I'm going to begin with an assertion that sounds ridiculous but is so horribly true that some of you may feel actual physical pain upon reading it: Power Chord is just like Ctrl+Alt+Del except it's worse.
Look at any given strip. You have the same, heavy-lidded and slack-jawed "CAD stare" going on. Copy-pasted bodies that were crudely drawn to begin with. No humour in it that doesn't rely on the same kind of Buckley-grade jokes or simple violence. It takes a great lack of talent to fuck up violence, but Mike Vanslyke (the perpetrator behind this hideous thing) manages it with ease.
To be honest, I could just copy-paste my CAD review here, do a quick search and replace and it would be wholly accurate. Power Chord is essentially CAD except it's about heavy metal rather than videogames, which is one of the reasons why it's worse. I'm not saying that videogamers outnumber metal fans, not even on the internet. The two are often one and the same. It's simply that you can't tell that many good jokes about heavy metal, and you'll often stray into "complicated in-joke" territory.
Mind you, Power Chord also likes video game jokes. In fact, with all the video games and computers turning up, you start to wonder if it's actually meant to be based on heavy metal at all. I'm prepared to chalk it down to blinding incompetence, however. Some of the easiest things in the world to make fun of - racism, cosplay, wiggers, STDs, fat people, drugs, Dave Matthews Band - and Vanslyke fucks them up like you wouldn't believe. It would take a twisted kind of genius to fail so badly, except that would technically make Vanslyke a genius, so I'll just call him a twisted idiot savant instead.
He's so bad at telling jokes that you start substituting your own in a crude self-defence mechanism to try and glean the slightest bit of entertainment out of it. Looking at this strip, isn't it funnier if you assume the main character (Not Danté from Clerks, I swear!!) is actually shitting his pants? Barely. But childish, scatological humour is still vastly superior to every last Power Chord strip, by the simple premise that barely funny is orders of magnitude better than utterly unfunny.
This is self-evident when it comes to the "stand-up comedian" strips. Look at one. That's not stand-up comedy. That's the kind of joke that you find in a Christmas cracker. Or in an e-mail forward from your mother. Stand-up comedy, last I checked, involved the comedian making witty observations about the world. Even bad stand-up comedians try and do that. They don't get on stage, grin insipidly at the audience and go "Knock knock."
The reason why this inept character can't emulate even bad stand-up comedy is because his inept creator can't do it. He can't be witty. All he can do is regurgitate half-digested jokes he heard elsewhere into the gaping maws of his readership - who, like baby birds, number around three. Buckley suffers from the same thing, being unable to be original or witty in the slightest, but Vanslyke takes it to a whole new level. He fails at being Tim Buckley.
If you take a gander at his FAQ, you'll notice a few painful statements. He physically draws his comic, for one thing. Not only that, but apparently he's taken lessons in drawing. If I was an unscrupulous man, I'd start up a school for drawing webcomics and just rake in the fucking cash, since apparently Vanslyke is blissfully unaware that whatever he was taught, it sure as fuck wasn't how to draw.
The sad fact of the matter is that Power Chord could actually improve if it imitated Ctrl+Alt+Del a little more. That's pretty much the most repugnant idea ever, so I'd suggest to Mike Vanslyke that if he has any kind of day job that doesn't involve sitting in his parents' basement at age 30 like Robert A. Tangents, he concentrate on that and abandon Power Chord. Also get rid of your fucking Cafepress store, because nobody is ever going to spend money on your shitty doodles.
Look at any given strip. You have the same, heavy-lidded and slack-jawed "CAD stare" going on. Copy-pasted bodies that were crudely drawn to begin with. No humour in it that doesn't rely on the same kind of Buckley-grade jokes or simple violence. It takes a great lack of talent to fuck up violence, but Mike Vanslyke (the perpetrator behind this hideous thing) manages it with ease.
To be honest, I could just copy-paste my CAD review here, do a quick search and replace and it would be wholly accurate. Power Chord is essentially CAD except it's about heavy metal rather than videogames, which is one of the reasons why it's worse. I'm not saying that videogamers outnumber metal fans, not even on the internet. The two are often one and the same. It's simply that you can't tell that many good jokes about heavy metal, and you'll often stray into "complicated in-joke" territory.
Mind you, Power Chord also likes video game jokes. In fact, with all the video games and computers turning up, you start to wonder if it's actually meant to be based on heavy metal at all. I'm prepared to chalk it down to blinding incompetence, however. Some of the easiest things in the world to make fun of - racism, cosplay, wiggers, STDs, fat people, drugs, Dave Matthews Band - and Vanslyke fucks them up like you wouldn't believe. It would take a twisted kind of genius to fail so badly, except that would technically make Vanslyke a genius, so I'll just call him a twisted idiot savant instead.
He's so bad at telling jokes that you start substituting your own in a crude self-defence mechanism to try and glean the slightest bit of entertainment out of it. Looking at this strip, isn't it funnier if you assume the main character (Not Danté from Clerks, I swear!!) is actually shitting his pants? Barely. But childish, scatological humour is still vastly superior to every last Power Chord strip, by the simple premise that barely funny is orders of magnitude better than utterly unfunny.
This is self-evident when it comes to the "stand-up comedian" strips. Look at one. That's not stand-up comedy. That's the kind of joke that you find in a Christmas cracker. Or in an e-mail forward from your mother. Stand-up comedy, last I checked, involved the comedian making witty observations about the world. Even bad stand-up comedians try and do that. They don't get on stage, grin insipidly at the audience and go "Knock knock."
The reason why this inept character can't emulate even bad stand-up comedy is because his inept creator can't do it. He can't be witty. All he can do is regurgitate half-digested jokes he heard elsewhere into the gaping maws of his readership - who, like baby birds, number around three. Buckley suffers from the same thing, being unable to be original or witty in the slightest, but Vanslyke takes it to a whole new level. He fails at being Tim Buckley.
If you take a gander at his FAQ, you'll notice a few painful statements. He physically draws his comic, for one thing. Not only that, but apparently he's taken lessons in drawing. If I was an unscrupulous man, I'd start up a school for drawing webcomics and just rake in the fucking cash, since apparently Vanslyke is blissfully unaware that whatever he was taught, it sure as fuck wasn't how to draw.
