jackasses who can't write a good joke. Not even a decent joke about webcomics, for God's sake, and that shit practically writes itself. Well, unless they're purposefully making it bad to try and do that "it's funny because it's bad" thing. Although it's unfunny because it's bad, so they fail there.
I suppose the fact that they can't do speech kinda makes the fact that they can't do speech bubbles either (there is a reason that I link to this blog, it's because everyone should) a bit of a moot point. But, fuck it, I'm going to call them out on it anyway. Why not? Amidst all that whining and complaining that they put in this horrible half-blog, half-webcomic (blogomic?) there's a genuine desire to hate webcomics in there. A horrible, malformed little desire. One that is nowhere near as strong or as well-developed as my own seething, raging loathing, but oh boy is it there. They really want to talk smack about webcomics!
Pity that, y'know, they'll never be as good at it as I am. I guess once they uncover my existence (probably due to the links increasing their visitors by a factor of ten thousand) they'll start posturing. Acting like they're the original and the best. Uh, before you do that, and I am certain that you'll still try, remember that people have been hating webcomics for a long time. I just perfected it.
The best part is if you look at that first strip - that horrible, unfunny morass of a first strip - you'll see two names on it. It's Penny Arcade syndrome, just like with Cartridge Comics! Which is still fairly crap, as it happens. So we have two people, two whole people, responsible for this abysmal piece of shit. Who's the writer and who's the artist? Don't know, don't care. All I know is that since the artist can actually put lines on a page to look like something approaching a drawing, that makes the "writer" half the less talented. Out of all three strips there, I can safely say that. Without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, even. I'm sure the "writer" is wholly superfluous, anyway. If that artist just believed in himself and hit some random keys, he could pen something better. Something that might actually make his shitty linework tolerable, anyway.
Maybe they're conjoined, like with Kuato from Total Recall! Quaaaid... draw me a shitty webcomic... free Mars...
Thankfully, and I know you're going to be as happy as I was when you realise this, it looks like Titus and Mal is dead. Not a single update for weeks. I know that in this world of webcomics, where shit like The Wotch can give you two months of "filler" and still have the fans pledge half a billion dollars via Paypal, a hiatus might seem temporary, but fear not! I am reasonably confident that they are never coming back. Why, you ask? Ah, let me show you.
Their last update was June 26th. My first update was June 25th. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, their death was caused by my arrival. Perhaps they looked upon my shining countenance and knew that their shitty, terrible attempt at mocking bad webcomics was flawed by being a bad webcomic itself. Perhaps they just cried out, once, before bursting into flame. The world may never know the truth, only that their fecal legacy remains as a stain upon the Internet.
Sorry, Internetiwebitron.
Perhaps to repay you all for following me and not clamouring for shit like Titus and Mal to come back, I'll do that Megatokyo update you're all aching for.
The full title of Titus and Mal is "Titus and Mal. We Rock the Internetiwebitron." This should pretty much give you a major clue as to the content of this webcomic. If your guess was "it's a pair of talentless cunts who think they're so far out on the cutting edge of Internet funny they are bleeding, when in fact their attempts to surf that pop culture wave turn out a little sad" then you are correct, sir! Or ma'am.
The word "Internetiwebitron" might make you a little queasy inside, like you've just seen some 60-year-old politician make a reference to American Idol in an attempt to be "with it". It's pretty much the same thing, frankly. Before the page had even loaded properly, I was steeling myself for a pathetic little cry of being edgy and now and all that jazz. I wasn't disappointed in that respect! But I was disappointed in so many other ways.
I invite you to look at the first strip, out of a stunning three, if only because I want you to suffer as I have suffered. What do we see? Flip, down on his luck since Little Nemo ended, now dressed like he's about to pull up outside a 7-11 and start sprayin' his gat and puttin' down the competition. On the plus side, there's drool and a vacant expression that must have taken the so-called "artist" some time with a mirror to perfect. Kudos to you, noble half-wit, for trying your darndest even though you're terrible.
