As promised (and you people assumed I was being flippant), this is the second part of the Dresden Codak review. Much to my dismay, we have utterly failed at keeping to Aaron Diaz's business model: as little as we tried to update, he still managed to update even less. We are shamed by such a master of procrastination and ineptitude.
But enough about that. Last time we may have ripped on Diaz's shitty business depending wholesale on pathetic, horny nerds (not an unsafe gamble, just a very repugnant one) - this time we'll be beating the shit out of his lackluster and morbidly dire storytelling abilities. That is, the abilities he doesn't have and probably never will. Cue a mighty wailing and gnashing of teeth from his whale-sized fantards, I reckon, but it's sadly true.
An aside, for a moment: in the world of published books, there have been some works of fiction put to print that should never have seen the light of day. Some publisher, somewhere, had looked over the entire body of text and deemed it worthy of the expense of being printed by the thousand. Now, consider that if it is possible for a system that was inherently designed to stop stupid shit getting published to make mistakes, the publisherless medium of the Internet must be FULL OF THE WORST CRAP TO EVER EXIST.
And so we have webcomics. For every talented creator who simply does not wish to submit themselves to the harrying experience of Getting Actually Published™ - and I speak from experience that the constant back-and-forth with publishers can often be as entertaining and pleasant as shitting broken glass non-stop for eight weeks - we have ten thousand who know, deep down, perhaps even subconsciously, that they are so bad that even the brain-dead publishers would turn them away. Aaron Diaz seems to be one of them.
Make no mistake, his pictures are pretty enough. He's mastered not only perspective and proportion (though a little more orthodoxy in panel/word balloon placement may not hurt), but how to draw a crackin' fine pair of nerd girl boobs. Hence the pandering, as explained earlier.
Diaz's forté as a writer, though, lies in his earlier, nerdier strips. The ones like this one. Not particularly original or smart, but harmless enough to make you crack a smile every now and again. You know the type - the type that he's said he's never, ever going to do again because his latest storyline ("Hob") is going so well. Y'know, when it's not sucking.
While I'm sure Diaz is liking the sophisticated and educated level of feedback as taken from his own forums - "Wow, amazing as always." "Also, how do you get to be so consistently kickass? Is it the hat?" "DC is so crazy I can't foresee what will happen next." - I think he may prefer some observations made by someone who possesses writing talent. Namely me, since I don't see anyone else with the appropriate qualifications willing to give it a go.
I doubt he will actually like what I have to say, since he's devolving into the kind of Internet artist who no longer despairs over not improving on a fucking Fibonacci curve and instead considers themselves "good enough" for whatever it is they do (and thus stagnate and turn into a Buckley), but tough shit. Like it or not, I'm going to explain why Dresden Codak's story is pretty much balls. Those of you who are just going to tell me that I'm untalented, jealous, wrong and also a big faggot can post your comments now. It'll add to the entertainment value of the update for those who actually pay attention to how big and clever I am, and I doubt you'll actually pay attention to anything I have to say, you ignorant cunts.
Since "Hob" is the "new" Dresden Codak and we'll be getting no more funnies out of Diaz (again, seriously, he said that - give up hope), we'll start with page one of that.
Immediate plus points: showing, not telling. There's no narration to hammer in what you're supposed to be seeing, unlike some webcomics. Coupled with page two, this gives us a gentle lead-in to what will turn out to be a disappointing story. And what makes it disappointed? Page three.
Here's the thing about characters in a work of fiction: they're people. They might be people people, robot people or even... occasionally... anthropomorphic animal people. The point is, they're well-rounded individuals with depth. Why do writers (well, good writers) make their characters this way? Because firstly, it's easier to write them.
"Woah there!" I hear a vast section of the Internet cry out, looking up from their Zutara fanfics. "You're wrong! Writing well-rounded characters with depth is hard!"
Oh, but of course it is for you, because you're lazy and you don't know a fucking thing. If you're competent, then you don't have to sit and think "What will my stupid character do next?" What they'll do next is obvious, because you know their personality like it's your own, or at least a close sibling whose mind you can read. So rather than sweat out the decisions, the prose flows from your fingertips like it has a life of its own. Every quirk and mannerism becomes second nature - they might click their fingers while thinking, or play with their hair when flirting. Whatever. You, as an author, know this person.
Kimiko "Thunderbolt" Ross is an optical illusion, however. Whatever image of depth you perceive, you perceive wrong. The main character of Dresden Codak is as flat and as tiresomely predictable as Kansas. What you see here on page three is her entire character laid out before you, to be judged like a fucking piece of meat. Which is all she is, in a literary sense.
Point one: Kimiko is obsessed with the nerdsterbation topic of transhumanism, assuming that for some reason people gotta bone robots to be better people. Perhaps a common topic amongst people with low-to-zero self esteem, but as someone who understands that humanity is fucking rad I don't see it. Powered flight to space travel in sixty years, and without robot brains thank you very much.
Point two: Kimiko is a girl, and a girly girl with girly boobs and girly parts. This is made painfully obvious later, but it's personified in page three - ironically enough. (If you don't get that joke, you're too damn foreign and I won't have you readin' this blog.) Kimiko's girlness exists for the audience (and author) to get big wobbly nerdboners over. Much in the same way that Questionable "T-shirt factory" Content works, except Jeff Jacks is at least savvy enough to have multiple flavours of female to accommodate the fact that readers have differing tastes.
Point three: Kimiko is Aspergin' like fuck. Can't talk to people without fucking up, struggles to answer simple questions with simple answers, can't rationalise with basic human empathy, is a fucking fruitcake. Show your average Internet nerd a woman that crazy and they'll be going "MAI WAIFU" and composing Japanese sonnets in her honour before you can duck behind a concrete wall for safety.
That's it.
That's her character.
There's some shit about her dad being rich and her mother being dead, I guess, but that's not characterisation. Just having your parents rich/dead doesn't make you a deeper character. It might make you Batman, I suppose. No, the characterisation comes from how you feel. Which even Batman has, even if it's entirely dependent on the current writer as to how he feels.
So how does Kimiko feel? Please let me know, because I can't tell. She shows a little anger, once, and sometimes cries and blushes but boy howdy that's not very specific. I am not a cold-hearted machine, I can empathise, but not when there's nothing to empathise with. Kimiko "Japan is so cool" Ross has yet to progress beyond a cute face that spits out technobabble and exposition. In the mean time, she'll remain exactly what she is: a Mary Sue. Apart from the "crazy as a fucking loon" thing, she's got no flaws - except if you count "oh she just needs a nice guy for a boyfriend... a nice guy like me!" Which we don't.
The one point where I held out hope for some ambiguity - the part where she smashes an old guy's head with a fucking rock - no. Turns out she was right all along, and they were pure evil, and the old guy didn't get brain damage and die.
Seriously, Diaz, what Hollywood shit have you been watching where a fucking rock to the head just makes someone be fine except for a little bleeding no more than two minutes later? Did you see the size of that fucking rock? Well, yes, you drew it, but seriously.
All right, enough rock tangent, let's get back to the point of explaining why this story is bad - as if "the main character is a shitty Mary Sue" isn't enough. (It is.)
Digest this chunk of information: every literary medium is viewed by its audience in a different way. In case you don't know what that means, what it means is that a movie is not a book. If you understand that simple concept (and I don't hold out much hope) we'll move on from there. There are various things that can happen in the text of a book which cannot be effectively translated to the medium of film. The opposite is also true. What this means is that when creating for a medium, you should embrace its nature and write specifically for it.
You do not create a WALL OF TEXT with a few illustrations.
Not if you're doing a comic, anyway. Now, I am not against text in general. Considering my job, which contrary to popular belief is not updating this blog or journalism of any kind, I'd be an idiot if I flew into a rage every time I looked at a block of text. When all you're doing is writing text, there's little else you can do except write text. No, what I am against is ugly text. In webcomics this boils down to not being able to structure your dialogue and pacing and just going "fuck it, INFO DUMP".
Writing isn't just about creating a story that's intelligent, engaging and emotive. It's about doing that with style. Having a John Galt speech of exposition sandwiched between illustrations because you can't be bothered to decompress the scene is the sign of being an incompetent writer. Fuck, Diaz, if you'd divided that up into some smaller text boxes and made a new page for it, it probably would have been fine. But no, you went for the ugly text. You went for the cheap way out.
A webcomic doesn't have to be like Dominic Deegan or Ctrl+Alt+Del in order to be bad. Dresden Codak may have nice pretty pictures (and nice pretty nerdboobs) for the masses to ogle over, but its writing is lackluster. But you, the audience, cannot tell. Because of the publisherless status of the Internet, you have come to accept the unpublishable as acceptable. Like burn victims who've lost all their nerve endings, or Americans who can't taste fructose, you simply lack the capability to discern shit.
Which is why people like me exist, to be elitist bastards who stomp all over everything people create - because it's shit and we want you to know it. I know I tend to get a bit melancholy toward the end of reviews, but it's probably because I'm trying to think of a way to sum up a great big ol' review that people are going to ignore. Chief among this legion of hear-no-evil stooges tends to be the people who could actually do with understanding that if you are trying to create art, you do not give up.
Diaz, your pretty pictures of nerdbutt and nerdboob (and robots, occasionally) have led me to believe that once upon a time you were a young lad who struggled to understand horizon lines. Do you not remember those early days, when you drew over and over to perfect matters? Do you remember studying up on techniques to make your drawings better? Did you get inspiration from other sources?
Writing is also art, Diaz, despite what you and the majority of the webcomics world might think. You can't just wing it and then get indignant when someone tells you it's shit, because it is shit. To write well you have to devote just as much time and effort as you did in learning to draw, it's not something that comes "naturally". Again, a vast section of the Internet is looking up from their Zutara fanfics, but Goddamnit it's true.
Diaz, if you persist in this pathetic excuse for a story, start putting those weeks between updates to good use. Go find some books about writing and read them. Pay attention to what I say (for I am wise) when I cuss out your Kimiko for being a flat character. Hell, just practice and ask for honest, harsh criticism. If you don't, you're as bad as Tim Buckley (except for the showing your dong to underage girls thing).
But enough about that. Last time we may have ripped on Diaz's shitty business depending wholesale on pathetic, horny nerds (not an unsafe gamble, just a very repugnant one) - this time we'll be beating the shit out of his lackluster and morbidly dire storytelling abilities. That is, the abilities he doesn't have and probably never will. Cue a mighty wailing and gnashing of teeth from his whale-sized fantards, I reckon, but it's sadly true.
An aside, for a moment: in the world of published books, there have been some works of fiction put to print that should never have seen the light of day. Some publisher, somewhere, had looked over the entire body of text and deemed it worthy of the expense of being printed by the thousand. Now, consider that if it is possible for a system that was inherently designed to stop stupid shit getting published to make mistakes, the publisherless medium of the Internet must be FULL OF THE WORST CRAP TO EVER EXIST.
And so we have webcomics. For every talented creator who simply does not wish to submit themselves to the harrying experience of Getting Actually Published™ - and I speak from experience that the constant back-and-forth with publishers can often be as entertaining and pleasant as shitting broken glass non-stop for eight weeks - we have ten thousand who know, deep down, perhaps even subconsciously, that they are so bad that even the brain-dead publishers would turn them away. Aaron Diaz seems to be one of them.
Make no mistake, his pictures are pretty enough. He's mastered not only perspective and proportion (though a little more orthodoxy in panel/word balloon placement may not hurt), but how to draw a crackin' fine pair of nerd girl boobs. Hence the pandering, as explained earlier.
