You really have to say it in all capitals: THE WOMB. Nothing else gets across the horror. Because THE WOMB is where bad webcomics go to be born.
Comic Genesis, formerly KeenSpace, is (as it says on the site) "a free webhosting provider for webcomics". This is one of those occasions where once again the Internet has spat in the face of you, the audience, and given any jackass the option to put their shit online. No editors, no money, no fuss. Just upload and go. Far be it for me to heap praise upon the alternative system, what with those narrow-minded publishers and editors making life a misery for some, but it's still a damn good system. Almost everything on Comic Genesis, were it submitted as a serious story to a serious publishing house, would be disposed of unceremoniously. Crumpled up, burnt, used during a toilet paper shortage - generally treated as the worthless rubbish it is. Let's face it, people, if you really were a fount of talent and hard work, you would be able to get yourself actually published.
But even a place like Comic Genesis there is some kind of process. Yes, that process is to smile and nod and stamp "APPROVED" on anything that is submitted, but it's still a process. That's where THE WOMB comes in. There is a brief period of waiting that comes about when the entire Internet tries to get its epic webcomic saga on there and the staff just can't deal with a million submissions every week. While these webcomics are waiting to come into being, they exist as... proto-webcomics, if you will. Each is a malignant little foetus, waiting inside THE WOMB to be born onto the Internet.
Because of the turnover rate, it's vastly unlikely that any of the webcomics-to-be that I look at today will exist inside THE WOMB in a month's time. Or even a week. So I'll do my best to illustrate things fully, rather than just linking. It doesn't really matter, though, since everything within THE WOMB is pretty Goddamn awful.
But how to choose? That's easy. One of the glorious things about THE WOMB is the random function. It'll select a webcomic from its vast and horrible list and thrust it into your face. All I have to do is hit F5 and it'll give me something new to mock. It's hilarious, try it yourself.
I know a lot of you feel that it's mean that I pick on bad webcomics that aren't popular or successful or even made by complete assholes, but remember that these webcomics are still really, really bad. Just because they're not Megatokyo doesn't give them a license to exist and eventually become just like Megatokyo anyway.
Our first victim is Cardboard Sword, which will exist here when it is accepted to join its hideous siblings. The explanatory blurb tells us "A legend has been told, of bravery, magic, death... This is not that story. This is the story of Vereave Alcus and his adventures in his little fantasy world. More than just a world though but a potential galaxy and universe. Follow Vereave as he searches for the magical blade forged of corrugated cardboard."
What delightful cliché we have here. Beginning with talking about a very epic story - and then revealing that it's not the story that's going to be told! Oh, sir, my sides are splitting. I certainly haven't seen that done to fucking death.
Let's count off the other warning signs of a bad-webcomic-to-be. A potential universe? No, not really. Having a whole fucking universe mapped out is overkill when you're not going to see most of it. Do you people have any fucking clue just how big a universe is? Even a galaxy would be beyond this guy.
Oh, and we have the forced "wackiness" in the form of a magic sword - made of cardboard! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! No fucking thank you. Funnily enough, doing the "wacky" shit requires you to be very clever and very serious. You can't just go "zomg lawl a cardboard sword, im a comedy genius". Writing comedy is not something everyone can do, you moron, it's a talent. You probably don't have it, especially if you're relying on overdone clichés.
Then, of course, there's the art.
Now, I'm fairly sure I've said this before, but a good story can go a little way to saving bad art. However, I feel we have indeed established that this isn't a good story, since good stories aren't made entirely out of clichés and hype. So we have a bad story and bad art.
I don't really want to discourage people from developing their talent, but really: have some kind of talent before making a webcomic. Spend a few years working hard and you could actually do your "big idea" justice - or perhaps even realise that your "big idea" is actually not so good as you thought. Many webcomic creators start off when they're teenagers, or when they haven't matured past being a teenager, and take it from me and everyone else who's older and wiser: all the creative ideas you have when you are young are shit.
Also, seriously, Jesus Christ do not use Impact as your primary font.
"Basically nothing and everything. Things were said. Somewhere along the line, they became funny." That's the tagline for Full Of, yet another potential webcomic that is apparently built upon a foundation of lies.
Things are said, they are not funny. This is what happens when you have lolarious injokes with your BFFs on MSN and then try to make a webcomic about those injokes without realising your entire audience can be counted on your fingers. Why do you need hosting for this shit? Why? It's pointless. I'm not even going to get into how fucking awful the art is. I don't even want to look at it.
The next random comic is My Faery Princess Calendula. I can practically hear the collective intake of breath as you are about to scream in horror. I am afraid, though, that your screams will not be loud enough.
Wall of fucking text. In Comic Sans. Read from right-to-left. Covering what I estimate to be around 40-to-50% of the entire fucking strip. Which isn't so bad, since the art is animu bullshit with shiny kawaii eyes. Also notice the absolutely dire (and cliché) story. Only the pure of heart can see fairies - sorry, faeries - and children are pure of heart. Nature is the tops and cities are terrible. Except, no, children are vicious little monsters and cities are fucking awesome. Fuck you, you winged little rodent.
Why am I even bothering to explain why this is bad? Anyone who thinks it's not is fucking insane. It's an animu webcomic that uses Comic Sans and reads right-to-left because it's made by a fucking Wapanese hippy. When it appears, I'll probably review it just because it offends me so much. But still, it's not even the worst thing about THE WOMB.
Warfare is (or will be) a webcomic made in MSPaint using Battlefield: Vietnam screenshots. Do I even need to say anything else? No, no I do not. Welcome to the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.
Go, my readers. Penetrate THE WOMB and discover its horrors for yourself. I guarantee you that you can check it daily for a year and the chances of you finding anything remotely worthwhile will be slim to none. It's the black birthing chamber of my intended targets, the fetid spawning pool of future victims. It is almost Lovecraftian in the terror it brings. Look upon it, and know fear.
Comic Genesis, formerly KeenSpace, is (as it says on the site) "a free webhosting provider for webcomics". This is one of those occasions where once again the Internet has spat in the face of you, the audience, and given any jackass the option to put their shit online. No editors, no money, no fuss. Just upload and go. Far be it for me to heap praise upon the alternative system, what with those narrow-minded publishers and editors making life a misery for some, but it's still a damn good system. Almost everything on Comic Genesis, were it submitted as a serious story to a serious publishing house, would be disposed of unceremoniously. Crumpled up, burnt, used during a toilet paper shortage - generally treated as the worthless rubbish it is. Let's face it, people, if you really were a fount of talent and hard work, you would be able to get yourself actually published.
But even a place like Comic Genesis there is some kind of process. Yes, that process is to smile and nod and stamp "APPROVED" on anything that is submitted, but it's still a process. That's where THE WOMB comes in. There is a brief period of waiting that comes about when the entire Internet tries to get its epic webcomic saga on there and the staff just can't deal with a million submissions every week. While these webcomics are waiting to come into being, they exist as... proto-webcomics, if you will. Each is a malignant little foetus, waiting inside THE WOMB to be born onto the Internet.
Because of the turnover rate, it's vastly unlikely that any of the webcomics-to-be that I look at today will exist inside THE WOMB in a month's time. Or even a week. So I'll do my best to illustrate things fully, rather than just linking. It doesn't really matter, though, since everything within THE WOMB is pretty Goddamn awful.
But how to choose? That's easy. One of the glorious things about THE WOMB is the random function. It'll select a webcomic from its vast and horrible list and thrust it into your face. All I have to do is hit F5 and it'll give me something new to mock. It's hilarious, try it yourself.
I know a lot of you feel that it's mean that I pick on bad webcomics that aren't popular or successful or even made by complete assholes, but remember that these webcomics are still really, really bad. Just because they're not Megatokyo doesn't give them a license to exist and eventually become just like Megatokyo anyway.
Our first victim is Cardboard Sword, which will exist here when it is accepted to join its hideous siblings. The explanatory blurb tells us "A legend has been told, of bravery, magic, death... This is not that story. This is the story of Vereave Alcus and his adventures in his little fantasy world. More than just a world though but a potential galaxy and universe. Follow Vereave as he searches for the magical blade forged of corrugated cardboard."
What delightful cliché we have here. Beginning with talking about a very epic story - and then revealing that it's not the story that's going to be told! Oh, sir, my sides are splitting. I certainly haven't seen that done to fucking death.