The other one is either a robot or a talking toaster... or both, why not? Either way, the character designs are pretty flat. Maybe it's the fact one's a machine and the other's suffering from mental retardation, but the facial expressions in this strip (and later ones) are somewhat flat. Bland. Utterly incapable of expressing any form of human emotion except endless ennui. Except it's not even that, it's just some kind of neutral facade with a little eyebrow movement. It's pretty shit, people.
The best part is, I don't know which one is which. Is Titus the metal fuckwit or the green fuckwit? To be honest, I don't care. Not that you can find out, anyway. The site design is so awesomely bad you couldn't hope to find out a thing about the people who made it, perhaps beyond the fact they're self-absorbed jackasses who can't write a good joke. Not even a decent joke about webcomics, for God's sake, and that shit practically writes itself. Well, unless they're purposefully making it bad to try and do that "it's funny because it's bad" thing. Although it's unfunny because it's bad, so they fail there.
I suppose the fact that they can't do speech kinda makes the fact that they can't do speech bubbles either (there is a reason that I link to this blog, it's because everyone should) a bit of a moot point. But, fuck it, I'm going to call them out on it anyway. Why not? Amidst all that whining and complaining that they put in this horrible half-blog, half-webcomic (blogomic?) there's a genuine desire to hate webcomics in there. A horrible, malformed little desire. One that is nowhere near as strong or as well-developed as my own seething, raging loathing, but oh boy is it there. They really want to talk smack about webcomics!
Pity that, y'know, they'll never be as good at it as I am. I guess once they uncover my existence (probably due to the links increasing their visitors by a factor of ten thousand) they'll start posturing. Acting like they're the original and the best. Uh, before you do that, and I am certain that you'll still try, remember that people have been hating webcomics for a long time. I just perfected it.
The best part is if you look at that first strip - that horrible, unfunny morass of a first strip - you'll see two names on it. It's Penny Arcade syndrome, just like with Cartridge Comics! Which is still fairly crap, as it happens. So we have two people, two whole people, responsible for this abysmal piece of shit. Who's the writer and who's the artist? Don't know, don't care. All I know is that since the artist can actually put lines on a page to look like something approaching a drawing, that makes the "writer" half the less talented. Out of all three strips there, I can safely say that. Without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, even. I'm sure the "writer" is wholly superfluous, anyway. If that artist just believed in himself and hit some random keys, he could pen something better. Something that might actually make his shitty linework tolerable, anyway.
Maybe they're conjoined, like with Kuato from Total Recall! Quaaaid... draw me a shitty webcomic... free Mars...
Thankfully, and I know you're going to be as happy as I was when you realise this, it looks like Titus and Mal is dead. Not a single update for weeks. I know that in this world of webcomics, where shit like The Wotch can give you two months of "filler" and still have the fans pledge half a billion dollars via Paypal, a hiatus might seem temporary, but fear not! I am reasonably confident that they are never coming back. Why, you ask? Ah, let me show you.
Their last update was June 26th. My first update was June 25th. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, their death was caused by my arrival. Perhaps they looked upon my shining countenance and knew that their shitty, terrible attempt at mocking bad webcomics was flawed by being a bad webcomic itself. Perhaps they just cried out, once, before bursting into flame. The world may never know the truth, only that their fecal legacy remains as a stain upon the Internet.
Sorry, Internetiwebitron.
Perhaps to repay you all for following me and not clamouring for shit like Titus and Mal to come back, I'll do that Megatokyo update you're all aching for.
94 comments:
- You forgot to tell them that their webcomic is bad and that they should feel bad. Also, yeah, I'm just not feelin' it with this one. They are far too harmless. The art isn't even BAD. And their latest update was kind of funny-esque, if not funny.
- That site has some pretty bad coding. The table of links on the right obscures a chunk of the last panel.