Diaz's forté as a writer, though, lies in his earlier, nerdier strips. The ones like this one. Not particularly original or smart, but harmless enough to make you crack a smile every now and again. You know the type - the type that he's said he's never, ever going to do again because his latest storyline ("Hob") is going so well. Y'know, when it's not sucking.
While I'm sure Diaz is liking the sophisticated and educated level of feedback as taken from his own forums - "Wow, amazing as always." "Also, how do you get to be so consistently kickass? Is it the hat?" "DC is so crazy I can't foresee what will happen next." - I think he may prefer some observations made by someone who possesses writing talent. Namely me, since I don't see anyone else with the appropriate qualifications willing to give it a go.
I doubt he will actually like what I have to say, since he's devolving into the kind of Internet artist who no longer despairs over not improving on a fucking Fibonacci curve and instead considers themselves "good enough" for whatever it is they do (and thus stagnate and turn into a Buckley), but tough shit. Like it or not, I'm going to explain why Dresden Codak's story is pretty much balls. Those of you who are just going to tell me that I'm untalented, jealous, wrong and also a big faggot can post your comments now. It'll add to the entertainment value of the update for those who actually pay attention to how big and clever I am, and I doubt you'll actually pay attention to anything I have to say, you ignorant cunts.
Since "Hob" is the "new" Dresden Codak and we'll be getting no more funnies out of Diaz (again, seriously, he said that - give up hope), we'll start with page one of that.
Immediate plus points: showing, not telling. There's no narration to hammer in what you're supposed to be seeing, unlike some webcomics. Coupled with page two, this gives us a gentle lead-in to what will turn out to be a disappointing story. And what makes it disappointed? Page three.
Here's the thing about characters in a work of fiction: they're people. They might be people people, robot people or even... occasionally... anthropomorphic animal people. The point is, they're well-rounded individuals with depth. Why do writers (well, good writers) make their characters this way? Because firstly, it's easier to write them.
"Woah there!" I hear a vast section of the Internet cry out, looking up from their Zutara fanfics. "You're wrong! Writing well-rounded characters with depth is hard!"
Oh, but of course it is for you, because you're lazy and you don't know a fucking thing. If you're competent, then you don't have to sit and think "What will my stupid character do next?" What they'll do next is obvious, because you know their personality like it's your own, or at least a close sibling whose mind you can read. So rather than sweat out the decisions, the prose flows from your fingertips like it has a life of its own. Every quirk and mannerism becomes second nature - they might click their fingers while thinking, or play with their hair when flirting. Whatever. You, as an author, know this person.
Kimiko "Thunderbolt" Ross is an optical illusion, however. Whatever image of depth you perceive, you perceive wrong. The main character of Dresden Codak is as flat and as tiresomely predictable as Kansas. What you see here on page three is her entire character laid out before you, to be judged like a fucking piece of meat. Which is all she is, in a literary sense.
Point one: Kimiko is obsessed with the nerdsterbation topic of transhumanism, assuming that for some reason people gotta bone robots to be better people. Perhaps a common topic amongst people with low-to-zero self esteem, but as someone who understands that humanity is fucking rad I don't see it. Powered flight to space travel in sixty years, and without robot brains thank you very much.
Point two: Kimiko is a girl, and a girly girl with girly boobs and girly parts. This is made painfully obvious later, but it's personified in page three - ironically enough. (If you don't get that joke, you're too damn foreign and I won't have you readin' this blog.) Kimiko's girlness exists for the audience (and author) to get big wobbly nerdboners over. Much in the same way that Questionable "T-shirt factory" Content works, except Jeff Jacks is at least savvy enough to have multiple flavours of female to accommodate the fact that readers have differing tastes.
Point three: Kimiko is Aspergin' like fuck. Can't talk to people without fucking up, struggles to answer simple questions with simple answers, can't rationalise with basic human empathy, is a fucking fruitcake. Show your average Internet nerd a woman that crazy and they'll be going "MAI WAIFU" and composing Japanese sonnets in her honour before you can duck behind a concrete wall for safety.
That's it.
That's her character.
There's some shit about her dad being rich and her mother being dead, I guess, but that's not characterisation. Just having your parents rich/dead doesn't make you a deeper character. It might make you Batman, I suppose. No, the characterisation comes from how you feel. Which even Batman has, even if it's entirely dependent on the current writer as to how he feels.
So how does Kimiko feel? Please let me know, because I can't tell. She shows a little anger, once, and sometimes cries and blushes but boy howdy that's not very specific. I am not a cold-hearted machine, I can empathise, but not when there's nothing to empathise with. Kimiko "Japan is so cool" Ross has yet to progress beyond a cute face that spits out technobabble and exposition. In the mean time, she'll remain exactly what she is: a Mary Sue. Apart from the "crazy as a fucking loon" thing, she's got no flaws - except if you count "oh she just needs a nice guy for a boyfriend... a nice guy like me!" Which we don't.
The one point where I held out hope for some ambiguity - the part where she smashes an old guy's head with a fucking rock - no. Turns out she was right all along, and they were pure evil, and the old guy didn't get brain damage and die.
Seriously, Diaz, what Hollywood shit have you been watching where a fucking rock to the head just makes someone be fine except for a little bleeding no more than two minutes later? Did you see the size of that fucking rock? Well, yes, you drew it, but seriously.
All right, enough rock tangent, let's get back to the point of explaining why this story is bad - as if "the main character is a shitty Mary Sue" isn't enough. (It is.)
Digest this chunk of information: every literary medium is viewed by its audience in a different way. In case you don't know what that means, what it means is that a movie is not a book. If you understand that simple concept (and I don't hold out much hope) we'll move on from there. There are various things that can happen in the text of a book which cannot be effectively translated to the medium of film. The opposite is also true. What this means is that when creating for a medium, you should embrace its nature and write specifically for it.
You do not create a WALL OF TEXT with a few illustrations.
Not if you're doing a comic, anyway. Now, I am not against text in general. Considering my job, which contrary to popular belief is not updating this blog or journalism of any kind, I'd be an idiot if I flew into a rage every time I looked at a block of text. When all you're doing is writing text, there's little else you can do except write text. No, what I am against is ugly text. In webcomics this boils down to not being able to structure your dialogue and pacing and just going "fuck it, INFO DUMP".
Writing isn't just about creating a story that's intelligent, engaging and emotive. It's about doing that with style. Having a John Galt speech of exposition sandwiched between illustrations because you can't be bothered to decompress the scene is the sign of being an incompetent writer. Fuck, Diaz, if you'd divided that up into some smaller text boxes and made a new page for it, it probably would have been fine. But no, you went for the ugly text. You went for the cheap way out.
A webcomic doesn't have to be like Dominic Deegan or Ctrl+Alt+Del in order to be bad. Dresden Codak may have nice pretty pictures (and nice pretty nerdboobs) for the masses to ogle over, but its writing is lackluster. But you, the audience, cannot tell. Because of the publisherless status of the Internet, you have come to accept the unpublishable as acceptable. Like burn victims who've lost all their nerve endings, or Americans who can't taste fructose, you simply lack the capability to discern shit.
Which is why people like me exist, to be elitist bastards who stomp all over everything people create - because it's shit and we want you to know it. I know I tend to get a bit melancholy toward the end of reviews, but it's probably because I'm trying to think of a way to sum up a great big ol' review that people are going to ignore. Chief among this legion of hear-no-evil stooges tends to be the people who could actually do with understanding that if you are trying to create art, you do not give up.
Diaz, your pretty pictures of nerdbutt and nerdboob (and robots, occasionally) have led me to believe that once upon a time you were a young lad who struggled to understand horizon lines. Do you not remember those early days, when you drew over and over to perfect matters? Do you remember studying up on techniques to make your drawings better? Did you get inspiration from other sources?
Writing is also art, Diaz, despite what you and the majority of the webcomics world might think. You can't just wing it and then get indignant when someone tells you it's shit, because it is shit. To write well you have to devote just as much time and effort as you did in learning to draw, it's not something that comes "naturally". Again, a vast section of the Internet is looking up from their Zutara fanfics, but Goddamnit it's true.
Diaz, if you persist in this pathetic excuse for a story, start putting those weeks between updates to good use. Go find some books about writing and read them. Pay attention to what I say (for I am wise) when I cuss out your Kimiko for being a flat character. Hell, just practice and ask for honest, harsh criticism. If you don't, you're as bad as Tim Buckley (except for the showing your dong to underage girls thing).
1446 comments:
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Deep and insightful criticism? In my John Solomon blog post?
What ever has this blog become?
Seriously, you need to just go back to calling people "literary pedophiles," instead of getting all sagely and wise on their asses; it'll make it easier for them to ignore your points and disregard you as just a mean-spirited bully out to trample on the little guys because it's the only thing that makes you hard anymore.
This was one of your better entries, if I do say so -- a lot meatier, with your points laid out as sharp and clear as day, and I found myself really enjoying it even without quite as much of the vitriol as I've come to expect.
Very good review, but I don't feel convinced.
I read Dresden Codak when it updates. I have it on my RSS feed. I deemed it "good enough" to be there.
Still, I can't help but agree on all those points. I think the whole comic shows promise, and I half-hoped it would get better. It didn't.
Right now, the Hob story feels convoluted, senseless, and going nowhere. It lacks impact, and most of that comes from Miss Mary Sue Kimiko, the comic's heroine. At first she was funny, but at some point I just kept wondering if she wasn't just "geek fanservice", and nothing else.
Turns out I'm not the only one. A little bit of characterization can go a long way towards making memorable characters. Even many comics that have no serial continuity (Like gag strips) can have more memorable characters that you can identify with, and that provoke an empathic reaction.
And that's without delving on the writing problems. Sometimes it hurts to read them, and the Wall of Text you mention is one of those comics I'm not touching ever again. It just doesn't read right.
Your review is scalding, that's for sure, but it's also spot on. I'm looking forward to your next reviews!
You forgot one of his biggest problems: forced intellegence. You know, the kind where the writer thinks putting a bunch of obscure refences, psycho\techno babble,and shoving this as much as possible makes the writer smart. It's like look at me, referencing Jung and talking about transhumanitism, but it just makes them look like pretentious.
Before the crazies jump all over you, I think the word you wanted was "empathise", not "emphasise". Keep fighting the good fight.
Deep and insightful criticism? In my John Solomon blog post?
What ever has this blog become?
Diaz has the capability of making a damn good webcomic, if he gets someone else to write it for him. He doesn't tick me off enough for me to call him a literary paedophile (he's more of a fumbling, literary virgin who doesn't even know what a naked woman looks like), and I think there's some part of me that actually wants to help him.
I think my heart grew three sizes this day.
Before the crazies jump all over you, I think the word you wanted was "empathise", not "emphasise". Keep fighting the good fight.
Ah, yes. Let that be a lesson in why the world needs editors and publishers.
Now THIS is what you need to be doing more of. Tearing folks a new hole and with style.
This had wit. This had sage advice. It even, God Forbid, had TV Tropes references. Kudos to you, you self-righteous bastard!
And now for something that isn't mindless praise:
... Dresden Codak actually has a plot? I can't seem to find it.
Any TV Tropes references you may find are purely accidental, since I don't read TV Tropes.
So, John Solomon, when's the Questionable Content post coming?
It'll be released as a series of hilarious t-shirts and sold for lots of money, possibly.
Or, y'know, whenever.