Let's count off the other warning signs of a bad-webcomic-to-be. A potential universe? No, not really. Having a whole fucking universe mapped out is overkill when you're not going to see most of it. Do you people have any fucking clue just how big a universe is? Even a galaxy would be beyond this guy.
Oh, and we have the forced "wackiness" in the form of a magic sword - made of cardboard! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha! No fucking thank you. Funnily enough, doing the "wacky" shit requires you to be very clever and very serious. You can't just go "zomg lawl a cardboard sword, im a comedy genius". Writing comedy is not something everyone can do, you moron, it's a talent. You probably don't have it, especially if you're relying on overdone clichés.
Then, of course, there's the art.
Now, I'm fairly sure I've said this before, but a good story can go a little way to saving bad art. However, I feel we have indeed established that this isn't a good story, since good stories aren't made entirely out of clichés and hype. So we have a bad story and bad art.
I don't really want to discourage people from developing their talent, but really: have some kind of talent before making a webcomic. Spend a few years working hard and you could actually do your "big idea" justice - or perhaps even realise that your "big idea" is actually not so good as you thought. Many webcomic creators start off when they're teenagers, or when they haven't matured past being a teenager, and take it from me and everyone else who's older and wiser: all the creative ideas you have when you are young are shit.
Also, seriously, Jesus Christ do not use Impact as your primary font.
"Basically nothing and everything. Things were said. Somewhere along the line, they became funny." That's the tagline for Full Of, yet another potential webcomic that is apparently built upon a foundation of lies.
Things are said, they are not funny. This is what happens when you have lolarious injokes with your BFFs on MSN and then try to make a webcomic about those injokes without realising your entire audience can be counted on your fingers. Why do you need hosting for this shit? Why? It's pointless. I'm not even going to get into how fucking awful the art is. I don't even want to look at it.
The next random comic is My Faery Princess Calendula. I can practically hear the collective intake of breath as you are about to scream in horror. I am afraid, though, that your screams will not be loud enough.
Wall of fucking text. In Comic Sans. Read from right-to-left. Covering what I estimate to be around 40-to-50% of the entire fucking strip. Which isn't so bad, since the art is animu bullshit with shiny kawaii eyes. Also notice the absolutely dire (and cliché) story. Only the pure of heart can see fairies - sorry, faeries - and children are pure of heart. Nature is the tops and cities are terrible. Except, no, children are vicious little monsters and cities are fucking awesome. Fuck you, you winged little rodent.
Why am I even bothering to explain why this is bad? Anyone who thinks it's not is fucking insane. It's an animu webcomic that uses Comic Sans and reads right-to-left because it's made by a fucking Wapanese hippy. When it appears, I'll probably review it just because it offends me so much. But still, it's not even the worst thing about THE WOMB.
Warfare is (or will be) a webcomic made in MSPaint using Battlefield: Vietnam screenshots. Do I even need to say anything else? No, no I do not. Welcome to the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.Go, my readers. Penetrate THE WOMB and discover its horrors for yourself. I guarantee you that you can check it daily for a year and the chances of you finding anything remotely worthwhile will be slim to none. It's the black birthing chamber of my intended targets, the fetid spawning pool of future victims. It is almost Lovecraftian in the terror it brings. Look upon it, and know fear.
267 comments:
1 – 200 of 267 Newer› Newest»- Dear Fucking Christ. This is probably the most damnably evil thing I've seen on the Internet. They don't even bother to filter through anything, and we end up with a bunch weeaboo shit, MS Paint, and things like Exterminatus Now. NOTE: Do not Google that.
- I have seen into the heart of webcomic creation... Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Don't you see?!?! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! *twitch* It is after our minds! RUN!
- Oh wow, what a coincidence... There were no posts before me when I started writing that, and up pops Nyarlathotep. That is an eerie coincidence.
- When Keenspace became Comics Genesis, I assumed they would actually start more of a screening process for comics. Like, from what I saw, they were apparently coming down on sprite comics that use ripped sprites and other trademarked materials, but here they are still allowing Megaman comics and, as you've shown, comics consisting of just screenshots from video games. One thing I just want to ask is that you obviously don't care about the criticism of your blog or insulting your "fanbase" because you really don't give a shit what they think, and that this is more or less just for your own enjoyment... What about the webcomic creators that just make webcomics for enjoyment? If they disregarded criticism and just said they were doing it to have fun, I'm sure you wouldn't consider that a viable excuse... I mean, other than the fact the only criticism people have of you is "THIS COMIC ROCKS YOU'RE WRONG ASSHOLE". And if you hate comics that are walls of text, I sincerely hope you have the works of Bleedman on your list. If there was ever a writer that could say so much while saying so little, he's the perfect example. And as much as I know you hate people saying "PLZ DO TIHS COMIC NXT", I also just want to add this simply for the benefit of other people who want to experience the most boring comic of all time: http://www.thenewdays.com/
- Ok, so what I see here is not so much the depths of blackness, but the blackness that is in said depths. I guess it just makes sense that on a testing ground there would be things that just can't help but go bump in the night. John Soul-Man might not be the first person to have given his all i being here, but when you have to wade through a lot of crap, then you're bound to need a lot of toilet paper (my dad used to say that) Now these webcomics are exquisite in their nature. They are all uniquely bad and it is interesting to dive in and see this for yourself as long as you can see it. Unless you go blind... Thank you for reading this comment. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's only with the support of great commentors like yourselves that I am able to keep going like this. -Sonty Mick
- I'll have no more of your slander, Solomon. This is nothing short of art
- Exterminatus Now. NOTE: Do not Google that. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I should have listened to the advice Nyarlathotep gave me.
- One thing I just want to ask is that you obviously don't care about the criticism of your blog or insulting your "fanbase" because you really don't give a shit what they think, and that this is more or less just for your own enjoyment... What about the webcomic creators that just make webcomics for enjoyment? If they disregarded criticism and just said they were doing it to have fun, I'm sure you wouldn't consider that a viable excuse... I mean, other than the fact the only criticism people have of you is "THIS COMIC ROCKS YOU'RE WRONG ASSHOLE". If they're doing something for enjoyment, there is no reason to put it on the Internet. "He that writes may be considered as a kind of general challenger, whom every one has a right to attack; since he quits the common rank of life, steps forward beyond the lists, and offers his merit to the public judgement. To commence author is to claim praise, and no man can justly aspire to honour, but at the hazard of disgrace." - Samuel Johnson The moment you put anything up on the Internet, it's open season. I'm fine with people talking about me - I don't really give a crap because I've yet to find anyone make an accurate statement about me, and I've taken advice from people elsewhere on how to improve this blog. I don't pretend to be some kind of perfect writer, which is why I dislike anyone with delusions of how good they are. Writers are supposed to be miserable and hate everything they do. They're supposed to have humility and put effort into what they do. Nobody I've reviewed is anything like that, either with their writing or with their art. They've bypassed the slings and arrows of the editorial process, and have come to believe that people have to be nice to them. Sure, I'm an asshole, and I insult people. However, I am one man. Well, three men and one woman these days. But still: one blog. Movie directors, comic book writers, TV studios - they have hundreds of people every day calling them shit on the Internet. You have entire forums dedicated to ripping on game designers for what they do with the games they design. Bethesda aren't threatening to sue NMA, or kill them all in their sleep. Michael Bay doesn't do that either. No legitimate creative person responds to harsh criticism with threats and sobbing breakdowns. Webcomics just have to be different. On the one hand, they have such thin skins that one man can get them to start slinging out death threats. On the other hand, they're so dense they can't accept that there might be anything wrong with their work.
- In conclusion, I fucking hate everything about webcomics.
- "My name is Ash and I was... molested by a waffle." That's so retardedly bad it comes up to good before passing it and heading back to bad.
- Oh dear god, I feel sick just looking at the samples in the post. What sort of mindset do these people have that compels them to spew their crap in a publicly accessible place instead of just keeping it to themselves? Ugh. It is enough to make you respect most of the other comics reviewed here. Well, almost.
- This makes me want to vomit. Bet you this one rounds up a fanbase when it gets established. Because it's so kawaii.
- If it makes you feel any better 90% of these comics will be stillborn. At least I they will be.
- I want to destroy this wretched thing. It could possibly be the source of all evil ever.
- Oops, meant to write "At least I hope they will be."