- I believe that however I crushed their souls and made them stop updating, it was significant enough for them to understand that their webcomic was bad and they should etc. While you may not be "feelin' it" on the art, do pay more attention on the writing. I know people say that I'm playing up the "grumpy asshole" thing, but just look at this webcomic. It practically reeks of desperation. Of trying their best to emulate people funnier than they are, without understanding what's funny. It's like reading the forum posts of a 13-year-old, in webcomic form.
- Why are so many people aching for you to do Megatokyo? I'm not sure what can really be said that hasn't been said before. "blah blah creepy pedophilic tendencies blah blah too lazy to ink his own comic blah blah sucking at the teat of Japan like nobodies business blah"
- If it helps at all, that bad comic was a sort of spinoff from the same folks behind this one.
- Ah, the shitty webcomics comes from... another shitty webcomic. Not surprised. Still, more material for me, I guess.
- Why are so many people aching for you to do Megatokyo? I'm not sure what can really be said that hasn't been said before. Yeah, go figure. Maybe they just want that special Solomon Brand of hatred.
- Heya, thanks for reminding me of webcomics I haven't read in a while. I need to return and catch back up!
- This should probably go into the top 10 reasons comments but i figured asking it here would be more likely to get me a answer :p Who is this maddox guy everyone is talking about >.< ?
- I'm not sure, but... reading their last update concerning their dead tree comic version and that they need 90'000 subscriptions (40 $ a month) so they can print it. Do the math. Sounds kinda fishy. Looks like an attempt of "extorting" money from gullible naive people. Although it's impossible people can be that stupid to subscribe after only 3 strips.
- Ajax: I believe they were joking about the print edition/subscription thing. (I'm not saying it's a particularly funny or clever joke, but still.)
- Glyph: That would make very much more sense. Shit ! I was lured into incomprehension.
- "I believe that however I crushed their souls and made them stop updating, it was significant enough for them to understand that their webcomic was bad and they should etc." Hang on. I'm to believe you're so fearsome a writer that you made us quit a good two months before you even wrote this? I'd argue, but I only skimmed enough so I could find something to point and laugh at over at Half Pixel's forums. Make sure you do Antiseptic Poetry next so I can ignore that "review" too. Would you like a tissue Salmon? : (
- The single worst thing about the writing is how desperately the writer wants to be Jerry Holkins.
- Usually I love your blogs. This... this was just bizarre. It was like you were a rapper trying to start a feud or something.
- Didn't really feel this one was necessary, to be honest. But the promise of MT bashing warms my heart, even if it has all been said before, it's still fun. Though you gonna give em a hand for their poor site design, it's like they knew their comic was bad, and didn't bother to put a "next" button there because they knew you'd leave after the first strip. Or maybe I just didn't see one, but if I look and can't find it, that's a bit of a design problem.
- What's with this idea that just because the comic has two people working on it, it suffers from "Penny Arcade Syndrome"? Penny Arcade isn't the first comic strip to have two people working on it, and there are plenty of other good webcomics out there with two-person teams. Captain Excelsior, There's Always Porn, Yirmumah, and The Sophisticated Pig are some good examples. There's plenty of legitimate reasons to hate this webcomic, but having two people working on it isn't one of them.
- Who is this maddox guy everyone is talking about >.< ? http://maddox.xmission.com/ What's sad is you can literally type "Maddox" into Google and his is the first page you find. I'd argue, but I only skimmed enough so I could find something to point and laugh at over at Half Pixel's forums. Make sure you do Antiseptic Poetry next so I can ignore that "review" too. HEY PEOPLE! LET'S PLAY A GAME! Pick the saddest thing out of the above paragraph: 1.) That the writer opted to comment at all instead of simply ignoring the blog entirely (OH NOES I'M BUTTHURT), 2.) That he feels the need to post in another webcomic's forums because he lacks the sufficient amount of readers to make his own, or 3.) That in the forum in question: (http://www.halfpixel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=426) ...he's gone on about the blog far more than someone who's supposedly ignoring it in the first place. It's only funny to make fun of webcomics when it's not your own, isn't it?