The sad fact of the matter is that Power Chord could actually improve if it imitated Ctrl+Alt+Del a little more. That's pretty much the most repugnant idea ever, so I'd suggest to Mike Vanslyke that if he has any kind of day job that doesn't involve sitting in his parents' basement at age 30 like Robert A. Tangents, he concentrate on that and abandon Power Chord. Also get rid of your fucking Cafepress store, because nobody is ever going to spend money on your shitty doodles.
178 comments:
- A Couple other points you missed: A) His characters alway look off balance B) His speech bubble are often so misplaced, one can't even begin to follow the dialogue. Not that this is a bad thing. I think this guy tried another webcomic at somepoint, though I can't be bothered to look for it. Not worht the pain. Glad you slammed this one though, it's pretty awful.
- I did say it was like CAD only worse, which covers your points.
- Man, heavy metal music is hilarious, yet this comic can't preserve said hilarity.
- For some reason I was reminded of Walking is Still Honest by Ben Richmond. If only for the type of humor they were attempting to portray. Except WiSH was way better than this.
- Strange... His latest strip seems to be a direct response to this review, but it was posted earlier...? I guess the comic's getting hated on elsewhere too. God, it's embarrassing how obvious this latest strip is. How can a grown man be so oblivious, that he gives himself away like this? He even forgets himself in panel three and mentions internet forums. Um... Michael? This conversation is supposed to be happening in a store, remember? And Michael, do you really believe that your alter ego's comeback (such as it is) is so cutting as to make your internet critics weep? Oh, Michael... in your dreams. Well -- in your comic, I guess. God... you don't have to be a psychologist to figure this shit out. How are there so many pathetic wish-fulfilment webcomics like this? Are their authors really so shameless? Or are they just thick-headed and slow-learning, and it'll be decades before they realise how foolish their comic made them look? RRRGH! Also: The dude makes whopping and frequent spelling mistakes, and his grammar's sloppy too -- sometimes I can barely follow what a character is saying. Do people not read their own comics? How is that possible?
- The latest comic on that site was so bad it literally sucked funny right out of me. It made me sad. Now as long as Metalocalypse is on TV, there's no reason for anyone else to tell heavy metal jokes. They'll lose.
- You know, when I think heavy metal style, I want to see blood, anger, and distubing imagery not some crappy PA clone setting. He could've just cloned Metaloclypse, but I guess that would've been too hard for him.
- Strange... His latest strip seems to be a direct response to this review, but it was posted earlier...? I guess the comic's getting hated on elsewhere too. I see what you mean.. also note that he doesn't even have a joke for it, as if he's forgotten he's making a comic that's meant to be funny and just dived into a full-blown rant..
- Does the latest comic count on the bingo board ? :)
- It's not meant for me, so probably not.
- Man, heavy metal music is hilarious, yet this comic can't preserve said hilarity. While 90% of metal is utter crap that's made by people who think it's about growling loudly and flailing at their instruments, 10% ranges from good to brilliant. But that doesn't make Power Chord any less awful. God, this comic makes me ashamed to be a metalhead.
- You were pretty spot on this time without having to make pedantic comments about his weight and his sexual practices. I like that a lot.
- Fuck, I thought it was too short.
- This guy tried to get into our collective, quite a while ago. Here's a lovely quote from the man himself: "i just really want to strongly point out that my comic is very VERY influenced by me and my life. 90% of the strips are things that happened to me, and the rest are things I think my friends would do/react and NOT based on CAD. if i had ahold of my cartooning from 7th grade you would see that it hasn't differed now since then. basically i have never ever for any reason done anything in an attempt to rip off, exploit, or steal anything from CAD." Basically, he used the same defense every hack cartoonist uses when he's accused of making a cookie-cutter gaming webcomic.
- He hasn't improved since seventh fucking grade? Christ, now everything I wrote seems superfluous and ineffectual.
- That's usually how people like him respond when accused of ripping off someone's art style. I've seen it before. If I'd read his FAQ back then I'd ask him how much he paid for all those drawing courses that didn't manage to elevate his skills any further than they were at 7th grade.
- Argh the 'CAN'T TOUCH MY "COMIC" IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE' -card. So stupid. I do like how it seems that the characters just slide around wherever they go because they're always stuck in that same static pose.
- One of the shirts in his store: "I like my beer like I like my rap: not at all!" WHAT THE FUCK Is this guy straight edge or just a pussy? We know he's racist, so I bet the "no beer" idea comes from some kind of purity complex stemming from all of the "bros" and "sluts" he knows drinking beer and fucking each other. But he's above that. So I guess what I'm saying is: fuck that guy. And really, how many ways are there to serve beer?
- Oh, wait. He is straight edge. That explains everything.
- See, why should I bother making the guy seem like a stupid douche when he does it himself all the time?
- On that last sentence of the second to last paragraph, shouldn't it be : "blissfully unaware" ? Also, fish in a barrel.
- This is like a bad version of backstage :o http://www.backstagethecomic.com/ :p
- While still dealing with the aftermath of the mental hemorrhoids inflicted by Dueling Analogs, it's kind of refreshing to get back to webcomics that are merely shitty and inconsequential. To Mike VanSlyke: your art may stink, your attitude may suck, and your jokes may be nonexistent, but for all that you are still NOT Steve Napierski. For this I salute you, sir. Don't ever go changin'.
- I dunno. Ending the comic would be a change I oould get behind
- Since John Solomon fears reviewing MegaTokyo, I'll do it ... Solomon style: (no need to actually read the comic) fuck you, fuck you, shit, shit fuck you fuck, suck fuck you thank you
- I have to say, after all the misogyny and misanthropy and general creepiness from the last few comics you've done, it's sort of refreshing to see a webcomic that's just... bad. Just average, run-of-the-mill bad, with no complications and no real potential for anything better. I feel strangely relieved. This guy's art is so bad though that you can't even criticize it. I mean, can it even be classified as art? There's just... nothing there.
- Just here to say thanks for giving me the motivation to stop reading CAD. How the hell did I not notice how sucky it was?
- Since John Solomon fears reviewing MegaTokyo I'm not doing it because fucking faggots like you decide they have to post a billion and one comments about it. Fuck off, you don't run this blog.
