In the few dozen comments I've received since starting this blog, a trend has appeared. That trend has been people demanding stupid things from me. They want me to provide constructive advice, when the webcomic's creator obviously does not want any. They think I am obligated to be nice, simply because I am reviewing things. They decry my harsh language and insults by use of harsh language and insults, and then call me a hypocrite.
This is exactly what happens with a lot of webcomics that turn bad: the people that read them think that they're entitled to direct what is going on. Well guess what?
YOU ARE NOT. You are just whiny assholes.
I'll do whatever I please and laugh in your fat, stupid faces if you complain. I am not here to dance for your amusement, you pissants. I am here to impart one singular truth: your webcomic is bad and you should feel bad.
I am not Eric Burns of Websnark, here to tiptoe around issues in order avoid people yelling too loudly. I am not Robert A. Howard of Tangents, here to suck dick on an industrial level so maybe the creators of these webcomics mention my name and I become Popular on the Internet. I am John Solomon, here to basically rip the shit out of bad webcomics because everyone else is either too nice to do so, or too stupid to make any good points.
You can demand anything of me. You can demand to know which webcomics I like. You can demand that I stop fucking swearing. You can demand that I baby-step everyone through ways to improve a webcomic rather than just tearing it down. You can demand that I use my real name. You can demand that I stop posting. You can demand that I do what you say, whatever that may be, and I will flip you off and call you a faggot.
But by all means, keep posting, as if I will go "Wow, SuperSaiyanSephiroth-Sama666 has opened my eyes." Because it's hilarious to watch you think I give a shit about your opinion on how much you don't give a shit about my opinion.
This is exactly what happens with a lot of webcomics that turn bad: the people that read them think that they're entitled to direct what is going on. Well guess what?
YOU ARE NOT. You are just whiny assholes.
I'll do whatever I please and laugh in your fat, stupid faces if you complain. I am not here to dance for your amusement, you pissants. I am here to impart one singular truth: your webcomic is bad and you should feel bad.
I am not Eric Burns of Websnark, here to tiptoe around issues in order avoid people yelling too loudly. I am not Robert A. Howard of Tangents, here to suck dick on an industrial level so maybe the creators of these webcomics mention my name and I become Popular on the Internet. I am John Solomon, here to basically rip the shit out of bad webcomics because everyone else is either too nice to do so, or too stupid to make any good points.
You can demand anything of me. You can demand to know which webcomics I like. You can demand that I stop fucking swearing. You can demand that I baby-step everyone through ways to improve a webcomic rather than just tearing it down. You can demand that I use my real name. You can demand that I stop posting. You can demand that I do what you say, whatever that may be, and I will flip you off and call you a faggot.
But by all means, keep posting, as if I will go "Wow, SuperSaiyanSephiroth-Sama666 has opened my eyes." Because it's hilarious to watch you think I give a shit about your opinion on how much you don't give a shit about my opinion.
31 comments:
- SuperSaiyanSephiroth-Sama666 said...
- but u shud be nice bc bein meen is bad an hurts ppl ppl have feelngs 2 u kno ;_;
- Anonymous said...
- I demand some pringles.
- Anonymous said...
- If you think the comics you've been reviewing are bad, you obviously haven't seen Boston and Shaun: classic: http://bostonandshaun.sunblazewildfire.com/comic.php?comic=1 new: http://comic.bostonandshaun.com
- John Solomon said...
- Of course I've seen Boston and Shaun - who hasn't?
- Anonymous said...
- I hadn't seen Boston and Shaun until this comment thread. Dear God, how I wish I still hadn't seen it. I need a melon baller to scoop out my eyes now.
- Anonymous said...
- "John Solomon, here to basically rip the shit out of bad webcomics because" I want page-views and I know people will come if I say misleading bad things about them. Seriously, the only comic against which you haven't had to distort at least one thing to make things look worse than they really are was CAD and that's just because misrepresenting CAD would make things look better. Also, you think you're Maddox.
- Anonymous said...