- At first, I thought this update was kinda pointless, but with that reaction from the creators, I'm so very glad you posted it.
- Do you think it's possible that the art in this comic is intentionally bad, as part of the parody aspect? Droolguy sort of reminds me of the VG Cats googly-eyed people. This strikes me as some kind of bizarre, Andy Kaufman-esque performance art right here. Not just content to make jokes about webcomics, it takes one step further back, and truly embraces, in all ways, the true essence of a bad webcomic, including the horrible site design and stopping after three comics to beg for donations. Clearly they could have done more after that, but that would have destroyed the fragile essence of what they had encapsulated so perfectly.
- What's with this idea that just because the comic has two people working on it, it suffers from "Penny Arcade Syndrome"? Not that it has two people working on it, but that it has two people working on it because they feel that it'll make the webcomic better. Because that's how Penny Arcade does it! It's like passable artists assuming they can write fantastically, or some guy assuming that he doesn't need to know how to draw to make a webcomic. It's just another stupid thing people do when making bad webcomics.
- This... this was just bizarre. It was like you were a rapper trying to start a feud or something. Really? I dunno. I got people who send me shit, either by e-mail or via the comments page, and if I look at it and think "This is fucking wank" I make an update about it. Maybe it's because they're doing what I do (or did what I do) and failing. I'd make an analogy here, but I don't know much about rap.
- Hang on. I'm to believe you're so fearsome a writer that you made us quit a good two months before you even wrote this? I'd argue, but I only skimmed enough so I could find something to point and laugh at over at Half Pixel's forums. Make sure you do Antiseptic Poetry next so I can ignore that "review" too. Reading comprehension time, sweetheart: I start my blog, your comic capitulates practically the very next day. Pretty simple. Or do you want me to use teeny-tiny words so's you can understand? Because I'm not going to make this shit easier for you, go back to grade school. Lovely job of "ignoring" this review, though. What can I hope to expect next time? More whining, or possibly an angry attempt to shit up my comments page with some of that fiesty, teenage angst? Ooh, perhaps I'll elicit tears. That'd be fantastic.
- Clearly they could have done more after that, but that would have destroyed the fragile essence of what they had encapsulated so perfectly. That's giving them way too much credit, pal.
- God, I love this job.
- Not that it has two people working on it, but that it has two people working on it because they feel that it'll make the webcomic better. Because that's how Penny Arcade does it! This is a complete assumption on your part, which means you are still in fact only making this accusation based on the fact that there are two names on the comic. You are the one drawing the Penny Arcade connection, which makes you look like you're really stretching for things to complain about. If you're going to pick on webcomics, pick on mistakes they're actually making, instead of making shit up based on an assumption.
- I enjoy how the folks at halfpixel don't seem to understand the idea of hyperbole.
- Would you like a tissue Salmon? : ( I like how Salmon and Sololame are the two recurring riffs on John's name, and they're always said without the slightest bit of shame. If there was some guy out there insulting my vaginal wish fulfillment webcomic and the best I could come up with was Sololame, I'd probably skip the make-fun-of-his-name part entirely and get right to the part where I whine a lot and call him a faggot or whatever. I do imagine the first couple of people who used Sololame did so in a very tongue-in-cheek manner, and then the hordes of retards out there latched on to it in desperation.
- MegaTokyo doesn't really fit the theme of the blog. The idea, as Soloman stated in a previous comment on another review, is to take these people who think they're brilliant down a peg. Problem: Fred already hates himself. He's fucking FAMOUS for hating himself. This blog basically amounts to making fun of the retarded anyway, but now the subject is not only retarded but already DEAD. Full disclosure: I do read MT. I don't enjoy it, but I started it, and I have this OCD thing compelling me to finish it. http://www.thebookofbiff.com/ ^^sucks
- That "Salmon" crap was supposed to be a JOKE? I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he misread.