I think you spelled Fibonacci wrong. I'm not trying to be nitpicky here, I actually found out when trying to google it because I forgot what a Fibonacci curve was.
Oh-ho! Not only you retained the same relentless nature in the whole post, but you also took a jab at Jeph Jacques(remember, spelling can be one of your allies)?
This made my day a lot funnier. Oh, and sorry about not getting the Crosby/Pupkin thing earlier on. Although, you should check out the surname Pupkin without associating it to that asshat. Pure comedy...
No, his name is Jeff Jacks.
More importantly, when is the Penny Arcade post coming?
You forgot one of his biggest problems: forced intellegence. You know, the kind where the writer thinks putting a bunch of obscure refences, psycho\techno babble,and shoving this as much as possible makes the writer smart. It's like look at me, referencing Jung and talking about transhumanitism, but it just makes them look like pretentious.
It's only obscure if you don't get the references. As nerdy as it sounds, some of us are actually interested in these topics.
Likewise, the inclusion of such concepts in his work isn't an attempt to look smart. He actually has an interest in these things. Their inclusion is not for the sake of vanity.
You could accuse Diaz of other things, but "trying to sound smart" isn't one of them. That's just a cheap-shot.
No, his name is Jeff Jacks.
To be honest, I always thought his name was Marten or Steve.
My gripe with Dresden Codak used to be that it was very hard to make sense of because of the completely random frame order. Now it's very hard to make sense of because of the completely random plot. Yes, the irony of the plot is that there is none.
Try as I might, every page seems perfectly independent of each other. Ok so there's some generic future bad guys, some generic crazy female hero with some kind of superpowered friends for some reason, and there's a big conflict between them. That's it. Everything else looks pulled out of thin air.
You could accuse Diaz of other things, but "trying to sound smart" isn't one of them. That's just a cheap-shot.
Not really. Diaz may be a big artist and a big nerd, but it takes a good writer to take concepts and put them across in any kind of manner that doesn't sound like "lemme just shoehorn in some facts here".
Not to mention that his "facts" shit either sounds like a Wikipedia article or something he heard a real scientist say once.
Dresden Codak isn't as snappy as you think, which was kind of my point that - deluged as you are in a flood of mediocrity - you can't tell what's good and what's not. It's like the difference between trying to pick out stars in the night sky and trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Try as I might, every page seems perfectly independent of each other. Ok so there's some generic future bad guys, some generic crazy female hero with some kind of superpowered friends for some reason, and there's a big conflict between them. That's it. Everything else looks pulled out of thin air.
Surprise! Everything else was!
@ Anon 21:32 -
Problem is, while obscure references(which, in Diaz' case, are actually kinda tame), the guy still can't write a plot. He should stick up to do the kinda things he did early on.
Actually, who knows? Maybe his next story will be much better planned(which Hob is not likely to be) and paced, but until then, he should get back to learn the meat and potatoes of storytelling.
This is the sort of comic I would write when I was 15 years old, and I sympathize with Diaz in that it's difficult to see at first glance what's wrong with it. There are new elements at every turn that seem dramatic and powerful, the main character is totally in control of herself, and it has all that anime fanservice shit that lonely nerds crave. It's like goodness in a can, right?
The problem with this comic is that it isn't going anywhere. Diaz: Stop whacking off to The Matrix and take a look at a decent comic. Read Persepolis or Pillows. Read Buddha. Without character development, you might excite the people pulling up your RSS feed, but taken as a whole your comic is the same thing every day. There are Game Boy games with more meaning than your comic.
If you're willing to recognize that you are not producing anything epic, go back to the gag-a-day strips because they were genuinely funny.
Diaz needs a writer - another human being to write for him and put those pretty pictures to good use. Learning to write takes as long, if not longer, than learning how to draw. I mean, you can't read something you've written and instantly perceive what is good and bad about it, like you can with drawing.
There's no "fuck, I drew his leg on backwards" for writing. I highly doubt that Diaz will improve noticeably within the next... two years, at best.
Now, I remember when I was in high school and we had to correct other students' work, I can tell you that some of them were definitely "writing people's legs on backwards". Sometimes writing really is bad or nonsensical enough to jump out at you like a blatant anatomy error.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, Diaz is in that damnably vast grey area between unreadable and enjoyable.
I honestly think his biggest problem right now is his ego. He may have been saying it for the wrong reasons, but he is right that I, at least, want him to fail using his current business model, because if he doesn't, he will think he's right about it, and about everything else. The boy needs a jolt if he's going to make somethign decent in the future.
All right, bad analogy, but the less noticeable mistakes tend to go unseen unless given a look over by an expert.
Every human being knows how to look, but not many know how to properly read - and then explain exactly what was wrong with what they just read.
Holy shit thank you for that "writing is art too" bit. I'm so very tired of reading webcomics that bore me to tears because they wouldn't know good characterization or sensible plot if it fell out of the sky and crushed them.
I have never been able to read through an entire block of Dresden Codak exposition. Fuck, even if you translated that to prose you'd want to gouge your eyes out, because it's not being presented in an organic or logical fashion, it's just a wide spray of text ejaculate.
While the ability to write, draw, or perform any form of art for that matter, takes a long time to develop, classes are readily available and are a great source for people who wish to improve. There are also many online sources as well as books to choose from. Because of all the help available, improving your abilities is not exactly a matter of "can I improve?" but a matter of "do I want to?"
I pretty sure Diaz has never looked into any of these classes, books or other materials for writing, which is a shame, because good writing may be able to save a comic who's art is, well, less than desirable, good art can't save horrible writing.
Dude, you fucking take back what you said about Kansas. I don't live in Kansas. I've never been there. I couldn't find it on a fucking map if the prize was my every wish fulfilled and failure meant the extinction of the human race. I've never been there, and I never aspire to go there.
But I've read Dresden Codak.
And in spite of how woefully ignorant I am about Kansas, I instinctively know that what you said was way too fucking harsh. Kansas didn't do anything to deserve that.
However, I will disagree with you on one point: it's not necessarily easier to create well-rounded characters with depth than it is to create cardboard cutouts, particularly not with clusterfuck fantasy plots. Not that it's necessarily difficult, but you need to put in a lot of effort towards understanding the rules and parameters of your universe in order to understand and relate your characters' behavior and mentality in a logical and organic fashion.
Not to excuse Diaz, of course; your use of the term "Mary Sue" is brutally apt. His attempted epic scope fails not only due to its own incomprehensibility but because there are no characters who Diaz has considered carefully enough to generate anything in the way of empathy or interest.
Bravo, Mr. Solomon, Bravo. Too many webcomic artists have no idea how to use their medium and instead they make their work an abortive mess. Dresden Codak is simply a well-drawn example of the collective degradation of webcomics into churning out a mediocre pile of manure every week and letting a bunch of morons throw money at you in response.
Why bother improving if you keep getting money despite your art/writing/abrasive personality? Unfortunately, several hundred dollars speaks more than common sense (hence the popularity of reality shows). I feel sympathy for you in seeing a comic possess so much potential and yet fall flat.
I am sure that P.T. Barnum is laughing in his gold-lined grave. As long as there is a product, some moron will be willing to pay for it.
I could go on about these communities being pants-on-head retarded but it's just too easy and rather pointless considering idiots have great difficulty realizing their situations. Talking rationally only confuses and enrages them. Hence, we see the peanut gallery that storms in here every week in a nerd rage.
Keep up the good work, John.
You can voice your opinions and your approval if you want, but keep that "bravo" shit to yourself. It's embarrassing for the both of us, seriously.
That goes for everyone else, too.
What I find ironic about the change in direction is that one of his earlier strips - http://dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_012.htm - is devoted to deriding animu and the like, and features this quote:
"If your character is female, defy convention by making her predominately attracted to nerds, shut-ins and, most importantly, cartoonists!"
Now, three years later, the same artist has a derivative anime-style end-of-the-world plot featuring a protagonist named Kimiko whose secret aspiration is to date a transhumanist nerd. Or, presumably, a cartoonist.
You know, I always thought you were bitter about talentless people making money on their creations, but I never thought you it would come to this...
...fuck it, I should've known it would. Somebody as talented as you (or so I heard) would've be all over this like ants on a Mars Bar.
It's like Ayn Rand and an issue of Popular Science had a bastard child. I never thought I'd read anything more tedious than John Galt's speech.
Meh, another boring review. What happened to the original Solomon?
As you've implied, flaming webcomic artists may be like shooting fish in a barrel, but as they say
"Why shoot a fish when you have plenty of grenades?"
Meh, another boring review.
Depends on what you consider boring. It wasn't as heavy on the invective, but it was more insightful and interesting and what-have-you. Balances out in the end, I suppose.
Also, are you trying to drag this "Anon 01:26" shit out into a meme? Why? It wasn't even all that amusing to begin with -- so just let it drop.
Aww, does the poor little commenter not like it when things don't go his way? too bad...
No memes today. Believe it or not, I do occasionally enjoy Solomon rants even when I don't necessarily agree, and I wanted a name to go around this site on. You guys gave me one. In the true John Solomon spirit: "It's your own fucking fault and you have nobody else to blame"
Dude, you fucking take back what you said about Kansas. I don't live in Kansas. I've never been there. I couldn't find it on a fucking map if the prize was my every wish fulfilled and failure meant the extinction of the human race. I've never been there, and I never aspire to go there.
But I've read Dresden Codak.
And in spite of how woefully ignorant I am about Kansas, I instinctively know that what you said was way too fucking harsh. Kansas didn't do anything to deserve that.
I prefer to think that he was referring to the rock band, and how everything Kansas made after Point of Know Return was all crappy pseudo-rock that was too fucking flat in pitch and too fucking predictable to be enjoyable.
That said, good work Solomon. I wasn't certain you'd proved your point well enough in your first review of your comic, this time I think you pretty much finished the job.
I like the girlboobs, not so sure about the rest of the comic.
Aww, does the poor little commenter not like it when things don't go his way? too bad...
Wut?
Delurking after reading this site for so long to say good show, John. I came across the site through Mighty God King (and his "review" of the site), and I must say that you've improved from 2007. The change in being more detailed and pointing out what is wrong than simply saying "he sucks and that's it" is extremely helpful for us aspiring writers/artists who learn from other people's mistakes before we even make them.
I'll have you know that I've taken to copying and pasting paragraphs that you, Ted David, Lilith Ester, and Mike Saul write in regards to characterization and developing writing talent. I appreciate a nice tearing apart of an awful comic any week of the month, but what truly shines are the Elders of Zion's "side commentary" about developing skill. Your reviewees may not appreciate what you are doing in calling them out on their shit every month, but we readers do, and we care about what you (and the other 3) have to say. It's sappy, but it's true. Cue the joke that you don't care about us.
Out of curiosity, how do you four split the work on this blog? Do each of you take turns writing reviews depending on the subject matter (Lilith with misogyny, you with could've-beens, etc.)? Is it first come first serve if you find something particularly awful? Or is it whoever gives a damn about writing a review goes ahead and write one?
Something about the panel composition in this seriously bugs me.
Everything's so cluttered.
Honestly, back before the Hob storyline Dresden Codak didn't even really need better characterization, because it was more about strange and interesting worlds than it was about characters, and at the time it was perfectly OK to just drop in an archetype to move the strips along.
If the comic went back to being isolated, individual episodes then I think it would be fine.
A common mistake that webcomic dudes constantly make is that epic=good. Only rarely is anything good actually epic, and making something epic when it wasn't before is almost never an improvement.