- Seriously, the only comic against which you haven't had to distort at least one thing to make things look worse than they really are was CAD and that's just because misrepresenting CAD would make things look better. In other words, "You're a complete asshole, except when I happen to agree with you." --Rich
- Anonymous said...
- just watch your karma. Constant negativity or dwelling on the negative can lead to serious health problems, and random injuries.
- Ol said...
- Why don't you have a "Donate" button
- John Solomon said...
- I want page-views and I know people will come if I say misleading bad things about them. Seriously, the only comic against which you haven't had to distort at least one thing to make things look worse than they really are was CAD and that's just because misrepresenting CAD would make things look better. Also, you think you're Maddox. Let's play a game of "Let's Imagine". Now, let's imagine - just for a moment - that your opinions of PDH, Dominic Deegan, Single Asian Female and Minimum Security are not coloured by your undying admiration of them. Although I think you conveniently forgot about my reviews of SAF and Minimum Security. So, while we're pretending you otherwise have no opinion on them, think to yourself: if John Solomon has said a lot of things about CAD that I find to be true, perhaps he could be right about the rest! Then, stop pretending and go back to being a gigantic faggot.
- John Solomon said...
- Also, why the fuck would I want pageviews? I have nothing to gain from pageviews! Except more morons posting more stupid comments, I guess. Which you do yourselves by posting links to this blog and talking about how ignorant I am to disparage the great Creatrix and how I must be 14- wait, 13- no, 12 years old!!!
- Anonymous said...
- I like how anytime someone writes a scathing review in this writing style they instantly get compared to Maddox. Like he invented internet humor. And, lets face it kiddies, you wouldn't read it if it was full of nice unoffensive constructive criticism, you'd have nothing to get offended over and rail against. Then what would you do all day?
- John Solomon said...
- They'd masturbate to orc rape.
- JACK LAYZON said...
- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I HOPE YOU DON'T FUCK UP THE BOSTON AND SHAUN REVIEW BY MAKING A GIGANTIC "I WATCHED THE EYE OF THE MADNESS STORM AND ITS FURFAGS UHGHLLLLLLLARGH" POST
- Anonymous said...
- DO WHAT I SAY, YOU FUCKING SHITFUCK ASSCOCK FUCKFUCK SHIT ASS FUCK have a nice day. Also I think this Boston and Shaun person is trying to be Ozy and Millie.
- Ted said...
- John Solomon I am upping the ante when I link this blog to my blog I will call you an 11- no, 10-year-old, and say that not only did you get your big words out of a dictionary, but you had to get your older brother to explain them for you! And the only thing that I would demand from this blog is that it stop focusing on the same few webcomics for a bit and go after more. However the reactions of these people and your reactions to them have been just as great as your original rants about them, if not moreso. So, keep doing what you're doing, I guess?
- Ian said...
- I'm digging everything about this blog right now. Links to tremendously bad comics. The opportunity to hear stunted creative-types defend their drivel. Your utter, unapproachable, unrelenting and uncompromising assholery. It's all good.
- Anonymous said...
- Keep it up, I love it. But by all means, hurry up and move on to other webcomics.
- Anonymous said...
- I just want to tell you thanks for fighting the good fight against crappy webcomics everywhere. (I can't believe Robert could actually sing the praises of crap like PDH.) I can't wait to see you tear into Hathor the Cow Goddess and Faith Mouse.
- Anonymous said...
- Why do you hate all things ever? Because it appears that way seeing as I have no idea what you actually think is good.
- John Solomon said...
- Who actually gives a shit about what I think is good?
- Teracat, defender of hodge-podge said...
- Hey dude. I found your blog because I was absolutely hungry for some'a that good old CAD Wikipedia drama (because quite frankly, I must agree with you of the suckitude (yes, suckitude.) of that comic. Most notably the BEST CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT EVER). And while I do rather like a few of the comics you've reviewed here, I find myself really enjoying your stuff. It's cool to see such opinions on webcomics, since I very rarely see past this sux lol. But then again, this is the internet so I guess I just wasn't looking hard enough, haha. All in all, keep up the good work, and do try not to get murdered by sociopathic webcomic artiste. That would suck. I'll shut up now.