- This is a complete assumption on your part, which means you are still in fact only making this accusation based on the fact that there are two names on the comic. Here's how it goes: there are two people involved. One writes, one draws. If the end result is still a massive pile of shit despite dividing up the duties... that's PA syndrome. There is no reason to have two people on board unless it somehow improves matters. If the pair are utterly untalented, it's awesome to point out that together they're as hopelessly incompetent as your average idiot.
- MegaTokyo doesn't really fit the theme of the blog. The idea, as Soloman stated in a previous comment on another review, is to take these people who think they're brilliant down a peg. As wonderful as it is that you think you know what I want and what I plan to do, shut the fuck up. This is a blog about bad webcomics. If it's really bad, it'll end up here. Megatokyo is really bad. Do the math.
- That "Salmon" crap was supposed to be a JOKE? I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he misread. When it comes to the mocking theatre of stupidity that is the comments page, do not give any statement the benefit of the doubt. I hardly see how "John Salmon" is supposed to be insulting, though. Maybe if I'd called myself that to start with, they'd be calling me Solomon? Or maybe Shalom? Who can really figure out what goes on in their tiny minds, though.
- I like 'Somolame', myself. It's just as out-there as 'Sololame', only with extra malaprop. Besides, I prefer not to leave the M out.
- Here's how it goes: there are two people involved. One writes, one draws. If the end result is still a massive pile of shit despite dividing up the duties... that's PA syndrome. There is no reason to have two people on board unless it somehow improves matters. If the pair are utterly untalented, it's awesome to point out that together they're as hopelessly incompetent as your average idiot. Or, you know, some people just might enjoy working with other people. Captain Excelsior is run by two people who each have great comics on their own, and the end result of their working together is about the same as their solo comics, but having two people on CE doesn't suddenly force it to be held to a higher standard. Truth be told, nobody gives a shit if the comic is made by one person or twenty. All that matters is if it's funny. In the end, if a comic is shit, it's shit. But the number of people involved in making that comic, shit or not, is completely irrelevant.
- Man, you just don't get it.
- I am vaguely amazed by the lack of any comprehension of "sarcasm", "irony", or, as matt pointed out, "hyperbole" which the halfpixel forums displayed. I mean, I know that people routinely miss sarcasm online, and have been the victim of it more than once myself, but you'd think that a pair of people ostensibly devoted themselves to making sarcastic commentary on bad webcomics would have their sensors tuned a little more finely.
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- Do Megatokyo and I'll make love to your feet. Wait, wait... that was supposed to come out as "kiss your feet". Shit.
- It's like passable artists assuming they can write fantastically, or some guy assuming that he doesn't need to know how to draw to make a webcomic. It's just another stupid thing people do when making bad webcomics. Then how are they suppose to improve their drawing or writing without actually doing so?
- People can practice, but that doesn't mean they have to publish their garbage as if it's worth looking at. That's what life drawing is for, dumbass.
- People can practice, but that doesn't mean they have to publish their garbage as if it's worth looking at. That's what life drawing is for, dumbass. Yeah, but what if they actually want feedback on it?
- I'm all for improving writing and art by practice, and posting on the web to get opinions. It's not like these comics are selling anything. Not like any of these comics have stores to sell merchandise. Nope, just a space to improve writing/art.
- Yeah, but what if they actually want feedback on it? There are any number of forums and websites where you can post art. A few of them even have people willing to give critical feedback! Practice does not require you to grab a domain name, plaster the thing with Paypal buttons and start up a forum for your "fans".
- Did anyone notice that the creator used the "why doesent he do a wbcomic" complaint in the halfpixle forums, lol.
- Haha, really? I'll take your word for it, since I really don't feel like subjecting myself to so much stupidity so early in the morning. Or any time, really. Have they busted out with any of the other top 10?