- I have to say, after all the misogyny and misanthropy and general creepiness from the last few comics you've done, it's sort of refreshing to see a webcomic that's just... bad. Just average, run-of-the-mill bad, with no complications and no real potential for anything better. I feel strangely relieved. Kinda why I did it. I mean, I have to immerse myself in all this Internet excrement in order to produce the reviews that people love to read, or love to cite as reasons why I should be murdered in my sleep. It gets a bit weary, even if I'm not even the guy writing up the review. Although this is undoubtedly going to cause another schism, like with the "do more popular webcomics" and "stop beating dead horses" crowds. Nothing can please you people! Good thing I don't care.
- How the hell did I not notice how sucky it was? None of us were ever as wise yesterday as we are today.
- alright, not to be on of the anonymous...es? Anonymi? Whatever... who post a comic for you to review, I'm going to post a comic for you to review: http://www.wastedtalent.ca/ Essentially, the self-centered rant space of a Canadian Engineer. It's kinda like Single Asian female, because she thinks she's got it rougher than everyone else. Even kids with AIDS.
- Oh em gee...I think this is the only weblog I can say "no one reads your crappy blog" to. Seriously? This page is getting favorited. Crappy webcomics need some abuse, I especially loved the one about cartridge comics. I think that the people that read that are his friends that link to it to be nice. I beleive that kindness can only go so far. You need to make one about fanboys. That would be an interesting read.
- http://www.wastedtalent.ca/ This thing weirds me out, it's got this overly precious, "Family Circus" sort of vibe to it. I mean, what is the joke of that most recent comic? That Scott Ramsoomair is popular? I can't even really hate on it, it's like some generic anime fangirl's unfunny livejournal rants taken pictorial form.
- This is such horribly bad shit. The cut and paste work here is the most obvious shit ever. 4 Comics in a row he used the character in the exact same arms crossed standing pose, without making a single change, except one horizontal flip.
- 1. Megatokyo=the webcomic equivalent of Free Bird 2. It must take a lot to make someon ashamed of being a metalhead.
- 2. It must take a lot to make someon ashamed of being a metalhead. This comic, Cannibal Corpse and Juggalos are the Unholy Trinity in this regard.
- I've been going back through the archives of this blog since I found the JDR article here through Encyclopedia Dramatica. I can't get enough! Could you do Shredded Moose sometime? Its art is decent, but but good god everything else about this is terrible. The pointless violence, the misogyny, the unlikeable characters. It's like a black hole of comedy. The fact that it's another comic trying to ride on the coat-tails of Penny Arcade is just the icing on the shit cake.
- Clicking the first link and seeing the "I'm depicting my critics as fat and ugly, and I'm tearing them down with my SUPERIOR WIT" comic first up made me laugh. It made me laugh in the sort of way one does when some asshat makes a big scene about something minor and then trips over onto his or her face when attempting to storm away. Why these types of people attempt to write a four-panel comic when they can't even fit a coherent punchline into THREE panels is beyond me. The only time four panels get really utilized is when the comic maker manages to drag himself up onto his high horse and bitch about something, be it critique or Jack Thompson or just generally being preachy. Even this pontificating falls flat though, for obvious reasons and you can certainly see it in "Captain Huge Head versus I Didn't Pay Attention in Anatomy Class". It doesn't take someone trained in the art to know if it's shit or not. All it requires are the fucking senses we're born with and a brain that tells us when we're in horrible agony as a result of the crap served up in front of us.
- re: "Shredded Moose" I clicked the link on a lark, skimmed through about 15 comics. Now I want those two minutes of my life forever erased from memory. That is all.
- I'm not doing it because fucking faggots like you decide they have to post a billion and one comments about it. Fuck off, you don't run this blog. Ha Ha, I love it when you cower and whine...
- Agree with aldatze and dr. haus on Shredded Moose. God. Is there some law requiring all gaming webcomics to (a) have similar, horrid art "styles," (b) involve random violence outside of games, and (c) display an attitude toward women that even Dave Sim would find offensive? If so, how do we get it repealed, and quickly? God.
- Hello Mr. Solomon, I have been informed by a close friend of yours that you are an authority on gerbils and butt-plugs. Do you have a website or some literature to share...
- I just hope zee doesn't attempt to read Shredded Moose. Given his (perfectly understandable) three days' worth of outraged comments on Dueling Analogs, I'm worried we'll lose him to complete psychosis or suicide. Stay safe, zee!
- Here I go! shredded moose! .... AHH MY EYES
- Scenario: "Brew" of Shredded Moose strikes up a conversation with a woman, without saying "nice tits, want to suck my cock?" (ok, so that's a stretch. this is obviously hypothetical) Being the smug bastard that he probably is, Brew talks about how he's a cool cartoonist and does a comic strip. Gives girl website, and phone number. Girl gets home. Reads comic strip. Feels sick to her soul, and never calls. Brew realizes she isn't calling. Assumes she's a "fucking dyke" Repeat.
- I also love the fact that Brew spends time posting porn he finds up in his own forums.
- I liked the Dave Matthews joke because Dave Matthews Band is pretty damn terrible. Too bad the artwoirk hurts my eyes.
- Ah, you precious little munchkins, finding Shredded Moose all by yourselves. It's been on the list for a little while now, because holy shit is it the worst thing I've ever seen.
- http://www.wastedtalent.ca/ I regret clicking on that link. I'm a female engineer, and this bitch makes all of us look like bimbos. Not to mention how pretentious she is, and how cute she seems to think she is just for knowing terms like "hoop stress". Fuck off, you stupid cunt.
- Actually, I've done my own little review of ShreddedMoose on a forum I frequent that I think you'll like: http://www.projectafterforums.com/index.php?showtopic=505 -Yaoi Huntress Earth
- Ugh, I only had to look at that latest strip to close the window in disgust. If having your art compared to CAD isn't the worst thing you can think of, well... compare it to this. It's like CAD101.
- http://www.wastedtalent.ca/ I regret clicking on that link. I'm a female engineer, and this bitch makes all of us look like bimbos. Not to mention how pretentious she is, and how cute she seems to think she is just for knowing terms like "hoop stress". Fuck off, you stupid cunt. Not only that, but she looks down on artists while making a webcomic. And she's a filthy, syrup-sucking moose-jockey. (Canadian) Also, this is a prime candidate for Solomon, because she takes criticism VERY badly.