- Good points. I know that if I was doing a webcomic (and when I do I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up here eventually...) I would try to stay open to criticism, as I would want to see where I'm going wrong. If you put something up on the internet you are essentially saying one of two things: "I think this is good enough for the general public to see it!" or "Let's see what other people think of this and if it can be improved". Once again, Bleedman is the embodiment of this one way or the other. If you know of him, you'll know he made a fictional children's TV character that doesn't belong to him be the cause of 9/11, simply to make her as evil as he possibly could... Even though he never did anything with this. Was she a villain who was to be punished by the main character for her heinous crimes against humanity? No, she's essentially a background character. Obviously he got backlash about it and I think he once replied to someone who spoke up against it by calling them a "whiny bitch". Don't get me started on "MiniMandy", the surest example of a mary-sue if ever I saw one, where everyone but the main character absolutely loves her and the main character is actually chastised for not feeling the same way with no irony whatsoever... Sorry, what were we talking about? I just get a bit carried away when Bleedman is involved. Even though I involved him myself... I'll stop now.
- This one is even more horrifying when you read the pitch beneath it.
- Warped Fairytales is already on drunkduck. Gross.
- I saw the title of this entry, and audibly shrieked in fear of this being about an unbirthing comic. What I got was slightly worse.
- Myshittyspace and YouSpew each are worse than all webcomics combined. Yes, even these.
- robert, everyone hates you. why are you still hanging around here?
- robert, everyone hates you. why are you still hanging around here? Do you really hate me, or do you think that I'm Tangents Robert? Because I just have the same first name. I'm not him.
- To me, a straightforward review of Bleedman's stuff would be like pointing out the plot holes and technical deficiencies in Henry Darger's writing. I'm not being snide, either; I really do think it's so obviously and massively insane that there's no point in talking about it as though it were just another random adventure story. To me, any flaws in technique are obvious and pale in comparison to the question of what on earth would possess you to make a story that combined Spawn, Billy and Mandy, and the World Trade Center attacks in the first place. I guess I'm saying, if he had made a tightly plotted, technically sound dramatic story about Mandy blowing up the world trade center and going to live with the cast of A Nightmare Before Christmas, would that be better? As for Comics Genesis, WHY do they have a submissions process? They don't screen for quality (and why would they?), so what are they looking for? People who didn't pay any attention to the rules before signing up?
- easy mistake to make. he was posting earlier.
- My firewall instinctively blocks ComicGenesis. This is mostly a blessing.
- Yeah thats not Tangents, This Robert isn't acting like a pretentious circlejerker hoping that some webcomic author will give his aids ridden dick a jerk for sticking up for them against the Big Bad Solomon (who is a god of the internet imo)
- [Q]http://www.thenewdays.com/[/Q] CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE! That was so bad, noone at YWiBaYSFB should have to suffer more than they already do, reviewing the stuff they do. This was just too much. That said, what's JS' opinion of successful webcomics like "order of the stick" ?
- And Also please kill me, I saw the Womb, and in it, I saw something that made me die inside. http://www.keenspace.com/signup_samples/twokingdoms.20071006.jpg Its Nagas, and if whoever made that isn't careful, Snapesnogger will find it, and all hell will break loose upon the interwebs because Snapesnogger KNOWS NAGAS!
- Good lord... Warped Fairytales... A crappy kawaii bastardization of Fables complete with anime knock-off art. Dear Bad Webcomic author: you are NOT Bill Willingham. You are not Mark Buckingham. You are not even fit to sharpen Buckingham's pencils. JUST STOP ALREADY.
- Oh no. Oh no no. While anonymous seems to think that it would be a bad thing for snapsnogger to find that comic, I happen to think it would be a beautiful, wonderful thing. Why? For two reasons: One, a truly bad webcomic would become DOA, it's creator huddled in their closet weeping for all eternity; and two, that would give the world a week or two without Snape pornography and lumpy nagas. THE TAIL IS NOT LUMPY!
- Whoa. This thing is like a goldmine of crap. So I guess that'd be a crapmine. This thing is a crapmine.
- Also, it seems to be badly programmed. There's a database error at the bottom of every comic's page...
- what the shit is this
- Warped Fairytales... A crappy kawaii bastardization of Fables complete with anime knock-off art. The best part is that she has about five other comics on her account, which all look identical and aside from one, stop after about five pages. Hey, guess what! If you couldn't stick with crappy fantasy, shounen-ai, or magical realism, chances are you aren't going to stick with a crappy fairy tale "deconstruction" either. There's also the fact that she clearly learned real good how to copy those faces out of her favorite mangas, but sort of forgot that at some point you need to learn how to draw bodies too. I know she's probably 13 or something and it's really just like shooting fish in a barrel but come on people.
- @Christopher: True, but most of these comics are so mind-numbingly bad that you can tell what's wrong with them. The difference with Bleedman's work is that the art isn't so bad. It's quite cliche animu stuff, but it at least does its job reasonably well even if it's job is to tell awful little sub-fanfiction stories. He could be tell the stories of a COMPETENT writer who knew what they were doing. At the very least he could get someone to listen to his banal ideas who actually has the guts to say "Sorry Bleedman, mate, but that idea is balls". Hell, I'd gladly do that for him if I knew he'd listen. @anders: Yes, it is really bad... I know the guy was pushing his artwork around the Penny Arcade forums which is often a place where people go for advice... And then completely disregard it. Guess how he reacted when people mentioned his stuff wasn't perfect.
- Why the fuck does Comic Geneticist want your address before you can sign up?
- I find it HI-larious that Solomon is attacking Comicgenesis when he put his own comic, Dominic Durgan, there. And Solomon is guilty of SLOTH for cutting and pasting someone else's copyrighted work while trying to satisfy his masochistic fetish for Dominic Deegan.
- You're not very bright, are you?
- Those eyes from Caledula... Oh god. They pierce my soooul.
- Tomorrow's Dawn is set in the Alternate future world where Goku has died of a heart Virus and the Androids #17 and #18 have killed all the Z warriors bar Trunks. The story takes place two months after the defeat of Cell, continuing Trunks story. This will not incorporate the Movies with him in them. There is nothing more I can add to that.
- This womb could really do with a coat-hanger. What the shit is up with 'Mercs'? They looks like they're heading out to catch pokemon.
- that would give the world a week or two without Snape pornography and lumpy nagas. THE TAIL IS NOT LUMPY! Point Taken, but really, the ED Article on Snapesnogger is big enough, I think it'd break the internet if it got bigger, then what would Legion do? Be /b/tards in real life?
- Anonymouse said: "If it makes you feel any better 90% of these comics will be stillborn. At least I they will be." Anonymous then Said: "Oops, meant to write "At least I hope they will be."" WRONG. You were RIGHT the first time. There's no room for hope in that sentence. Of the four featured, (I won't touch on Into the Woods- er... Castle Waiti- er... Bleedma- er... Warped Fairy Tales). My Faery Princess Caligula is the one I'm upset you bashed. John, have you know pity? Isn't it obvious that this poor child, so pure of heart- no... not the character, the creator... yeah the creator is obviously a child. Not just a child, but one who will clearly show the abused backstory of his/her Mary Sue of indeterminate gender. Not merely abused by parents, no, not that simple, but abused by the public school institutions that have so clearly, so completely brainwashed the author with Captain Planet-esque leftist propaganda. Who bets that the first villain likes to pollute, just because it's fun to make fairies... er... faeries cry? The author is clearly the product of years of meticulous brainwashing, to the point that not only is there not an original thought inside it's head, but it isn't even capable of expressing said propagandized thoughts in an original manner. Okay, I will slam the Wasted FairyTales. Little Red has been sexualized before, sometimes for the sake of literary analysis, like in Bruno Bettelheim, sometimes it's just for smut... like in your local Romantasy/Lover's Lane's Halloween outfit collection. There's no reason to retread this if you're not going to bring anything remotely new to the table, let alone render it so badly.
- Frontal lobe. Searing pain. No more F5 on that random generator.
- ...is ComicGenesis a pregnant lady we're allowed to punch in the stomach before her fetid young come to term?
- Aww, but I host my comic on ComicGenesis! . . . and, admittedly, it's not that great. But it's not as bad as those, I hope. Some backstory, though . . . ComicGenesis didn't change its name as any sign of quality change or anything of that nature. It happened entirely because the nice cartoonists of KeenSpot started complaining to the parent company that people were getting KeenSpot and KeenSpace confused by name. And rather than explain to the Spotters that it didn't really matter or something like that, they simply announced on the KeenSpace forums, "We're going to change your name. Any suggestions?" The uproar was delightful, and words got said, and that's part of why for a while, it was a big insult to call someone a "customer" on the KeenSpace/ComicGenesis forums. THE WOMB was started mainly as a way to catch people who blatantly violate copyright, but you can see just how successful that was. Meanwhile, in #keenspace on EsperNet, the cartoonists like to look through THE WOMB and laugh at what they find, secure in the knowledge that they've survived and generally their own comics don't induce vomiting.