- I'm assuming, in PA's case, that Holkins can't draw and Krahulik can't write (the latter is established fact, as anyone who's read one of his borderline non-sentient posts can attest). So, like the results or not, a collaborative effort makes sense for them. Would that more webcomic artists would acknowledge their limitations and adjust accordingly (yes, Pablo, I'm talking about you).
- Being able to publish anything at all naturally requires a certain level of arrogance. If you think that your art sucks, you won't publish it; if you think that your art is acceptable, then you will. On one extreme end of this spectrum, you get people who are extremely talented but who are so ready to spot their own flaws that they are unable to publish anything. On the other end, you have people who will publish anything they scribble down, sincerely believing that it is quality no matter what evidence to the contrary, incapable of self-criticism. I suppose what I am trying to say, in my long-winded fashion, is that self-criticism is of utmost importance in art, but so is having the arrogance to say "okay, this thing is flawed, but I have to publish it eventually." As far as this comic goes, I still believe that this is all a brilliant act. Even their comments on this forum are part of it. Look at how they are sculpted, to so flawlessly resemble the moronic ravings of standard forum trolls, despite their being stated parodists. What other explanation is there? You guys, you are true artists.
- 3 strips in and you're already busting his shit? Jeez JS, at least give the guy time to settle into a good solid rut of suck first.
- You know what I'm sick of most of all? This fucking smart-arse, post-modern, painfully self-aware, fourth-wall breaking, smug, self-satisfied, sixth-form 'humour'. Fucking drivel, all of it. Well, the rubbish you've taken to bits, at least.
- Zee, One of the first couple PA comics is one that Tycho drew. Trust me, you can tell which one it is. Also, I'm gonna have to agree on the MegaTokyo thing. Fred already hates himself to the point where if you rip on him, his reponse is just "SEE! I am right! I do suck!" It kinda takes the fun out of making fun of him.
- Fred will agree, but his batshit fans will create a delicious whinefest.
- I'm with anonymous 14:50. Admittedly, taking the piss out of MT is just as entertaining as DD, but the fan wank will be so much better. ...I still can't believe some fool paid $7850 USD for three of those "Two Weeks of Filler" sketches on EBay. That just makes me want to vomit so much...
- (I agree about Boof of Biff sucking. Man, #318 doesn't even have a joke. The squinty eyes and eyebrow thingies on that Biff guy usually annoy me too much for me to finish reading any given comic. I hate pathetic attempts at style.)
- Oh my god the absolute dicklicks on that forum. "Has this guy ever tried to DRAW a fucking comic? Its hard shit, if I can reuse a panel more than once because there is little change in action, I'm fucking doing it!" I think that qualifies as a WHERE'S YOUR COMIC, JOHN. And hey, you little lazy faggot - I've had more comics published than you could ever dream of, and Xeroxing panels is for Wacom-jockey dicklicks. Sorry you little pansies got so butthurt.
- The best part about it all is that "Titus and Mal" is supposed to be all about making fun of webcomics, but when their own webcomic gets mocked they whine and cry and give every excuse in the book. I'd say "They can dish it out but they can't take it" except they can't even dish it out properly. Rank amateurs, the pair of them.
- Bah, Piro's self-loathing is just a defense. He pretends to be all weak so that he deflects criticism. "Don't bother complaining about the art. See? He says he doesn't like it." But that would only make sense if he actually tried to change and/or improve it. Instead, it just stays the same. And really, it's not just the art that has problems with MT. It's the terrible quality of the writing. Sure, it's full of weird, creepy shit, but the icing in the cake is how poorly-constructed it is.
- It's "free mars," man. You just fuckin' KILLED your credibility there.
- I've had more comics published than you could ever dream of And they're awesome, too. Red Eye, Black Eye kicked my ass in the most amazing way imaginable.
- I'm thinking of starting a Titus and Mal fan art site.
- And a fan fiction site! Why should the CRFH fanatics have all the, er, fun?