- ...Just read Wasted Talent. Okay... she's not a good artist, but gets pissed when people don't buy her art while? And not just "Oh, that's dissapointing that I didn't sell anything", but, "YOU ALL ARE FUCKERS FOR LOOKING AND NOT BUYING!!!" ...What?!
- If you think that's bad, check out here 'real' webcomic, Tangle. http://tangle.spikecomix.com/part3.php?story=6&issue=10 Seriously. Just look at the guy on the cover art.
- On the Links page, he links to CAD, and the monstrosity that is Dueling Analogs, not to mention an assortment of other shitty webcomics. Not surprising, really...
- Fuck, I wanted to link Shredded Moose. Fuck it, here goes anyway.
- Oh my god his commentary on today's strip... "This strip kind of reminds me of Eric Cartman's sinical style of revenge." SINICAL. S I N I C A L. Is this dude legit brain damaged? Also MAJOR pussy party points for drawing the person criticizing him as a) fat and b) crying.
- After taking a little think time about it, the poses in Power Chord are really more stolen from that "Real Life" comic. You know the one. Everyone glides around like on hover-shoes because neither artists draws someone walking (and if they are drawn walking it's usually in a manner that points out the artist had no idea how to make the character appear to be in motion), and the most popular poses are "Standing upright" and "Standing upright with arms folded". BRILLIANT.
- If you think that's bad, check out here 'real' webcomic, Tangle. http://tangle.spikecomix.com/part3.php?story=6&issue=10 Seriously. Just look at the guy on the cover art. Congrats anon, you just succeeded in making me shake violently while saying fuck out loud due to the sheer horror of the art linked to, when I can view all sorts of gory and disgusting stuff without so much as blinking an eye.
- Why am I the first one to comment that he hosts this shitty comic on fucking Angelfire? No one's used Angelfire in 5 fucking years and this guy manages to be their only customer. I have no idea what his fanbase is, but if he's selling merch he can atleast shell out for a cheap .com.
- Also, this is a prime candidate for Solomon, because she takes criticism VERY badly. So does John Solomon, so you can't count that was a character flaw...
- As thrilling as it is that you seem to think that this blog must be held to much higher standards than any webcomic in existence, do try and point out a time when I have taken criticism badly. (Note that me laughing at stupid people saying stupid things doesn't count as taking criticism badly for two major reasons. First because I'm laughing, ergo taking it well, and second because what they said wasn't criticism but, in fact, stupid things.) Get back to me on that, all right?
- Oh ssweet sneck. I've now seen Shredded Moose. Check this out for casual misogyny of the most brain-dead frat-boy kind: http://www.shreddedmoose.com/comic/comic_arc.php?comicID=85 And is it just me, but - if you really had to have a self-insert character - why choose one as crap as Brew, the World's Least Cool And Rad Moron Ever?
- This post has been removed by the author.
- This post has been removed by the author.
- Okay, so fuck that. Brew's linking is as shite as his webcomic. Suffice to say, you'll just get the latest one with that link above, which is merely brain-dead. The one to which I refer has oh-so-manly Brew fantasising about being a T Rex ripping apart its prey while he's gettin' it on with his unfeasibly hot girlfriend. YOU FAPPIN YET GUYS
- Ken: Don't worry, the link got through. Although I question 2 things about your description. 1. Are they actually getting it on? I mean, she has no bottoms, but he's fully clothed without even so much as an open fly. I was actually really confused by what was going on in that panel. 2. Hot? I don't know, looks like she's got saggy old woman boobies to me. Okay... she's not a good artist, but gets pissed when people don't buy her art while? And not just "Oh, that's dissapointing that I didn't sell anything", but, "YOU ALL ARE FUCKERS FOR LOOKING AND NOT BUYING!!!" Yeah, it's not even that she's specifically a bad artist, it's just that she draws amateurish, completely generic "anime-style" art. Why should people bother with her art as opposed to Amateurish Generic Anime Artist #35 at the table right next to hers? It's pretty inoffensive just in and of itself, and I wouldn't have a problem with it if she didn't throw giant comic hissy fits about it. Some people just appear to subscribe to this loathsome, destructive idea that just because you put pen to paper and hang out at geek conventions, you're obligated to get praise and squee commishies for mad cash. This is why DeviantArt is destroying society.
- As thrilling as it is that you seem to think that this blog must be held to much higher standards than any webcomic in existence, do try and point out a time when I have taken criticism badly. (Note that me laughing at stupid people saying stupid things doesn't count as taking criticism badly for two major reasons. First because I'm laughing, ergo taking it well, and second because what they said wasn't criticism but, in fact, stupid things.) Get back to me on that, all right? What the fuck ? Did you just come down from a high or something ?
- I getting so fucking sick of you Solomon. You fucking promise, promise and don't deliver shit. Why the fuck are you writing about web comics done by high-schoolers ? Where's the fucking Mega-Tokyo review , the Penny Arcade review ? You have minions now right ? Get you fingers out yours and their asses and write something significant.
- I getting so fucking sick of you Solomon. You fucking promise, promise and don't deliver shit. Why the fuck are you writing about web comics done by high-schoolers ? Where's the fucking Mega-Tokyo review , the Penny Arcade review ? You have minions now right ? Get you fingers out yours and their asses and write something significant. Oh god, shut the hell up. Bad webcomics are bad webcomics, and Solomon has made like 50 other entries about big name sites. The little guys who make shitty comics deserve it just as much as the big guys. Stop bitching.
- I getting so fucking sick of you Solomon. You fucking promise, promise and don't deliver shit. Stow the false sense of entitlement. Who are you that your particular demands for this blog should be met post-haste (or ever, for that matter)? I know it's been said before, but if you don't like it, leave. How big of a webtard do you have to be to keep recreationally reading something that you're "so fucking sick" of? There really has to be a better use of your time than pissing and moaning in a blog's comments section about how much you dislike said blog. Go build something, you useless twat.
- John Solomon, I submit to you the following shitty comic: MMORPC Not only is it a steaming turd, but the creator has a hissy fit any time someone dares speak ill of his masterpiece.