- @Anonymous: Those eyes from Caledula... Oh god. They pierce my soooul. Stare into the EYES of KEENE, and know damnation! @Ozark said... ...is ComicGenesis a pregnant lady we're allowed to punch in the stomach before her fetid young come to term? Just this once... it's okay to ask: What Would Brew Do? Oh, speaking of which, both Lowroad and Shredded Moose recently had an 'aborted fetuses are fast food' strip. What gives?
- Obviously, John Solomon is now killing the weeds at their source. Unfortunately for him, there are too many.
- They're coming outta the walls! They're coming outta the Goddamn walls!
- Oh, speaking of which, both Lowroad and Shredded Moose recently had an 'aborted fetuses are fast food' strip. What gives? Bad webcomics are incestual.
- Holy crap, this random function is going to entertain me for eons to come. Also, looks like somebody forgot to zip up. mvyvfnwr
- bleck! That wrapped fairy tale has that inuyasha fan girl feel.
- "Hey, you're making a webcomic? So, did you send them an example of your best work?" "Nah, I just gave them an IOU." --- NO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING OF COURSE I CAN USE THE MSPAINT CIRCLE TOOL TO MAKE REALISTIC MUSCLE STRUCTURES ...Alright, I'll stop. wkwjvlp
- Holy crap, John Solomon quoted Samuel Johnson. How could I not like this blog now. Seriously, I'm a big fan of Johnson's Rasselas and his Rambler essays. Johnson was probably the best English critic of the Eighteenth century, so Solomon knows his tradition.
- Why do people pick on critics so much? Critics are wonderful fucking people. Read Jonathan Swift, Alexander Pope and Addison and Steele (the writers of The Spectator) They are amazing people. It takes a talented, creative mind to write good criticism, so don't knock it until you've tried your hand at criticism.
- If those critics are so great, where are THEIR webcomics?!?!?!?!?!
- OH GOOD LORD! I clicked refresh a mere four times before I found a furry strip. Four Fucking Times. I'm not sure if THE WOMB is the funniest thing on the internet, or the most horrifying. But I'm pretty certain it's the most horrifying.
- NO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING OF COURSE I CAN USE THE MSPAINT CIRCLE TOOL TO MAKE REALISTIC MUSCLE STRUCTURES Yeah. There's nothing better than a comic that's SO HUGE I have to fucking scroll up, down, left, right, back and forth to read it - even a single panel of it.
- I'm probably horrible for laughing at this but I found it fucking hysterical for some reason. On the majority though, this THE WOMB thing is unintentional comedy and utter bile at it's highest.
- Yeah, To and Fro falls pretty solidly into the realm of intentional laughs. I can't see it holding up to multiple strips, though.
- "If those critics are so great, where are THEIR webcomics?!?!?!?!?!" See, listen to John Solomon. You don't have to write a webcomic to know which ones are good. Taste is a faculty that can be developed through exposure to many different examples of the media you are examining. Believe me, not all writers were great critics. Poe was criticized, for example, for being pretty unfair to those who were his literary rivals though he is one of the best short story writers of American literature. Sometimes being a writer can make you too biased. Samuel Johnson, for instance, is not the most spectacular writer you will ever encounter, but he had a sense of fairness and keen insight that made him a great critic.
- I wonder if someone submitted To and Fro to that site as a joke. There's already a whole website for it: http://www.thegoodniteshow.com/ =D I don't know why they'd need to doublehost it.
- I'm currently working on a idea for a webcomic and trying to improve my drawing style, I just wanted to say I'm finding this whole blog very helpful. I'm still in planning stage and it's really inspiring me to think more about what I need to do to stand out and be unique, and not be just like all the others. I hope you keep it up.
- This one has potential.
- It's the best of the lot, I daresay.
- http://www.keenspace.com/signup_samples/spooncollection.20070930.png Even quicker reference sheet for Spoon: Obvious Bender Rip-Off
- You know what? As far as being acquainted with this little thing called internet(circa 97') I can honestly say that the years 2006 and 07' have been the worst so far. I mean, I got to know Something Awful since at least mid-03'. Funny most of the time(also got to know Penny Arcade and some other webcomics thanks to a random rant). Nothing TOO offensive. In March 2004, I found out about Pitchfork. Okay, things are going downhill here, but still, some of the music recommended is actually good. In late September 2005 I found about Dominic Deegan. In about two weeks, I got to read the entire archive up until that part. That was an endurance test, apparently. After the retarded concert was "saved", I never went there again. As a well read instrument-geek /gear-head(and former luthier) my first thought was "Does this idiot even has the minimum idea of how a fucking instrument goes electric?", alas, I was young and still not that much on the knowledge of how the horror could be greater. Then, 2006 began. After a crappy start to a year, I found out 4ch and Myspace. No amount of foul language could express how much I wanted to kick myself in the head. I was also still in complete disbelief on how Ctrl+Alt+Del could still update. Along came Dueling Analogs. Holy Shitting Cow. Finally, in 2007 I swore I was going to try my best to not mess up any time I got to spend on the "massive series of tubes". But the worst came in on July. Yes, I found out about your blog. Yes, I enjoy your articles. Most of them are both funny and fairly accurate. With that out of the way, FUCK YOU, John Solomon. I don't know what's wrong with me or why I feel compelled to click some of the links, but I'm willing to blame you for exposing me to the horror that is the creatrix' body of work(Ew! That sentence sounds all kinds of wrong). I blame you for reminding me both of those talentless shitheads of Terraciano and Buckley, and I'm sure you're to blame for presenting me to the concept of furry gamers. And worse, for reminding me that a place like Keenspot exists(and I just had blocked it from my poor abused mind). So, to sound it up: Solomon, you're an asshole and I seriously hope that you get the worst kind of non-fatal STD, but your articles are very entertaining(dare I say, nearing comedy gold), along with those of your comrades. Keep it up... oh, just a little easy on the links, okay?(My curiosity is a treacherous thing. Don't feed it)
- Fixing the link
- It can and will get worse.
- (My curiosity is a treacherous thing. Don't feed it) Feed it. Come on. Just think of the worst the internet has to offer as fertilizer for all the good parts of your brain. Keep it going, and soon enough a tree of ultimate knowledge will spurt from your brain! This will kill you instantly, of course.
- It can and will get worse. Oh, God, that begins with a cliche (showing the earth from space and saying there are other planets - I've only seen that about 5000 times before), and ends with a cliche (another fucking, "Hi, I'm the writer and this is my comic" introduction, and for some reason that one seems even more pointless than usual - maybe because it's a double intro.) You know what? Let's just get rid of webcomic introductions altogether. Just start off showing something happening for fuck's sake. Just show your characters doing what they do and we'll get it. You do NOT need to explain that this is a webcomic I'm looking at and that someone is writing it. My eyes can tell me that.
- Keep it up... oh, just a little easy on the links, okay? Well, we need to see what he (or one of the other writers) is talking about, don't we? So far I was not compelled to check out the reviewed webcomics much beyond what has been linked to in this blog since they're so fucking awful and I'm no masochist. You know - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (well, OK, it's a stupid saying).
- What I mean is: having seen The Wotch or Pastel Defender Heliotrope (*shudder*) you stop worrying about things like World War III etc. since they couldn't possibly be more horrifying than them...
- Good grief. It burns my eyes. I could keep hitting F5 until I got carpal tunnel syndrome and not find a single comic good enough to deserve an existence. With the sheer incredible volume of utter crap on that site, how can you even decide which ones are "worthy" of one of your reviews? I'm certainly in no position to suggest what to review or not review, but I would think you'd leave anything related to comicgenesis alone for the most part, simply because there's just no challenge to your ability to criticize. It's not even like trying to shoot fish in a barrel; it's more like trying to stick a knife in a beached whale. Then again, I'd enjoy reading a review that is equally as scathing as most of these comics are crap. Keep up the good work; I'm looking forward to your next review. ... and WHY did I Google Exterminatus Now? WHY? I hope it's somewhere on your to-do list, if only because I shouldn't have to suffer alone from the effects of reading more than one page of it.