Somewhere, in some parallel universe, there exists an Aaron Diaz who has swallowed his pride and is collaborating in a strictly artistic capacity on a webcomic written by Joey Comeau. It is a wondrous parallel universe.
So why are we all stuck living in this one
Sorry John, but I think your dismissal of transhumanism was wrong. Not the bit about fucking robots, but the bit about it being a lame character trait. I'm not saying it makes up for the Mary-Sueness of Kimiko as a protagonist, but it seems like the one thing that distinguishes her from the dregs so far, and treated right could actually make her interesting and unique. It explains her loneliness, her attraction to nerds, and her own nerdiness, in a consistent and logical way. Her technophilia is so pronounced and proud, not something I've seen as a character trait in many animu nerdgirls.
And another thing. Why are you picking this scab? Enough insightful dissection of Dresden Kodak! You said yourself it's "promising", but flawed in its characterization and storytelling. Aren't there bigger fish to fry/grenade? If you want to talk about Mary Sues and deep cleavage sported by flat characters, GIVE US MEGATOKYO OR GIVE US QC and move the fuck on.
Everyone knows the Grinch was a much more fun character with a shrunken heart and a wicked sneer, so quit playing the Guiding Hand of Literary Achievement and start stealing Christmas.
There was nothing wrong with your backwards leg analogy. Mike Saul was talking about reading *other people's* writing, while you were talking about looking over one's own work, where it definitely applies. That analogy was the most astute tidbit in this post.
Bravo, Mr. Solomon. You are a beacon of truth shining through the murky, choking fog of the webcomic world.
Bravo.
And another thing. Why are you picking this scab? Enough insightful dissection of Dresden Kodak! You said yourself it's "promising", but flawed in its characterization and storytelling. Aren't there bigger fish to fry/grenade? If you want to talk about Mary Sues and deep cleavage sported by flat characters, GIVE US MEGATOKYO OR GIVE US QC and move the fuck on.
Because that's always worked before, bitching and whining has. The more you people keep bringing it up and just harping, harping, harping, the more likely it will never be done, simply to spite us all.
On the plus side at least the original DC review isn't the worst review on the site.
On the minus side.... :(
It's been fun guys but the YWiB has been working it's way over the shark ever since the hiatus and I think it has finally cleared the shark and stuck a perfect landing. I'm out.
In this comic:
http://dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_023.htm
Kimiko claims she's "never had a guy hit on her."
WHUT. I am blown away by how unrealistic that is. Also, does it mean Kimiko's a VIRGIN? AN UNSULLIED AZN NERD VIRGIN OMG FAP FAP FAP? Because how sad is that, really.
It's been fun guys but the YWiB has been working it's way over the shark ever since the hiatus and I think it has finally cleared the shark and stuck a perfect landing. I'm out.
Chugworth, Zap!, the first Codak, and the Powerup review all sucked.
This one and the God Mode review weren't so bad. This is a better record than Maddox.
I'm willing to say Maddox is dead as an Internet writer, his site is too old and it's too concentrated on women and sex. This one is not. I'm not willing to give up on Solomon just yet.
If anything's jumped the shark, it's definitely the comments section. It's boring as hell down here.
I love your reviews, thank you for making them when you can.
Its unfortunate that writing these is so unenjoyable for you. It reminds me of when i am commisioned to make work for the general public.
Without an inbetween, when i must directly deal with 'collectors' I get very angry, very quickly. They get this vision in there head of this perfect little thing they want, a little piece of you, and they have no problems with writing out step by step by step how they want the tiniest of detail to be executed. When you do as they say they become quite displeased.
"Well, this just isn't you. What happened to the ______?"
well of course it isn't me~ It's you.
well that went of track but i guess what i wanted to say was i know how a fun job can become a gruesome one when trying to please the thankless masses.
That's because we don't have the webcomic artists running in here and demanding that John show his comic.
Also, thanks for that link, Jackson. That writer is awesome.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa.
You can taste fructose?
I really liked DC when I first found it, back when I was very new to the world of webcomics and, after the rubbish I'd started on, it looked like great literature (relatively speaking, mind you). This was also back before 'Hob' when he was just doing the whimsical one-off strips, which I still kind of like.
Then he decided that he needed continuity, and things have all been downhill from there. I tried to enjoy 'Hob', but I quickly realized that the storytelling was disjointed and that the characters were still pretty much ciphers. And then the plot turned into a transhumanist wish-fulfillment fantasy (or so it seems at this point in the story), to which I have serious philosophical objections, and I pretty much lost interest.
I'm going to keep reading it, though, on the hopes that Diaz will be able to improve on this first, ill-advised misadventure, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Diaz needs a writer - another human being to write for him and put those pretty pictures to good use. Learning to write takes as long, if not longer, than learning how to draw. I mean, you can't read something you've written and instantly perceive what is good and bad about it, like you can with drawing.
I'd argue this. Definitely. Mike already pointed out that there is such a thing as "drew his leg backwards" in writing, but I'd like to expand on that.
The problem is that once you reach a certain level of general competence, in either field, most people who aren't trained in that field won't recognize any remaining flaws, because they only expect a certain standard. The problem holds true both in writing and art. You've criticized the writing side, in terms that I, as an artist and not a writer, wouldn't be capable of. I will in turn criticize the art side.
You say that DC has pretty pictures, and it's true. They are "pretty". But why are you assuming that "pretty" is enough? Shouldn't art, in a storytelling medium, be not just pretty, but evocative, effortless, intuitive? Why is it not acceptable for Kimiko to be a flat character with some character-shaped traits, but it is acceptable for her to be drawn in a flat style, with panel layouts that require a compass to navigate and thus strip out any real emotional connection the reader could ever try to have to it?
Putting the writing aside, do you seriously feel anything when you look at a DC page? Viscerally, on any level? I know you're a writing-centric guy, but if the art is doing it's job, it should command your attention. But the art, like the writing, is entirely epic-shaped. Yes, it's well-drawn. He knows how to make tits look like tits. Great! So do 50,000 other artists on Deviantart. Congratulations, way to go, etc etc.
But the real sustinence of comic art is not there. There is never any sense of importance, scope, or pacing portrayed in the layouts. While it can sometimes difficult to tell if writing is dragging down the art or vice-versa, I have a feeling that even if he did have a capable writer, you still wouldn't know it, because the fucking art is getting in the way.
I look at this page and all I see is a lot of lazy artistic shorthand. Oh look, there's rain. There's fire. There's a black silhouette against color. I guess that means it's dramatic. No, actually, it doesn't, because your characters are still doe-eyed zombie people in a technicolor world incapable of portraying subtlety or drama or even a fucking coherent sequence of events.
And yeah, you know, perhaps people are willing to swallow that because they've been trained to expect fucking arcane layouts and random transitions and to fill in the blanks themselves, as long as it's all "pretty" enough. That still doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it good.
tl;dr: DC's art has a lot of serious problems, which are just as obvious to a student of comic art as its writing problems are to a student of writing.
I really, really, really liked this one. And the Asperger's reference was rad.
"but as someone who understands that humanity is fucking rad I don't see it"
Ah, I got it! You are trolling of course! We wouldn't have bad webcomics if humanity was really fucking rad ;)
Powered flight to space travel in sixty years, and without robot brains thank you very much.
W00t! Nuclear rockets! Classic space opera!
Here's a tip webcomic authors: You don't understand science, philosophy or anything you 'reference' except for old episodes of Transformers. Either read about them enough so that you can do it properly or fucking quit it. Be thankful your readers are as ignorant as you.
(The xkcd guy does understand science but can't draw or tell jokes, so he's got other problems)
Somewhere, in some parallel universe, there exists an Aaron Diaz who has swallowed his pride and is collaborating in a strictly artistic capacity on a webcomic written by Joey Comeau. It is a wondrous parallel universe.
So why are we all stuck living in this one
I had the exact same thought when I read the 'he needs a writer' section. I would love for this to happen. They share a webcomic store, and should share so much more
tl;dr: DC's art has a lot of serious problems, which are just as obvious to a student of comic art as its writing problems are to a student of writing.
I would say that DC's art only has one problem; its uneconomical. Diaz knows the tools of the trade and he uses them all at once with a reckless disregard for their actual utility in the given situation.
However in this case it is less an art problem and more a comic problem. Taken alone most of Diaz's panels are rather well done, and would be quite satisfactory if they were made to stand alone. However the problem is that when the panels are put in rapid succession without a lot of whitespace they quickly get fatiguing. That is an element of pacing has less to do with what is traditionally considered art, and is instead something akin to the skill of editing for film. Diaz's problem is not with how he renders his images, but with which images he chooses to render and how he presents them in sequence.
Oh and Diaz also has an over-reliance on local color, but that's a problem he shares with at least 80% of artists.
As for Diaz's writing problem, I think that what lies at the center is that like many would be writers Diaz does not self-edit. While with art, errors are often visible from a cursory glance, when it comes to writing, you actually have to read what you've written to find any flaws. Even for the best writers this can be a painful process, which is why many of the worst writers choose to save themselves the pain and skip this step altogether.
(Spell check has made the problem even worse by making it possible for hacks to correct spelling and grammatical errors without actually having to read what they wrote.)
Well shit. I dismissed your earlier Dresden Codak review for focusing more on the update schedule/shirts thing, but this one really brings up some good points. When a strip has too much text I skip *reading* it, such as the newt one and the whole Mother explanation thing.
It's weird that when you like something you can easily be blinded by a Mary Sue, despite knowing exactly what they are (Mai Waifu effect I guess), cos Kimiko really does sort of fit the bill.
I'll stick with Dresden Codak because I like it even in its Geek fanservice form. I'm sure it'll get better, and Aaron said he'd be going back to more lighthearted strips after Hob, so I'll hope for some character development.
Aspergin' like fuck is an awesome line, and literary virgin strikes a chord with me that literary paedophile didn't (for perhaps obvious reasons...). I'm lucky I have friends and family (and myself) who can call me out when I write something that reads like shit.
I would say that DC's art only has one problem; its uneconomical. Diaz knows the tools of the trade and he uses them all at once with a reckless disregard for their actual utility in the given situation.
Okay, I can get behind you on this. Attribute the ranting to it being late at night, and my being sick to death of otherwise intelligent people declaring that writing is a delicate craft, while allowing art to essentially just be about making the prettiest pictures possible.
Art in comics is storytelling, first and foremost. It is every bit about "film editing" "cinematography" and "directing" as it is about competently rendering anatomy and perspective.
Dresden Codak is fast-cuts shakeycam in print form.
The change in being more detailed and pointing out what is wrong than simply saying "he sucks and that's it" is extremely helpful for us aspiring writers/artists who learn from other people's mistakes before we even make them.
Oh God, I'm being helpful?! ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT
so are you a kataang fan then, john?
Hang on, Buckley shows his dick to underage girls? How did I miss THAT hilarious thing?
Admittedly it has to suck for the girls, but it's still kind of funny.
so are you a kataang fan then, john?
I'm a fan of not obsessing over the possibilities of two cartoon characters boning.
I had to google "Zutara". Thanks so much for introducing me to this delicious nugget of information.
Man, I only just recently came across this comic after someone linked to one of the earlier ones. Shit sucks that the author decided to leave the good stuff behind.
To an earlier anonymonous, and in general: The transhumanism thing doesn't give her a personality, though, because it's just the author (for lack of better word) projecting his transhumanism beliefs through the character.