- Having gone against all good sense and advice to the contrary, I have now seen Shredded Moose. All I have to say about it is that I suspect the cartoonist has never had sex with a conscious woman, and he may in fact have gleaned all his knowledge of "girls" from second-hand descriptions and his grandpa's secret Hustler stash. I can't even work up a righteous lather over this one. It's just too depressing. The comic is worthless garbage and so is its creator. HATE this shitsucking misogynistic crap. I'm much more amused by the whine several posts above me, which is just brilliant in its stupidity. "The food sucks here! And the portions are so small!" These guys really have no fucking clue, do they?
- Hookie Dookie Panic is bad and its creator should feel bad.
- These guys really have no fucking clue, do they? Apparently not, since after John has twice now said he won't be reviewing Megatokyo because so many people whined for him to do it NOWNOWNOW...they seem to think that by whining even more, he'll somehow change his mind. Plus, if these pussies had a single I.Q. point to their names, they'd realize that if they wanted to see Megatokyo trashed so badly, they could get a free blog/LJ/website and fucking write a review themselves.
- Donnie said... Stow the false sense of entitlement. Who are you that your particular demands for this blog should be met post-haste (or ever, for that matter)? I'm me bitch, I demand it because I can. Donnie said... I know it's been said before, but if you don't like it, leave. How big of a webtard do you have to be to keep recreationally reading something that you're "so fucking sick" of? I guess I may have if I keep see shitty reviews and encountering little bitty faggots such as yourself. Donnie said... There really has to be a better use of your time than pissing and moaning in a blog's comments section about how much you dislike said blog. Go build something, you useless twat. Sure, I get to fuck my girlfriend, something I'm sure none of you shits can say.
- Really? You're going to be the "you're gay and I have a girlfriend so stfu" guy? Usenet and I would like to welcome you to 1990.
- Besides, I'm fucking your girlfriend on the side.
- My favorite webcomic has ended and the artist has gone into hiding because you, you fuck!! http://sk_comics.tripod.com/ I fucking hate you!! . . . Okay, I'm just kidding. You couldn't effect a fly, even if you were locked in a closet with it and covered in shit.
- Hey John, maybe this webcomic is a little too shit.. but can you get too shit? answer: well, just read through this and watch your faith in humanity get reamed from every possible direction http://www.drunkduck.com/Red_And_Blue/index.php
- glyph said... Besides, I'm fucking your girlfriend on the side. Ha, ha ha ... you know you can't fuck anything glyph you're body is riddled with erectile dysfunction...
- Ha, ha ha...you somehow can spell "erectile dysfunction" but you use "you're" instead of "your." I'll bet you must be the "Reading is for faggots" guy from several days ago.
- Okay, I'm just kidding. You couldn't effect a fly, even if you were locked in a closet with it and covered in shit. The fact that the webcomic jerks who find this place choose to bitch and whine about it on their forums instead of taking the advice and criticism john so generously dispenses, and either quit or improve, reflects more on their stunted, eternally adolescent mindset than on this blog's gravitas. While we would certainly be happy if one of our entries resulted in the end of a terrible webcomic, we're under no illusions that we're going to outweigh the idiocy and self-congratulating circlejerking nature of webcomicdom. But hey, plowing ahead straight into a wall of mediocrity instead of listening to critics is a moral victory!
- We live in a culture that celebrates mediocrity. It's more reassuring to cheer for "the underdog" than to praise those who actually possess the greatest talent. Talented people who succeed challenge us to be better than we are. Mediocre people who succeed tell us that hey, we can succeed too, and hey, we don't even have to put any effort into it! You people who defend your shitty webcomics, just remember that when you do this, you're defending the same cultural values that make Paris Hilton a celebrity.
- http://www.shreddedmoose.com/comic/comic_arc.php?comicID=23 Dueling analogs all over again.
- http://www.shreddedmoose.com/smcomikaze/comics/2007-03-19.jpg Stupid link on the previous one.
- K i give up it's number 23.
- The other Shredded Moose one that's truly contemptible is Brew's pathetic "if they illegalise abortion those dirty pro-lifer scum then huzzah we'll do it the old-fashioned way". Cue picture of a shit-eating-grin-toting Brew punching his pregnant girlfriend in the gut until she graphically miscarries. Brew. What a guy. What a fucking pointless dickweed.
- The fact that the webcomic jerks who find this place choose to bitch and whine about it on their forums instead of taking the advice and criticism john so generously dispenses, and either quit or improve, reflects more on their stunted, eternally adolescent mindset than on this blog's gravitas. Someone must really be having their dick sucked if they think this crap even remotely counts as advice.
- oh man...are you serious?
- Wow, it's sarcasm-impaired too, folks! Let's poke it 'till it bleeds.
- Aw guys, c'mon. Everyone enjoys sexual gratification. Can we just move on from the whole gay/dick sucking/fingers in asses thing now? Ken: It amazes me that Shredded Moose manages to take a stance like pro-life (typically seen as the more liberal/women's lib stance) and twist it into yet another misogynist male power-fantasy. Dickery that fabulous I would almost admire, if it didn't make me so sick.
- That'd be the "I don't want to use no rubbers and I sure as hell don't want no kid" version of pro-choicery as opposed to anything remotely concerned with women's rights, which I doubt the creators could give two shits about.
- You guys do all realize John's just hanging back and letting you suzies have your shitstorm, right?
- ok, so?
- Just thought I'd say for the people who aren't trolling for the sake of trolling...
- Well, I just had to be stupid and follow more Shredded Moose links from the thread over at SA, and now I'm angry all over again. Another goddamn fucking sociopath making comics... GREAT. I hope someone takes a weedwhacker to this guy's nuts, because he richly deserves it. Vile and indefensible on every conceivable level.
- Holey Shit, I thought I saw some horrible shit in my day, but Shredded Moose is so God Awful that it proves that not only did jesus die in vain, but it may actually be linchpin in the argument against ALL of Christianity. I mean, IF Jesus WAS god, and he knew ahead of time that such an absolute abomination of the human spirit was going to be made, he would have NEVER EVEN bothered with the whole crucifiction thing.
- "You people who defend your shitty webcomics, just remember that when you do this, you're defending the same cultural values that make Paris Hilton a celebrity." Amen to that.