- Dear God,It's like staring down at hell's abyss. Millions of rotting corpses and then you go blind!
- FUCKING GOD DAMN ANIME WHAT THE CHRIST PEOPLE? STOP DOING THAT.
- If we're gonna mention Exterminatus Now we should take a poke at the worst of the Sonic comics. Ah, but then, he doesnt even do any comics anymore it seems, just making Youtube videos while he has people draw out his fanfics for him. I dont even want to say his name as I might start projecting vomit.
- Yes, this is the womb of incestous, retarded bastards, but this is a situation of "What good can come of Nazareth?" Yes, most of the comics aren't worth shit, but occasionally you CAN find something randomly sort of good. Perhaps not he best, but okay. Artists, talented or idiotic, rarely have a lot money, and so decent artists or writers often use free webspace to present their stuff, even if it's not the best of servers.
- I dare you to go into the bukkakefest of the forums. I /DARE/ you hard.
- I love the blog, I enjoy the articles... But after being reminded of The Womb again, I have one thing to say to you: "From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." My eyes are fucking bleeding, and my lungs are about to collapse. I had forgotten just how terrible it was in there. God damn.
- ...guh. John, you big bag of horrible, how could you do this to me? My mind! My beautiful mind! Shattered! Broken! Never to cure scabies or end world peace! NYAAH. Seriously, dude, awesome blog.
- Poe was criticized, for example, for being pretty unfair to those who were his literary rivals though he is one of the best short story writers of American literature. I don't disagree with what you're saying, but, um, did you just totally make this part up? Poe was actually respected as much as a critic as a writer. I mean, Poe's big essay on how great short stories are, The Importance of the Single Effect in a Prose Tale, is pretty much hand-jobs for Nathaniel Hawthorne all the way.
- See, listen to John Solomon. You don't have to write a webcomic to know which ones are good. Personally, I would accept that theory: John Solomon has every right to criticize webcomics, no matter how bad he is at it, as say, Robert Ebert has every right to review a movie, even though his only work on any film is writing on three Russ Meyer films...
- To and Fro has the possibility to be the next Dinosaur Comics
- I just saw Exterminatus Now. i hate the internet.
- I feel tainted and unclean now that I have seen THE WOMB. Solomon, you are a jackass of the worst kind.
- "One thing I just want to ask is that you obviously don't care about the criticism of your blog or insulting your "fanbase" because you really don't give a shit what they think, and that this is more or less just for your own enjoyment... What about the webcomic creators that just make webcomics for enjoyment? If they disregarded criticism and just said they were doing it to have fun, I'm sure you wouldn't consider that a viable excuse... I mean, other than the fact the only criticism people have of you is "THIS COMIC ROCKS YOU'RE WRONG ASSHOLE". If they're doing something for enjoyment, there is no reason to put it on the Internet." Bingo. *cough*Wasted Talent*cough* If you've got something you only want to share with a small group of friends, or make it just for yourself, don't make a motherfucking site for it. Why? Because the internet is full of people ready to point out that your comic is shit, which is something most people who make webcomics need to (but ironically can't stand to) hear. Saying 'It's not for you!!' is just a shitty way of hiding the fact that you're a talentless moron. If it's for your friends, e-mail it to them, or put it on a freakin' message board you all share. Or better yet-- don't put it online at all! Just stop using that crappy excuse as your way out of anyone saying anything bad about your shitty, time-wasting black-hole of a fucking 'comic'. ...Sorry, I feel really passionate about that particular excuse. But yeah, fuck Wasted Talent. Fucking no-talent, syrup-sucking, moose-riding, 'I'm-hip-wait-not-I'm-geeky', 'buy-my-art-or-you're-a-shitty-person', whiny little fuck. I mean like... fuck. ...Okay, I'm done. Sorry, John.
- Poe was criticized, for example, for being pretty unfair to those who were his literary rivals though he is one of the best short story writers of American literature. I don't disagree with what you're saying, but, um, did you just totally make this part up? Poe was actually respected as much as a critic as a writer. I mean, Poe's big essay on how great short stories are, The Importance of the Single Effect in a Prose Tale, is pretty much hand-jobs for Nathaniel Hawthorne all the way. He also married his cousin! While giving Hawthorne a hand-job!
- Solomon, you are a jackass of the worst kind. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
- Solomon, you are a jackass of the worst kind. We don't know that until we see HIS webcomic. Ohh! Bingo.
- He also married his cousin! While giving Hawthorne a hand-job! Please, anonymous, what a vulgar thing to say. He married his cousin, whilst giving Hawthorne a hand-job.
- We don't know that until we see HIS webcomic. Ohh! Bingo. Well, there's always Dominic Durgan...
- Time for the daily check, John you can't yiffed in the last 24 right?
- I tried about two random webcomics and couldn't go on. :( I commend your immense net-stamina.
- ... aren't there early posts where Solomon's playing the "I do this to amuse a small group of people and don't give a fuck about you peons on the internet?" So why start a blog everyone can see, huh, huh?? (I kid, really, but this is all hilarious in light of the STOP FUCKING LINKING TO ME post.) The thing with putting something on the internet is that just because everyone can see it, doesn't mean everyone will. It's easy to put something up online for maybe two dozen friends to access, and never get another fucking hit off of it because you don't let Google bots index it and you don't let anyone link to it. Useful. Simple. Likewise, I'm pretty sure Solomon never had any idea how seriously his blog would be taken or how many hits it would get; how much shit on blogspot is updated constantly for years and completely ignored? The massive noise on the internet alone creates anonymity. I'd say writers who just archive stuff on the intertubes ask for criticism when they start promoting it; trying to get other comics to link to it, asking for donations, trying to get it hosted on high-traffic spots like ComicsGenesis. Hell, even just soliciting feedback. At that point, you fucking listen to whatever is said to you, and decide whether or not to change or ignore it. Of course, the eternal torment of John Solomon and his ilk is that there's no way to force a shitty webcomic creator to just stop making shit. You can yell that it's shit for eternity, but can't stop the pseudo-writers and pseudo-artists from shitting all over the place. A gig not unlike a Clive Barker novel, isn't it?
- Hotep seems like it might not suck completely, for all that the first page is a little bit sloppy.
- Exterminatus Now honestly isn't that bad. I mean, it's not a Perry Bible Fellowship or Gunnerkrigg Court or anything awesome, but the artist knows what he's doing, there's a notable lack of copypaste, and maybe one joke is five is actually somewhat funny, which for webcomics is like, I dunno, late-era Monty Python after John Cleese left. Yeah, it's a Sonic-themed comic, but at least it's done competently, you know?
- What the deuce?
- re: Anonymous 06:05 Dear God,It's like staring down at hell's abyss. Millions of rotting corpses and then you go blind! Is that a Fatal Frame II reference I see there? re: nyarlathotep NOTE: Do not Google that. Fuck my curiousity. Fuck my curiousity. -Downs some bleach.-
- Despite its mind-warpingly atrocious concept, I think I'd put Exterminatus Now in the upper tier of Keenspot comics...but, er, I can see how Googling it would make one a bit hesitant to agree. The art's decent, the artist is a pretty cool guy and the comic is generally sans pretensions. The problems lie mainly in the fans, who wouldn't look out of place in an anti-Solomon rant here, and the writer, who is a grade-Z edgy-ranting type who has severe trouble squeezing out a decent punchline. A lot of the better jokes were actually written by the artist, which makes me wonder what the writer's doing there in the first place. The Google images, though, just set off the part of the brain that screams "SHITTY FURRY ART". Fortunately the furry thing's just on the surface by dint of it being Sonic-based, and so far I haven't seen any of the crazy shit that tends to come with that sort of thing.
- Do you remember that scene in Them where the scientists go into the sewer and find the breeding ground for the giant ants? That is what The Womb is, only no amount of fire could ever possibly end the horror.
- "It happened entirely because the nice cartoonists of KeenSpot started complaining to the parent company that people were getting KeenSpot and KeenSpace confused by name." Considering Keenspot still has Anti-Hero For Hire part of its network I think we can probably say that it wasn't just the name that confused the issue.
- ...which for webcomics is like, I dunno, late-era Monty Python after John Cleese left. Don't ever compare webcomics to Monty Python again.
- "Fortunately the furry thing's just on the surface by dint of it being Sonic-based, and so far I haven't seen any of the crazy shit that tends to come with that sort of thing." I think combining Sonic and Warhammer 40k is batshit insane enough. Hello Kitty 40k, on the other hand, is genius. And love.