Seriously, his Facebook groups:
TEDTalks: Ideas Worth Spreading
New Books on Aging and Longevity (Discussion Forum)
TikiLife.org COMMUNITY FOR LIFE EXTENSION
Ending aging: Methuselah Foundation, SENS, Mprize, Aubrey de Grey
The Cryonics Special Interest Group
I love Dresden Codak!
So I think it just makes her a flatter character, because it seems to me it's just him giving her an aspect of his dreamgirl. Considering a lot of her other traits, I think that's what he's doing with her, intentionally or not. But probably the former.
Giving a character likes and dislikes is good. Making your character regurgitate appropriate Wikipedia articles when prompted is bad.
I wouldn't have a problem with the transhumanism thing if it didn't seem like such a flat and tacky addition. It just seems like another thing - along with the nerdboobs and the shyness - to get the boners ragin'.
Hang on, Buckley shows his dick to underage girls? How did I miss THAT hilarious thing?
Read here and here. It's indeed hilarious.
Thank god. After that godawful God Mode review, I was afraid John had jumped the shark. This review proves me soundly wrong.
"Which is why people like me exist, to be elitist bastards who stomp all over everything people create - because it's shit and we want you to know it..."
... Wow. O great and powerful Elitist Bastard, we are so fortunate that you exist and have come to show us the way! Please teach us the One True Path to storytelling, character creation, and absolve our webcomicy sins!
... yeeah. Mostly I'll just point out that putting some (beautifully) illustrated text into a comic on a rare occasion does not automatically make the storytelling bad.
Also... I may be mistaken and it might be a reference to something else, but is your blog's title actually based on a joke from a Futurama episode?.. Unless both refer to something else... How original! Clearly you are qualified to give lessons on writing.
One thing I fail to understand is, in one of the linked pages Kimiko complains about Hob being the next step in evolution. Well, correct me if I'm a tard with concepts, but if something can be bashed to hell and back by the thing it's intended to replace, doesn't that imply that it isn't the next step?
Once again, I may just be an idiot concerning evolution but it seems to me that if we couldn't keep up with it's ability to store information and its intelligence so far dwarfs our own, we shouldn't be able to bash the hell out of it with such relative ease. Hell, if nothing else it should have seen this coming and either killed ze interlopers early or ran for the hills to protect itself until it managed to do, well, whatever it was intending to do. With portals and lazers and...things.
Come to think of it, what the hell was it even trying to do?
Also... I may be mistaken and it might be a reference to something else, but is your blog's title actually based on a joke from a Futurama episode?.. Unless both refer to something else... How original! Clearly you are qualified to give lessons on writing.
Do you think maybe "Your blog title is a reference to Futurama, so CLEARLY you are a derivative hack unworthy of cleaning my Creatrix's boots" should be a new square on the bingo board? Because I seem to recall seeing it a number of times.
Learning to write takes as long, if not longer, than learning how to draw. I mean, you can't read something you've written and instantly perceive what is good and bad about it, like you can with drawing.
Spoken like a true... not artist.
But I know what you're trying to say is valid.
I've always maintained that I am not capable of drawing beyond vague doodles, but I do have quite a few friends who qualify as being artists in that respect.
And while there are mistakes that can be made with visual art that aren't readily apparent to the creator, some of the mistakes that Dresden Codak pulls with writing are on the same level as forgetting what perspective is.
So I may not be great with my art analogies, but what I'm trying to say is spot on.
... yeeah. Mostly I'll just point out that putting some (beautifully) illustrated text into a comic on a rare occasion does not automatically make the storytelling bad.
Out of all the flaws I pointed out, you think I'm only wrong when it comes to jamming a huge great big info dump into a single page being wrong?
Huh.
Well, you're wrong. But thanks for accepting the rest without question.
Also... I may be mistaken and it might be a reference to something else, but is your blog's title actually based on a joke from a Futurama episode?.. Unless both refer to something else... How original! Clearly you are qualified to give lessons on writing.
I don't even know where to begin on this. I'm assuming you're a Dresden Codak fantard, or possibly just a troll, but seriously? You think that making a reference to a cartoon I like means I'm somehow not qualified to tell Aaron Diaz what a shitty writer he is?
I'd make a joke or something here, but I'm really not sure what to say. This is the most bizarre and nonsensical line of reasoning I've seen since I started this blog.
p.s. did you know that Dresden Codak is a reference as well?
Would that cancel out the title of this blog being a reference?
One thing I fail to understand is, in one of the linked pages Kimiko complains about Hob being the next step in evolution. Well, correct me if I'm a tard with concepts, but if something can be bashed to hell and back by the thing it's intended to replace, doesn't that imply that it isn't the next step?
Actually it shows that Kimiko (and by extension, Diaz) don't know what the fuck evolution is all about.
It's not some kind of fucking upgrade system, where things evolve so they can gain skill levels and stat boosts. It's a process of adaptation to one's surroundings through natural selection.
A man can be mauled by a lion, a lion can be shot by a human. The only reason lions don't maul more humans is because we are a smarter and more adaptive species. Our evolutionary line wasn't to be strong, clawed predators - it was to have huge brains. That's a distinctly superior advantage to claws and teeth and why we're number one on the planet.
Human evolution is a funny thing, since it doesn't depend on getting eaten by things like it is with animals. Disability, sterility, even death no longer stands in the way of reproduction (so long as you have a fridge and a turkey baster). So what we may become in the far, far future is wholly dependent on us as a society.
The schlock transhumanist bullshit that Diaz peddles is more in line with eugenics than evolution, which is not something our society (for the most part) does. We do not prevent people from mating, we do not demand specific people mate in order to produce hardier offspring. Suggesting that there is a more "ideal" form for humanity, one that will (through passive aggression or outright genocide) take the place of the current population, is dumb.
And also what Hitler believed it, but that's neither here nor there.
The point I'm making is (for the tl;dr crowd) that it's entirely possible for creature at different stages along the evolutionary path to beat each other up (see: Jurassic Park) and that there is no such thing as a "next step".
I'm not entirely sure where it applies with reality-altering robots from the future, though.
I think the main issue, maybe with both art and writing, is that this comic is too heavily influenced by copper – or really Kazu Kibuishi’s work in general. Now I’m not saying that checking out Kazu’s work and learning from it is a bad thing because everyone and their mother knows that he’s the shit, but the kind of story telling he does is decompressed, cinematic and heavily character driven. There’s hardly ever a gimmick or any pop cultural reference. So if your making a word heavy comic about neat-o Sci-fi and science facts, then here’s a tip; Kazu-ish is not the narrative style for you. May be a difficult thing for us anime indoctrinated kids to accept.. but sometimes action angles and crazy layouts detract from the point. Possibly there is a way that they wouldn’t so much - but that really requires experimenting with your own style instead of constantly biting other peoples.
DC could benefit from striking up a balance between artistic detail and writing that is more suited to its subject matter. And don’t panic DC fans; we have all seen that sexy ladies can still work in a text heavy comic (ala SGR). Kimiko would be fine – even as a mary sue, if the author didn’t take her so seriously, as then it would fit in with the rest of the comic’s tone.
Suggestion ending for the hob plotline – turns out kimiko was imagining the whole epic anti heroine battle and robo Jesus is actually the vacuum cleaner.
It's interesting. Kimiko is the most unlikable Mary Sue I've ever seen, and it's not even just for the reasons that Sues are unlikable. It's not that she's brilliant and misunderstood and tortured and forced on us as the most perfect thing ever, as annoying as that is.
It's that she's a freaking sociopath. She embraces transhumanism basically because she hates everyone and wants them to die. It's almost a valid character flaw, except it's never treated as such because all the other humans in the strip suck too.
I think. The other major problem with this strip is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. It's the classic case of piling geek-cool things (robots, time travellers, superpowers- we haven't seen any pirates or ninja yet, have we?) on so heavily that there's not even room for a kitchen sink.
Hey look! A guy is trying to launch an acting career by making mediocre gamer comics!
So, would this be a bad way to handle exposition in a comic format?
And here he is!
http://www.jeffschuetze.com/
So, would this be a bad way to handle exposition in a comic format?
Do you even have to ask? Of course it is.
A block of text like that would be great for a book - which is nothing but blocks of text - but doesn't fit with the comic medium.
http://www.dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_050.html
Ahem.
OWNED!!! AHAHA!
Sorry I had to point that out. It's probably a dream sequence though, unfortunately.
And the damn panel lay-out pisses me off.
And also what Hitler believed it, but that's neither here nor there.
John Solomon invoking Godwin's? say it isn't so!
Plus, I think that Diaz is supposedly presenting Kimiko's transhumanist philosophy and ideals as wrong, judging from this strip and this strip here, but then that couldn't be right, because she's a super-sparkly Mary Sue, so she couldn't be ever, EVER wrong at all, could she?
After all, you said so yourself!
Godwin's law states "As a discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
I didn't make a comparison, I never said that Diaz is Hitler, I never said that Kimiko was a Nazi. I just said that the type of "next step of evolution" talk that's used in DC is akin to a belief held by Hitler.
Which it is.
Also, you are apparently not so familiar with the often-used ploys of Mary Sue brand fiction. Tragic pasts (o woe), being abandoned by loved ones (o double woe) and being "angsty" (woe woe woe) are par for the course. Just because she's a vindictive little bitch with no regard for her fellow man doesn't make her "deep" and certainly doesn't make her any less of a Mary Sue.
Also I'm afraid I can't quite hear you from the high horse that you and your blog seem to be on.
Tragic pasts (o woe), being abandoned by loved ones (o double woe) and being "angsty" (woe woe woe) are par for the course.
What tragic past? What loved ones willfully abandoned her? She's got the angst down, I'll give you that, but it seems like she has little reason to believe that the people in her life are anything but decent, well-intentioned individuals.
Mary Sue is really a good person deep down inside in spite of everything. Kimiko has friends, she has loved ones, she has all the surface affectations of friendliness, but deep down inside despite all that she's just a crazed psychobitch with no respect for anyone or anything else. If the comic had followed a different character for a year or so and then introduced her, she'd be seen as an amoral villainess in the making, instead of Mai Waifu. Kimiko angsting and going "PEOPLE DIIIEEEE MY PARENTS ARE DEAD AND THAT MEANS I MUST DESTROY HUMANITY NOW" seems like the same damn thing every villain has said/done in their backstory, too.
Heroes fight with guts and guns and giant robotic battlesuits for the future of all mankind, villains fight with minions and holograms and proxies and theft and deception all to accomplish their mad vision for the world. If we'd come into Hob from a completely external POV, instead of mostly-Kimiko's POV, we'd have a much different outlook on the story.
I think Diaz' biggest problem with Kimiko is that he kept using her for no real reason even though he decided to change the character of the strip itself.
I direct your attention to the second-to-last row of panels in this strip. Specifically, the last three on that row.
I think this particular page was supposed to be where we feel empathy for her and excuse her craziness because she's had a rough life.
Also, Mary Sue doesn't mean "good person deep down", it just means "perfect character designed to be the writer's darling pet, often a self-insertion". Ones that get put through tragedy are there to make the reader (but mostly the writer) go "D'aww, if only I could be there to offer support (and my boner)..."
Robert Kelly and Guy who earlier said something about Kimiko's transhumanism being original whose name I don't want to hunt down:
This whole blow up humanity thing is a pretty standard anime villain thing.
For example, Sci-Fi channel has been running this anime called Noein. The bad guy saw his childhood sweetheart die in a car crash when he was seventeen.