- John is there anyway yoy can just shut the fucking comments off, they're so retarted, even more so that thre comic.
- Retarded, yes, but equally hilarious.
- This is so bad: http://wollemi.comicgenesis.com/
- I mean, IF Jesus WAS god, and he knew ahead of time that such an absolute abomination of the human spirit was going to be made, he would have NEVER EVEN bothered with the whole crucifiction thing. On the other hand... maybe it's that Shredded Moose is SO horrible, that the only way to appease God was to kill an innocent person (i.e. Jesus), since He foresaw the shitty society of today that wouldn't just outright beat the shit out of the guy who draws it. And not just because he goes by a name as retarded as 'Brew'. So... did Jesus die FOR Shredded Moose? Or BECAUSE of Shredded Moose?
- Aw, the comments are just icing on the cake, baby.
- Aw, the comments are just icing on the cake, baby. Uhmm... you might wanna go before someone sees your Deviantart page... Like... FAST
- OH BLUBBER BLUBBER JOHN SOLOLAMEMAN YOU SUCK!! I JUST CAME HERE TO SAY THIS NOW I'LL GO BACK TO HAVING SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND YOU STUPID GAY VIRGINS!
- So...Jesus died for Brew's sins? Sorry, even if I were Christian that wouldn't sit well with me theologically. For that would mean Brew would be forgiven for Shredded Moose. And that must not happen.
- And worst of all, Shredded Moose does not have the comic on the front page. Instead it's some rant about how Michael Vick shouldn't be punished because caring about animals is dumb. So, I don't really get the latest comic. I mean, the critic is drawn as being smug and unappealing, but on the other hand the guy who stands for the comic is doing everything she says. Is his point that he really is a misogynistic dolt?
- Is his point that he really is a misogynistic dolt? And inordinately proud of it, like a toddler who's just smeared its feces all over the family dog.
- John Solomon, when are you going to review Girly? Or are you? It would be pretty funny to hear you rip into Josh Lesnick seeing how you are Josh Lesnick. You pretension prick. Just admit that you and your cronies are only writing this crap because your webcomics suck and you're jealous that they never made it big. I know the other writers are part of the community too, its only a matter of time before they're exposed as well.
- Just admit that you're whining like a little bitch because your favorite webcomic got insulted and it hurts to realize you've got no fucking taste.
- John Solomon, when are you going to review Girly? Or are you? It would be pretty funny to hear you rip into Josh Lesnick seeing how you are Josh Lesnick. You pretension prick. Just admit that you and your cronies are only writing this crap because your webcomics suck and you're jealous that they never made it big. I know the other writers are part of the community too, its only a matter of time before they're exposed as well. ooh, bingo! BINGO!!
- Hey! I think you got one, John. Not only did the artist quit, but she may have committed suicide too! YOU ROCK!!! I'm doing some more research to confirm this, but if it is true than man you have found your niche.
- Hey! I think you got one, John. Not only did the artist quit, but she may have committed suicide too! YOU ROCK!!! I'm doing some more research to confirm this, but if it is true than man you have found your niche. You think this would be cool if someone committed suicide because of these rants. Congratulations, your audience is truly the scum of the earth. Its easy to entertain when you're preaching to the lowest common denominator. Sick.
- Is someone were to get so worked up over someone writing mean things over the internet about their webcomic that they actually kill themselves, then they're an idiot who deserves no pity.
- Sorry, even if I were Christian that wouldn't sit well with me theologically. For that would mean Brew would be forgiven for Shredded Moose. And that must not happen. Well, if you wanna get REALLY technical about it, he'd only be forgiven if the holy spirit is working in his heart and he has accepted the sacrifice of Jesus' death. I'm guessing he hasn't, so we don't have to worry about him cooking like a pop-tart in the toaster-oven that is Hell.
- Hey! I think you got one, John. Not only did the artist quit, but she may have committed suicide too! YOU ROCK!!! I'm doing some more research to confirm this, but if it is true than man you have found your niche. Which artist?
- Would the person who claimed to know John Solomon's real identity, i.e. allegedly the cartoonist of Girly, care to offer some hard evidence? Or are you just being libellous?
- Nobody died stupid, I was just given you assholes what you want to see.
- Since when does Josh Lesnick need to pretend to be British to talk about webcomics? I hope we don't get any more crazy conspiracy theories as to who I am. That shit would be worse than me having an ED entry.
- Besides, I just checked out Girly and the art is so poor and ugly that John Solomon would have to be the world's biggest hypocrite to be the one behind it, while ripping on others for their poor, ugly art. Sorry Anonymous, I'm not buying it.
- I have to say, the comments from outraged fans and the horrible attempts at trolling are my absolute favorite thing about this blog. As for Shredded Moose, here's the requisite forum drama: Brew actually has the nerve to plug his comic on Truth and Beauty Bombs, the forum for Dinosaur Comics, Perry Bible Fellowship, and A Softer Word Not surprisingly, these comics have a few fans who are smart enough to realize how cliched Shredded Moose is. Surprisingly, Brew isn't a dick about it, and everything is OK... Until someone finds his little rant on feminism. The result: one of the most hilarious attempts at backpedaling I've ever seen.: One thing I could have done was to have been specific and clear about what I meant by "feminist". When I said “feminist” I was refereeing to the way I’ve experienced the media’s portrayal of ‘feminism’ for as long as I can remember. I realized it was an over-generalized stereotype but the joke was to play upon that stereotype which I, and many people, have been exposed to. Passages like “screeching vaginas who get off on bitching and moaning about how “it’s so horrible the way men disrespect women,” and “all men are pigs and think women are no more then sexual objects,” are meant to reflect this stereotype. It’s obvious that what I write can be interpreted in very different ways to different people. To me when the news post stated: “But I’m not here to bash “women’s rights to equality” or anything of that sort.” I was making it clear that the concept of feminism was a good thing. And when it read: “All chicks should have the right to play video games, drink beer, have sex with guys (and other girls), and have just as awesome of a life as any guy out there.” I was saying that women can do whatever they want and should be able to, even if it’s these particular things as well.