- The Gaia hypothesis disagrees with your opinion of cities. Vive Daisy World!
- Short, wretched, and hosted on the writer's LJ. The Reapers #1 From one of her pimp postings: "I'm posting a link to my lj. Which has my comic. Starring me. Keep in mind it would be a crappy little indie comic, it is not up to the art standards of the big two. To put it lightly." Ya think? At least she's honest about the quality.
- It's still not worse than Wapsi Square, a turgid long-running comic where the author lays bare his love of manly, amazonian women, gargantuan tits even for webcomics and oh yeah, his Mayan ancestry.
- Well, after about half a dozen refreshes I found something that was actually alright... Still, that was one decent strip among a load of complete rubbish, so I guess Solomon is largely correct.
- Short, wretched, and hosted on the writer's LJ. The Reapers #1 WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOOOONE?
- You're off your game Solomon, you said he could design a galaxy, instead of more accurately pointing out he'd struggle to do a hamlet, never mind a valley.
- OH GOD. I just realized, the protagonist of My Faery Princess Caligula is a guy. I thought it was a girl until I read the pitch.
- http://www.keenspace.com/signup_samples/toandfro.20071005.jpg I have seen the future...
- I could click through those for hours and not get bored with how bad they all are! Sometimes I will even see the vague glimmer of a good idea or the potential for decent art maybe once or twice, but the execution is so bad! "Two gamer geek friends who go through life pointing out its obvious flaws." LOL if they're obvious why would you point them out. "In a far off galaxy a civil war rages, a prophecy told could bring great power to one side." With terrible Dragon Ball Z rip off art. Or that terrible furryaboo faerie tale with vital stats instead of character development. ... ALL BRILLIANT! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHOWING ME THIS!
- Hey guys, where still talking sonic comics? This aint a comic I prefer my illusions of grander in MS Paint as to the real nut jobs that get Photoshop as their crappy medium. Hate Photoshop so much I cantsee whats going here, but is that Voldemort?
- Do you remember that scene in Them where the scientists go into the sewer and find the breeding ground for the giant ants? That is what The Womb is, only no amount of fire could ever possibly end the horror. Wrong. The Womb doesn't spare the women and children....
- Augh. This is all just so bad. But the worst thing there definitely has to be this.
- BAD ART = FUNNY This is truth. Retarded, crappy drawings are funnier than good drawings. XKCD > Penny Arcade. Do not discuss.
- You're an idiot.
- "This is truth. Retarded, crappy drawings are funnier than good drawings. XKCD > Penny Arcade. Do not discuss." I think he was trying to be sarcastic.
- Your sense of humor sucks. Almost as bad as this comic: http://www.comicgenesis.com/signup_samples/?mode=VIEW&name=do1 LOL NAME IS ASH!
- The art on this one isn't bad at least. Probably will end up boring as hell, though.
- Yeah. If it wasn't as wooden as hell and drawn with the line tool in paint, maybe it could be half-way to acceptable....
- At first, I was a little weary to see about this Gunnerkrigg Court ditty you guys kept mentioning in the comments section of a good chunk of the articles. Sometimes it is a good thing to man up and be curious. While the first few chapters seem a bit rough around the edges(especially the main character's facial expression), I see why most people speak so highly about it. And the things about developing your idea before actually putting it into motion? I think this guy got similar advice before-hand. So, yeah. Gunnerkrigg is killer. Sorry for being a bit slow on the uptake and not checking it out earlier. Continue updating on all that is unholy about webcomics. ------- And nyarlathotep: If you're STILL willing to do bum Terraciano's party out, please remind him that an electric guitar(at least one well crafted) involves blood, sweat and tears, not some random Deus-ex jerk-off throwing a thunder at it. (As you can all read, that pompous coprophagist traumatized me)
- actually, xkcd really could use a critical review - don't get me wrong, i like the comic, but it has been relying pretty heavily on its formulas lately plus there's a lot of (albeit mostly charming) wish fulfillment on the part of the author's self-insertion and then there was that recent strip where he did the whole "i find your views distasteful, thus VIOLENCE" thing and and and i just about cried :( unfortunately it's in that "nowhere near bad enough for this blog" category so the chances of it getting anything but blowjobs for the next several years are low ps concerning the recent shredded moose, i like that brew apparently spends his time screaming hypocritical abuse at children's entertainers?
- Funny you should mention comicgenesis. A couple weeks ago I was inspired by your blog to make a comic of my own, one that aims to be as shitty as possible, and I decided to host it on comicgenesis, as I found quite a few other shitty comics hosted there. But I had no idea you could read comics in THE WOMB! Thank you for pointing me toward this wonderful spot of horror.
- http://aaaaa.comicgenesis.com This is brilliant.
- David-- That is the single greatest thing I have ever seen.
- I find it oddly humorous that all the ads on the AAAAA comic page are for Anne Coulter and Newt Gingrich's columns/newsletters.
- Comic Genesis? More like Comic GENOCIDE!
- I find it oddly humorous that all the ads on the AAAAA comic page are for Anne Coulter and Newt Gingrich's columns/newsletters. I think you mean AAAAAAnne Coulter and... uh... Fuck.
- Honestly, isn't it possible to let people form their own opinions? Do people seriously have to go in and flame every other webcomic out there? It's honestly annoying.
- Ironic, I was brushing up on a Cthulhu Mythos ARG. Christ, when will it stop? That manga was a sin, and Jesus, get GIMP if you're going to make comics on a damn budget.
- Fucking shit, people should stop trying to rip off toothpaste for dinner and Cyanide and Happiness. Shit.
- Do people seriously have to go in and flame every other webcomic out there? It's honestly annoying. BAWWWWWWWWWWWWW
- Honestly, isn't it possible to let people form their own opinions? As long as they're not negative, apparently. Irony point of the night.
- If Solomon and Co. were some Orwelling entity that told you what to think about webcomics and didn't 'allow' people to form their own opinions... They wouldn't provide links to the comic. Looks like someone failed Totalitarianism 101.
- Interesting idea with the AAAAA comic, David. The only potential snag I see is that people out there are bound to miss the irony and just point it out (at some point) as "one more reason why ComicGenesis sucks and there aren't any good comics on it." And that's a shame, when you've got good comics that got their start on CG/KeenSpace, and at least one that's still on there. (I'm not going to include my comic in there because it would reek of bias and it's already linked through my name.) And Anon 5:12, I agree that people should stop trying to rip off of Cyanide and Happiness. Most of that's because I don't care for C&H's style of humor. I mean, seriously, "Haha, it's funny because the ambiguous wording allows me to draw MSPaint stick figure buttrape in the last panel!" got old before I finished reading the first strip I encountered. Postmodernist humor (if that's what it is) just doesn't cut it for me.
- Do people seriously have to go in and flame every other webcomic out there? It's honestly annoying. But that's the point of this entire blog, isn't it? If they were actually REVIEWING these webcomics, they would have to change the title...
- Heh. "Veitnam".
- Did the Cubs lose last night ?
- I lost a leg in Veitnam! Watch your tone, son!
- Must stay hidden, must stay hidden, must stay hidden, must stay hidden.
- If they were actually REVIEWING these webcomics, they would have to change the title... Ehm - so in your book a sharp, negative review isn't a review anymore? Only stuff that Robert A. Hward writes are legit reviews to you? I mean - yes, John & Co. bash bad webcomics as hard as they can but all the while pointing out their obvious flaws...
- John & Co. bash bad webcomics as hard as they can but all the while pointing out their obvious flaws... But, who will point out John & co. flaws and failures ?
- But, who will point out John & co. flaws and failures ? Judging by how things are going, it'll be the first webcartoonist who figures out his address and shows up in the middle of the night with a claw hammer. John did have an extremely emo profile picture of himself back in the day on Something Awful. So he might just off himself while slitting his wrists to make the pain of how Mookie still won't notice him. :'(
- People in the comments section? Unless they make total asses of themselves, which more often than not is the case.
- People in the comments section? Unless they make total asses of themselves, which more often than not is the case. Yeah, it's kinda hard to keep focused and keep it together when it concerns somebody who goes out of his way to be inflammatory and offensive.