Solution: blow up the multiverse.
This sort of thing happens all the time in anime; some spaz has something bad happen and he decides he needs to blow everything up and rebuild from scratch.
Speaking of anime, has anybody ever seen that movie, Read or Die?
It's about this hot super-powered nerd chick with vague lesbian tendencies who teams up with a hot secret agent in a cleavage-exposing leather catsuit to fight superpowered clones of important historical figures like Jean Henri Fabre and Gennai Hiraga and Beethoven.
So, basically Dresdan Codak: The Movie.
I have the same problem with that that I've always had with Dresdan Codak, which is that I'm embarrassed to watch something with that damn much fanservice in it. In a way, I'd be more embarrassed to be caught reading Dresdan Codak then I would to be caught looking at internet porn, because at least the porn is straightforward.
It's not that I mind if things that are meant to titillate are put into non-pornographic stories, but all Dresdan Codak is is fanservice. The whole thing is constructed entirely to arouse nerds in the basest way possible.
In other words, it's constructed like porn. But since it isn't the least bit sexually explicit, there's this weird disconnected sort of puritan vibe to the whole thing that kind of freaks me out.
Also I'm afraid I can't quite hear you from the high horse that you and your blog seem to be on.
It must be the incessant braying of your adoring fans that must be drowning me out.
Either that, or you can't hear very well with your head so far up your arse.
Also...
Also, Mary Sue doesn't mean "good person deep down", it just means "perfect character designed to be the writer's darling pet, often a self-insertion". Ones that get put through tragedy are there to make the reader (but mostly the writer) go "D'aww, if only I could be there to offer support (and my boner)..."
What kind of Mary Sue is shown eventually wiping out all life on Earth? Or obsessing over something like transhumanism? That must be one screwed up creator to have created somebody like Kimiko.
Speaking of anime, has anybody ever seen that movie, Read or Die?
It's about this hot super-powered nerd chick with vague lesbian tendencies who teams up with a hot secret agent in a cleavage-exposing leather catsuit to fight superpowered clones of important historical figures like Jean Henri Fabre and Gennai Hiraga and Beethoven.
I don't remember the catsuit woman. All I remember is they use paper to make shit that they use to kill stuff.
Wasn't the protagonist called Yomiko Reedman or some stupid shit? I can't remember very well, but I remember the stupid "Japanese + Engrish" naming system they used in the show. Like they were trying to make her seem British.
The whole thing is constructed entirely to arouse nerds in the basest way possible.
Then I wanna see Kimiko titties. I have read this and I am not aroused. It's like reading Sabrina Online only it's for non-furries. They come up with all this fucking "almost naked" shit and then leave you with blue balls, both of them.
Only Sabrina Online showed the skunk's ass if I recall.
So more like The Suburban Jungle for non-furries.
It must be the incessant braying of your adoring fans that must be drowning me out.
Either that, or you can't hear very well with your head so far up your arse.
Because coming to another person's blog and making snide, trolling remarks designed to increase the pagecounts of your own blog is a surefire way of demonstrating one's own security in ones self.
What kind of Mary Sue is shown eventually wiping out all life on Earth?
The same kinds who are meant to attract characters like Sephiroth and Draco Malfoy? Because this is very common?
Because coming to another person's blog and making snide, trolling remarks designed to increase the pagecounts of your own blog is a surefire way of demonstrating one's own security in ones self.
Wait.
I have a blog? I thought that was a RSS feed reader!
Seriously, does anyone even read that thing? It's not even on Google...
It's a fantastic blog, I like how you openly admitted you're basically copying me but without all the swearing that makes me incorrect about everything I say.
Oh, wait, no it doesn't. We're adults here, we're allowed to swear, you stupid cunt.
What kind of Mary Sue is shown eventually wiping out all life on Earth? Or obsessing over something like transhumanism? That must be one screwed up creator to have created somebody like Kimiko.
And I'd answer your question here, but you already answered it yourself. Yes, Diaz is probably pretty screwed up. C'est la fuckin' vie.
Because coming to another person's blog and making snide, trolling remarks designed to increase the pagecounts of your own blog is a surefire way of demonstrating one's own security in ones self.
Now, now, gentlemen. I don't think Mr. Kelley is here to drum up support for a blog that's been updated only once in November. I submit that he's just a passive-aggressive nonce with an axe to grind.
It's a fantastic blog, I like how you openly admitted you're basically copying me but without all the swearing that makes me incorrect about everything I say.
That's pretty much why I decided to stop updating it. Lord knows we don't need another John Solomon kicking about. That kind of thinking led to Malethoth K, and God knows what happened there.
Looks like you're playing silly buggers again as well. I couldn't exactly place what narked me about you to make me start that stupid blog, but I don't think it was the swearing. Maybe the nasty slurs or the deep seated grudges against other reviewers.
But I think it's probably because I feel your review writing style is so crap, and you still get hordes of adoring sycophantic morons sucking up to you that really got me going.
My review writing style is crap. I'd never really written one before I started this blog. My forté lies in fiction. Apples and oranges, really.
Still, I think I manage to communicate across a few basic concepts now and again. That's really all I'm out for.
And if hordes of sycophantic morons get you irritated, why not go read the CAD forums until your eyes bleed? There's better targets than me when it comes to simpering fans.
Do I even have any simpering fans? I always assume anyone with anything nice to say is very subtly trolling me.
I direct your attention to the second-to-last row of panels in this strip. Specifically, the last three on that row.
...I didn't remember the little robot offering poor widdle put-upon Kimiko a cute widdle hug. I remembered her crying, but I just thought of that as angsting over her ideals being blown up in front of her eyes and all that stuff, just purely mad scientist angst. That widdle twee robot IS fucking awful. Damn.
Still, no "tough life" or tragic past since that would involve a backstory that Diaz would probably try to supply via a wall of text broken up in an ovoid around Kimiko's cleavage. Just a girl crying. I prefer to think that she's just a self-absorbed twat.
Also, Mary Sue doesn't mean "good person deep down", it just means "perfect character designed to be the writer's darling pet, often a self-insertion". Ones that get put through tragedy are there to make the reader (but mostly the writer) go "D'aww, if only I could be there to offer support (and my boner)..."
I have some difficulty understanding this part. Wouldn't the "perfect character" bit require that they be a good person deep down inside? I thought that the reason people were drawn to moral vacuums like Draco Malfoy etc. is because they keep thinking of them as being really honestly actually decent people trapped beneath an angsty veneer of hate, and if only they had enough sexy comfort and acceptance then everyone else would see what good people they are inside. And, since the Mary Sue writer is the only person who knows/understands/can see that person's internal struggle, they get to define that person's struggle, which allows them to put their ethics in that character's heart. Doesn't going "D'aww " when tragedy strikes a character require that we think that character doesn't deserve it?
kimiko is arrogant, abusive, self-interested and scornful of tact
the only difference between her and solomon is reading solomon reviews doesn't give you a sweaty wee boner
i mean apart from that one time
Hmmm... John Solomon seems to be English but posts comments at 4:56 in the morning. I'm on to something here!
Oh yeah, I'm a fuckwit.
The "destroy the universe etc" Mary Sue is a quite common one, called a "Mad Mary" by some. She typically gets off with the villain and helps his wicked schemes come to fruition, ending with the world actually being destroyed and the villains losing. Who knew?
I actually came across Dresden Codak since someone linked the Dungeons and Discourse comic in a forum I was in. I actually thought it was a pretty interesting webcomic until I got to the Hob story arc.
These fancy-shmancy technogear that Kimiko suddenly manages to produce seems as out of place as the random moments of attempted "character development".
And am I the only one who went "Hell yeah!" at the last panel http://www.dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_050.html
The comics that are part of the hob storyline are so cluttered, especially the last few, that I really have no idea what's going on.
Also, why is all of the conversation centered around just Kimiko and how shallow she is? What about her friends in the green and red sweaters? They're like cardboard cutouts Kimiko totes around to make it seem like she can be in society.
We need more posts like this one. Usually the reviews, regardless of the author, seem to center around the reviewer's immense displeasure at having read the comic, with three or four points thrown in about what makes the comic shitty.
And am I the only one who went "Hell yeah!" at the last panel http://www.dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_050.html
Fuck no, but I dread the deus ex machina he's going to pull out just to fix it...
Fuck no, but I dread the deus ex machina he's going to pull out just to fix it...
Oh, that's easy! Hob will unleash his super-mega-über-nano-whatsit-technology and turn her into a sweet-ass cyborg!
Duh!
Either that, or it's a slightly mis-timed April Fools' gag.
Screw Dresden Codak, I've been saying Questionable Content sucks for YEARS. Hope you're planning a review.
And if hordes of sycophantic morons get you irritated, why not go read the CAD forums until your eyes bleed? There's better targets than me when it comes to simpering fans.
Au contraire, mon frer.
Buckley's got half the internet gunning for him. He's not so much a better target as he is a dead horse.
When I read the comments on this blog, and Google it, most of what I get is fanboying of the Great John Solomon, some of it is "intelligent discourse" on just how cool you are, and the rest is incomprehensible fan brat gibberish written by people who can't construct a decent argument.
When I compare the two, I know for sure who the better target is...
Robert Kelly could it be you want traffic for your blog?
Also
http://www.xkcd.com/412/
Fan service with stick figures. Even the good webcomics suck.
Has anyone noticed that the latest Powerup Comics "storyline" involves Teh Cyborgs? Kind of a funny coincidence, don't you think?
It also mocks Buckley, which is always laudable.
Au contraire, mon frer.
You french-employing bastard!
Seriously, though. Why do people keep throwing the word sycophant around? I'm sure no one earns jack-shit by playing said role on the internet.
I mean, if there was something to gain, well yeah, I'd understand. But we're talking webcomics and the fandom that comes with it.
Do I even have any simpering fans?
I've been known to simper, on occasion.
I'm curious though, what you think of the use of blocks-o'-text for exposition in the hands of a cartoonist like, say, Dave Sim. (Before his baffling scizophrenic breakdown.)
I always thought it worked pretty well as a device in Jaka's Story, where part of the plot is that a book is being written about a character, and passages from that book are used to reveal her backstory.
When I read the comments on this blog, and Google it, most of what I get is fanboying of the Great John Solomon, some of it is "intelligent discourse" on just how cool you are, and the rest is incomprehensible fan brat gibberish written by people who can't construct a decent argument.
Now I know you're a troll, because Goddamn that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. The Internet hates me and it's pretty damn obvious.
http://www.xkcd.com/412/
Fan service with stick figures. Even the good webcomics suck.
How is that fan service?
As for Dresden's fan service, it's pretty weak. The girl in a robe and the overalls is probably the mildest example of fan service I've ever seen. It barely even qualifies as so. I don't even think it's worth mentioning.
As for the rest of the review, it's pretty spot on. "Hob" is a convoluted mess that absolutely reeks of something that lacked a plan.
How is that fanservice? How many nerdy xkcd readers do you think are just dying for a cute, equally nerdy, equally sarcastic, equally misanthropic piece of ass to come over, wipe the cheetos dust from their mouth and fuck them senseless? Read some of the other comics with that black hat guy -vs- that girl.
+ Stick figures doing it.
http://www.xkcd.com/316/
http://www.xkcd.com/333/
http://www.xkcd.com/240/
When reading about her in the comments, Kimiko sounds to me like she could be an interesting character . Too bad she's a Mary Sue instead.