- Tell me again why you decided to review something this trivial? You can't be hurting that much for bad webcomics. If it came down to it, you could always do your thirtieth review of Dominic Deegan. That never gets old.
- Your comment about the comic being "dead" reminded me about something that took me a while to remember and find. Beta: the Strip http://strangefour.comicgenesis.com/ Guy said "Come back tomorrow" in mid-2002 and then never came back. Does keenspace never delete stuff or something?
- Beta: the Strip http://strangefour.comicgenesis.com/ holy crap. I went and looked at the first strip, and I've never seen a better example of exactly how to start a terrible, awful webcomic. http://strangefour.comicgenesis.com/d/20000704.html omnipotent creator-god, incessant breaking of the fourth wall, and the belief that monkeys are inherently funny? it's a webcomic pile of shit hat trick!
- At least I was able find out from them that William G is leaving. That makes me happy. He's like the granddaddy of "people taking webcomics too seriously".
- It's "free mars," man. You just fuckin' KILLED your credibility there. Cut me a break, I haven't watched that movie in five years.
- Tell me again why you decided to review something this trivial? You can't be hurting that much for bad webcomics. If it's bad, I blog. This is bad, I blogged. If you want me to blogosphere some bloggier blogomics, then you gotta blog blog blogalong the bloganetic blogsticles. By which I mean, I'll talk about what I want, so long as it's a bad webcomic.
- the halfpixle people have used 9 out of 10, just waiting for someone to call you maddox to complete the set.
- Hahaha, nine? NINE? Holy cats, that's pathetic. But it does give me a great idea... stay tuned!
- But don't hold your breath.
- Okay it's done.
- Can't fucking wait for the MT review. Pretty much everywhere you go it's more "ZOMG FUCKING BEST WEBCOMAC EVAR" shit, when it's just some american retard wishing, just wishing he were japanese. Curse his heritage; CURSE IT!
- You say that someone "E-mailed" you this strip, but I haven't been able to find any way of contacting you at all outside of these comments. Anyways, I wanted you to review this piece of shit: http://themegabusters.com/ You don't really need to review it, seeing as how anyone with a single neuron in their whole brain can see it's absolute, utter shit. Still, Maybe it would make the jackasses making it (Oh yeah, did I mention that there's two? One to make the gay jokes and the other to draw the How-To-Draw-Manga styled aberration they refer to as art. PA Syndrome) stop making it.
- You say that someone "E-mailed" you this strip, but I haven't been able to find any way of contacting you at all outside of these comments. There is a very, very good reason I do not hand out my e-mail address to everybody who reads this blog. I reckon a smart fellow like you could possibly figure it out!
- Megabusters is going on the list, though.
- Oh, christ, Jared. I only had to go back four strips to find this little piece of terror. That second panel is replacing PDH's lemur-arms dude in my nightmares.
- The absolute ignorance that spawned the bingo card in the next entry haunts my dreams. You don't know scary until you realise that the forum posts come from actual people.
- He's like the granddaddy of "people taking webcomics too seriously". I sure the fuck did. I wanted webcomics to stop sucking as much as John here does. But I realized that was an impossible dream because a lot of the people making and reading them have their heads stuck completely up their own asses. And my constantly coming across comments like this shows me that this problem isn't going away any time soon.
- If you really think webcomics evan have a chance to ever stop sucking, you have absolutely no clue how the internet works. There's no editors making sure only good content is uploaded to the internet, so anyone who feels like investing in a website can display their work, good or bad. This is both the best and worst thing about the internet, the ability to access all sorts of content without anyone deciding for you what reaches your eyes. As such, the vast majority of webcomics (as well as anything else on the internet) will always suck. If things were any different, a lot of very good webcomics would never reach people, and that would be even worse.
- But we can at least try and shame these people into either quitting or killing themselves.