- But, who will point out John & co. flaws and failures ? Well, his biggest failure so far, that we are all aware of, is this site and his writing. You can tell that he is trying so hard to improve his writing style, but sadly you can only polish a turd so much before you realize it's pointless. The general webcomic, the people he's trying to hurt just don't care and if they do they'll never let he know. John Solomon = ignored PS. ok, not completely ignored ... Daku of Digital Strip has just posted something about Solomon and I tend to agree with his point. link
- OH noes! Somebody in the webcomic circle-jerk community has criticized John and this blog! I'm sure he'll go and cry in a corner now. And seriously - John's writing is bad? It's controversial, yes, it's full of swearwords, yes, but is it bad? I don't think so... Also - is he ignored? The hundreds of comments by webcomic-morons, the author responses etc. state otherwise. The webcomic community just PRETENDS not to care. Of course bad webcomics don't stop being drawn and written but the very fact that John manages to hurt the feelings of many smug assholes puts a broad grin on my face (and his, I'm sure, as well).
- And seriously - John's writing is bad? It's controversial, yes, it's full of swearwords, yes, but is it bad? I don't think so... Personally, I think Solomon's reviews are overlong and boring. I find myself rapidly skimming his reviews most of the time, unlike, say, with Lilith Ester's Shredded Moose review(the best review on the site), because I think he rambles on too much. And I also think that he uses the general rules of reviewing a webcomic, like making valid points he can back up, to be deliberately inflammatory and offensive to everyone involved with the comic, so he can bask in the flames they send him. That's what I think about him. But you think his writing isn't bad, and I respect you for it. Jesus, that was a long one.
- I don't really agree with Daku. The review of the review has better writing? I think he's confusing logic or internal rationality with the ability to write entertaining, wholesome prose. John and Elders, I enjoy your blog. So far I've come back to it over the past few weeks and recommended it to several of my friends. To improve further, however, I think you need to adopt a set of arguments and stick with them. To clarify what I mean: you'll construct a criticism based on a set of salient points, but then fall back on the staple "it's shit because I say it's shit" or the Emperor's New Clothes of "If you can't see that it's shit, then you have no taste", arguments I don't care for and arguments that, as an intelligent and witty writer, you should have no time for. It's lazy logic. Moreover, your personal attacks on the writers and artists of the offending webcomics are poor; admitting that you're 'being an asshole' or lumping (if you'll forgive the verb) all your fat jokes about Kurtz into one paragraph doesn't excuse the act. You'll find yourselves losing the respect of readers who may actually be influenced by your remarks, as opposed to the rabid fanbase or the snarky suckups. Fighting fire with fire is not a legitimate way to change these people's opinions - all you do is force them further into their cramped and suffocating mindsets. But thank you for taking the time to put these articles out there.
- They're not trying to change anyone's opinion, dipshit. Just because their articles might occasionally be sort of constructive doesn't mean they have any constructive aims in mind.
- OH noes! Somebody in the webcomic circle-jerk community has criticized John and this blog! I'm sure he'll go and cry in a corner now. I know Solomon doesn't give a shit about criticism. He protects himself from it pretty well. As he so often mentions, he just sits in front of his computer with his pants around his ankles, reading the comment section of his blog and getting a good chuckle at the answer lulz he's created.
- They're not trying to change anyone's opinion, dipshit. You are right. In this, John and co. succeed wholeheartedly.
- Dude, proofread, please. As he so often mentions, he just sits in front of his computer with his pants around his ankles, reading the comment section of his blog and getting a good chuckle at the [awesome] lulz he's created.
- Oxxidation, I didn't say that John and the Elders were trying solely to change anyone's opinion, otherwise a blog which might have been completely ignored wouldn't be the best way to go about it. I said 'influenced' - ultimately entertained, moved, sickened, whatever. Only the open-minded can be influenced.
- I can probably guess why this Daku person commented on YWIB: "Digital Strips" is absolutely fucking terrible and he knows it.
- Who's looking forward to the No Mercy 's Punjabi Prison match with ( Bastisa and the Great Khali ) ?! That shit's gonna ROCK!!!
- The same people who tell me that my writing is bad tend to be the same people who say that CRFH has awesome writing, or that El Goonish Shive has great writing, or whatever. I know my writing could stand to improve - I'm primarily a fiction writer, not a fucking journalist - but it's like making a sandwich and having people say "That tastes disgusting! It's nowhere near as delicious as this bucket of raccoon vomit!" So, yeah, excuse me while I ignore the comments page and pay attention to people who matter.
- Only the open-minded can be influenced. That would be assuming that the blog is aimed at these people, and Solomon has these people in mind when he writes his reviews. Clearly, this is not the case.
- The same people who tell me that my writing is bad tend to be the same people who say that CRFH has awesome writing, or that El Goonish Shive has great writing, or whatever. Actually, I don't like CRFH's writing, and I haven't read a strip in years. Same goes for El Goonish Shive; I find the writing to be kinda crappy. You can't assume that I'm leaping to Campos or Shive's defense just because I think you're a bad reviewer. Also, I don't know whether your sandwich allegory is supposed to mean the above, or that I'm comparing your reviewing to somebody else's (Robert "Tangents" Howard? Eric Burns?). Maybe I'm just not as intelligent or as perceptive as you are, but I don't really see what you mean here. But you go on ahead, back to the people who matter to you. You deserve it.
- John Solomon, *derisive scoff* you are just jealous that your writing *air quotes* talent cannot measure up to the majestic glory *pets kitten* of MY FAERY PRINCESS CREDENZA *has obviously had thousands of girlfriends*
- "The same people who tell me that my writing is bad tend to be the same people who say that CRFH has awesome writing, or that El Goonish Shive has great writing, or whatever. I know my writing could stand to improve - I'm primarily a fiction writer, not a fucking journalist - but it's like making a sandwich and having people say "That tastes disgusting! It's nowhere near as delicious as this bucket of raccoon vomit!" So, yeah, excuse me while I ignore the comments page and pay attention to people who matter." I'm sorry for this rather dry approach, but I feel that here it is instructive. To summarise what you just said: 1) A personal attack saying that because I criticise you, therefore I must be a fan of poor writing and poor art. A non-sequitur. 2) Saying that your work deserves not to be criticised because it is a 'sandwich' compared to 'vomit'. This is hypocrisy, seeing as you yourself have said that you will attack small fry such as Kismetropolis rather than the staggering monoliths of Megatokyo out of principle: bad writing is bad writing. Furthermore, being a primarily creative writer is no excuse. As you say quite rightly, if you put a piece of work out there on a public website or blog, you are implying that it has inherent value and it is therefore open to criticism. Buckley might be an unparalleled pianist (I don't think I'm far wrong, there) but that doesn't mean that he can put up the tripe that he does and be immune to people telling him that it's bad, and why. 3) Essentially a threat and an insult, here you discourage me from responding to you because you make no commitment to listening to what I have to say. I think that's pretty cowardly. You don't owe me anything, sure, but sticking your fingers in your ears whenever you don't like what someone has to say, or rather as is the case here, you don't think you'll be able to instantly dismiss the opinions of the person that has to say, is immature. You've illustrated far better than I could precisely why you are, as you stand, no journalist.
- You've illustrated far better than I could precisely why you are, as you stand, no journalist. Yeah, but he's not a journalist, remember? He's a fiction writer. The rules don't apply to him.
- No, seriously, the people who do just say "Your writing sucks!" are fans of shit. Or they write shit webcomic themselves. As has been established, I do post on the Something Awful forums, and there I manage to get decent feedback from people whose opinions actually matter. As opposed to stupid cunts who make big ol' comments about how I'm wrong because I'm a hypocrite. I am a fucking hypocrite, so what? That doesn't make me wrong about what I say, it just makes me a hypocrite for not bothering to apply my thoughts about writing fiction to what I do when I don't write fiction. Oh wait. Guess you're just a fucking moron, then.
- I didn't say you were a hypocrite, Mr Solomon. In fact I was actively trying to avoid saying anything else other than that I think you're a bad reviewer. But, and this is a big but, I'm not saying this just because I'm a fan of shitty webcomics or shit writing. What you would call shit, maybe, but that's a different kettle of fish. One man's trash is another man's treasure, and so on.
- Sure, except that horrible writing is not a subjective thing. You can have a taste in genre, a taste in writing style, surely, but plain out and simple bad work is just that. If you enjoy it, it's most likely because you have little to no concept of what good writing is.
- No, my writing on this blog is pretty lousy. You're right there, I need more practice until I'm half as good as I probably should be. But, hey, at least I cop to that fact and don't start throwing a hissy fit that it's just too DEEP for you people.