Another thing that points to the fact that Diaz is simply placing actions or words in characters mouths without making them, you know, characters, is the fact that none of the actions of the weird, blank-faced blond twins make ANY sense in any context. They're either spewing out the other side of Kimiko's transhumanism folderol,--you know, to make it look like a conversation--they're acting like the 'level heads' of the situation, or they're completely dropping that to turn into pseudo-Tesla superheros. NONE of it relates to anything else.
And I don't know what he does to their eyes, but they've got a seriously creepy blank stare thing going on.
+ Stick figures doing it.
http://www.xkcd.com/316/
http://www.xkcd.com/333/
http://www.xkcd.com/240/
I think you're a tad stretching it with the fan service diagnosis. Ignoring the fact that these are stick figures in question here, not every instance of sex in a webcomic instantly equates tickling the dongs of nerds.
Although, hell, I actually wouldn't be surprised if some were getting worked up over mere stick figures.
Now I know you're a troll, because Goddamn that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. The Internet hates me and it's pretty damn obvious.
Really? I thought it was only the fans of the webcomics you review that hated you.
Judging from Encyclopedia Dramatica and various other websites that mention you, lots of other people love you like some kinda of immortal webcomics demiurge.
That's hardly the whole Internet hating you, is it?
Um.... this "xkcd fanservice" thing is just... Too deep a comment. No, really. Treating this stuff like, so seriously is downright... WEIRD.
I think the "never had a guy hit on her"/"virgin" thing would have to be because she's a complete sociopathic Mary Sue bitch. It seems reasonably plausible to me that if someone did try to hit on her, she'd react with hostility, and when they duly backed off, possibly with an insult, she'd use this as evidence for her "never had a guy hit on her"-ness.
Unfortunately, this theory relies on seeing her as a person, or indeed even a character, instead of merely a cardboard cutout.
How is that fanservice? How many nerdy xkcd readers do you think are just dying for a cute, equally nerdy, equally sarcastic, equally misanthropic piece of ass to come over, wipe the cheetos dust from their mouth and fuck them senseless? Read some of the other comics with that black hat guy -vs- that girl.
+ Stick figures doing it.
http://www.xkcd.com/316/
http://www.xkcd.com/333/
http://www.xkcd.com/240/
Holy fuck, you have to be the dumbest reader in the history of this blog. Let me give you a hint, if the characters are fucking stick figures, then it's not fucking fan service, ever. I think you need to find out what fanservice REALLY is before you make stupid comments. Sex != Fan Service.
And I was thinking about it earlier, but since Dresden makes for bad characters and I'm not trained to write stories, what exactly is a good example of characters? I don't care if it's a movie, or a book, or another webcomic. What's the opposide example of Dresden?
How many nerdy xkcd readers do you think are just dying for a cute, equally nerdy, equally sarcastic, equally misanthropic piece of ass to come over, wipe the cheetos dust from their mouth and fuck them senseless?
Uh... all of them?
Also Robert I am very disappointed that you went out of your way to say mean things to me.
The exact opposite of Dresden Codak would probably be something like Achewood, The Brothers Karamazov, or Speaker for the Dead.
Judging from Encyclopedia Dramatica and various other websites that mention you, lots of other people love you like some kinda of immortal webcomics demiurge.
That's some very... selective reading, to say the least. Try broadening your horizons a little.
I H9 SALMON
There are numerous webcomic review blogs on the internet, and most of them are terrible. They reward low-quality comics, and many authors seek out support and friendship rather than strive for honest criticism. However, I’ve come across a blog entitled Your Webcomic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad, by one John Solomon, which takes the opposite approach.
And I hate it.
Solomon is anti-webcomics; he’s very up front about that, and his goal is to highlight terrible webcomics in the hopes that not only will people stop reading these strips, but that the creators themselves will stop making them. I don’t agree with that goal. Webcomics are a hobbyist’s medium, and Solomon expects nothing but perfection and professionalism from webcomic creators. Too bad he can’t apply those rules to his own writings.
That was from this site.
He calls you "literary syphilis." You called Mookie a "literary pedophile."
Schadenfreude ahoy? Or just karma? Either way, I laugh at you. You've inspired a generation of shitty bloggers to write more shitty shit about how much you've ruined their comics, most of it as long-winded, unfunny and inane as your blog.
Congratulations, Solomon, you've replaced shitty webcomics with shitty blog posts. Nothing has changed, except now the result is even less entertaining.
Also from the above site:
Since this will likely find its way back to Solomon - that’s the nature of the net, then I advise Solomon to take his own advice and quit. Since he’s such a hypocrite, I doubt that will happen. He’s not funny. He’s not clever. He can’t even write a decent review. His idea of parody and humor in general is so juvenile that only grade-schoolers would laugh. John - you suck at what you do. Deal with it.
Wasn't TheLuiigian also contributing to the circlejerk of comic hate here before and writing his own "long-winded, unfunny and inane" blog entries on bad webcomics?
So we have either a snivelling hypocrite or a very transparent troll pretending to be him. Entertaining either way.
Fanservice, I didn't think you'd take that seriously...
xkcd is crap, that's all.
I direct your attention to the second-to-last row of panels in this strip. Specifically, the last three on that row.
I think this particular page was supposed to be where we feel empathy for her and excuse her craziness because she's had a rough life.
This is what I mean when I talk about the art not actually ever conveying anything vaguely like emotion. It's probably supposed to make us think that, because SHE'S BITING HER LIP AND THERE IS BLUE STUFF COMING OUT OF HER EYES = DEEP IMPENETRABLE ANGST. But since Diaz cannot render subtle emotions, she just looks like a whiny little crybaby.
Now if that's what the author was intending, and Kimiko is actually a parody of the Hurts Deep Inside Mary Sue, and we're not actually supposed to feel anything for her there and think she's a whiny crybaby then I take it back -- mission accomplished! The art certainly portrayed that well.
"No, the characterisation comes from how you feel. Which even Batman has, even if it's entirely dependent on the current writer as to how he feels."
Are you kidding? He's the Goddamn Batman.
my point still stands, the comic is an unreadable mess
Solomon, what do you think of Watchmen? A few of the pages are like reading a book.
-Khoras
Solomon, what do you think of Watchmen? A few of the pages are like reading a book.
Yeah, when he mentioned walls of text it reminded me of the chapter from the beginning of From Hell where Jack the Ripper explains his logic behind the killings, and it's like forty pages long and mostly text. Also the best goddamn chapter in the book.
I suppose the difference is that Alan Moore is an excellent writer, and his large bodies of text aren't a chore to read.
Since this will likely find its way back to Solomon - that’s the nature of the net, then I advise Solomon to take his own advice and quit. Since he’s such a hypocrite, I doubt that will happen. He’s not funny. He’s not clever. He can’t even write a decent review. His idea of parody and humor in general is so juvenile that only grade-schoolers would laugh. John - you suck at what you do. Deal with it.
THE POT AND THE KETTLE HAD A WAR.
I CAN'T TELL WHO WON.
Now if that's what the author was intending, and Kimiko is actually a parody of the Hurts Deep Inside Mary Sue, and we're not actually supposed to feel anything for her there and think she's a whiny crybaby then I take it back -- mission accomplished! The art certainly portrayed that well.
NO.
I had enough of that parody-shit with the last post and I do not want people bringing it up again, even as a joke.
So many comments. I can't possibly bring myself to read them all so excuse me if this has been brought up before, but- kimiko doesn't believe in evolution, she believes in a future where awesum robots rule everything. if she believed in evolution, shed be standing alongside her fellow humans in opposition to the new offshoot that threatens to destroy them all. natural selection isn't just stepping aside when you see something you perceive as more advanced.
we kicked their robot asses, and it doesn't matter how we did it, we did it, and thats all evolution cares about.
someone probably pointed that out, but what I object to is the fact that diaz doesn't have anybody call her on this. which makes me think he doesn't understand evolution at all. FACT: when I first read DC, I thought kimiko wasn't supposed to be a sympathetic character. she actually has a little more depth if you perceive her as being the villain of the story. not a lot more depth, but never mind that.
John So-very-lol-man, I could not feel a burning hatred in this post. Why do you praise this guy for his shit-tastic art? It's insipid, bland, boring, uninspired, and some other words that are synonymous with mediocre/bad. Isn't this supposed to be "Your Webcomic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad"? If I were Aaron Diaz, I wouldn't be feeling so bad right now. But, on the better side of what you said, his writing is horrendous.
Or, maybe I'm a complete idiot and you weren't actually giving him points for his art; it was just part of your satire.
I've seen Dominic Deegan, The Wotch and College Roomies From Hell. Diaz may not be a superb artist, but at least he doesn't make you want to burn your eyes out.
Judging from Encyclopedia Dramatica and various other websites that mention you, lots of other people love you like some kinda of immortal webcomics demiurge.
Dramatica only loves him because this blog is one of the biggest generators of drama in the webcomics community, and they'll cheer on any troll who leaves a trail of butthurt weeaboos and furries in his wake. Their seal of approval shouldn't be taken as a sign that he's Mr Popular or that they think he's some 21st century Oscar Wilde serving up the sharpest literary jabs this side of anywhere. They're just big fans of the way he can get so many whiny faggots to turn up and bitch about how he's only doing his blog to win the internet popularity contest.
Alright, I suppose if you compare Diaz's art to those(Dominic Deegan, The Wotch and College Roomies From Hell) it is quite relieving on the eyes.
... and if you compare it to Exierns original art style. That made me want to start taking bleach internally, rather than on the eyes.
... maybe for Cheshire Crossing, too.
... and Kismetropolis....
... and Abstract Gender...
... and every other one...
Really, they're all terrible. (except maybe Zap!'s backgrounds, they didn't look half bad.)
Dramatica only loves him because this blog is one of the biggest generators of drama in the webcomics community, and they'll cheer on any troll who leaves a trail of butthurt weeaboos and furries in his wake. Their seal of approval shouldn't be taken as a sign that he's Mr Popular or that they think he's some 21st century Oscar Wilde serving up the sharpest literary jabs this side of anywhere. They're just big fans of the way he can get so many whiny faggots to turn up and bitch about how he's only doing his blog to win the internet popularity contest.
This.
My point in bringing up the review in my last comment and laughing at Solomon is that the only reason he's so popular is that he causes drama. My other point is that Solomon has primarily created more blogs and more hate. His blog is the 4chan of blogs. It is a maker of lots of hate and some drama but very little lulz. Try showing your friends ED or this site. I've tried it, nobody finds any of this funny at all. Except for my fourteen-year-old cousin, and then only your "Broken Mirror" review, which had the unusual quality of being fairly funny.
Also, yes, I am the real Luigiian. I brought up the review because I thought it was hilarious, just as its implications are.
Again, try showing this site to your friends, guys.
Au contraire, mon frer.
Frère. With an E on the end.
Just saying.
Daaamn. While I like Dresden Codak (and will continue to read it), I agree with you in this entry. The comic could be so much fucking BETTER, which is what really gets me. Oh well, Diaz will take SOMETHING to heart...
...though, given the discussion in his forums, this is unlikely.
Gee it's great that you're the genuine article Lugiian. Too bad nobody gives a fuck.
I tried showing a friend who has also stopped reading Dominic Deegan the review Solomon did. Apart from the "literary paedophile" line, which he thought was hilarious, he didn't like the rest of it, so you've got a point there Lugiian.
But different strokes for different folks, I think it's funny, just like some people think the comics reviewed on this site are good. We're all entitled to our opinion, as long as we don't go over to force it down other people's throats. You can vent about whatever you want on your own blog, surely.