- And then he links "depths of hell" to the Down Syndrome foundation's page. more backpedaling: The only way you can consider something or someone hateful is if you look at it or them that way. Find the humor in everything you can. Of course, I know somebody out there is going to read what I wrote here and just try to find the flaw in it so they can give me more happy love, geez... But okay, that's cool. Well, I sure can't find any humor in Shredded Moose. Because it doesn't have any. Brew's whole "persona" reminds me of something Jason Sartin (the John Solomon of RPG reviewers) wrote in his review of FATAL (Imagine the worst RPG you possibly can, and then imagine something ten thousand times worse. That's FATAL.): Oh, they want to be all evil and shocking and crap. God, how pathetically they tried. I mean, imagine opening a door to find your mother and sister raping each other with pink strap-ons. And you then realize that you've never seen their bare asses before, because you're pretty sure you would have remembered the swastikas tattooed there. And upon noticing you, they grin wickedly and give you the finger in unison. It's shocking in a way that instantly blights out all rational thought, but later, you'll have to admit the finger and wicked grinning part was kinda cool. That's the feeling the FATAL morons so wish they could provoke. Instead, they're more like opening that door to find your weeks-unwashed Otaku brother in his soiled underwear, masturbating furiously to - of all the goddamn things in the world - an Archie comic. And on his bare ass is a tattoo of, inexplicably, someone else's ass, and he's disgustingly fat enough for it to be a good 14 inches across. And as he goes at it, he's quietly moaning to himself about how worthless women, fags, and niggers are and how they should all be raped or murdered. It's still disturbing on all kinds of levels. But it's the kind of stupid disturbing that ends with you having to answer questions to the satisfaction of a prosecuting attorney. So yeah, he's written the FATAL of webcomics. I hope he's proud. Aside: isn't that avatar picture so smug you want to punch it in the face? Bonus: Bobby Crosby wanks up a storm at RPGnet, claims his zombies vs vampires comic is the most original thing ever.
- shreded mouse suck ass, so many people rant about it that solomons rant would just be a drop in the bucket.
- Since when does Josh Lesnick need to pretend to be British to talk about webcomics? Fine, then finally comment on Girly. The comic is obviously flawed, yet you skirt around the issue of discussing it. Its not like you haven't been asked before. And if you're not Josh Lesnick, then why are you regurgitating the shame rhetoric he's been spouting for years? Your postings parallel each other.
- Hey, there's more than one person in the world who thinks that most webcomics suck ass! SUSPICIOUS.
- Um, Lesnick's and Solomon's writing styles are quite different. Also, Solomon has alluded on this blog to being a writer for a living. Lesnick states on his FAQ that he supports himself by running an adult website. Ergo: Not the same person. Oh, and John doesn't have to review anything, no matter how many times someone demands it. So quit wasting your time and go back to reading your preferred bad webcomics.
- No don't you get it only one person can hate bad webcomics at a time.
- It's like being a vampire slayer.
- Wait would that make me Kendra
- I see you more as Faith than as Kendra.
- I think maybe I'll pass that charming Ratatouille rape comic along to the legal dept. at Pixar, and see if they get as big a kick out of it as I did.
- It's not rape. Sure, she looks like she doesn't want it to happen and she's been forcible tied up, but all bitches want is a good lay am i rite or am i RITE hi five
- Thanks for another great article, your writing is refreshing as always, and the comment about cafepress should be engraved in the ten commandments of webcomics. I just wish the people in your comments would stop using every opportunity to post links off topic. But the icing on the cake? reading your review where you state he fails at being Tim Buckley, then reading the Powerchord newsbox and finding out that Tim Buckley agrees with your assessment. To Quote: "I never sat down and said "I want to be like CAD!" But to help ease my ego I emailed Tim Buckley and asked him his oppinion. He assured me that my style is no where near ripping him off so I should ignore it." Keep up the good work!
- Nobody died stupid, I was just given you assholes what you want to see. Do you understand how commas work?
- Another great quote from Power Chord's response: "Go ahead and say what you want. Just please stop coming to my site." That was kinda the point of this review, wasn't it? As a recommendation to avoid? Glad you agree, Mike.
- Do you understand how commas work? Perhaps he does and they died enlightened.
- Perhaps he does and they died enlightened. We could only hope. We could only hope.
- John I heard everyone posting in this comments section is Josh Lesnick. Confirm/Deny?
- Please, please, please do Shredded Moose. Seriously, just check out some of this misogynist bullshit: http://www.shreddedmoose.com/comic/comic_arc.php?comicID=36 (date rape is funny!) http://www.shreddedmoose.com/comic/comic_arc.php?comicID=43 (abortion is funny!) http://www.shreddedmoose.com/comic/comic_arc.php?comicID=11 (Feminists are orcs! Which is funny!) Also, it's a gaming webcomic, so...
- Shredded Moose is too obviously shit. The writer KNOWS he's full of crap, and that's why he does it. Criticism in his direction will result in nothing--not even a little tantrum--because he's clearly being (what he perceives to be) controversial Also, my random-letter posting code was 'titss'
- From the Power Chord news post: "I know my comic has flaws. I am just starting out here. I do go with the 'copy-paste' method, but with a job and a girlfriend I don't have time to draw out every strip." This blows my mind. Why on earth would he think this is a good excuse? If you're too busy to draw a webcomic, maybe you shouldn't produce a fucking webcomic! Nobody is going to enjoy your crap if you don't at least give the impression you're putting effort into it.
- SHUT UP PAULINE. He doesn't have to do anything you say! He's got a job and a girlfriend, which makes him way cooler than all you losers!! Remember, you aren't allowed to criticize anything unless you conform to all mainstream societal standards, antiquated or not, first and foremost of which is having a girlfriend whom you bang constantly. (Yes, even if you're a woman)
- (Yes, even if you're a woman) But if that's the case, the webcomic must ONLY be about this.
- Just out of curiosity, why is him physically drawing his comic a painful statement? Or is it that the statement's painful because all the Copy-Paste makes this seem unlikely?
- Is there even a point to reviewing Shredded Moose now? It's been torn to utter pieces by the comments here.