- Funny... Judging from your reviews and that avatar you have, I didn't think you were capable of humility.
- The average IQ in this blog's comments seems to be equivalent to the IQ of a chair. We're not doing this because we want to be famous or loved or because we want to change something. We're doing this because we're fucking sick of complete trash being passed off as the Holy Grail.
- We're not doing this because we want to be famous or loved or because we want to change something. We're doing this because we're fucking sick of complete trash being passed off as the Holy Grail. A noble reason, I'm sure... Though I don't know if certain comics, like Kismetropolis or Titus and Mal for instance, could be seen as being passed off as such.
- Gotta trample on the little guys too, before they start even thinking of acquiring that attitude.
- Funny... Judging from your reviews and that avatar you have, I didn't think you were capable of humility. All good writers have humility in spades when it comes to their own work. I judge everyone else by the same standards I hold myself to, I just don't review myself all the time. Plus I'm a great deal more competent than anyone I have yet reviewed, so even if I did review my own writing (which would be pointless) I'd have little to say. Plus the avatar is just there because Blogger makes it easy to impersonate people without a profile picture. I needed an image, so I decided to use one that was related to my assumed name.
- Well, I think I get what you're shooting at then. I doff my hat to you people. I've obviously underestimated you!
- John & co, I'd just like you to know that I enjoy your blog, but I feel it would be far more effective if you wrote it whilst standing on your head and and reciting the Norwegian national anthem backwards. I think that would allow it to go much further in changing people's opinions.
- Again with the "Monkeys throwing shit"-styled flames? Haven't we've been through this already? It reads similar to the comments you would come to expect on Youtube. You want to be those guys? You want to be a "IN FLAMEZ WE TRUST!" guy? No, I'm not saying I'm a better human being than those guys. I am just suggesting to avoid going there... though I reckon that the broken mirror comments' section was mildly amusing. If only because the J. Dalton and Derrick guys provided pure comedy gold.
- I'm curious, has the stuff about personal attacks been part of the criticism you all have accepted? It seems like it's been a long time since a review has had any kind of focus on that, such that when people try to "get you" for making "personal attacks," they have to go back to the Scott Kurtz and JDR reviews, which are practically ancient by internet standards.
- Really you're from SA John? I had you pegged as a /b/tard not a goon. I guess there are outliers in every group.
- I don't get what you're saying here, Namiya. We're in danger of becoming In Flames fanboys?
- I'm curious, has the stuff about personal attacks been part of the criticism you all have accepted? I ignore the personal attacks and look at the criticism because I'm not a fucking crybaby who can't deal with the slightest bit of negativity towards me. Sometimes, yes, I get a bit exasperated that people fall back on the same fucking things - hence the bingo card - but why the fuck should I be concerned about some moron calling me names? It's not like anyone can ever insult me decently, anyway.
- Really you're from SA John? I had you pegged as a /b/tard not a goon. I guess there are outliers in every group. is dat because i swears a lot hurf durf durf
- "No, seriously, the people who do just say "Your writing sucks!" are fans of shit. Or they write shit webcomic themselves. As has been established, I do post on the Something Awful forums, and there I manage to get decent feedback from people whose opinions actually matter. As opposed to stupid cunts who make big ol' comments about how I'm wrong because I'm a hypocrite. I am a fucking hypocrite, so what? That doesn't make me wrong about what I say, it just makes me a hypocrite for not bothering to apply my thoughts about writing fiction to what I do when I don't write fiction. Oh wait. Guess you're just a fucking moron, then." 1) "You're wrong because I say you're wrong." You have no knowledge about what I like or if I write other that your assertions - which amounts to a personal attack. 2) Which is what the rest of your comment degenerates into. I'm not about to start a slagging match with someone that can evidently punch a higher weight than me. 3) Misdirection. I'm not saying that you're wrong because you're a hypocrite. I'm saying that your non-fiction could be better if you didn't resort to poor logic or personal attacks (which John still uses, see above) as a stand-in for real arguments. The reason that you focus on my charges of 'hypocrisy' is that you have a good rebuttal for that particular point: that there should be a separate set of rules for fiction and for non-fiction, therefore you aren't, in fact, contradicting yourself. I disagree with the assertion, but if that's how you want to play it, then fair game. But it doesn't invalidate what I said about the way you write your articles. The reason I'm making such long comments(although, clocking in at less than 500 words total I'd hardly say so myself) is because I believe that using cheap shots and lazy reasoning makes for bad writing, and I, for one, am sick of that - especially if it is held up as the pinnacle of wit. You've read the comments yourself. I'm pleased that you at least say that you want to improve, however, it gives me another reason to keep reading this blog.
- It's not like anyone can ever insult me decently, anyway. That's probably because of those pesky standards. The insults of a decent internet troll aren't just enough for you; you need quality.
- Not to mention they think I'm seriously going to read a fucking Buckleystyle WALL OF TEXT comment. No dice.
- Really? Kinda looks as long as one of your reviews to me... ...hmm, too easy there?
- Not to mention they think I'm seriously going to read a fucking Buckleystyle WALL OF TEXT comment. No dice. 'na na na na I'm noooot listening!'
- Man, I've heard many reasons for refuting an argument but tl;dr is quite possibly the lamest and most retarded. You play the intelligent guy quite well until you volte face and pull out a steaming turd like that.
- John, why do you even read the comments? It's not like it matters, or it's going to stop you from writing. Everyone is just waiting for you to make one minor mistake, then jump all over you for it - why do you even bother responding to a bunch of bullshit dissection of what you say? Neither you nor your writing style are on trial here, bad webcomics are. If people can't see that, then they are missing the point.
- I think that the comments section is fair game. John has a zero tolerance policy on bad webcomics, why can't people that read this have a zero tolerance policy on bad journalism? I mean, that wall of text dude is evidently only doing it because he gives a damn about what these people have to say. Otherwise he wouldn't have used a formal argument with no JOHN SOLOLAME LOLZORZSKATEZ in it.
- What has always amused me the most is the "Culture of Nice" bullshit that exists in web comics. The only reason this blog gets attention is because of that. Because sites like this one are few and far between none of these shitty writers and artists know how to handle someone ripping on them, so they lose their minds about it. If there were many sites ripping on bad web comics you wouldn't see one blog get all the attention. But because of the "Culture of Nice" this blog gets all the attention because The Elders are the only ones pushing back against these pieces of shit.
- Christ, I used "because" way too many times in that post. Someone get me a Thesaurus.
- I agree with you. I think that's why people read the blog, or one of the main reasons. But because it's the only one, I think that's given the Elders a responsibility - one which they probably resent or reject - to be good enough that the blog stands up to anything the circlejerkers can toss at it. P.S What the fuck else can you say instead of 'because'? 'due to' and 'as a result/consequence of' maybe, but they sound kinda lame to me.
- They don't have any responsibilities. From what I can tell, they started the blog for their own fun and the fun of their friends. It caught on in popularity and they kept doing it. The Elders have made it no secret that they don't give a fuck what you think, they do this how they want. If they wanna end this now, they will. And they won't care that you cry that it's gone.
- Christ, I used "because" way too many times in that post. Someone get me a Thesaurus. There you go, mate/amigo/buddy/chum/comrade/ fellow/friend/pal.
- "Not to mention they think I'm seriously going to read a fucking Buckleystyle WALL OF TEXT comment. No dice." Aren't you the one that said we should keep rules for fiction and non-fiction separate? Oops.
- Mike, *everyone* has responsibilities. The difference is that some people realise which ones they do have, some others think they do but get the wrong ones and the worst of all, the most deceived, just don't give a flying fuck.
- My "favorite" submission I read from a while back, hopefully still stillborn: Children of the Moon: "The comic is set in an alternative future Earth where undead walk the lands. The government has asked a satanic priest and his personal army of bishounen zombies to clear the streets of the werewolves and vampires. There will be some pretty heavy yaoi (gay porn) in this comic~"
- ... I would like to see that Children of the Moon comic, for the same reason I go searching for Disturbing Image threads in forums. I am trying to build a protective coating to my eyeballs that screens out shit. Satanic Bishounen Zombie Yaoi seems to fit into that category nicely.
- ... I comment on this blog so much, I figured I'd create an account. Seriously though, Children of the Moon? Eye-rape. No amount of writing or art could make bishounen zombie yaoi NOT eye-rape.
- John, why do you even read the comments? Good point.