Nobody is entitled to an opinion. I'm sure you have one but unfortunately it's worthless. Apparently the internet has given everyone the impression that what they have to say matters at all to anyone, ever.
For instance look at this post.
I don't think you know what "entitled " means.
Sure, everyone is entitled to opinions. But you can have opinions that are fucking wrong, saying "it's just an opinion" is not a v fucking defense, and every single faggot who does it makes me want to eat razor wire to put an end to the pain that their stupidity induces.
Whoa, whoa. Opinions?
I thought this was about talking shit and tricks of the sort. Liars!
Not to nitpick but (ok, I am nitpicking) I get the joke, and it's not "ironic". It'd be ironic if the concept of "page 3" was about fully fleshed out female characters.
Ah, but page three of Dresden Codak is an attempt at being all about a "fully fleshed out female character", which is what does make it ironic.
Again, try showing this site to your friends, guys.
So wait, your argument is that this blog isn't funny because your friends we don't give a shit about think so, and if people you don't know show other people you don't know they won't find it funny either?
What the fuck?
I liked Dresden Codak's earlier stuff, but this Hob storyline... Just can't get into it. It's fucking impenetrable. I don't mean "duh, I don't understand it therefore it's bad", I mean I can't see, at any point, why I am supposed to care about anything that has happened or anyone that it's happening to. Which is a pity, because, the early stuff makes a good read, and without having to rely on the "quick punchline humour" that the creator seems to be so very opposed to.
But then, I just read the entire comments section at 3 in the morning, so who the fuck am I to voice an opinion? I'm going to go and lose consciousness now...
As a goon a lot of Solomon's reviews kind of suck cause he constantly lifts jokes that other people made about these comics on the SA forum, and it's just not funny the 2nd time around. I actually would agree with Luigi though, YWiB is not really funny. There might be 1 good joke per blog and it takes forever to update. 99% of the humor is the stuff that showed up because of this site. Not the site itself. Although I would like to white knight and mention Lilith is really good.
Whats/Who's YSC and why does it rule?
Whats/Who's YSC and why does it rule?
You mean YCS? That would be "Your Console Sucks", a subforum of the SA forums devoted to videogames.
At least, that's my best guess.
If you want a gauge of of Aaron Diaz's artistic performance, take a look at the 2008 Web Cartoonists' Choice Awards
http://www.ccawards.com/2008finalists.html
OUTSTANDING USE OF THE MEDIUM WINNER: Dresden Codak by Aaron Diaz
OUTSTANDING USE OF COLOR WINNER: Dresden Codak by Aaron Diaz
OUTSTANDING ARTIST FINALIST: Aaron Diaz of Dresden Codak
OUTSTANDING LAYOUT FINALIST: Dresden Codak by Aaron Diaz (yeah, so much for that terrible, unfollowable layout!)
OUTSTANDING ENVIRONMENT DESIGN FINALIST: Dresden Codak by Aaron Diaz
Meanwhile, John Solomon's accomplishments, richly rewarded by the acclaim and respect of his peers in the community, are:
Other nominations,
OUTSTANDING CHARACTER WRITING FINALISTS:
Questionable Content by J. Jacques
OUTSTANDING WEBSITE DESIGN FINALISTS:
PVP by Scott Kurtz
OUTSTANDING USE OF THE MEDIUM FINALISTS:
VG Cats by Scott Ramsoomair
Looks like he beat off some stiff competition, so to speak.
Indeed, the quality standards of those awards are unimpeachable. I am humbled, and take back everything I once said against Diaz's greatly expressive, evocative art and easily intuited layouts.
Ah, yes, because a bunch of awards handed out by insipid cocksuckers trump all this well-reasoned and perfectly valid criticism. How did I fail to realise that? Especially when it's up against such worthy contenders as Questionable Content, PVP and VG Cats.
"You can't criticise it, because all these people with no taste and no standards think it's awesome!"
Fucking retard.
Pretty sure those nominations and so forth are pretty much entirely popular vote, isn't it? The problem is that these cocksuckers have so many dumb fans who go vote as soon as they're told to. It's not based on expert opinion or facts or anything silly like that
Just because a lot of people like something, doesn't mean it isn't talentless shit.
http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/
Huh?
Meanwhile, John Solomon's accomplishments, richly rewarded by the acclaim and respect of his peers in the community, are:
I won the John Solomon Award for Being John Solomon, as voted for by all my peers who are named John Solomon.
Oh, and I was given the Your Webcomic is Bad Award for Writing for This Blog.
Those two highly prestigious accolades are pretty much the exact same thing as everything you listed: utter bullshit.
Why do people keep throwing the word sycophant around? I'm sure no one earns jack-shit by playing said role on the internet.
May I introduce you to ROBERT A. "TANGENTS" HOWARD of ROBERT A. HOWARD'S "TANGENTS" by ROBERT A. HOWARD? He would disagree.
Here's a tip webcomic authors: You don't understand science, philosophy or anything you 'reference' except for old episodes of Transformers. Either read about them enough so that you can do it properly or fucking quit it. Be thankful your readers are as ignorant as you.
Apparently the dude does understand science and philosophy; Zuangzhi, one of his older comics, is a fantastic tribute to the philosophical work of the same name, and De Los Muertos (also an older comic), is a pretty good retelling of the Popol Vuh.
I have nothing to say about Hob, it's dragging on and on.
Oh, Mr. anonymous anonymous, one CAN criticize whatever he wants (CAN indicates physical capability), and one most certainly MAY (indicating one possesses the right) criticize whatever he wants.
Problem is, in teh long market run it does not matter. What matters is the amount of MONEY the author makes writing a webcomic instead of having some hard, backbreaking job, the impact of the above mentioned poor tasted awards on the amount of MONEY, and the impact of this well-tasted review on the author's income when compared to the impact of the poor tasted awards.
I wonder, will this well-tasted review have any impact on Aaron's income?
Oh, John, my congratulations on getting a prestigious award from yourself. Hope the awards you gave yourself will help to increase the impact your blog has on the so-called "internet culture"
I highly doubt that Diaz will improve noticeably within the next... two years, at best.
That's what, eight more comics?
So the Zhuangzi had nerdboobs in it? Reading wikipedia articles doesn't count as understanding.
Zhuangzi had no boobs, no self-awards, only butterflies. That's why he became a philosopher.
Oh, John, my congratulations on getting a prestigious award from yourself. Hope the awards you gave yourself will help to increase the impact your blog has on the so-called "internet culture"
YOUR LIFE'S WORK IS IRRELEVANT SOLOLAME
GO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE'S SUCCESS
THIS IS FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE WAY OF LIFE
AT TEHKOU
LOL WUT?
At Anon 10:15...
Girl Genius is genius. Maybe not Gunnerkrigg Court genius, but it's a good comic.
I love it when assholes think that popular success is the same thing as critical success.
Those two highly prestigious accolades are pretty much the exact same thing as everything you listed: utter bullshit.
Wow, way to make the medium even more irrelevant that it already is.
You know, for I second I thought you were Charles Stross, the writer you plugged back in the first part of the DC review, but I figured you probably wouldn't be so low as to self-aggrandize yourself under a psuedonym, are you?
Are you?
All this talk of Mary Sues reminds me of that horrible abortion, Eragon. Where the main character is nothing BUT a sociopathic Mary Sue and every other character exists solely to do everything for the main character.
That book enrages me like you wouldn't believe, mostly because it was published (I think his parents own the publisher so..) At least I can rest easy knowing Dresdan Codak has not been published.. but god help me if it gets printed like Megatokyo did >:(
In teh wunderful world of webcomicz
Popular success = money MONEY DOLLARS EUROS YENS
Critical success = some fat guy somewhere thinks you are doing a great job
Conclusion:
popular success != critical success.
Eragon?
I thought it's a movie!
http://www.eragonmovie.com/
So there was also an Eragon book,LOL?
I don't know if you're being sarcastic (I'm sick, my sarcasm radar isn't working) so I'll explain..
Yes there is a book, actually a trilogy. It was written by a kid named Christopher Paolini who started it when he was 15 or so. The main gimmick this series had was that he was so young when he wrote it.. he was touted as a prodigy.
But the thing is, the books are complete trash. They are chock full of purple prose, flat characters (including the mary sue main character) and numerous Tolkien ripoffs.
If he had submitted his work to publishers properly (and not published by mommy and daddy), he would have been rejected, repeatedly.
Anyways, this blog explains it all in more detail: http://www.anti-shurtugal.com/wordpress/
I won the John Solomon Award for John Solomon wrote:
"Being John Solomon, as voted for by all my peers who are named John Solomon.
Oh, and I was given the Your Webcomic is Bad Award for Writing for This Blog.
Those two highly prestigious accolades are pretty much the exact same thing as everything you listed: utter bullshit."
Darn, this shit is SOOOOOOO CASH
You know, for I second I thought you were Charles Stross, the writer you plugged back in the first part of the DC review, but I figured you probably wouldn't be so low as to self-aggrandize yourself under a psuedonym, are you?
Hah, I wish. Stross is a lot more successful than I am, the lucky son of a gun.
I don't think he cares much about the subject of shitty webcomics, though.
Eragon == Star Wars.
For no reason I am going to mention 'The Worm Ouroboros' because it makes me feel better.
If you're looking this far down, nice post. Lots of wasted potential in DC, and I do wish he'd go back to punchline comics. He was good at that. But here's hoping this attempt at a storyline teaches the guy something.
Also, "lead" is a heavy metal. I believe you meant "led".
John, where did you get that "Oops! I forgot to tell a joke!" picture?
Look up "Mallard Fillmore" fellow Anonymous.
In fact, the strip that panel is from is on the Encyclopedia Dramatica entry on Mallard Fillmore: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Mallard_Fillmore
And ED scanned it from America: The Book by the The Daily Show crew.
Anon delivers.
Cass delivered. Anonymous fucked up.
Way to fuck up anonymous.
In addition to summing up Mallard Fillmore - fuck, most political cartoons in general - it also sums up most webcomics quite nicely.
John Solomon, do you think it's possible for a comic (or any work, really) to start off light and humorous, and then transition to a deep, dramatic, and/or epic storyline, without devolving into total crap?
Or is Cerebus Syndrome universally a bad thing?
It's certainly not possible for a webcomic, created as they are by amateurs and wannabes.
I think a better example than Cerebus (which changed because Dave Sim is a lunatic) is Hitman. That starts off fairly light-hearted, and continues being funny throughout the whole run, but it can hit you like a freight train with emotion at times.
So yes, it's entirely possible for something light-hearted to become emotional and dramatic, but this doesn't apply to webcomics unless they're made by incredibly talented people - people who are too busy doing more important things to make webcomics.
Again, try showing this site to your friends, guys.
Wow. Considering I just showed the blog to four different friends last week - only two of whom read webcomics, all of whom laughed themselves sick and bookmarked it - I'm going to file this under "trolling stupidity" and leave it at that.
That said, this blog is quite funny, and a great source of information for those of us who don't have our heads up our asses. I'm in the process of setting up my own comics site, and frankly, I'd probably have committed at least some of the idiocies Soloman's mentioned if I hadn't stumbled across the Elders' reviews. It's not "nice" or "constructive criticism" in the way most people understand it, but guess what? Most webcomic authors are wrapped in such a fog of self-absorbed narcissism that they can't understand sublties. They need to be hit in the head with the two-by-four that is Soloman's venom if there's any hope of breaking through to them.