- If not Shredded Moose, what about Casstoons... it might technically be a fancomic though.. http://www.txt.btinternet.co.uk/casstoons/Casstoons14.htm
- And we're still not finished! I'm sure most of you who have been engaging in this morbid cavity search through Shredded Moose have already seen his rant against feminism. Indeed, it was copy-pasta'd a few posts back. However, there's a little more to it that didn't make the copy pasta - including an absolutely sublime part were he claims that Lara Croft has a realistic body for a woman as sporty and athletic as her. You know, just like all those women in the Olympics. http://www.shreddedmoose.com/news_arc.php?comicID=11
- oh man, this Shredded Moose thing. hoooooly shit what a fucking mess. Brew is bad and he should feel bad, and then die while feeling bad.
- Holy shit, Shredded Moose is AWESOME. It's given me the inspiration for my own web comic: Rape Babies. It's about a couple of babies that like to play video games and rape babies and also other chicks. FUCKING EDGY.
- yeah theres no point in reviewing shredded moose now.
- Is there even a point to reviewing Shredded Moose now? It's been torn to utter pieces by the comments here. Well that makes things easier, now he can just cut and paste his review from the comments. I hear that's what all the talented people with girlfriends and jobs do...
- An actual comment about the featured comic - When I first saw some of the Power Chord strips, I couldn't believe it because honestly, it had to be a parody of bad webcomics, as drawn by some colossal goof. The thing that really gets to me is the fact that it's hosted on ANGELFIRE. Who even uses Angelfire anymore, asides from old websites showing off peoples' X-Files fanfiction or whatever. You might as well use Geocities and I've seen a few webcomics of Power Chord quality hosted there.
- POWER CHORD sucks. Nevar forget.
- Since the Lesnick-obsessed ranter is back AND we're on a string of particularly awful mysogynist artists lately, I've just been reminded of one of the reasons I like Josh Lesnick's art. Particularly his adult art. While the majority of pointless gaming-webcomic artists are busy backpedalling and making excuses for how abysmal they display women in their comics in even the most banal of situations, Lesnick can draw the female lead of Class Exhibitionist Story dripping in cum and have her look fucking empowered. This is coming from a woman, by the way. I like to call his style "Happy Porn."
- Ooh! One more Shredded Moose observation...forget, if you can, the retarded-caveman misogynistic fart that Brew comes out with, look at the early strip where he's virtually cumming over getting a copy of the new World Of Warcraft game!!! And then beats the shit out of a little kid who tries to beat him to it. That's Brew's level right there, folks. A pathetic little wanker who jerks his gherkin over WoW and realises that little kids are the only thing that he can plausibly fight and win - though even the average intelligent six-year-old could doubtless have his sorry "me so gangsta" arse two falls out of three.
- personally I enjoy shredded wheat myself
- Believe me, a comic entirely about shredded wheat would be far preferable to that abomination.
- http://www.evilavatarcomics.com/ Yeah, its a comic about the CRAZY and/or ZANY occurances on some forums dedicated to a Podcast. No, seriously.
- Okay, this is more than just VAGUELY Penny Arcade art. http://www.evilavatarcomics.com/comic.php?comic=61
- Okay, this is more than just VAGUELY Penny Arcade art. Holy shit he just copied random body parts from PA and slapped them together to form some kind of grotesque mutant (those facial expressions look strangely familiar) I mean, that guy's eyes and mouth don't FIT ON HIS FACE, the bodies are mainly static and arms are changed or some shit like that and so on.
- Holy shit he just copied random body parts from PA I was going to say that the PAX logo in that one might mean they meant it as parody, but no. Having read more of them its just badly-drawn drivel, of the schoolboy scrawl variety. Too blandly bad to waste an expletive on.
- Hahahaha "Why don't you do Girly then if you're not Lesnick" Probably because Girly is funny and extremely well illustrated you stupid tasteless faggots
- Tim Buckley at least manages to make all his identical androgynous characters look professionally drawn. This is just sad.
- You mean "professionally drawn" as in they have smooth lines, right? Because otherwise that art is shit in every way.
- John, this may not mean a thing to you, but I just want to inform you that you have earned the Encyclopedia Dramatica Seal of Approval. Not many people outside of ED have earned it. In fact, you are the first non-ED-user who has actually done something awesome enough to receive this award. This is ED's way of saying you did good. And coming from a community that hates 99.9% of everything on the Internet, that means a lot. Good job.
- I'd be happy if they took out the "Maddox's cousin" comment.
- http://www.gingercomics.co.uk/ Anna is the creator of Ginger Comics. She is ginger, a fact she has been both adored and hated for in her 26 years alive. She resides in Oxford, UK where she shares a house with a bunch of delightful characters. She has no qualifications in art as "Miss King, the art teacher was literally mental and incredibly annoying." Hence her inability to draw well (some may argue she cannot draw at all) She started drawing comics in February 2007 after being signed off sick from work (as a finds archaeologist) and getting incredibly bored. She feels she is "getting a bit better at this drawing jazz" and it is clear from her early comics she is honing her "talent?". Anna used to play bass guitar, but over the years her passion has decreased considerably. However, she has recently purchased a cello and plans to make nice noises. She adores monkeys.
- "John Solomon, I submit to you the following shitty comic: MMORPC Not only is it a steaming turd, but the creator has a hissy fit any time someone dares speak ill of his masterpiece." Wow, thank you so much for submitting my comic lol.
- Am I the only one who thinks Power Chord looks creepily like a horrible version of Family Guy?
- Power Chord's art is spot on. It really delivers the experience of watching a popsicle-stick puppet show.
- well well well, it seems your links are fucked, Mr Solomon
- Nah, the bastard was just to ashamed of his comics so he erased them from the arcives and pretended to start up the 'new' site from Jan of 08 or something. What a douche.
- Yeah, Power Chord is now here. The splash page should be enough.
- Well, I feel the need to ask, what exactly have you ever done that was worth two shits? Far as I can tell, you are a talentless hack.
- John Solomon is Charlie Brooker.
- June 30 Anon... And what, exactly, have you done with your pathetic life that makes you worthy of judging anyone else's work? Making assistant fry cook at McDonald's is not something to be proud of, sparky. I tried to go to Power Chord, and after following the link on that site saying "here's the comics," I got....no comics at all. So maybe he finally, FINALLY got the hint that his comics are shit and got rid of them once and for all?... We can only hope.
- Seems like its finally dead...