- Mark said...
- Greetings Mr. Solomon! A group of readers just tripped over your blog today, and I wanted to say on behalf of all of us, excellent work! I don't agree with your overall assessment all the time (what can I say... I read vgcats, see exactly what you criticize, and think it's funny because of much of that material). But you paint in stark contrast aspects of the comics that I hadn't really noticed. It's fun to look at them from another point of view and say "Yeah, PVP basically is the Garfield of webcomics." The only suggestion I have for your blog itself: Try to make the posts shorter. Your insights are great, but they would be clearer if you could tighten them up. For example, the whole paragraph from the review of Dominic Deegan that starts with "Dominic Deegan is a webcomic so bad you'd think it was hosted on an ancient Indian burial ground" could be shortened to just that one sentence and be just as funny. Again, thanks for the great work. Keep fighting the good fight!
- BrotherRool said...
- YOU ARE NOT. You are just whiny assholes. But by all means, keep posting, as if I will go "Wow, SuperSaiyanSephiroth-Sama666 has opened my eyes." Because it's hilarious to watch you think I give a shit about your opinion on how much you don't give a shit about my opinion. This stuff is genius, the pue unadultered hypocrism pouring down. "You are whiney assholes" IT's like you're deliberatley throwing it in peoples faces. Oh wait a minute you are. Because contrary to the popular laws of physics you're a hole, anothing, a gap, a nothing, anegative number. Not only that but a posterior impossibility. Not only that but a repetitve high-pitched sound producing impossible posterior. And never get me started on "I don't care what people think". You read the comments, you respond violently to negative ones, if you can't analyse yourself past that point, then well, that show it goes.
- Anonymous said...
- HELP I AM UNABLE TO FORM MY OWN OPINION JOHN SOLOMON PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO HATE Also, cocks.
- Anonymous said...
- John Solomon is Charlie Brooker.
- Anonymous said...
- It's always funny to see a webcomic I love, or hate, go down in flames. That's why I read this. If you want to use a worldwide thing for half a dozen people and insult the rest of the world, it's your fucking right. But - you're just doing that. You just say "Your webcomic is bad and you should feel bad". You're not constructive, you don't "babysit" anyone. That's fine. But don't go around saying you're a daring rebel who makes good points others are too stupid or afraid to make. You don't have to be helpful, but the the second you admit you don't want to be, you've lost your right to fucking grandstand.
- Anonymous said...
- Previous anon--you are exactly the type of person he doesn't give a shit about, you idiot. Your opinion means fuck-all to him, and not just because it's moronic. You also apparently wouldn't know constructive criticism if it punched you in the throat. Just because he doesn't want to help them doesn't mean his advice wouldn't help them improve if they actually took it to heart. Method of delivery doesn't negate the message. It may make the recipient less likely to take the message to heart, but that's their fucking problem, isn't it? But you obviously don't see that either, so feel free to fuck off.
- Anonymous said...
- I *know* he doesn't care about my opinion, you dumbass. Why the fuck should *I* care? Just saying: You can say "I'm helpful, thank me!" *or* "I'm not trying to be helpful, get fucked!" - not both. Constructive criticism? The two first actual reviews (Shortpacked! and Dominic Deegan), and possibly the one on Pastel Defender Heliotrope. Everything else is just "Bad webcomic! No biscuit!", though said with more style than dropping random insults to sound like a big boy. Well, either that, or I indeed wouldn't know constructive criticism if it punched me in the throat - except when there actually *is* some. "Just because he doesn't want to help them doesn't mean his advice wouldn't help them improve if they actually took it to heart." As in "Just because he's not giving any advice (other than "die in a fire") doesn't mean he's not helping them"? It's not method of delivery, it's replacing the message by "badbadbadbadbad". Like when you say I'm a moron without actually pointing out why.
- Anonymous said...
- I am also of some opinion on this
- Anonymous said...
- John Solomon is my hero.