- Well, John. I've been reading your reviews and I have to say, I'm not impressed. I'm not posting to attack you, trust me, I have better things to do. But, I'm here to say my opinion (As I'm sure you will more then likely ball up and toss out the window). You're spending too much time insulting the authors then giving what you think about the comic. Now, I've been in your shoes. I was a reviewer for comics. And trust me, I wasn't very kind with the truth and I didn't stop short for insults (Sometimes personal insults when things are just plain stupid) but there's a limit to it how many personal insults you can make before you sound like you're... on a rant that's almost void of a base. Now, I hear you when you say that you believe some of these comics are bad, and I agree with your thought on very few of them. Bob and George for an example. I hate that comic. Everyone in the comic is stupid to the point that you'd wish that Dave's hard-drive just exploded. I'm a frequent visitor of the forums and I make it my point to express how much I dislike Bob and George when I get the chance to. (Like the end of the comic) But, you're opinions are more attacks on the author then the comic itself. And that's the problem. I'm not saying to be kind and friendly. I'm not saying you need to give whoever makes comics that you review, big warm hugs. But to just cut back on the personal insults slightly and give more depth to what you think is wrong with the comic would look better. Another thing is you reviewing these comics a bit too early. Titus and Mal is an example. Come on, man. It's only three comics in. That's only a appetizer rather then a big steak. Letting it sit for awhile and grow so you can get a deeper look into what you think about the comic may have been better. I'm not saying that it's the worlds greatest comic and you should lay off, but you never know, in the next few comics, it could flip itself around when it comes to your opinion and catch you off guard. That's the disadvantage of reviewing a early web comic. All and all, you're reviews could use more work. You may not care what people say about your reviews but when you look at it, why should people care about what you say? It just makes a big stupid image that no one cares about either side yet the flames on both sides are strong. I suppose that what I'm saying is that for you to be taken seriously, you may want to take others opinions seriously. And again, believe me, I've been in your shoes and the constant whining that people give about how mean you are. Been there, done that. Giving my thoughts and advice.
- tl;dr
- want to see a real piece of shit? http://treadingground.comicgenesis.com/ be warned, there's shitloads of the shit. shitty art, shitty housemate jokes, the SHITTIEST puns you will ever read, and shitty female characters that exist so the author can draw (shitty) tits. oh yeah, i'm pretty sure it has a "retard" too, and i don't mean shitfully obvious mary sue character. please don't construe me sending you this metric fucktonne of absolute shit as proof of any ill will towards you. it's a compliment: i think your constitution is a lot stronger than my own.
- For all the shitty web comics you tear up, its kind of amazing you haven't shit on the king of toilets atop the intertubes: Penny Arcade. The most unfunny, idiotic piece of shit with piss poor "self-styled" characters since Megatokyo. You go after all these little shits, but not their hero?
- No, see, John only tears up bad webcomics.
- Bingo! At: 23 August 2007 18:07 I got ten spaces hit total and drank some vodka with each one, makes a great drinking game.
- Sorry for jumping on to this one so late, but I just had to comment. John: You realize that when your entire response to a well thought out and reasonable reply is "tl;dr" that you're only making the comment that you're trying to make fun of seem only MORE valid than it was previously? That said, keep up the great work! (Though I do agree that you could stand to use a little less personal attacks. I mean it's not as if you'll run out of things to say.)
- I'm supposed to trudge through a fucking brick of words, held together with lousy grammar? No fucking thanks. I read the first sentence of that shit and knew exactly what it was about.
- I don't see what's so bad about this webcomic. It's sort of clever, really. You're the expert though, I'm not gonna complain.
- It's sort of clever, really. It's sort of not, actually.
- Oh no They have made another update in September!!!!
- Damnit! They pulled the same shit you did (several month long hiatus), but they're back! Ah well, man, we tried.
- John Solomon is Charlie Brooker.
- This blog is very convincing, indeed. I've never read the web comic in my life, but I'm convinced that the writer, John Solomon is a conceited, self-righteous douche bad. Ha ha, get over yourself, you fucking nerd!
